Listening to Love

by Beth Wiseman

  She arrived a little late, even though she’d left early. Several cows had wandered onto a road along her route, and it caused a traffic backup. So, she raced up the porch steps, knocked, and then opened the door. “It’s me!”

  She walked through the living room, a wonderful aroma wafting up her nostrils, but it was quiet. She let out a small gasp when she entered the kitchen. “Lucas.”

  He stood next to a table set for two. Natalie had been so worried about being late that she hadn’t taken notice of the buggies outside. She wasn’t sure if she would have been able to tell Lucas’s from the others. Would she have left? She didn’t know. But seeing him standing in front of her, she was reminded of everything she’d given up. Their friendship, budding romance, and hopes and dreams of a life together. As blessed as she was with a new home and visions for her future, the pictures weren’t clear in her mind without Lucas included.

  “We’ve been set up.” Lucas rubbed his chin.

  Natalie couldn’t take her eyes off him. “What?”

  He handed her a lined piece of paper, and Natalie recognized Mary’s nearly perfect cursive writing.

  Dear Natalie and Lucas,

  We regret that we can’t be here this evening. Maxwell wasn’t feeling well, so we thought it best to get him checked out. Please enjoy the meal. Everything is warm in the oven.

  Much love,

  Mary and Levi

  “I’m sorry.” Natalie shook her head. “Your mother came over and told me you wouldn’t be here, and that Mary had extended an invitation for me to come.”

  Lucas looped his thumbs beneath his suspenders. “Did she now? I hope she asked the Lord to forgive the lie, because she did know I would be here.”

  “It seems odd that your mother would be trying to set this up. She didn’t want me in your life.”

  He shrugged. “Mamm hasn’t mentioned your name, but she made the comment that times were changing. She even drove the buggy for the first time in a long while.”

  A meow came from underneath the table, and Natalie leaned down in time to see Maxwell stretching. “Uh, if the cat was sick, they sorta forgot to take the patient with them.”

  Lucas chuckled as Natalie set the note on the table. “I guess Mary was in on it, too, since she wrote, ‘Dear Natalie and Lucas.’ She’ll need to ask Gott for forgiveness too. But since we’re here, let’s see what she cooked.” He opened the oven. “Looks like pork chops smothered in mushroom sauce.”

  Natalie folded her arms across her chest. “I’m not leaving. That’s my favorite thing that Mary cooks.”

  Lucas faced off with her, also folding his arms. “I’m not leaving either.”

  Natalie shrugged, even though she wanted to rush into his arms. “Then let’s eat.”

  After praying, Natalie was surprised at how easily they fell into conversation. Like old times. And the not-being-alone rule seemed to have flown out the window since they spent time together at Natalie’s apartment after her accident. Even under the circumstances, Natalie was as comfortable with Lucas as she’d ever been. She wondered if he would bring up their separation and the way things had ended. Natalie was avoiding the subject, telling him of her plans for the house, but intentionally omitting anything that had to do with them.

  “Yeah, it was so crazy, and then for my mom to give me the house . . .” She sighed. “I couldn’t believe it. She’s made so many changes in her life. She even got a job today as a full-time bookkeeper for a law firm in Bedford. Her lawyer knew the guy and recommended her. She starts Monday.”

  “I saw two men moving in that red couch, and I wondered what was going on.” Lucas finished chewing a bite of pork, swallowed, and then gazed into her eyes.

  Natalie wondered how she’d ever gotten the strength to let him go and whether this surprise setup was only going to make things worse for her—seeing him, talking to him, reflecting on what might have been.

  “And I saw you hanging clothes on the line. Was that a first?”

  “Yeah.” She tried to smile in an effort to keep things light. The food was amazing, as always. “I don’t have air-conditioning or electricity, but it’s cozy with the lanterns, and I love hearing the crickets at night.”

  “I saw you riding.”

  Natalie’s cheeks warmed. “Lucas Shetler, have you been spying on me?”

