His Guilt: A Mafia Romance (Downing Family Book 6)

by Cassie Wild

  Somehow, I knew he would be waiting for me when I left.

  I was so certain of it, I already knew what I was going to say to him. We hadn’t even discussed the things we needed to discuss—all that shit Jerrel had told me.

  If I had to go by the card and Cormac’s actions, he was pissed off about seeing me with Dr. Moyes—Terrence.

  Did I believe that?

  I had no idea.

  I wanted to.

  I really did. Hell, the last thing I wanted to believe was anything that had come out of Jerrel’s mouth. He’d already proven himself to be something of a chameleon. The man who’d been waiting outside my house the other day was absolutely nothing like the man who’d presented himself in my emergency department. Who was to say which man was the real one?

  Now that I’d had some distance from the hurt and shock, one thing was clear. I couldn’t take the word of a guy I didn’t even know without talking to Cormac first. I hadn’t so much as given him a chance to defend himself or offer any explanations.

  How fair was that?

  The answer was simple.

  It wasn’t fair at all.

  My thoughts were heavy as I made my way outside. At the sight of him, I came up short. He leaned against my car, hands shoved deep inside his pockets.

  Coming to a stop in front of him, the huge basket of flowers clutched in my arms, I met his gaze.

  He seemed more focused on the riot of blooms than me.

  Finally, he shifted his gaze upward.

  “I see you got the flowers.”

  “Yes,” I told him. The stupidity of the conversation had me mentally groaning.

  “Do you like them?”

  “What’s not to like?” I heaved out a sigh. We sounded like strangers. Cutting around him, I shifted the flowers to one arm and unlocked the car, putting the bouquet in the passenger seat. That done, I turned back to him. The wind was cold and sharp, stinging my cheeks and biting through my coat like it wasn’t even there. I slid my hands into my pockets and met his gaze once more.

  “It’s cold,” I told him. “And scrubs aren’t very warm. If there was something you want to say, please say it.”

  “I’m sorry,” he said, the words rough and stilted. “I was an arse. I don’t know what I was thinking, but when I saw you coming out of the hospital with the doctor, I just kind of lost it.”

  “So you said.” I stared at him. “You said those very things to me in that card.” I took a deep breath. “Is that it, or is there something else you want to tell me?”

  He hesitated and looked away. “Look, I know I’m screwing up a lot here. But I care about you, Briar. This is all new to me.” He spread out his hands, a helpless expression on his face. “I…shit. Look, I care about you. I don’t know how to do this.”

  I care about you.

  Those were the words I’d needed to hear from him.

  Now that he’d told me, I didn’t know what to do.

  Clenching my jaw, I looked away. After a few seconds, I looked back at him and nodded. “I need to go home. I want to shower and change out of these clothes. If you want to come over later so we can talk, go ahead. Bring something for us to eat. I’m exhausted and I’m starving, but I don’t feel like going out.”

  He gave me a hesitant nod. At some point, he’d moved closer, and now we were close enough to touch. The look in his eyes made me think he might kiss me.

  I wanted him to, but at the same time, I wasn’t ready for him to do that.

  Backing up, I moved to the driver seat and climbed in.

  Cormac stared at me. I could see him from the rearview mirror, and I knew he kept watching me until I was lost to his view.

  I got home and showered.

  Taking my time with it, I shaved my legs and exfoliated my face, trying to wash away the stress of the past few days.

  It wasn’t working.

  I still felt like I was carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders, and they just weren’t broad enough.

  After a good fifteen minutes under the spray of hot water, I climbed out and dried off. I smoothed lotion across my skin, then dressed in a cami and lounge pants, leaving my hair wet around my shoulders to dry.

  I decided that I needed a drink, and wine wasn’t going to cut it, so I broke open the scotch my father had given me a few months back and poured a healthy serving.

  I’d only finished half when the knock sounded on my door.

  My stomach did an uneasy flip as I pushed off the counter.

