Nikolai

by Sandy Alvarez

  "Pathetic," Glory mutters, and Vadim applies more pressure against her neck. A drop of blood slides across the silver surface of the blade, and my father lurches forward. Without warning, Vadim points his gun at me. My nostrils flare, and if it weren't for Glory's safety, I would take the bullet just to get the chance to kill him myself.

  "You take another step, and I'll slash her throat, and put a bullet in your son's head. Come to think of it," Vadim cocks his head. "I think you should watch him die first." Turning, Vadim orders Andrei, "Don't just stand there. Kill him."

  "Wait!" My mother throws her hands up, turns, and faces Vadim. "That was not part of the plan."

  "Fuck the plan. I can't have any Volkov standing in my way." Vadim's grip tightens on his gun.

  "It was I who called Volkov," Andrei confesses.

  Vadim sneers. His eyes become wild with rage as he shuffles backward, pulling Glory with him. "You'll not live to see another sunrise," he warns Andrei.

  I keep my eyes glued to Vadim, waiting for an opportunity to present itself where I am no longer his target. "This is no longer my fight. I am and will always remain loyal to the family, but I will not play a part in the destruction of the empire your father built," Andrei declares before I hear footsteps walking away.

  "Looks like I have to take matters into my own hands." Vadim cocks his gun.

  "He's my son!" My mother pleads. Her cries cause an unexpected ache in my chest. "Vadim. Please." It sounds cliché, but what happens next plays out in slow motion. My mother steps in the line of fire, between me and the bullet meant for me. I watch it rip through her chest, propelling her small body backward. I catch my mother in my arms as she falls to the deck. My knees buckle as I go down with her.

  "Stupid woman!" Vadim yells, then aims his gun at my father. Both of them at a standoff.

  I don't speak as I look at my mother. What the hell was she thinking? Raising a shaky hand, she palms my cheek. "I'm sorry, Nikolai." She coughs, as blood flows from her mouth and seeps from the hole in her chest. I press my hand against her wound, knowing with the amount of blood she's losing, it will do no good. I look at her, and a million things are running through my head. I hate you, and why being a couple of them. Her eyes stay fixed on my face, but I can't find any words to say. Instead, I hold her until the life in her eyes disappears, and the woman who gave me life dies in my arms.

  It's been several weeks since my mother's death, and I'm still left grasping for answers. As I watched them lower her white casket draped with pink roses into the cold ground a few weeks ago, my chest felt heavy. Why now? All these years, she left me without the love of a mother. Then she goes and dies, giving her life to save mine. Now, I'm left hating myself because I can't let go of the anger I still feel toward her last act in life because she finally showed the love I so desperately sought all my life.

  It's morning here in Russia, but just around the time, Leah would be in bed back in the States. Pulling my phone from my pocket, I call her. Leah's tired voice answers the phone. "Nikolai, is everything okay?"

  "Yes, Malyshka. I just needed to hear your sweet voice," I sigh, and scrub my hand down my face.

  "Still can't sleep?" she asks, and I hear her moving in the bed and wish I were beside her, holding her in my arms and smelling her sweet scent. "You know you can talk to me," she whispers, but I don't reply. My eyes close. "Can I ask you something?"

  "You can ask me anything," I tell her and rub my eyes that burn from lack of sleep.

  "You've never really talked about your role in your family. Will you have to return to Russia full time one day?" I hear the worry in her voice.

  "I am heir to the Volkov empire, and one day, when my father decides to step down, I will not hesitate to take the reins." I'm honest with her. My father has been selfless in giving me the space I asked for and honoring my wishes to step away for now, but there is no question in my mind that I will be ready when the time comes. "But, for now, my father is in full control, and I'm here to be at his side when needed. As for Russia, I can visit any time I wish, but my home and my future is in Polson." I don't miss Leah's sigh of relief at my confession.

  "I miss you," I hear the smile in her voice, followed by a long yawn.

  "Get some sleep. I'll talk to you again soon."

  "Goodnight, Nikolai. I mean, good morning," she giggles. "I keep forgetting about the time difference."