  He stared into her eyes. “Every chance I get.”

  She felt herself blush. “I’m keeping one horse, the tamest one.” She lowered her head, then looked back at him. “How did everything get so messed up?”

  “You dumped me. That’s how.” He sent an exaggerated scowl her way, then shook his head. “Not a nice thing to do to the guy who’s in leib with you.”

  Her cheeks felt even hotter. “I can’t pull you from the life you know. But it doesn’t mean I don’t love you.” She lowered her eyes as tears threatened to fall. She didn’t want to cry. She was having a good time. “Excuse me. I’ll be right back.”

  She rushed to the bathroom, reached for a tissue, and dabbed at her eyes before any tears escaped. She hadn’t bothered with makeup tonight, knowing Mary wouldn’t have any on. As she thought about it, she realized she hadn’t worn makeup all week.

  Closing the commode lid, she sat down and thought about her grandmother. Mimi Jean would have loved her new home too. Her thoughts drifted to Adeline, again making her imagine her grandmother and Adeline were somehow together and smiling down on her. Mary still hadn’t replaced the red-and-pink wallpaper. By the time she and Levi moved into this house, it was as if God had designed it specifically for them. What appeared to be coincidences—no phone, lack of electricity, modest furnishings—had been an orchestrated plan. Only God could have known that Mary and Levi would end up living in this house.

  Natalie thought about the plan for her life. The one she’d laid out—to be a vet—hadn’t turned out to be what she truly wanted. Instead, she’d been gifted with a farm. She wasn’t missing television, electricity, or even her hair dryer. Eventually, she might have to get a job, but she’d groomed three dogs and was hoping it might catch on. She’d also been busy making her new house her own.

  Her mother had turned into a horse broker. She’d sold four of the horses this week, insisting that Natalie keep one for herself. That left seven more to sell. Jacob came by daily to feed their three horses, and Natalie had assured him that it was fine for them to stay.

  So many things had changed over the last few months. Mostly, her relationship with God had changed her. She knew Him personally now. He might not always reveal His plans, but as she stared at Mary’s dark green dress hanging on the hook, along with her black apron, she wondered if it would fit this time.

  She slipped out of her blue jeans and T-shirt, which she hadn’t done the last time, then pulled the dress over her head. As she tied the black apron strings behind her, the clothing felt different up against her body, without her clothes underneath. It felt like a perfect fit, and it wasn’t the feel of the material she was talking about. This time, there was also a prayer covering tied on the hanger. The last time she was in here trying on Mary’s clothes, there wasn’t one. She pulled her hair into a bun on top of her head, secured it with a rubber band she found in a drawer, then put the prayer covering on.

  Smiling, she realized she’d been on her own spiritual quest, and maybe someday she would be ready to commit to the kind of life God seemed to be offering her. Was there still a possibility that she could be with Lucas?

  Her heart thumped wildly against her chest as she looked in the mirror. She’d thought about the things she would have to give up to be with Lucas and assumed she couldn’t do it. But those were material things. In the back of her mind, she also feared she wasn’t as spiritually mature as Lucas. Her relationship with God had grown, and maybe that had to happen before she was ready to nurture a relationship with Lucas. Perhaps that was part of her pilgrimage she hadn’t realized until now. God was involved in her life, directing her steps, and this felt like a pat
h she could walk down.

  “Do I need to send a search party?” Lucas hollered from the kitchen.

  “No. I’m coming.” Natalie gingerly pushed the door open and walked into the kitchen in her bare feet, still wearing Mary’s clothes. She battled her fear and the feelings of unworthiness that still threatened to take hold of her and pushed forward until she was standing in front of him.

  Lucas stood, blinking eyes that were growing moist. “God told me to be patient.”

  “And He told me that I belong with you.” She looked down at what she was wearing, then slowly touched the prayer covering on her head. “I’m not sure I’m ready for this.”

  Lucas walked closer to her, his expression unreadable. “You can’t convert for me.”