  Cradling my scotch against my chest, I made my way through the house to the foyer.

  Cormac hadn’t knocked again. He simply stood waiting on the porch. I opened the door and found him standing there, holding a bucket from a familiar local chicken chain, along with a bag stained with grease. My belly rumbled, although one look in his eyes was enough to make my throat tighten. I wasn’t so sure if I wanted to eat with my throat locking up on me.

  “Come in,” I told him, pushing the screen door open.

  He came inside, and I gestured for him to go on into the kitchen so he could put the food down.

  I didn’t follow him.

  Instead, I moved into the living room and flicked on the gas fireplace. The heat reached out to warm my chilled flesh as I sipped at my scotch.

  Floorboards creaked, signaling Cormac’s return.

  “Hey,” he said, voice low and gritty.

  “Hey.”

  Another floorboard creaked.

  I turned to face him, reluctant to let him come up behind me.

  He still stood several feet away, looking uncertain. My heart clenched, and I could feel myself softening toward him. I couldn’t let myself do that. Not yet.

  “Did you know Jerrel came by here yesterday?” I said, tossing the comment out there.

  “What?” He scowled at me, his face a mask of surprise.

  If he wasn’t surprised, he was damn good at pretending, I decided.

  “Yeah.” I took another sip of my scotch, studying him. “He told me you work for the Castellanos family.”

  Cormac’s mouth tightened, then pulled to the side. “Okay. So?”

  That wasn’t what I’d been expecting. Tossing back the rest of my scotch, I stormed past him. “So? Does that mean you do work for them?” I demanded as I headed into the kitchen to refill my drink.

  “Here and there. They need money from somebody, I’ve been known to go and collect it. That’s why I’m up here now. Is that a problem?” he asked, sounding bewildered.

  I thunked my glass down on the counter and turned to stare at him. Again, I saw no hint of subterfuge. My head started to pound. Grabbing the bottle of scotch, I splashed more into my glass. The bright lights of the kitchen highlighted his baffled features too well. In the face of his confusion, it proved to be oddly hard to think clearly.

  His big body blocked the doorway, so I had to edge around him again. Once more, I left him behind to trail after me as I made my way back to the living room.

  “You’re here to collect money,” I said in a tight voice. “I thought the Castellanos family worked out of Florida.”

  “They do, as far as I know. But the people who owe them money don’t always stay in Florida.”

  From the corner of my eye, I saw him shrug.

  “So, you’re not here because of my family.”

  “Your family?”

  I turned to glare at him. “Yeah. My family. Remember how you threw them in my face?”

  “Fuck,” he muttered, looking embarrassed. “Look, Briar. The circles a guy like me runs in, fuck, I’ve heard about the Downings, okay? But I don’t know them. I’ve never worked for them. I don’t do business with them.”

  “That’s not what I asked,” I said coldly.

  He planted his hands on his hips. “I’m not here for your brothers or your dad, okay? I don’t give a flying fuck about them.”

  Those words rang oddly true, but I still wasn’t ready to let this all go. “Why would Jerrel come he
re then? Why bring it up?”

  “Because he’s an antagonistic arse?” Cormac suggested. “He’s had it out for me from day one, and it looks like he figured out I had a thing for you, so he decided to fuck wi’ me.” His accent had grown more pronounced, showcasing his rising irritation. His voice softened though, and he took a step toward me. “Briar…”

  I watched him warily, uncertain. “What?”

  He reached out to touch my cheek. “What do you mean?”

  “You said my name.”

  “I say it in my sleep,” he told me, sliding his hand into my hair. His voice had deepened even more, roughened and now it was like velvet and whiskey on my skin. “I’ve been kicking my ass for how I hurt you last night. Say you’ll forgive me.”

  I rested my hands on his chest. Just a few soft words from him, his hands on my skin, and my brain went fuzzy. He was hazardous to my health, to my heart, to my mental state.

  He stroked his thumb across my lower lip. “Briar?”

  “What?”

