Listening to Love

by Beth Wiseman

  “How long will it take the casserole to heat up in that oven?” Cecelia laid a hand across her stomach when it growled at her, willing it to be quiet.

  “Probably longer than your microwave.” He pointed at the loaf of bread still on the coffee table. “We can slice into that now if you’re hungry, or I can put it in the oven to warm it up. It won’t take long for the bread.”

  “I can wait.” Her eyes traveled around the room so as not to meet with his. She hoped it wouldn’t always be like this—her nervousness around him. It was uncalled for, but Moses was smug, almost arrogant. Maybe he knew how attractive he was too. Perhaps flirting with women and having them flirt back was the norm for him, even though the Amish supposedly looked down on being prideful.

  “Cecelia.” Her name slid off his tongue and almost sounded sensual.

  She raised an eyebrow. “Yes?”

  A huge smile filled his face. “Relax.” Then, he grinned and winked at her.

  She shook her head and pointed a finger at him. But she smiled the whole time.

  Maybe it was possible to have an Amish friend without the complications of romance, and she shouldn’t worry so much about Natalie and Lucas. But temptation was already pushing its way to the surface. Cecelia knew she could handle herself and resist the attention of a handsome man who wasn’t right for her. She only hoped her daughter could do the same.

  Chapter 7

  Lucas pulled into his brother’s place Friday evening and noticed right away that one of their buggies was gone, but Natalie’s car was in the driveway. He tethered his horse, washed his hands at the pump outside, and headed across the yard.

  He tapped twice on the door before he walked in. Natalie was sitting on the couch with a piece of paper in her hands. She looked up at him, then offered the handwritten note. “Mary left this for us.”

  Something is wrong with Maxwell. We are taking him to Big Rudy’s. Hope to be back before you arrive, but if not, supper is warm in the oven. Please go ahead and eat. So sorry!

  Love,

  Mary

  “Who’s Big Rudy?” Natalie stood, leaned closer to Lucas, and eyed the note again.

  “He’s the closest thing to a vet we’ve got nearby. They call him Big Rudy because there are four other Rudys in our district, and Big Rudy is, um . . . well, he’s big.”

  “I understand Levi and Mary had to compromise on some things, but I really miss Mary having a phone at times like this.” She paused, frowning. “And I miss being able to talk to her more, in general.”

  Lucas nodded but knew he, too, would have to give up his phone after he was baptized. He took off his hat and ran his sleeve across his forehead. It had warmed up in the days following the most recent cold snap, but temperatures were pleasant. He shouldn’t be sweating, but his hands were clammy too.

  “Well, I hope Maxwell is okay.” Natalie rolled her lip into the familiar pout. “He’s such a sweet kitty.” She tucked her hair behind her ears.

  Lucas tried to keep his eyes off her lips. This was becoming bothersome, and now he was alone with her, a situation he’d tried to avoid. He didn’t want to disrespect the Ordnung or Natalie, but he was becoming more and more aware of her looks. It was getting harder to balance what he knew was right with the feelings and temptations swimming in his mind like piranhas, eating up logic and replacing it with . . . something else.

  Natalie cleared her throat. “Do you want me to leave?”

  He came to attention and blinked at her. “What?”

  She gently tugged on one of her gold hoop earrings as she kept her eyes fused with his. “I know it’s against the rules for you to be alone with me, and I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable.”

  He shrugged. “I’m fine, and I’m sure Mary and Levi will be back soon.” He took a deep breath and searched his mind for something to change the subject. Natalie usually said what she was thinking, and any more discussion on this topic would feel awkward. Their phone calls the past couple nights had already felt strained. “How’s your mom liking her new job?”

  She raised both shoulders, letting them drop slowly. “I haven’t talked to her yet today, but as of yesterday she said she enjoyed working for ‘the cowboy.’ She still calls him that since he breaks horses. Mom has this thing for old western movies. But her cowboy has been out of town since right after she started working for him.”

  Lucas wished his breathing would slow down and his heart rate would get back to normal. He walked over and sat in one of the rocking chairs. “I don’t think Moses Schwartz is a cowboy, but he does break horses.”