  “I know.” Natalie looked into his beautiful eyes. “The journey is mine. It’s a lot to commit to.” But even as she said the words, visions of a future with Lucas flooded her mind, clearer than ever. “I love you as much as I ever did, but I know the importance of what these clothes represent, and you’re right, I can’t do this for you. It has to be for the right reasons.”

  Natalie thought back a few months, to a time when they weren’t even supposed to be alone together, fearful that temptation would get the best of them. But they were under God’s protective roof now, and everything felt right. She couldn’t keep her eyes from Lucas’s lips, recalling the feel of his mouth on hers and the love she’d felt being in his arms.

  Lucas kissed the tip of her nose, pushed back strands of hair Natalie hadn’t tucked beneath the kapp. Then his mouth found hers.

  “I love you,” he whispered between kisses.

  “And I love you.”

  Listening to love was the right thing to do. Because God is love. Natalie was determined to keep trusting her heavenly Father and His plans for her life.

  Epilogue

  Cecelia slipped her pale green dress over her head, then fumbled around in her jewelry box for earrings to match. She slipped into a pair of ivory-colored kitten heels she’d bought just for this occasion. Over time she had adjusted to Natalie’s apartment, but she did miss a bigger closet and whirlpool tub. But the price was right, and for the first time ever, she earned her own spending money and was making her own choices.

  She was almost out the door when she noticed her pile of mail on the kitchen bar. Cecelia was still getting caught up on bills, but she was also waiting on a refund for the first dress she’d purchased online, instead of trying it on first like the one she was now wearing. She knew better than that. The dress had been almost two hundred dollars, so she was anxious to receive the credit.

  Something caught her eye—an envelope with international stamps on it. From Canada. Her heart skipped several beats before she ripped open the letter and read.

  Dear Cecelia,

  It’s your old friend “Moses.” I figured deeding you my house was the least I could do for putting you through such agony. Hopefully, you can find a way to get caught up on the mortgage. Sorry I didn’t have the funds for that. You must think I’m quite the jerk, but I knew they’d drop the charges against you. It was a clear setup. I had some really bad guys after me, and I needed them to believe they’d been paid so I could get out of the country before they realized the truth. I knew they wouldn’t go after you, and you were never in danger. You just bought me some time.

  Cecelia squinted as she pressed her lips together. Yes, you are a jerk.

  Everything I said to you, I meant. Well, of course not everything, lol, but the things that matter. You truly are a beautiful woman. And kindhearted. Probably a little too much. Oh, and maybe wear your glasses when you sign things from now on.

  She could almost feel the steam rising from her head.

  I’ve got to tell you, even all these months later, kissing you still lingers in my mind. Seriously, you’re a class act. Wish things had turned out differently.

  Fondly,

  David (Moses)

  Cecelia grinned. The Cecelia you knew is long gone, buddy. She ripped the letter into pieces and tossed it in the air. She had a wedding to go to. Natalie would be fit to be tied if Cecelia was late.

  She took a deep breath. Right now, she was going to go watch her Amish daughter get married. Natalie and Lucas had been baptized together and were ready to commit to each other for life. They’d spent six months dating and being neighbors, but they’d worn a path going back and forth between their houses. During that time, Natalie had several visits with the bishop and took the necessary classes before she could be baptized.

  Tom and Olivia had gotten married and would be at the wedding. Cecelia had accepted that, and mostly wanted Tom and Natalie to have a good relationship. Her ex was working toward that, but he still had trouble seeing his daughter living an Old Order Amish lifestyle. But the transformation suited Natalie, and Cecelia had never seen her daughter happier. Tom would eventually see and accept that too.

  Cecelia arrived at the wedding feeling overdressed. With the exception of Olivia, who looked absolutely stunning in a tasteful maroon dress. Not all that long ago, Cecelia would have wanted to claw the woman’s eyes out. But she couldn’t blame Olivia for the dissolution of her marriage. It took two to tango. And looking back, her marriage had been over way before Tom stepped out on her. Her ex looked worn out with dark circles under his eyes and a few more crow’s-feet branching out toward his temples. Cecelia had come a long way, but she wasn’t perfect.

