Loving the Heartland

by Marjorie Jones

  Kendra turned off the water and inspected Michelle’s fingertips. “I think you’ll live. If you don’t feel like cooking, don’t worry about it. I think Carlos was just being polite.”

  Michelle felt herself frown. “Well, then. Are you hungry? You haven’t eaten.”

  Kendra’s eyes fell on Michelle’s mouth. “Don’t do that.”

  “What?”

  “Be nice to me. Try to take care of me... of us.” Kendra dropped her hand as if the burns were contagious and turned away.

  “I’m not. But the eggs are already mixed. Are you hungry, or not?”

  “No.”

  Liar.

  She knew only one thing for sure.

  She wanted Kendra Williams more than she’d wanted anything or anyone for a very, very long time.

  Chapter Seven

  “Feel like going for a ride?”

  Michelle looked up from the computer screen and smiled. Kendra leaned against the archway with her arms crossed over her chest.

  “I suppose. Where are we going?”

  “I’m going to ride the fences this afternoon. Should take maybe three hours, or so.”

  “I could get some pictures.” She had enough pictures, but the thought of spending several hours alone with Kendra overpowered her work ethic. She looked back at the screen. She’d almost finished formatting the templates she’d use for each page. She could afford to take the afternoon off. “Sure. I’d love to tag along.”

  “Good.” Kendra pushed off the wall with one shoulder and reached toward her. She took Kendra’s hand and a shiver of delight raced through her arm. Kendra’s calloused fingers tugged at her hand gently and she allowed Kendra to help her to her feet.

  Not that she needed help. But Kendra’s old fashioned manners and insistence that she be treated like a lady played over her and made her forget she lived in a modern world. Should she be offended when Kendra opened doors for her? Last night, when they had dinner, Kendra had pulled her chair out for her instead of letting one of her brothers do it. Then, like now, Michelle had felt special and demure.

  No, she shouldn’t be offended. She would enjoy the attention for as long as it lasted. A part of her didn’t want to finish the project. She wanted to stay here as long as she possibly could.

  “You’ve never ridden before you came here, have you?”

  Michelle smiled. “Does it show?”

  “Only a little,” Kendra Chuckled. “But that’s okay. I’ve saddled that same mare you rode the other day. She’s about as gentle as they come.”

  “You knew I’d agree to come along?”

  Kendra opened the front door for her and stood to the side. “I hoped.”

  Heat stole through her and crept up her neck and cheeks. Unable to meet Kendra’s gaze, she passed through the door and down the steps to the horses. Kendra helped her mount then moved to her horse. Large saddlebags bulged from behind Kendra’s saddle and she admired the way she mounted around them as if they weren’t there. Her legs were covered with the chaps again, but the tight muscles of her backside showed through the faded denim of her work jeans.

  Turning the horse with barely perceptible movements of her knees and a light hold on the reins, Kendra urged Preakness forward. Michelle followed.

  “What’s my horse’s name, again?”

  “Bethany Lynn.”

  “She’s very tame.”

  Kendra laughed, slowing down so they rode side by side toward the range. “She’s old.”

  “How old?”

  “Oh, I’d have to say she’s at least twenty-two.”

  “And that’s old?”

  “Yep. For a horse, anyway. She’ll probably outlive us all for spite, though.”

  “She doesn’t seem spiteful.”

  “In her youth, only one person could ride her. But she’s mellowed over the years.”

  “And who was that?”

  Kendra fell silent and stared forward for a moment. Had she said something wrong? Kendra seemed to move away from her without actually moving at all.

  “She belonged to my mother.” Kendra turned her gaze on Michelle and offered a half-grin.

  “You miss them a lot, don’t you?”

  Kendra drew an unsteady breath and Michelle thought she might have winced a little. “Yeah.”

  “What happened? Lacey’s never told me much about it.”

  Unease settled over the landscape. She wanted to take the question back, but she also wanted to know the answer. Kendra’s life had been so hard and so lonely. If she was going to be Kendra’s friend, she wanted to know how to help her.

