by Raven Steele
"Lucien?" I whimpered, reaching even further for him.
His blue eyes darkened, full of pain and anguish. "Not yet, baby.”
"Hold on!" the man who was gripping me called.
The world swirled into blacks and grays. Air sucked from my lungs, as my mind and body tumbled through a darkness that felt weightless, almost like a dream. The old vampire and the white-haired girl were there too. By her expression, she was just as frightened as I was, but the tall vampire seemed assured and confident. The familiar lines of his face extracted another pinhead of memory: Henry.
Then, as if we had fallen from the sky, I hit a hardwood floor hard, gasping for breath. I lifted my head. We were in a small living room. White sheets covered the furniture, but the floors were clean like it had been recently mopped. The hands on a grandfather clock in the corner had stopped moving.
"Where are we?" the white-haired girl asked. She lay on the floor, propping herself up with her elbows.
Henry came to his feet and brushed the dust from his clothes. "This is my home in Rouen. I haven't been here for at least a decade."
"I can tell," the girl mumbled.
Henry kneeled in front of me. "Eve?"
I looked up hesitantly, my head pounding and stomach churning as if I hadn't eaten in days.
He stared down at me, eyes full of concern. "Have you returned to us?"
"I don't… can't… understand," I stuttered. My voice sounded foreign, like someone I hadn't heard in a long time.
"What do you remember?" he asked.
"Lucien,” I said, hearing the warmth in my voice. “I remember Lucien. Where is he?"
"He'll be here when I contact him."
Something vibrated. Henry reached into his pocket and removed a cell phone. He glanced at the screen. "That's him phoning now, which means he's safe."
"And Liam?" the girl asked.
Henry tossed her the phone. "Find out for yourself."
The girl eagerly answered. "Is Liam with you?" After a few seconds, her face visibly relaxed, then, "We're okay." A short pause as her gaze flashed in my direction. "I'm not sure." She moved the phone away from her mouth. "Hey Henry, where are we?" She grimaced and clutched her stomach as if she were in pain.
"On Cotton Street. Number 45."
The girl relayed the message. That's when her name came to me. "Llona," I whispered. She was… I closed my eyes tight, trying to remember.
"Don't force it," Henry said. "It will take time. And Eve," he took hold of my hand, "when your memories do return, they will be raw and dark, even painful. Much has happened to you. So much that you left us for a while to heal. I don't know if enough time has passed to give you the rest you required, but we need you here more than ever. You are the only one who can help us."
I shook my head. "I can't remember…"
"You will. But until then, why don't you go shower? There's a bathroom down the hall. Clean towels should be in the closet and clothes in the room to the right."
For the first time, I noticed blood covering my shirt and parts of my skin. A wave of nausea washed over me, and I began to shake.
"How do you have all of this ready?" Llona asked Henry. She ground her teeth together and moved slowly onto her back as if it hurt a great deal. I tried to remember again who she was. Were we friends?
Henry left my side to go to Llona. "I hired someone to come in yesterday to clean and prepare a few things. I thought we might need it." He knelt next to her. "Let me look at that stomach."
Llona lifted her torn shirt. Carefully, Henry pulled back the cloth that had been wrapped around her, and I gasped. There was so much blood on it, I couldn't tell what color the material used to be. How was she still alive? I subconsciously touched my own body, wondering how I’d survived my own injuries. Lucien had said I was an immortal, which meant … ? The concept was familiar but capturing it was like trying to hang onto water running through a tap.
"Will I need stitches?" Llona asked him.
Henry chuckled. "You'll need more than that but don't worry. I can help. Just hold still."
He raised his hands several inches above the deep wounds on her flesh. They looked like claw marks, but what could've caused that? A memory flashed, nearly knocking me unconscious. Werewolf claws, sharp and shiny, boring into her flesh. I closed my eyes to the images.