  Natalie sat back down on the couch, scratching the side of her neck. “Who is Moses Schwartz?”

  “Your mudder’s boss.” He paused, but when Natalie didn’t say anything and tipped her head to the side, he said, “One of mei bruders was at Moses’s place earlier today. He lives next door to us. He wasn’t there, but your mudder was.”

  Natalie’s eyebrows raised in surprise. “My mother is working for an Amish man?” She burst out laughing. “You’re kidding me, right?”

  Lucas shook his head.

  “She has always thought the Amish were from another planet, so the fact that she’s working for an Amish man is pretty amusing to me.” She giggled again. “But, hey, I don’t care who she’s working for, as long as she’s got a job. And maybe she’ll develop a better understanding of your people and be more open-minded.”

  Horse hooves clomped into the driveway, so Lucas and Natalie went out to the porch. Mary got out of the buggy carrying Maxwell, while Levi took care of the horse.

  “What’s wrong with him?” Natalie gave the cat’s ears a gentle scratch when Mary got close enough.

  “He’s diabetic.” Mary nuzzled the cat with her cheek. “I didn’t even know cats could get diabetes.” She looked up at Natalie. “Maybe you knew since you’re going to be a vet, but I had no idea.”

  “Actually, I didn’t know that. But I’m just starting to learn all this vet stuff. I’m having to take a biology class right now.” She paused as she scratched her cheek. “Not my favorite.”

  Levi walked up carrying a small bag. “Wie bischt, bruder? Hi, Natalie.” He held up the paper sack. “Maxwell’s insulin.” He gave the cat a quick scratch under his chin. “Two shots every day, probably for the rest of his life.”

  “Wow.” Natalie raised her eyebrows, then eased Maxwell out of Mary’s arms and snuggled him. “Adeline would want us to take good care of you.” She looked at Mary again. “Will he be okay?”

  “I think so. Big Rudy said we have to watch him closely for a while after each shot to make sure his blood sugar doesn’t get too low. He said it might take a few days for us to figure out the exact amount of insulin to give him.”

  Levi motioned for everyone to follow him inside. He looked over his shoulder right before the porch steps. “If he’s still drinking a lot of water, we can give him a little bit of insulin. If he looks, uh . . .” He spun around and stopped. “Mary, what was that word Big Rudy used?”

  “Lethargic,” she said. “Like maybe he’s falling asleep for no reason or losing consciousness or seems confused.”

  “Ya, ya.” Levi turned and went up the steps. “If he gets like that, then he’s had too much insulin, and we’re supposed to give him Karo syrup to jerk him back to life.”

  Natalie squeezed her eyes closed, then opened them. “That’s horrible to think about—jerking him back to life.”

  Mary huffed a little as they entered the living room. “That’s not exactly what Big Rudy said. He said it’s hard to determine in the beginning how much insulin he needs. There might be some trial and error.” She shivered. “I don’t like that part. I wish we knew exactly how much to give him. Big Rudy gave us some guidelines, but we can’t establish the exact amount until we see how he reacts. If we happen to give him too much and he looks lethargic, we’re supposed to rub a little of the syrup on his bottom lip, and if his blood sugar is too low, it should make him become alert aga
in.”

  Lucas rubbed his chin, studying the cat in Natalie’s arms. “Is the medicine expensive?” Levi made good money doing construction work, but Lucas had watched their mother struggle with the cost of certain medications before, ones the Englisch doctor had recommended before she started using herbal treatments.

  Mary shook her head before she walked into the kitchen. “Nee. It’s around twenty dollars and should last several months.” She set a pot she’d grabbed from the stove in the middle of the table, which was already set. When she lifted the lid, Lucas breathed in the aroma of beef stew, his stomach growling.

  After they were seated, they bowed their heads in silent prayer. Lucas’s heart warmed when he noticed that Natalie prayed longer than anyone. She’d gone from knowing very little about God to building a strong relationship with Him and trusting and worshipping Him.