  "Goodnight, Malyshka."

  Needing coffee, I dress, then navigate through the empty hallways of the house, finally venturing into the kitchen, where I find Marta. "Good morning, Nikolai. How did you sleep?" she asks, then begins to pour me a cup of coffee. She sets it down in front of me.

  "I haven't slept much since I've been back," I tell her knowing she would call me a liar if I said otherwise.

  "Yes, I can tell." She places a bowl of cooked oats on a tray next to a plate of eggs, toast, and bacon. "Maybe you should consider going back home. Unless there is still work left to be done here." Her eyes lift to my face, waiting for me to reply.

  "Is that for Sasha?" I motion to the tray she has lifted from the table.

  "Changing the subject, I see," Marta raises her brow but goes with it. "Yes, it is for Sasha."

  "I'll take it to him." I drink some of my coffee before standing. Marta hands the tray over.

  "You won't find what your heart needs here in Russia, Nikolai. Moving forward is all anyone can do." Marta smiles, then pats my forearm.

  I let Marta's words sink in as I climb the stairs on my way to Sasha quarters. Once outside his door, I knock. "Come in," he calls out, and I push open the door. "Nikolai," he pushes himself upright, propping his back against the headboard of his bed. "I haven't seen you for several days. I thought you had left and gone back to Montana."

  I set his tray of food across his lap and look him over. His burns are healing faster than expected. He winces as he reaches for his pain meds on his nightstand, but I don't interfere. "How are you doing with therapy?" I ask.

  "The nurse finds me insufferable." He pops a pill in his mouth then washes it down with water.

  "Then you are well on your way to getting back to your old self," I chuckle.

  Sasha eyes me. "Seriously. Why are you still here?"

  "To tell you the truth, I don't know."

  Sasha sighs then stares out the window across the room. "You won't find answers here, Nikolai. Take it from someone who stared death in the face and lived to tell about it. Don't take the life you were given for granted by letting the past eat at your insides. Go home. Your peace is waiting for you in Polson."

  Later that evening, I'm sitting alone, with a drink in my hand, stewing over Sasha and Marta's words from earlier in the day. They're right. What the hell am I waiting for? I've wasted too much time asking for answers to questions that no longer matter. My future is waiting for me in Polson, and I'm not wasting another second of my life without her at my side.

  18

  Leah

  It's after midnight, and still, I can't sleep. Nikolai's house feels different without him. The truth is everything feels different in his absence: work, his home, Polson. He tries to hide it when we talk on the phone, but I know he's struggling with his mother's death. Their relationship had been strained for years, but she gave her life for her son in the end. I sense that's why Nikolai is having a hard time coming to terms with her death. According to Nikolai, his mom spent his life putting herself first. She never did anything unless it benefited her. For her to place herself in front of a bullet for her son was the ultimate sacrifice. I desperately want him here with me so I can talk to him; give him comfort—the kind of support he's given me.

  With a heavy sigh, I remove the tea kettle from the burner on the stove, pour the steaming liquid into my cup, then carry it down the hall and into Nikolai's office where I sit on the oversized chair in front of the window. Sitting, I sip my tea and stare out at the backyard. Nikolai insisted I stay here while he is away. If my being here and watched over by Ma
xim puts his mind at peace, I wasn't going to deny him that.

  Hoping to get my mind off missing Nikolai, I grab the book I have been reading from the table beside me and pick up where I left off the night before.

  Twenty minutes later, when I realize I have read the same page over and over, I decide to give up on reading. Slamming the book closed, I abandon it and decide on a different tactic and make my way out to the living room.

  Running my fingertips along the black and white keys, I close my eyes and let my thoughts take me back to the last time I played. I smile. Sitting on the bench in front of the piano, surrounded by darkness and nothing but the moonlight filtering through the large window as thoughts of Nikolai consume me; only one song comes to mind; I play Midnight Sonata.