  For a moment, she thought Kendra wouldn’t answer the question. Then a faraway gaze settled over her face and she squared her shoulders. “My parents had a very special relationship. Did you know my mother was a bona-fide rodeo queen?”

  Michelle shook her head and smiled. “No. I didn’t know that.”

  “She was. And she rode like the wind. She could rope and brand and keep up with any cowboy I’ve ever met, too. A true frontier woman. She didn’t look it, though. She was beautiful. Small and fragile, but with the spirit of a man twice her size.”

  “Kind of like you...”

  “Oh, no,” Kendra continued. “She was all girl.”

  Michelle smiled. “So are you.”

  “Not really. I used to fret over how masculine I am, but in the end, it all paid off.”

  “Paid off?” Michelle giggled. “I don’t understand.”

  “I was always afraid that nobody – no man – would find me attractive. When I realized that I didn’t want a man to find me attractive, and when I wound up taking over a working cattle ranch... well, let’s just say that I’m okay with who I am. I don’t need to be pretty.”

  There was no denying that Kendra was on the butch side. Michelle had no idea how Kendra might personally identify herself, but the labels boi, dyke, butch all came to mind. But how could she not know how beautiful she was? How incredibly soft and sensitive and womanly she was?

  “But Mom? Mom was definitely more of a buckle bunny. She wasn’t from around here, you know? She grew up in Arizona and Dad met her when he rode the circuit. Rodeoing was part of their blood. That, and ranching.”

  “What about you? Do you compete?”

  “I rode the local circuit when I was a kid, but didn’t plan to make rodeo my life the way they did. Besides, the PRCA – that’s the Professional Rodeo Cowboys Associ-“

  “I know what the PRCA is,” Michelle interrupted with a giggle. “I do live in Vegas, remember?”

  “Ah, yes. That’s right. Well, they wouldn’t let me compete in Saddle Bronc because apparently, if you don’t have the right equipment between your legs, you just don’t have big enough balls, no pun intended. And well... touring with the lesbian rodeo wasn’t an option for me. But sometimes, we’d all go on the road and make a family vacation out of it. We’d spend six or eight weeks driving all over the Western US, chasing those eight seconds. That last time though, I was home on leave and just wanted to relax for a couple of days. I told them I’d watch the kids if they wanted to get away for a little alone-time. Since they competed all summer and fall, they had their own plane to make it easier to get from place to place. They wouldn’t be away from the kids so much that way.” Kendra pointed over a hill in the distance. “There’s a private air strip right over that hill.”

  “Really? Your own airport?”

  “Not an airport, really. Just a private runway. It’s pretty overgrown these days. There’s nothing else over that way except the old Sutton Gold Mine. It’s been closed up for years.”

  “Wow, it really is like a setting out of an old movie around here. Sorry, you were saying?”

  “They took me up on it and hired a driver to take Mom’s horse, little Miss Bethany Lynn, here, up to Wyoming, and Dad’s roping horse, too. Then they took off for a couple of days R and R before the show.”

  “What happened?”

  “Bad weather headed them o
ff over the Great Salt Lake and they crashed on Antelope Island. Turns out, the pilot they’d hired was drunk, so we have no idea if the weather killed them or he did. There were no survivors, so I never got a chance to find out.”

  “I’m so sorry, Kendra.” The words seemed empty and feeble in the wake of all that Kendra had lost. Not only her parents, but her youth and her dreams.

  “It was a long time ago.”

  “Still, you must feel it.”

  Shifting in her saddle again, as though the conversation made her increasingly uncomfortable, Kendra grinned. She looked as though she might want to say something, but that trying to speak would be too risky.

  Michelle inhaled a deep breath of warm, clean air. “So, where are we going?”

  The change in conversation seemed to lighten the weight to Kendra’s shoulders and she smiled. “I’ve got something I want to show you.”

  “What? Aren’t we mending fences?”

  “Not exactly.”

  The light played in Kendra’s eyes like a child with a secret. Nothing about her seemed young, but for that short moment, she could almost find Kendra playful.