  As Lucas stared at her, he thought about how easily they had become friends. If he tried to picture his life without her in it, a dismal feeling washed over him. He thought he’d done a pretty good job balancing his emotions where Natalie was concerned, knowing they would part ways someday. But the pendulum felt off-kilter lately, and that was beginning to scare him a little.

  After supper, they all went to the den. Lucas stifled a yawn, while Mary, Natalie, and Levi watched Maxwell walk back to the kitchen to get a drink of water. It was the third time in the past fifteen minutes.

  “Maybe we should give him some extra insulin.” Mary looked at her husband. “It’s only a tiny bit, and maybe he needs it.”

  Levi went to the kitchen and came back holding the cat and the small bag. Mary sat on the couch, and Levi placed Maxwell on her lap, pulled out the vial of insulin and a syringe, then filled the latter with a small amount of the medicine. He leaned over the cat, pinched a small chunk of fur, then quickly let go. He turned and walked to Natalie. “Here, you do it.” He handed her the small needle. “It’ll be gut practice.”

  Natalie’s mouth fell open. “No. Maxwell lives with you and Mary. You both have to know how to give him the shots.”

  “We do,” Mary said before she shrugged. “But you feed him if we go somewhere, like when we had to travel to that wedding last month and stay overnight. You’ll have to know how to give the shots too.”

  Natalie stiffened and didn’t take the syringe from Levi at first. After a few seconds, she reached for it, then walked over to where Mary sat holding Maxwell. She pinched the fur like Levi had, but as the needle neared the cat, she began to shake and felt the color draining from her face. She dropped the syringe and shook her head. “I can’t.”

  Then she rushed across the room and out the screen door.

  Lucas looked back and forth between Levi and Mary, who appeared as confused as he felt. He went outside and found Natalie sitting in one of the rocking chairs on the porch with her face in her hands.

  * * *

  Natalie uncovered her face when large hands gently eased hers away. She stared into Lucas’s eyes and tried to blink back tears as he squatted in front of her.

  “I can’t give shots.” She lowered her gaze for a few minutes before she met his eyes again. “I also don’t like blood, and I don’t see how I could ever stitch up a wound. The most basic medical tasks unravel me.” She clutched the arms of the chair. “I love animals. All animals, but I get queasy around blood and needles.”

  “Why haven’t you said anything?” Lucas took hold of her hand.

  “I thought I could get past it. I’m doing fine in my core classes like English and math. But I might fail animal biology, my one and only class related to becoming a veterinarian, because I can’t do the basics. I almost passed out last week when we had to dissect a frog. In high school biology, I managed to get a passing grade by closing my eyes and letting my lab partner do everything. A college professor won’t let me get away with that.” She peered over his shoulder into the darkness, then squeezed his hand before she looked back at him. “I’m not sure if my love of animals is enough to help me work through my fears.”

  Lucas eased his hand out of hers, then gently cupped her face with both hands, his thumb brushing away a tear that had escaped. “I don’t like blood or shots either. But I bet you’ll get used to it. Please don’t cry.”

  His tender words caused Natalie to cry harder. She’d been holding her fears inside for so long, and they seemed to be spilling out all over the place now. “I’ve been praying so hard about this. Why would God lead me down this path? He provided me with the money to go to school. He gifted me with you, someone to teach me about His grace and mercy. I feel Him with me all the time. Why am I on this journey to be a veterinarian when it might not work out?”

  “You don’t know it isn’t going to work out.” Lucas used one hand to push back a few loose strands of her hair, tucking them behind her ear. “Gott challenges us, but that doesn’t always mean we are on the wrong path. Sometimes the path of resistance is the right path and will make us stronger, but there are hurdles to getting where we’re supposed to be. This might just be one of those hurdles.”

  Natalie gazed into Lucas’s eyes, blinking back her tears. His kind words lingered in her mind, but it was his touch, the feel of his hands on her cheeks that became her entire focus. “I love you,” she said softly.