Henry whispered a phrase, a string of words that invoked something deep inside me. The alliteration of the syllables, the gentle flow of each sound, stirred strength into my blood. I opened my eyes. Henry's palms were full of warm light. He slowly moved them back and forth across Llona's skin while repeating the soothing phrase. Magic. I basked in the power flowing from them, letting the familiar strength comfort me.
"Are you all right, Eve?"
I blinked. Henry and Llona looked back at me. He had finished healing her, and I hadn't even noticed. My face warmed. "I'm going to go take that shower."
I stood, my legs shaky beneath me, and headed down a hallway to search for the bathroom. Richly stained wainscoting anchored deep maroon walls. By the elaborate woodwork, reminiscent of the Victorian era. I focused on the small details of the house to keep my mind from getting lost in the memories that still didn't make sense.
The bathroom was at the end of the hall. Next to it was a bedroom with floral wallpaper and more wooden wainscoting. Lying in folded piles on a four-poster bed, were two piles of clothing, one for women and one for men. I thumbed through the women's clothing until I found a navy blue sundress I thought would fit.
I closed the door and turned the water to hot. I stared at my reflection in the mirror above the sink. Blond hair, ivory skin. So familiar and yet… Reina. I remembered her. No, I was her.
I shook my head and stared into my green eyes again. There was something beyond them, something that hadn't surfaced yet. Reina—I remembered her life. Her childhood in Georgia, her friends, her mother—my mother. I choked on a hitched breath. She had died at the hands of a vampire. I clutched the sink, my nails digging at the white porcelain. I hated vampires.
Lucien's face flashed in my vision, warming my frozen heart. I didn’t hate vampires, not all of them anyway. They didn't kill my mother. Sable. Her real name was Sable. Was she still alive? I gritted my teeth, trying to make sense of everything.
Fog from the hot shower steamed the mirror, slowly covering my reflection. Who am I?
A shadow moved underneath the bathroom door. I stepped back, holding my breath. Someone stood just outside. I reached my hand and touched the wooden door. It was Lucien. I felt it as sure as I knew the sun would rise. I was half tempted to open the door and fall into his arms, but… he killed Bo.
Bo! The revelation hit me hard, and I stumbled back. Bo was my boyfriend. He loved me and I—did I love him? What had Lucien said about Bo?
I clutched my head and sat on the edge of the tub. I couldn’t do this! Too much information and so many emotions. I didn’t know how to sort through it all.
I waited several minutes, focusing hard to clear my mind of all thoughts. I was almost there when I realized I was staring at blood-soaked clothes. I jumped to my feet and tore them from my body. I couldn't get in the shower fast enough and couldn't scrub hard enough. Every part of me was wiped clean. If only I could reach my mind.
When I stepped out of the shower, my thoughts had quieted. I took my time dressing, allowing myself to only think about the task at hand. The cotton sundress hung to my knees and fit nicely to my curves. I combed my long hair but didn't look in the mirror, afraid of what my eyes might try to tell me.
After a deep breath, I opened the bathroom door. Voices drifted down from the living room, but they went silent as if they knew I was coming. Part of me wanted to race to Lucien, but the other wanted to hold back, frightened by what I'd remember.
Knowing I couldn't stall any longer, I walked down the hall and back into the living room. Llona was attending to a deep cut on a man's head. He was shirtless and as tall as Lucien. His name was, I
paused then remembered, Liam. Llona loved him. Reina, or really I, had sensed this the moment I had met them.
Llona stopped when she saw me and smiled kindly. "Feel better?"
“Yes. You?”
“Much better.”
I turned my head. Henry stood across from me, his eyes full of worry. I let my gaze continue to the right. It stopped when I found Lucien. Every part of him was flexed, like he wanted to rush to me and sweep me into his arms, but he restrained himself.
My breathing quickened as memories returned. I couldn't stop them. They flashed one after another, like a storm with no end or boundaries. I saw the first time we met. He had stopped me from hurting people in Wildemoor. I used to hurt people. But worse, I had enjoyed it!
Another memory surfaced. Lucien had stopped me again after Boaz had put the necklace on me, turning me into a monster. He had saved me in so many ways. Life was good for a while after that. I found peace with the Deific and … Charlie.
