Joke

by Mia Malone

  Sissy moved past them, looking into his eyes with that focused look he loved so much.

  “Hey,” he murmured. “Love you.”

  Not even the look in her eyes could keep his own open, and he slid back into sleep again.

  ***

  There were voices all around him, and he lay there, listening.

  Paddy and Mac were debating the merits of rub versus glaze. Gibson voiced his opinion which was that a marinade based on beer and honey would be beneficial. He didn’t use the word beneficial. Fucking phenomenal was his choice of words. Day snorted and said that a good rub and maple wood on the grill was all that was needed, which set Mac off on a rant about his new equipment which was running on gas.

  Joke felt like laughing.

  Brothers, he thought. He’d almost died, and they were debating the best way to make ribs.

  “Fucking shit,” Day suddenly said quietly. “Wish he’d open his damned eyes.”

  “Yeah,” Paddy agreed with a sigh. “Fucking soap-producing, heroic, goddamned moron.

  There was a short silence.

  “I actually like that soap,” Gibson said slowly. “Gets shit off.”

  “Doesn’t smell like shit,” Mac agreed.

  What the hell?

  “They’ve added a liquid version,” Day said.

  “Yeah?”

  Joke couldn’t distinguish who’d said that but whoever it was had sounded way too interested.

  “Got it in my kitchen,” Day said. “Rosemary or whatever the fuck. Handy bottle.”

  “You do realize that I can hear you, right?” Joke said.

  Then he opened his eyes and grinned at his friends.

  ***

  Sissy

  They were arguing about soap when I walked in, and I stopped to stare at the five men. Four gorgeous, badass men who hadn’t left the hospital until the fifth gorgeous badass was out of ICU. At first, there had been a slight pandemonium because they placed their asses on the floor outside his room, leaned on the wall and refused to leave. A lot of people including me tried to make them, but they hadn’t budged. Jenny had yelled at them to go to the waiting room. Lee had pleaded with them.

  Then my father walked in, and no one argued with Roddy Hagen when he looked like he did right then. Not the hospital managers. Not the old battleax of a nurse. Not the federal agents or police officers. And not the four badasses sitting on the floor outside their friend’s room, watching over him.

  So they all went away, and I stayed in that awful room, holding Joke’s hand. Wondering what I’d do if he didn’t make it. Why the machines were beeping so horribly and if it was a good thing since no one was running into the room. If they bought the puke green color in bulk and if so, why they couldn’t just have picked a nice pale blue to paint the walls with instead.

  Then Joke opened his eyes and asked me if I was naked.

  His condition improved after that, and when the girls arrived, he wasn’t on the critical list anymore. Now I’d gone to take a shower, and the four men had promised to keep him company while I was gone. What they had not promised to do was start stupid arguments.

  “Rosemary,” Joke snorted.

  “What in the hell?” I asked.

  The four men turned and grinned at me, but there was so much relief in their eyes that I decided to ignore whatever they were arguing about and walked to the side of the bed.

  “Baby,” Joke said.

  I leaned down and brushed my lips over his, closed my eyes and exhaled softly.

  “There you are,” I murmured.

  “Yeah.”

  I moved back a bit, and he smiled.

  “I’ll go get Jenny and Lee,” I whispered and straightened. “The girls. A few others.”

  His brows went up.

  “Quite a crowd,” he said. “Are they allowed in here?”

  Day snorted, and I heard Mac chuckle.

  “Well,” I said and bit my lip. “You know…”

  “What?”

  Well shit.

  “My parents are here.”

  He closed his eyes briefly, but they were full of laughter when he opened them.

  “Never seen a Fed piss his pants before,” Gibson snorted out.

  “He didn’t pee his pants,” I snapped.

  “Uh, Siss,” Mac said. “I think he actually did a little.”

  “Your dad made a federal agent piss his pants?” Joke asked.

  “Um,” I mumbled. “Not dad.”

  “Your brothers.”

  I didn’t answer.

  “Sissy.”