  I'm completely lost in the music that I don't register, I am no longer alone, and the presence behind me has been watching me for the past five minutes. It's not until I play the final note a familiar scent fills my senses the same time an arm snakes around my middle. The next thing I know, I'm lifted in the air as Nikolai straddles the bench, settling me in his lap, then his mouth crashes down on mine. While holding my head between the palms of his hands, he delves his tongue inside my mouth, tasting me, owning me. He tastes like smoke and whiskey, reminding me of everything I missed.

  "I missed you."

  "Fuck, I missed you too, Malyshka."

  "Why didn't you tell me you were coming home?"

  "I didn't want you waiting up for me. Maxim told me you've been looking tired and worn down. He says you haven't been sleeping well. I wanted you to rest. If you knew I was flying back, you would have waited up for me. Why didn't you tell me you haven't been sleeping?"

  I shake my head. "It's not a big deal."

  Nikolai runs his hand through my hair. "It is."

  I sigh. "I've been worried about you."

  "I'm okay, Leah. Especially now."

  "Really?" I raise a brow.

  "Yeah. I gained some perspective while I was away. When shit goes down, and the evil polluting this earth gets too close for comfort, you realize the life you have can be taken away from you in a blink of an eye. I have decided I don't want to live a life full of regrets, and I don't want to live another day of my life without you. That's why I came back. I need you, Leah, and I'm ready to start our life together. No more waiting. Because not making you mine is a regret I refuse to live with."

  My breath gets caught in my throat. "What are you saying?"

  Nikolai softly kisses me. "I'm saying I love you, Malyshka, and I want you to be mine."

  "I love you too, Nikolai," I croak as tears start to spill from my eyes. "And I am yours."

  He shakes his head. "I want you to be mine completely." Reaching into his pocket, Nikolai pulls out a little black box, and I gasp when he opens it revealing an emerald cut, yellow sapphire, and diamond ring.

  Nikolai takes the hand covering my mouth and slips the ring on my finger, his eyes never leaving mine. "Leah Winters, will you do the honor of becoming my wife?"

  My head bobs frantically. "Yes. Yes, thousands of times, yes." I throw my arms around his neck and cry. "This doesn't seem real. It feels like a dream."

  Nikolai kisses up my neck. "Not a dream, Malyshka."

  I hum when he bites the space below my ear and I tip my head back, giving him better access. He takes advantage, nipping, and licking his way along my jaw toward my mouth. The heat from Nikolai's palm sends tingles between my thighs as he slips his hand inside my shirt and palms my breast. "Please, Nikolai," I beg, not knowing what I'm asking for.

  "What do you need, Leah?"

  "You. I need you to touch me."

  In two seconds flat, the fallboard of the piano slams shut, and my backside is planted firmly on top. In one fell swoop, he tugs my shirt off over my head. Nikolai places himself between my spread legs, and without warning, his mouth covers one of my nipples. "Oh, God," I cry out, gripping the edge of the piano. When he releases one breast, he switches to the other, giving it equal attention, causing my center to ache. Too soon, I lose his mouth, and a whimper escapes my mouth.

  "Lay back for me, Leah. I'm going to taste you now."

  Oh, sweet Jesus.

  Doing as I'm told, I lay back on the cold surface of the piano. Lifting my hips slightly, Nikolai takes his time as he slowly drags my sleep shorts over my thighs and down my legs. For the first time in my life, I am completely bare in front of a man. For the briefest moment, I wonder if Nikolai likes what he sees. But the moment doesn't last long.

  "There is nothing more beautiful than the sight of you wearing nothing but my ring on your finger. You're a fucking vision, Malyshka." Nikolai's heated gaze travels over every exposed inch of my body. His hands start at my ankles, going up my calves and across my generous hips. Nikolai's fingertips leave a trail of tingles in their wake, before moving on to my belly. "This," his large inked hands span across my middle, "is a body made for pleasure."

  My breaths are coming out in pants, and the ache between my thighs increases.

  "Are you ready for my mouth, Leah?"

  "Yes. So ready," I say, squeezing my eyes shut, my voice not sounding like my own.

  "Open your eyes, Malyshka. Watch your man take his first taste."