  “What are you up to?” Michelle asked.

  “You’ll see.”

  She narrowed her eyes on Kendra, not sure if she should trust her, and shook her head.

  “Look. Over there.” Kendra pointed behind her and she turned.

  A herd of antelope raced over a hill, turning and moving as a single unit. Their brown and white bodies glistened in the sun as they bounded over the uneven terrain. Tall antlers gave them an almost majestic appearance.

  “How beautiful!”

  “I’d have to agree.”

  Something in Kendra’s voice made Michelle turn back to face her. Kendra’s gaze settled over Michelle’s face and stole her breath. Flustered, Michelle gathered her camera and snapped several hasty shots of the herd for the website and then turned the camera back on Kendra.

  Kendra Chuckled in that disbelieving way that seemed to be a part of her and asked, “You doing okay? How’s the backside?”

  “Fine, thanks,” Michelle responded. “Yours?”

  This time, Kendra laughed aloud. It was the first time she seemed to truly let go around Michelle. The sound was infectious. And encouraging.

  “Fine. We’re almost there.”

  They rode in silence for another half mile or so before Kendra turned them off the fence line and into a wild stand of trees. Michelle ducked under several low branches, keeping her eyes on Kendra’s back. Ever confident, Kendra bent low and pushed through the branches. Before long, she led them to a small clearing. An oblong pool of water sat in the center. A steady breeze rustled the leaves overhead and the wild scent of moss tickled her nose.

  Kendra dismounted, took Bethany by the halter and patted her neck before helping Michelle to the ground.

  “This is incredible, Kendra. I swear, you’d never know it was here.”

  “Not many people do. My folks used to come here all the time. I used to swim in the spring, but it’s pretty damn cold this time of year.”

  Kendra opened one of the saddle bags and Michelle peered inside. “A picnic?”

  “We got to eat, right?” quipped Kendra in reply.

  Michelle’s heart fluttered and then skipped at least one beat. No one had ever planned a picnic for her before. She swallowed over the lump in her throat and wiped her eyes. Would Kendra notice they’d misted? God, she hoped not. Finally, she found her voice. “So, what’s for lunch?”

  

  You.

  Kendra shook off the errant thought.

  Light sneaked through the shadows cast along the ground and spilled over Michelle’s shoulders. What would she look like in the moonlight, shoulders bare and silvered against the purple, velvet night? She couldn’t be any more beautiful than she was right now, but it was worth testing out.

  Someday.

  Kendra still didn’t know why she’d been compelled to bring Michelle to the spring. She rarely came here anymore, but something made her want to share it with Michelle. Something she’d been powerless to ignore. Maybe it was because of Kennedy’s death and the fact that she’d been suddenly reminded that life is fleeting. Or maybe, she just wanted to get away from everything for a while. Maybe it was everything happening at the ranch that made her want to share something pure with another person. Whatever it was, it had her squarely at its mercy. If she wasn’t careful, she could easily lose herself. Michelle had invited her in, after all, and Kendra seemed powerless to resist anymore.

  Kendra dug through the saddlebags and brought out a plastic container of fried chicken and biscuits. A second plastic bowl held potato salad and a third was filled with pickles and a few pieces of celery. She handed Michelle the first one.

  “Yum. Did you make it?”

  “Er... no.”

  Michelle smiled at her. She didn’t judge or assume Kendra should have. But she also looked like she expected that she could have. No presumptions. No expectations. Just faith.

  Maybe that was why she felt so damned comfortable around her. As much as she didn’t want to, she did. Of course, for a woman like her, that comfort played like warning sirens in the back of her mind. Still, she couldn’t keep herself from enjoying Michelle’s company.

  Kendra retrieved the hobbles from her saddle pack and knelt to bind Preakness’s front legs. He liked to check out the local habitat a little too much. Bethany shouldn’t wander; she was more of a homebody in her old age.

  Michelle pulled a medium-sized blanket from the first pack and spread it on the grass, not far from the edge of the spring. A soft breeze lifted her hair beneath the brim of her borrowed cowboy hat. What light filtered through the overhead branches caught the strands and turned them into pure gold.