  She grinned a little on the inside. It must be difficult for Tom to keep up with someone so much younger than he is.

  The wedding at the Shetlers’ home was unlike anything Cecelia had ever experienced. Furniture had been moved out of the main rooms, replaced with chairs lined in rows. Tables and chairs were set up outside.

  Cecelia didn’t understand most of the service since the deacons and bishop spoke in Pennsylvania Deutsch. But the fellowship was present, and Natalie glowed as she took her vows with Lucas. It was going to be a new and different world for her daughter. Near the end of the ceremony, the bishop bestowed a holy kiss on Lucas’s head, and his wife did the same with Natalie. Cecelia was sure she’d never felt the Lord’s presence more than at that moment. At least two hundred people were gathered in His name, and Cecelia was sobbing by the time it was all over.

  Emotionally drained but hungry, she quickly learned that the food at an Amish wedding was an event all its own. After the ceremony, women scrambled to take dish after dish of piping hot food out to the tables where the couple and their attendants would be seated and fed first. Normally, Cecelia would have offered to help, but she was afraid of being trampled. These women were like a fine-tuned machine.

  “Hi, Mom.”

  Cecelia turned to her left, dabbed at her eyes, and smiled. “Well, it wouldn’t be a wedding without tears, now would it?” She stared into her daughter’s eyes. “You look more beautiful than I’ve ever seen you. And I’m so proud of you.”

  Natalie’s moist eyes twinkled as she reached for Cecelia’s hands and squeezed. “You look beautiful too. And I’m equally proud of you.”

  Cecelia wasn’t as far into her newly found spirituality as her daughter, but in so many ways she felt like she’d taken the first step onto a path that would lead to a destination unknown, but one guided by God.

  By the end of the long day, which had started at eight o’clock in the morning, Cecelia was as worn out as Tom looked. She’d made nice with both Tom and Olivia, wishing them both well as they left. She stayed to help clean up afterward, along with at least twenty other women, and managed to outlast them all. Eventually it was only Cecelia and Helen in the kitchen.

  Cecelia leaned up against the counter. Helen stood next to her kitchen table, a hand on the back of one of the chairs. The two women were becoming friends, another mindblower for Cecelia. They didn’t see each other all that often since Cecelia now had a full-time job, but she had grown to enjoy the time she spent with Helen.

  Helen crossed the room, and when she got to C
ecelia, she wrapped her arms around her neck and squeezed. It was the first time Helen had ever initiated a hug, and it produced a new round of tears for Cecelia. No words were needed. Cecelia and Helen were joined together in a new way now, as family.

  If anyone had asked Cecelia a year ago where she and Natalie would be now, this would not have been the outcome she would have predicted. But as she’d come to learn, God sometimes had a much bigger plan for His children than they could possibly dream up for themselves. Some days, Cecelia felt like she was living a rough draft of her life, but it was coming together, and she couldn’t wait to live the final version.

  Discussion Questions

  In the beginning of the story, Natalie and Lucas are convinced that they can be friends without becoming romantically involved, even though they are attracted to each other. Were they being naive? Do you know of couples who have maintained a friendship without bringing romance into the relationship?

  Everyone around Natalie and Lucas notice signs of their relationship blossoming into something more than friendship. What are some of the things that Cecelia, Helen, Levi, and Mary see that Natalie and Lucas don’t?

  Cecelia is a broken and bitter woman following her divorce and financial problems. What are some of the changes—internal and external—that Cecelia goes through in her effort to be the woman she hopes to be?

  Helen wants to micromanage Lucas’s life in some ways, and she surely doesn’t want him leaving their community. But Helen changes her tune toward the end of the story. What causes her to change her mind?