My Fallen Saint

by J. Kenner

  He flashes another sexy, mysterious grin, then closes his mouth over me, panties and all. I bend my knees, arching up, trying to increase the friction, but he just pulls away, then continues his slow climb up my body until his hands cup my breasts, and I whimper with longing.

  I want this, yes, but I want so much more.

  And, damn him, he’s right. Because what I want most of all is to surrender.

  Then his hands are on my shoulders, then my hair. Then he’s kissing me with such tenderness I think that I will melt. And by the time he eases back down, my entire body is on fire.

  Devlin stands again at the foot of the bed. “Look at me.”

  I do, looking straight in his eyes and forcing myself not to look away.

  “Tell me what you want.”

  “I—I don’t know.”

  “Don’t you? Because you deserve everything. Every pleasure I can give you. The sweet thrill of a sting on your ass. The soft delight of a kiss on your cheek.”

  Yes, I think. Yes, yes, yes. But what I say is, “What if I want something in between?”

  His brow rises. “What’s between hard and soft?”

  “You.”

  Heat flares in his eyes. “Christ, baby. How you break me.”

  He turns around, his gaze scanning the floor. Then he bends and picks up something out of sight. When he stands, I see that he’s holding his tie. I frown, confused, then feel my pulse kick up as he comes toward me and tells me to lift my head.

  I don’t argue, and soon enough, I’m blindfolded, the silk of his tie soft against my skin, and only the occasional flicker of candlelight sneaking in around the edges of the material.

  “Do you like this? Being naked? Exposed? Vulnerable? Knowing I could do anything I want to you, and probably will?”

  My nipples are painfully tight, and I’m certain he’s aware of that, so I can’t get away with a lie. The truth is, I don’t want to lie to him, even if it does make me vulnerable. Because Devlin Saint is the one person in all the world with whom I can be vulnerable.

  “Tell me,” he presses. “Do you like this?”

  “Yes,” I admit.

  “Why?”

  “Because you can do anything.” I swallow. “And because I’m a danger junkie.”

  “That’s part of it, yes. But it’s more than that. All those men you’ve fucked? You’re the one calling the shots. That idiot in the parking lot? What did he do for you other than exist?”

  “Nothing,” I admit.

  “He was a walking talking sex toy,” Devlin says.

  “Do you think I don’t know that?” I hear the sharpness in my voice and know that it’s a thin cover for regret. And maybe even a bit of shame.

  “I think you don’t understand the power of being vulnerable. It’s not fear that pushes you over the edge—not entirely. It’s putting yourself in someone else’s hands. In trusting them—in trusting me—to be the arbiter of your pleasure.”

  I nod. I know all this of course. Hell, I pretty much said the same thing right back to him just a few minutes ago. But it’s different being on the receiving end.

  “Do you know why pain can be so potent?” he asks when I stay silent.

  I don’t want to seem naive, but I admit that I don’t.

  “Because how can you judge pleasure without it?”

  I hear the drawer open beside the bed, then a quick metallic flick.

  I frown, because I recognize the sound of a pocket knife opening. My pulse kicks up, but I tell myself I’m not scared. It’s just a remnant of my training.

  Even so, I’m hyperaware, and that only increases the intensity of the moment as I feel the flat side of the cold steel blade tracing down my cleavage. “Don’t move,” he says, and I don’t even breathe as he flicks the blade through the small bit of material between the cups of my bra. And then, the moment the danger’s passed, a sharp bolt of electricity breaks through me, wracking my body with the sweet release of something that feels very close to an orgasm.

  “They say that the moment before you come can be like balancing on a precipice.”

  “You could have just unfastened it from the back,” I whisper.

  “Would you have preferred that?”

  Behind the blindfold, I close my eyes. “No,” I admit.

  “Why not?”

  “Because I liked the way it made me feel. Knowing you wouldn’t hurt me, but at the same time feeling the danger.” I lick my lips. “You’re my safe space, Devlin. I trust you. But—”

  “But your body doesn’t know that. Not yet. And the adrenaline’s one hell of a rush.”

  “Yes.” I let out a shaky breath. “Oh, God, yes.”

  He doesn’t answer. Instead, he slides his hands up my body and tugs down my panties. I want to murmur in protest—I’d been expecting him to cut them off, too—but I keep silent. And then, when I’m bare, he orders me to spread my legs.

  I comply eagerly, and I’m expecting it when he uses the cords I’ve attached to the corners of the bed to bind me spread-eagled on the mattress.

  “You’re so beautiful,” he says, then slowly takes off my sandal. He strokes my foot, then almost sends me to the moon when he sucks lightly on my toe before kissing his way up my leg until he reaches my pussy. “So, so beautiful,” he murmurs, then uses his tongue to take me right up to the edge.

  I writhe and shimmy, but there’s nothing I can do. I can’t even buck against him, as there’s very little give in these ropes.

  And then, right as I’m on that precipice, I feel the mattress shift as he gets off the bed. Then I hear the swoosh of the curtains being opened, followed by the metallic slide of the door. A cool breeze wafts over my body, heavenly against my heated skin.

  A moment later, he’s back, with something soft brushing over my belly.