  Kendra licked her lips. The memory of Michelle’s mouth beneath hers sent a fire straight to the apex of her thighs.

  None of this seemed like a good idea, really. She took off her hat and scrubbed one hand through her hair. This is the last thing she needed – some kind of romance with a hired hand. Great thinking. If she had a brain, she’d turn tail and run as fast as she could.

  Part of her still wanted to. And not the part between her legs. That part wanted to explore and caress every inch of Michelle’s body, mind, and soul. It was too late to run, now. Nope. She was well and truly hooked.

  “You coming?”

  “What?” Kendra swallowed hard. Do not blush. Do not blush.

  “I’ve made you a plate. Are you coming to eat?”

  Dear God. She swallowed hard. “Um, yeah. Of course.”

  Kendra sat down on the edge of the blanket. Michelle sat only an arm’s length away. If Kendra lifted her hand, she could easily stroke her cheek. A shock tingled her fingertips with wanting and she made a fist.

  Michelle smiled and bit into a drumstick. “This is really great chicken.”

  “Brad made it.”

  “Really?” Michelle examined the morsel and her eyes widened. “Did you teach him to cook?”

  Kendra answered with a nod and finished chewing before she spoke. “Yeah. On a ranch, everyone has to pitch in, and the Heartland is no exception. The kids learned that fairly early on. Lacey did most of the cooking, of course, since she’s a girl.”

  Michelle’s sculpted brow arched over her red plastic drink cup.

  Kendra’s heart lurched for a moment. “What did I say?”

  The cup poised in mid air, suspended just in front of Michelle’s amazing, full, soft lips...

  “So are you.”

  “So am I, what?”

  “A girl.”

  “Yeah. So?”

  “So, what’s that supposed to mean? Lacey did the women’s work?”

  The censure in Michelle’s expression was priceless, and Kendra tried not to laugh. “Well, yeah, because Lacey will be doing that sort of thing when she’s married. It just seemed natural that it be her primary household responsibility.”

&n
bsp; “You mean, duty. It’s her duty to her family to be a good homemaker. Because she is a girl. Because she can get married.” Michelle’s features formed a confused frown.

  “Right. I think.” Kendra stumbled. She didn’t like stumbling.

  “And you have no intention of ever getting married, I suppose.” Michelle’s voice had a unique mixture of accusation and resignation that Kendra found both confusing and delightful.

  “Well, you know, for a long time, that wasn’t really a viable option for someone like me.”

  “Sure it was. I’m sure there are lots of men who would be happy to marry the owner and operator of the Heartland Ranch.”

  “In case you haven’t noticed, babe, I’m gay.”

  “I know that. That’s not the point. The point is that you’re placing Lacey into a preconceived gender role, just like all those people who say that two women who love each other have no right to get married and raise a family because their genders aren’t ‘right.’ Who will be the husband and work and wash the car and mow the lawn? Who will be the wife and take care of the kids, wash the dishes, cook the meals and do the laundry? It’s the same thing. It’s total bullshit.”

  “Uh huh.”

  “And then there’s the whole having-a-family-at-all thing. Two women and two men can’t procreate, so they shouldn’t be allowed to get married... Nevermind the gazillion kids who need loving homes or advances in medical science and technology. For crying out loud. I don’t need a penis to get pregnant. I need sperm and a turkey baster!” Michelle took a deep breath and paused for a moment. “Sorry. I get a little carried away, I guess.”

  “You’re preaching to the choir, here. I’m all for getting the rights I deserve, but I live in the real world. Right now, since I’m unwilling to marry for anything less than ninety-nine and forty-four one hundredth’s percent pure love... I can’t get married. See, the odds aren’t exactly in my favor in this tiny little corner of Utah, even if it is legal now. And I still don’t think there is anything wrong with a woman, or any person, devoting herself to her family. Wasn’t that what the women’s movement was all about? Giving women the choice to choose a career, or family?”