  “Okay. Alright. I still say he didn’t wet his pants, but it was actually Mom. He was not friendly in any way, and we were really worried –”

  The way his eyes softened made me stop my rant.

  “Tell your dad I’ll behave,” he murmured.

  “What?”

  “Just that. I’ll behave. He’ll get it.”

  I walked out of there but had to stop and lean on the wall. Tears that I’d held back since I heard him grunt and start to fall suddenly ran down my cheeks and I tried to get a grip. He’d be okay. They were joking about goddamned soap. He was breathing. Smiling. He’d be back at home in no time. Alive.

  “Here.”

  I turned and looked at the battleax-nurse. She held a handful of tissues out to me and frowned in a way that was scary.

  “Thanks,” I said, wondering if I’d committed some kind of unforgivable hospital faux pas.

  She scowled at me for a while but then she leaned in.

  “Your mama made a federal agent pee his pants,” she whispered. For a split second her face softened into what might have been a smile, and then she nodded. “There’s a lot of her in you. You’ll be fine.”

  I watched her walk away, and then I laughed.

  Yeah, okay. I’d absolutely be fine. I wouldn’t dare not to.

  ***

  Joke

  He listened to his sister and had to swallow when he heard how Sissy had held it together. Then he listened to Lee telling him that he’d lost enough blood to fill a small paddle-pool and if half the town hadn’t been there to give theirs he would have died.

  Then Mimi walked in with a smile on her face, followed by her sister.

  Not his daughters, but his girls.

  “Can dad come in and say hi?” Mimi chirped.

  “Of course,” Joke said.

  “We’ll leave,” Jenny said.

  “No need.”

  “Sissy’s family left,” she said, grinned and added, “You’re only allowed two visitors at the time.”

  Fuck. He’d need to get out of there, or someone would do something that might mean Mac would have to make an arrest.

  “They left?”

  “They had to get back home. The asshole whose grave we all will piss on had a father who was causing some problems for Roddy. Then he officially had a stroke. Unofficially it wasn’t a stroke as much as his daughter bashing his head in with a big branch, and the other son is trying to hold everything together. He asked Roddy to help him sort shit out.”

  Joke stared at his sister and sighed.

  “We won’t piss on his grave,” he said.

  “We will totally pee on that asshole’s grave,” Mimi said angrily

  “Mimi.”

  “He was one.”

  He couldn’t exactly argue about that since he was flat on his back because of the man, so he didn’t.

  “Oh yeah, Joke,” Cady said with a sweet grin that was more than a little mean. “I’ll have at least a gallon of lemonade just before we get there so you’d better believe we’ll relieve ourselves.”

  Jenny put an arm around Cady’s shoulders and squeezed a gently.

  “That’s my girl,” she murmured. “Let’s go tell Dante to get in here, and then I think some tequila is in order.”

  “Jen,” Joke said warningly.

  “Because I’m stupid like that,” she said with a grin. “We’re having ice cream, moron.”
r />   ***

  “I’m walking in there,” Joke growled. “I agreed to sleep in Paddy’s fucking spare bedroom for a week, so I wouldn’t have to climb the stairs. Agreed to go for daily fucking checkups with Doc Peters. Agreed to not have a single fucking beer in my own goddamned bar tonight. I will not roll in there in a fucking wheelchair.”

  “We don’t have one,” Gibson said calmly. “Forgot it at the hospital.”

  “How the fuck did you think I’d get in there if you forgot the fucking wheelchair?”

  “Figured I’d carry you.”

  Joke stared at his friend, and both their mouths quivered suddenly. Gib had in no way forgotten to load up the wheelchair his damned doctor insisted he needed. And he had no plans to carry him inside like a damned baby.

  “Stop fucking with me and let’s go.”

  “Joke.”

  “Yeah?”

  Gibson was staring down the side of the building.

  “You should have seen her,” he murmured. “Fucking magnificent.” Then he turned and grinned. “Let’s get you inside and into a chair before you fall over.”