I stumbled into the wall behind me, my breaths becoming shorter and shorter. Charlie was dead. He was dead! The memory was quick and painful: me driving a knife into Charlie’s back. I killed him, my best friend. I buried my face into my hands and slid to the floor. Lucien appeared in front of me.
"What can I do?" he asked, his voice so full of concern it made me feel worse.
I opened my eyes to say as much, but more memories just battered my mind. I had changed into Alarica again but by choice. I had done things with Boaz. I had done things to Lucien. Horrible things.
"I almost killed you," I whispered. "I killed Charlie."
Repulsion filled every part of me. I wanted to rush back to the shower and scrub and scrub until there was nothing left.
"It wasn't you," he said, his voice firm.
This reminded me of all of the times he'd said the same thing to me after we had killed Boaz. Eventually I believed him, but it still left my ultimate sin that he couldn't scrub away. I had chosen to put that necklace back on. I knew the depths of Alarica's evil and still I complied. I should've found another way. Just given myself a little time to think things through, speak to more people, search the world for an answer. If only I had been more patient!
But I hadn’t been, and people I loved and cared about had been hurt.
Now I was left with thousands of images of my hands killing and torturing others, especially the ones I loved. I couldn't close my eyes without seeing them no matter what I tried, no matter who comforted me.
And that is why I had gone away, why I had erased my memory. I was broken and might never be the same. And I loved Lucien too much to suck him into the darkness with me.
"Lucien,” a voice said.
I looked up along with him. Llona stood over us. "Can I have a moment with Eve please?"
Lucien slowly stood and backed away.
She lowered next to me and gently took hold of my hands. They instantly warmed as she transferred her Light. It raced through my body as if searching for darkness. It found most of it in my mind. This was both good and bad for it exposed many of my doubts and fears, the pain I had been holding back, but it also reminded me of my true desires, my hopes and my dreams. It shined on the love I had for my friends and for Lucien. Llona's Light seemed to make this brighter, shoving the darkness to the furthest corners of my mind.
"The past can be painful," she said. "Crippling even. But you are a strong, good soul, Eve. That's how I found you, you know." She smiled. "Lucien told me about your power and the goodness you radiate. I was able to sense that over a thousand miles away."
"But there is darkness in me too," I said, grimacing. I wish there was a way I could cut it out of me.
Her eyes widened as if an idea had come to her. "If you wanted to, could you look inside my mind?"
I thought about this, searching for specific memories. When they came, I answered, "I think so."
"Good. I want you to look inside mine and tell me what you see."
I nodded and squeezed her hands. Before I could access the power needed, I had to search my own mind for the power. Like an old friend, magic returned. It came easily, tingling first in my toes and spreading to the rest of me.
I searched Llona's eyes then pushed with my mind. My consciousness rushed into hers. It felt a little like how I imagined it would be to float through space, but the colors were much more vivid; some I couldn't even describe. There was so much light and beauty it took my breath away.
I sensed she had experienced much pain and heartache in her life, but she had used her gift of light to combat it, replacing those bruises with good memories. She truly was a beautiful person. I was about to pull back when I saw it—an encroaching darkness, swirling with blacks and greys. It snaked through her mind, sucking up the wondrous colors and scarring her mind with anger and dark thoughts. It seemed to sense my foreign presence and turned my direction as if to claim me for its own. I reared back, but at the last second it touched me, filling me with all kinds of horrible, evil thoughts.
I released her hands, jerking out of her mind, and stared at her in horror. "What is that?"
Her expression darkened. "I was bitten by a Vyken because of a mistake I made. I thought I was strong enough to face my enemy on my own. The Vyken's evil poison stays in me to this day. We all have darkness inside of us. Some of us just have more of it than others. It's a cross we have to bear, but it does not define us. You may not have had the ability to choose goodness when you were Alarica, but you can make that choice now. Do you remember the spell you cast that created Reina?"