  “The curtain tie-back,” he tells me. “Do you remember the tassel?”

  I shake my head. I didn’t pay much attention to the decoration in the room. But now I wish I had, because if this particular tassel is any indication, it’s a magical room indeed.

  I can’t see, but I can feel, and all of the loose tassel ends are stroking my belly, my breasts, leaving heated trails across my skin as he blazes a trail lower and lower until he reaches my legs and uses the soft cord to tease the sensitive skin of my inner thigh.

  The sensation is incredible, but it’s nothing compared to the jolt of erotic pleasure when he flicks it lightly against my pussy. I arch up, both surprised and delighted.

  “Tell me, baby. Did you like that?”

  “Oh, God,” I say. “Couldn’t you tell?”

  He chuckles, then flicks it again, a little harder this time, and the contact so close to my clit sends ripples of pleasure spiraling through me. I arch up as much as I can as he alternates between flicks and soft brushes with the tassel until I’m so close to coming that I’m panting and begging. But he doesn’t take me over. Instead, he slides up my body, his clothes rough against my bare and sensitive skin, then brushes his lips over mine.

  “Do you know turned on I am? How much seeing you spread out and naked for me arouses me? Do you have any idea how hard I am? How much I want to fuck you? How much I want to own you? Baby, I want your complete surrender.”

  “Yes,” I say as my heart skitters, enthralled by his words, thrilled by his touch. “But I want to own you, too.”

  “Oh, El.” I feel his lips graze softly over mine. “Don’t you know that you do?”

  “Please,” I beg. “Devlin, please untie me. I want to touch you. I want you inside me.”

  He doesn’t answer, but he does move to loosen the cords at my wrists and free my ankles. I pull off the blindfold as I kick off my second shoe, then I kneel on the bed, expecting him to get undressed. He doesn’t though.

  Instead, he opens his fly and frees his straining cock. “Here, baby,” he says, from where he sits on the foot of my bed. I don’t hesitate, straddling him and easily taking him deep, deep inside me. I’m so wet, and I
’m pretty sure I’ve never been this aroused in my life.

  His hands cup my ass and we move together, the motion of our hips working him deeper into me as we both strive to be one person. At the same time that I’m bucking against him, my mouth closes on his in a kiss that’s as deep and intimate as fucking, and as we both reach for more and more, I know I won’t be satisfied until this man has completely consumed me.

  And then, finally, lightning explodes inside me. I claw his back, feeling his body tighten in time with mine as he holds my hips still and empties himself into me, the force of my orgasm milking him until we both collapse, exhausted, onto the bed.

  For a moment, we simply breathe. Then he reaches out and takes my hand, his face calm and in perfect control, as if he hadn’t just completely melted me.

  “So we’re good now, right?” I ask. “I’ve made my point? I’m yours, and you’re not getting rid of me?”

  His smile lights his eyes as he says, “Yeah. I think you made your point very well.”

  “It does scare me, you know.”

  I see fear flash in his eyes. “My secrets? Because—”

  “No.” I swallow. “Loving you. Being this close to you. This intimate. Giving you all of me.” I glance at him, but he stays silent, so I continue. “I lost you once before. Hell, I’ve lost so many people I’ve loved. I don’t think I could stand it if—”

  He presses a finger to my lips. “You won’t lose me again,” he says. “You’re mine now. For better or for worse, Ellie, you’re mine.”

  And then, to prove it, he seals his words with a kiss.

  Something startles me awake, and I open my eyes to see the candles flickering on the side table. I pull the covers higher and snuggle closer to Devlin, wondering what woke me.

  Probably something outside. After all, he opened the patio door before we went to sleep, and even now I can hear the coyotes howl in the distance as well as the lapping of the waves against the shore. All around us, the world is wild. Our world, too. I know that things will get crazy now that the reclusive Devlin Saint has a girlfriend and our racy pictures are out in the open.

  More than that, I know he still has secrets. Hell, he told me as much.

  But none of that matters. Not now. Because I’m his and he’s mine, and for the moment at least, I’m completely at peace.

  I’m jolted when my cell phone pings, and I realize the notification was probably what woke me. I pick it up and mute it as I frown at the unfamiliar number, and even more at the ominous words:

  You’re in over your head. Find the truth. Don’t trust anyone.

  A shiver cuts through me. Suddenly, the air feels charged, as if a thunderstorm is gathering, but the storm hasn’t yet broken.

  “Everything okay?” Devlin asks as he rolls over, his voice heavy with sleep.

  With forced casualness, I toss my phone onto the table and smile at him, this man who trusts me. And who I trust with all my heart, too.

  “Yes,” I say, as I burrow closer to him. “Right now, everything is perfect.”

  Maybe thunder and lightning are coming, but the storm’s not here yet.

  And the one thing I know for certain is that when it comes, we’ll face it side by side, together.

  Devlin and Ellie’s story continues in

  My Beautiful Sin

  * * *

  Continue reading for a sneak peek!

  My Beautiful Sin

  Advance Peek

  Devlin Saint propped himself up on his elbow and gazed down at the naked woman sleeping beside him, her pale skin illuminated by a shaft of moonlight, her soft brown waves fanned out on the white pillow.