  Oak was packed with people, and he sat on a chair in a corner for more than an hour, talking to his friends and neighbors. He’d always been a part of Wilhelmine. The Tuckers had founded the small town, together with the Callaghans and Mackenzies. He’d lived there always, and he looked around on the people who had come to celebrate, knowing that many of them had donated blood. A lot of them ran through his veins, so he was a part of the town, but Wilhelmine was now also a part of him. Then Essie Alvarez walked toward him, smiling shyly, and he waved her over.

  The girl had been on her way to hand over a small birthday present she wanted them to send to Mimi when she saw the asshole. She’d known immediately what was going on because her mother had told her what to look for. Fifteen years old and also a part of the small town. She’d called Mac while running down Main Street, yelling for Paddy who had been walking toward Jenny’s with Gibson.

  He thanked the girl, but then Sissy and Paddy walked over with identical looks on their faces. He knew what that meant.

  He was going to bed like a fucking baby.

  Since his head felt wobbly, he didn’t object much, but he walked over to put a slightly shaky hand on Tug’s shoulder.

  “You’ll be fine?”

  “Got help.”

  Joke looked over at the young man who was grinning as he handed Bobs a beer.

  Andy Ward.

  Gibson’s boys had arrived the evening before the showdown which had been damned fortunate, because of Parker’s line of work, but also since Andy had shown up at the hospital and informed them that he’d help Tug run Oak.

  “Gotta get back to your job, son,” Gibson said calmly. “We’ll manage.”

  “Hate my job, Dad,” Andy said with a familiar edge of steel in his voice. “I’ll handle Oak. Will tell the office to go to hell and stay a while. Then we’ll see.”

  Gibson’s brows went up, but he nodded and said calmly, “Junior fucking accountant always sounded like a shit job.”

  Andy had apparently moved into Jenny’s house since Paddy’s daughter Annie officially had moved in with Cal.

  “We’re leaving. Stay open as long as you feel like it,” Joke said, wishing he didn’t have to lean on the bar to keep standing.

  “Can I start charging for beer and shit when you’ve left?”

  “Not tonight, Tug. This is me saying thanks. No one pays.”

  “Get out of here,” Tug snorted. “As if thanks were needed.”

  Their looked at each other and then Tug sighed.

  “Good to have you back.”

  Joke nodded, but then Sissy started moving him toward the door, so he raised a heavy hand and waved at the crowd.

  “Not gonna go to bed at seven in the fucking evening,” he muttered as they walked into Jenny and Paddy’s house. “Couch.”

  “You’ll –”

  “Sissy.”

  He might be weak as a newborn kitten, but he heard to his satisfaction that his voice still carried in a way she knew he meant what he said.

  Then he lay down on the couch and promptly fell asleep.

  It was dark outside when he opened his eyes, and they were all there, talking quietly.

  “Hey,” he said when Sissy noticed that he was awake.

  “Hey,” she echoed and squeezed his hand. “Okay?”

  “Yeah.”

  He moved to sit up and instead of protesting, she put an arm around him to help. He had stitches all over his chest, and he knew she was worried he’d pull something, but he felt good. Or, probably not good exactly, but okay at least.

  “Where are the girls?” he asked.

  “Our place. Dante is with them.”

  He nodded, but then he realized what that meant and tried not to laugh.

  “Your ex is sleeping in our bed.”

  “Yes,” she said primly, but he saw how her eyes lit up with humor. “Gave him a set of sheets and told him to change them.”

  “Ouch,” he said. “Bet that hurt.”

  “He’ll come over tomorrow. Said he wanted to talk to us.”

  “Okay.”

  “I bought him a tee,” Jenny said.

  “What?”

  “Couldn’t let him walk around town in that shirt.” She made an apologetic face toward Sissy. “Sorry, but I just couldn’t.”

  Lee suddenly started laughing and waved her hand.

  “I know,” she giggled. “Turquoise, and with that collar. Jesus. I got him a tee too.”

  Sissy stared at them and wheezed out something that might have been the f-bomb.

  “What did he say?” Mac asked curiously.