In that instant, I did remember. The weight of what I had done as Alarica had been crushing. Every day I had struggled to breathe, and no amount of encouraging words from Lucien could bring me peace. It was such a dark and cold place. I didn't want any of it to bleed to Lucien who deserved so much more.
And so I had left him and my life behind.
I risked a quick glance up at him. He was staring down at me, his expression unreadable. He should hate me right now.
"I had to," I whispered.
"Did you have to create a woman who hated vampires too?" Lucien asked. He kept his voice even, but I could see the hurt in his eyes.
It took me a second to figure out what he was talking about, my thoughts and memories still a bit scrambled, but when his meaning was made clear, my heart dropped into my stomach. I recalled all of the horrible things I had said to Lucien as Reina. He must think me a horrible person. First I left him, only to become someone who hated him. Talk about stabbing a knife in his back then smashing it with a hammer. But there was a reason.
I spoke quickly. "It was the only way. When I was first transformed into Reina, I found I was drawn to vampires. No matter what I did, I had to seek one out. This created cracks in Reina's subconsciousness and more things bled out, but they weren't memories, they were just images. Some good, especially of a dark haired vampire with blue eyes." My eyes flashed to Lucien.
"But most were terrible images of a girl who looked just like Reina torturing other people. Reina couldn't make sense of any of them. It's not like she remembered Eve's life. She only had these horrific images that surfaced whenever she sought out a vampire, an urge she felt daily. That's when Reina created another spell on top of what Eve had done. Her mother had died of cancer recently—an alternate reality I had created—but Reina changed this to vampires so that she would hate them, thus ending the terrible images.
I glanced at everyone in the room, finally settling my gaze on Lucien. "Please believe me. I never meant to cause you more pain."
"Why did you leave at all?" he blurted. "Wasn't I enough?"
I looked around the room, feeling everyone's eyes on me. "Can we talk about this later?"
"No. I've waited too long already. You owe me this."
I closed my eyes and sucked in a big breath. "I was in such a dark place. I couldn't close my eyes without seeing all the people Alarica had tortured." A memory flashed right then: my hands slicing an open wound across Luc
ien's back. His screams filled my mind, and I clutched my head to stop the pain the memory caused. "I just had to make it stop! It felt like it would never end."
I looked up at Lucien with pleading eyes. "I saw the toll it was taking on you. I was afraid of hurting you more."
Lucien's expression darkened. "You hurt me more than you ever did as Alarica when you left."
"I'm so sorry," I whispered, nearly chocking on a sob.
Llona leaned forward and said in a quiet voice, "No one is judging you for what you did. We might have all chosen the same thing. Hell, if I had your ability to erase my memoires? I know I would have." She leaned back. "I'm sorry we had to force you to come out of your healing hibernation early, but it's necessary. A lot has happened. The President—"
"His real name is Erebus," Lucien cut in, his voice laced with rage.
Llona cleared her throat. "Erebus is not who he seems."
She continued to tell me all about what they had learned about the shifters, the mirror and the seven devils. With each new revelation, I grew increasingly frightened. Erebus was a devil escaped from Hell. How could we fight someone with that kind of power? A power we didn't even understand?
"What does he want?" I finally asked, trying to figure out what any of this had to do with me.
Llona glanced up at Lucien, giving him the opportunity to answer.
"He wants the necklace," he stated.
A sinking feeling filled my gut. That's what they had been trying to tell Reina earlier, but of course she wouldn't have believed such a ridiculous story. "I don't ever want to see that thing again."
Lucien squatted next to me. "Erebus will kill you and anyone in his way if he doesn't get it. Somehow we need to find a way to destroy it before he can use it and unleash the other six devils of Hell."
"It can't be destroyed," I said.
Henry stepped forward. "We think we found a way, using the power of the Auras combined with our magic. All that ancient power used together may be the solution. But we need to act quickly."
"Auras?" My gaze lowered to Llona, as I remembered Lucien telling Reina about her. Then I remembered Lucent Academy. My head dropped into my hands and I whispered, "What have I done?"