  Nikolai sits back on the bench as I peer down at him through my lashes, my body trembling with need and anticipation. There is something vulnerable about being naked while Nikolai is fully-clothed, but there is something beautiful about it too. It's because he makes me feel beautiful. With his words, his look and his touch.

  Without making me wait for another second, Nikolai grabs my knees, pulls me to the edge of the piano, bringing my center inches away from his face, his beard tickling the inside of my thighs as he drapes my legs over his shoulders. His eyes capture mine, and I don't dare break our connection. Leaning into me, Nikolai's tongue licks me from bottom to top. A noise trembles from my lips.

  At his first swipe, a wild noise escapes his mouth. "Sweeter than I imagined."

  "Nikolai," I pant, trying to reach for something to grab hold of.

  "Grab my hair, Malyshka, and hold on."

  As soon as the words rumble past his lips, his mouth is back on me, and I have no choice but to do as he says. I buck my hips, searching for the release my body desperately needs. Two powerful arms capture my thighs, holding me still as his greedy mouth claims me. Soon the pleasure Nikolai's mouth delivers wracks my entire body, and I am no longer able to hold back the intense pleasure that surges through me.

  "Let go, Malyshka," he growls just before sucking my clit into his mouth.

  "Nikolai," I whimper.

  "Now, Leah. I want you to come in my mouth. Give it to me."

  Like last time, his command does me in. Releasing the grip on his hair, I brace my palms against the smooth surface of the piano, arch my back, I cry out his name as my release washes through me. "Nikolai!"

  "I want you to call the girls today and have them come over to help you plan. There's a lot of shit to do before the weekend," Nikolai says.

  I turn away from the stove where I'm making pancakes and look at him. He's sitting at the kitchen island, shirtless, hair still damp from his shower, drinking a cup of coffee. I take in his broad shoulders and his ink-covered arms. The man is a work of art. I don't think I'll ever get tired of looking at him. If a man could be described as beautiful, Nikolai would be the definition.

  "Leah," Nikolai calls my name, snapping me out of my Nikolai induced haze. I tear my eyes away from his chest. He smirks knowingly. It's then I remember his question. "What's going on this weekend?"

  Without missing a beat, he replies, "our wedding."

  The spatula in my hand clatters to the floor, and I stare at Nikolai, trying to figure out if I heard him correctly. "I'm sorry, I could have sworn you said we are getting married this weekend."

  Finally, he looks up. "You heard right."

  "Nikolai!"

  "What?"

  "That's four days away."


  "Yeah, Malyshka, I know."

  "You want to get married in four days?" I suddenly sound panicked, and at that, Nikolai abandons his phone and steps around the island, taking me in his arms.

  "Leah, I told you last night I was done waiting. If I had my way, we'd go down to the courthouse today, but because you deserve a real wedding, I'm willing to give you until Saturday."

  "I can't plan a wedding by Saturday, Nikolai." My voice comes in a high pitch, and I'm starting to think my future husband has gone mad.

  Nikolai hauls me against his chest. "Do you want to be my wife?"

  "Yes. More than anything."

  "I meant what I said last night. I'm done waiting, Leah. I know it feels like we are moving at warp speed, but not for me. I've been waiting over a year for you, Malyshka."

  I search his eyes, and what I see is nothing but love. He's right. Our relationship went from zero to sixty in a matter of weeks, but that's just on the surface. If I dig deeper, I see what he sees. We have been working up toward this moment for a year. I'm the one who is playing catch up.

  "You're not the only one who has been waiting. I've been waiting for you my whole life Nikolai Volkov."

  "Are you saying you're going to take this ride with me?"

  I smile. "Yes."

  "Four days?"

  I bite my bottom lip. "Four days."

  Nikolai kisses the tip of my nose. "Now, how about that breakfast."

  After breakfast, I called Alba, telling her the news of mine and Nikolai's engagement. After she was done screaming in my ear, I informed her I was getting married this weekend and required some help. She could tell I was freaking out. Once she got me to calm down, she said she'd be over in an hour with reinforcements. Alba had come through.