  “Are you going to forgive me?”

  I didn’t know. I didn’t know what to think.

  But I was tired of fighting myself.

  So I just wasn’t going to. Not right then.

  Rising up on my toes, I pressed my mouth to his.

  Eight

  Cormac

  I was an asshole, and I knew it. But that didn’t keep me from pulling Briar into my arms and slanting my mouth over hers. Her body went soft, pliant against mine, and she clung to me with the same greedy desperation that I felt.

  I boosted her up into my arms and carried her into the living room. There was a wide, deep chair angled by the window, and I sat there, urging Briar to stand between my legs. She wore a loose pair of pajama pants, and I hooked my hands in the waistband, dragging the material down. Once I had her naked from the waist down, I leaned forward, pressing my mouth to the dark curls that covered her pussy. She kept them trimmed and neat, and I slicked my tongue through them, seeking out the tight knot of her clit.

  She cried out and arched forward, her spine curving backward as she pressed against my mouth.

  I caught the full, lush curve of her ass, sinking my fingers into her soft skin.

  She swayed against me, and I eased back, tugging her down until she straddled my legs.

  Catching the hem of her top, I peeled it away. Her breasts swung free, and I cupped them in my hands, groaning at the soft but heavy weight. She always felt so good.

  She gasped as I plucked at her nipples, rolling them between finger and thumb before tugging on them slowly. She panted, her hips rolling against me in a primal, basic rhythm.

  Briar dropped her head and pressed her mouth to mine. She did it just as I slid my hand between her thighs to seek out the wet heat of her cunt, and as I pushed two fingers inside her, she gasped. It was like she was breathing me in as we kissed, and the sensation was indescribable.

  I groaned as she tightened, a snug, silken fist. My dick hardened as she clenched even tighter. I screwed my wrist, working even deeper, past the milking contractions, then slowly withdrew.

  Briar cried out against my lips. Her head fell back.

  Fisting my hand in her hair, I pulled her mouth back to mine. “Open for me, Briar. I want your mouth.”

  I didn’t even wait for a response. I kissed her, aching for her. Dying for her.

  She slid her hands down my chest. The muscles in my belly jumped as I felt her fingers tearing at the button of my jeans. Through the denim, I could feel the brush of her fingers, a light teasing touch. I arched my hips to make it easier for her to drag the zipper down.

  She fought and fumbled until she managed to free me from my jeans, and as she wrapped her fingers around my cock, I growled into her mouth. She fisted her hand around me and started to pump, slowly, oh so damn slowly, up and down. Sparks exploded behind my eyelids.

  Working a hand between us, I wrapped my fingers around hers, tightening her grip.

  “Like that,” I said, the words coming from me like primal growls.

  She complied, tightening her fingers as she continued to work me. Not only did she do that, she also started twisting her wrist as she neared the head. I grunted, my eyes nearly crossing at the pleasure of it. I caught her around the waist and pulled her to me.

  “Come here,” I said in a rough voice. “I want you. Right now.”

  Briar gave my cock one last lingering stroke and then sank against me as I tucked the head of my dick against her entrance.

  She gasped as I thrust upward. At the same time, I tugged her down against me.

  She closed around me, wet, snug, and so, so perfect.

  Her head fell back, exposing the long, elegant curve of her neck. Drawn to it, I leaned forward and caught a patch of skin between my teeth. She whimpered and clung to the back of my head, urging me on.

  She slumped forward and whimpered, a sound of pure, feminine hunger.

  I wanted to take my time. I wanted to make this last.

  But both of us were too needy, too greedy. Almost as soon as it started, the two of us were chasing the end already. The edge of hunger was sharp and bright, leaving no room for soft caresses or foreplay.

  Briar rocked against me, movements frenzied and rough. Her nails sank into my skin, another sharp bite.

  I felt her body clench as her climax moved in closer.

  I was already fighting mine back, but once she started to break over me, I gave up and lost myself to it, to the endless ebb and flow of pleasure.