  Lucas’s lips parted slightly as he leaned closer. She knew what was coming and longed for it in a way that made everything else in her life feel secondary. When he kissed her, it sent the pit of Natalie’s stomach into a wild swirl, accompanied by a heady sensation she’d never experienced. It was everything she’d imagined. The feel of Lucas’s lips on hers was wonderful, as if all their emotional bonding over the last few months had finally merged into something perfect.

  The screen door opened, and Natalie jumped, she and Lucas quickly moving away from each other. Mary’s eyes were wide as she clamped a hand over her mouth before turning and going back inside.

  Lucas was standing now, his eyes ping-ponging back and forth between Natalie and the door. A few seconds later, he went into the house. The house where his family was.

  Natalie wanted to go home, but her purse was in the den.

  As she walked inside, everyone was quiet. They were her closest friends in the world, and they were all silent. Mary opened her mouth as if to say something, but she didn’t. Lucas and Levi exchanged glances before their eyes landed on Natalie. She picked up her purse and hurried back out the door, all three of them on her heels, asking her not to leave. But she got in her car and pulled out of the driveway.

  She’d told Lucas she loved him. And he hadn’t said it back. But he kissed her. Would he have said it back if they hadn’t been interrupted? And, if he had, then what? When the tears came full force, she found a safe place to pull off the road.

  It didn’t happen often, but more than ever, she wanted to talk to her mother. She needed her. But her mother didn’t answer the phone. Natalie stared at the screen. No calls from Lucas either.

  She dried her eyes, forced some composure, and drove home, her heart aching.

  * * *

  Lucas faced off with his brother and sister-in-law. “It was one kiss,” he said as Mary shot daggers at him with her eyes. “Don’t overreact.”

  Mary stepped toward him. She was usually levelheaded, calm, and polite, but right now she looked like she wanted to take a swing at him. “Natalie is mei best friend. I thought she was yours too.” She lowered her head to her hands. “I knew this would happen.”

  “How could you know? I didn’t even know.” Lucas’s head was spinning, and the kiss kept playing over and over again, clouding his thinking. He’d heard her loud and clear. She loved him. Her words echoed in his mind, whirling around with the memory of his lips on hers.

  Mary uncovered her face, her piercing glare replaced with tears building in the corners of her eyes. “You had to have realized, even if just a little, that you and Natalie were becoming more than friends. She has been through a rough time with her parents’ divorce, the
n Adeline died, and we don’t want to see her suffer more.” She lowered herself onto the couch, leaned back, and sighed. “And we don’t want you hurt either.”

  Lucas paced, wondering how he’d let the kiss happen. “She was crying and upset because she wasn’t comfortable giving the cat a shot. Apparently, she’s having some trouble at school with the vet class. I think not being able to give the shot pushed her over the edge. Before now, I didn’t know anything about her fears.” He shrugged, still walking back and forth. “She was upset, and”—he couldn’t tell them what she’d said, so he just shrugged again—“I guess I just wanted to comfort her.”

  “A hug would have been a gut way to do that.” Mary folded her arms across her chest, staring at him. After a few minutes of silence, she asked, “Lucas, do you love her?” She held up a hand when he opened his mouth to speak. “And you know what kind of love I’m talking about.”

  “Ya, I know,” he mumbled, avoiding his sister-in-law’s piercing glare as he also avoided answering her.

  Levi walked over to him, halting to place a hand on his shoulder. “Bruder, it would crush Mamm and Daed if you left our district. But you’re not baptized. They can’t shun you if you want to be with Natalie in the Englisch world.”

  “I’m not leaving our way of life.” His heart ached when he thought about the possibility, and saying his feelings out loud affirmed what he’d really always known. They were right, and he had been foolish to think he could teach Natalie about the Lord, spend so much time with her, and remain only friends. Especially since he’d been attracted to her from the first moment he saw her. But now, he was in love with her, and his heart was taking a beating. When had he lost the balance he’d worked so hard to maintain? He should have stepped back and tried to see things from everyone else’s perspective much sooner. Instead, he’d worn blinders and convinced himself he was doing God’s work and didn’t have feelings for her.