  Gently, he ran his hand over her bare shoulder, then down her arm, relishing her heat and the softness of her skin beneath his palm.

  His.

  The word flashed neon in his mind, and he had to bite back an ironic chuckle. He hadn’t felt possessive of a woman since his first love, and he’d been a different man then. A different name. A different look.

  In the years since he’d left Alex Leto behind and become Devlin Saint, the women in his life had been disposable, and he’d never expected that to change. There was no woman who had charmed or challenged him. No woman who’d made his heart sing. Not a single female for whom he had felt even remotely possessive. Only that first, lost love.

  The same woman who, through some miracle he didn’t deserve, was now curled up beside him, her soft skin teasing his senses as his mind struggled to believe that she was his again after all this time. That somehow, despite who he was and what he’d done, she believed in him enough to fight her way back into his life.

  His El. His love. His light.

  She’d been his heart all those long years ago. The best part of him. The part that made him want to be a better man.

  The part that he’d clung to and cherished and tried to keep alive during the hellish years after he’d walked away.

  He hadn’t wanted to leave her, and looking at her now, he couldn’t remember how he’d ever found the strength. Except that he’d had to. There’d been no other choice. It hadn’t been about him, but about her. About keeping her safe. Because being aligned with him in those cold, dark days would have been no life at all.

  And now? The voice in his head was harsh. Is it really so different now?

  With a sigh, he slipped from the bed, careful not to wake her. He crossed to the sliding door and looked out toward the moonlit ocean. The night was quiet, peaceful, and he embraced it, knowing better than most that such moments were all too rare.

  Then he turned to look back at Ellie, enjoying the way the moon’s kiss set her skin aglow. For as long as he’d known her, she’d burned from within, as wild and bright as a living flame lighting his way.

  Christ, she was everything to him.

  Slowly, so as not to wake her, he returned to the bed and slid in beside her, his fingertips once again drawn to her soft curves.

  Damn him for ever leaving her. And damn him now for fighting for her. For claiming her. For drawing her in instead of shoving her away when he’d had the chance, not to mention the strength.

  But he couldn’t bear the thought of being without her. So he’d allowed her into his orbit, knowing damn well that was a dangerous place to be.

  He was a selfish bastard, but how could he push her away when he finally understood how dead he’d been inside for the last ten years? She’d brought him back to life. She made him whole.

  He’d told the truth when he’d sworn to protect her. He only hoped that he could. Because the wolves were circling. Soon, they’d attack, letting loose a swarm of secrets he’d tried to keep contained. Secrets he kept hidden from the world. From the public that thought of him only as a reclusive and intriguing philanthropist.

  And, yes, secrets he still hid from El.

  Not paltry secrets like the identity of his father or even the truth surrounding the death of her uncle. But bone-deep confidences and dangerous lies.

  His biggest fear was that once revealed, he’d lose Ellie all over again.

  For now, though, she was his, and his secrets were safe.

  And Devlin was going to do his damnedest to make sure it stayed that way.

  Order My Beautiful Sin Now!

  Acknowledgments

  So much goes into getting a book to readers, and it’s impossible to thank everyone. But I do want to shout out to a few folks. At the top of the list is Liz Berry for so many reasons, including her support over the years, the “oh, duh!” moment (and, of course, Jell-O shots).

  * * *

  Special thanks to Holly Ingraham and her incredible editorial skill. And to Fedora Chen for always stepping up.

  * * *

  I have to thank my husband for all he does to get my books in shape for readers. And my kids for putting up with Mom’s crazy work habits. Also to Melissa Rheinlander who has been my right hand for so many years, and Jenn Watson who’s been working with me on the publicity and marketing of this book practic
ally since the first hint of Devlin Saint popped into my head.

  * * *

  A toast to Dee, Darcy, and Elisabeth, whose humor and support I’ve come to both expect and rely on at daily (hourly?) intervals. If text messaging ever disappears, we are in trouble, y’all.

  * * *

  To Kevan and Taryn for shepherding Devlin and Ellie through the subsidiary rights process, and to Justine Bylo and everyone at Ingram for all the support and help.

  * * *

  And above all else, thanks to all my readers over the years. You are why I do what I do.

  * * *

  XXOO,

  * * *

  J. Kenner

  April 20, 2020

  About the Author

  J. Kenner (aka Julie Kenner) is the New York Times, USA Today, Publishers Weekly, Wall Street Journal and #1 International bestselling author of over one hundred novels, novellas and short stories in a variety of genres.

  JK has been praised by Publishers Weekly as an author with a “flair for dialogue and eccentric characterizations” and by RT Bookclub for having “cornered the market on sinfully attractive, dominant antiheroes and the women who swoon for them.” A six-time finalist for Romance Writers of America’s RITA award, JK took home the first RITA trophy awarded in the category of erotic romance in 2014 for her novel, Claim Me (book 2 of her Stark Saga) and another RITA trophy for Wicked Dirty in the same category in 2017.

  In her previous career as an attorney, JK worked as a lawyer in Southern California and Texas. She currently lives in Central Texas, with her husband, two daughters, and two rather spastic cats.