  When it ended, she sank against me and buried her face against my neck. Sweat sealed our bodies together. Our hearts thudded together, hard and fast. I could feel hers clearly, and no doubt, she could feel mine too.

  A few minutes past, and my belly rumbled.

  Briar laughed. “We never did get around to eating.”

  I kissed the tip of her nose. “I’ve always been of the mind that it doesn’t hurt to have dessert first.”

  She snickered.

  A few seconds later, her belly gurgled.

  Yet neither of us moved.

  Seconds ticked by into minutes, and we lounged there. Briar traced circles on my chest. I combed my fingers through her hair.

  A police car went speeding down the road outside her house, and she heaved out a sigh and lifted upright, peering down at me.

  “We should eat,” she said.

  We finally manage to separate, but I didn’t get up right away. I lay slumped there, enjoying the view as she gathered her clothing and dressed.

  “Coming?” She smiled down at me and held out a hand.

  “I thought we already did that,” I said with a lecherous leer.

  She snorted. “Food, Cormac.”

  I considered the idea. It had merit. But I really didn’t want to get up. “I don’t suppose you feel like bringing the food in here,” I suggested.

  She cocked a brow at me.

  I took that as a no and heaved myself upright.

  A few minutes later, I was damning my empty belly for being so persistent. No sooner had we stepped into the kitchen than the spell started to fall apart.

  Neither of us said anything. But there was something different between us now, and it colored the air around us.

  I had no doubt that Briar was as aware of it as I was.

  I had no idea if it weighed on her as heavily, but I sure as hell hoped not.

  Really, why should it?

  She wasn’t the one carrying the weight of lies.

  I told myself that I hadn’t had much choice, and in a way, I believed it too.

  If I told her the truth and she pushed me away, I couldn’t protect her. I couldn’t watch out for her and make sure Jerrel kept his distance.

  But I also knew that, at some point, this house of cards was going to come crashing down around me. And she wasn’t going to forgive it, either. And more, I knew I wouldn’t be able to blame her.

  Nine

  Briar

  Something str
oked across my cheek. I wiggled my nose and batted at the air, still mostly asleep. I was caught in that twilight place where you still linger before coming entirely awake, and I wanted to stay a while longer.

  A warm lethargy pervaded my entire body, and I wasn’t ready to open my eyes and face the day.

  The touch came again. Groaning, I rolled onto my belly and buried my face against something warm and hard. Sighing in satisfaction, I drifted back closer to dreamland. Before I made it, a hand stroked down my back.

  “Come on, sleepyhead,” a voice murmured. “I need to go, and I want to kiss you goodbye before I leave.”

  Well, shit.

  I opened my eyes and pulled back slightly. Cormac’s denim-clad thigh filled my entire field of vision. I flopped onto my back and stared up at him. He reached out and traced his fingertip across my lower lip.

  “You’re leaving?” I asked, knuckling at my sleepy eyes.

  “Yes. I’ve got things to do.” He pushed a hand into my hair. “Do you mind if I call you later?”

  “You never bothered asking before,” I pointed out.

  “You’re feeling mean.”

  I yawned. “I’m always mean when I’m not caffeinated.”

  He chuckled and bent over me. “So if I do this, am I going to get bit?” His lips pressed lightly to mine.

  “I don’t know. Why don’t you do it and find out?”

  Cormac flicked his tongue against my lips. “I guess I will.”

  He kissed me, and I opened for him with a sigh.

  The kiss lasted only a few seconds before he pulled back.

  “I’ll give you a call later on.” He stood up, and before I could even try to call him back, he was out the door.

  I groaned and closed my eyes.

  If I’d been a little more coherent, I would have pressed him for something more definitive. We still had things unsettled between us.

  Or maybe I was the unsettled one.

  A couple hours and several cups of coffee later, I sent Anneke a text. I was still brooding over everything that had happened between Cormac and me, and no matter how hard I tried to puzzle through everything on my own, I needed to talk to somebody.