  “Thank you.” Lee giggled some more and added, “Said that Cady had gotten him one too, he was taking the hint, and he would wear them.”

  “Who killed the asshole?” Joke asked.

  Then he winced because he hadn’t meant to blurt that out, but no one had told him, and he’d been afraid to ask since they hadn’t.

  “Doc Peters agreed that I did,” Mac said calmly.

  “Huh.”

  “I shot him in the chest. Sniper shot him in the chest. His own fucking gun accidentally went off when Gibson ran past him,” Mac said. “Got him in the chest too.”

  “Accidentally?” Joke asked.

  “I might have stumbled,” Gibson muttered.

  “Okay.”

  Joke looked at Mac, trying not to ask but he had to.

  “So who killed him?”

  Mac’s lips twitched slightly and it looked like he suppressed a smile.

  “Wish it had been me. Might have been in the end because he was pretty messed up.” Then he turned around the room and looked at Day. “But you did.”

  Day straightened and stared at him.

  “How the hell did I –”

  “Yeah,” Mac said when he stopped speaking. “You kicked him in the chest. Guess you still have a muscle or two in your legs because you broke three ribs. One of them pierced shit that one does not want pierced. So, yeah. You probably killed him before any of the rest of us did.”

  Day’s face broke up in a wide, happy smile, and Joke suddenly realized he hadn’t seen him look like that in a very long time. Jesus, he thought. Why have we worried about Mac? Why haven’t we noticed that it’s Day that has fucking problems?

  He knew from the look on Paddy’s face that he’d realized the same thing, and their eyes met. Paddy shook his head a little, and he was right. Now was not the time but Sissy could call it a girly intervention as much as she liked. They would still talk to Day.

  “That makes me un-fucking-believably glad,” Day snorted.

  “It also makes it slightly less worrisome that you enjoy washing your hands with soap that smells of fucking rosemary,” Paddy snorted.

  Jenny suddenly cleared her throat and Joke saw her glance over toward the kitchen sink.

  It hurt but he couldn’t hold his laughter back w
hen he saw the familiar brown bottle.

  “It isn’t rosemary,” Paddy said with a glare at Jenny.

  “No,” she agreed. “It’s…” she looked over at Lee and started laughing. “Myrtle.”

  ***

  Sissy

  What the hell was I going to do now?

  I’d fallen asleep next to Joke and held him as we slept. He’d been tired, and I had been too, but I still woke up several times during the night, listening for his breaths and relaxing when I heard his heartbeats under my ear.

  Now it was morning, and the stupid man with half his chest covered in stitches had an erection. Should I sneak out of bed? If I did, he might take matters into his own hands, so to speak, and I wasn’t sure he should. It might be better if I stayed and talked about something completely un-sexy. How my father castrated bulls? Although the way Paddy’s elderly secretary Edna had looked in her bikini a few weeks ago might be better because she really should think about getting something a lot less skimpy. Or perhaps how –

  “Sissy, stop staring at my cock and kiss me good morning.”

  He’d said those words the first morning we woke up together and I recognized that voice.

  “You can’t –”

  “Can.”

  “No. Because you have –”

  “Can.”

  “Something might –”

  “The doc said so. You do all the work and I can.”

  I blinked. He’d asked the doctor.

  “You’ll have to take care of yourself though, babe,” he said. “We’ll keep count, and I’ll owe you.”

  I felt my lips twitch and a rush of warmth between my legs. He’d owe me. I could ask him to –

  “I’m not using a dildo,” Joke muttered. “You wanted dirty, and some of what we’ve done could probably be called that. We’ll do other things. I’m drawing a line there, though. Not shoving anything up my ass.”

  Ewe. That had not been what I’d planned as payback.

  “Wouldn’t dream of asking you.”

  “Glad to hear it. Now –”

  “Are you sure?” I asked.

  “The doctor said if you used a hand, didn’t climb on top, I didn’t stretch anywhere, and held my arms still we’d be good to go.”

  I tilted my head back and stared into eyes that had darkened in a way I really liked.