by Tijan
I shrugged. “You knew about this fucked situation before I did. You were digesting it the day I saw you for the first time. Fuck off if I’m not handling it the fastest rate I could.”
Maybe it wasn’t the right thing to say, but it was the truth. And right now, that’s all I had. I didn’t know what else was going on with me, but finding out about Stephen, then finding out about Cross and Taz had thrown me for a loop. A big loop.
I still didn’t know if I was right again.
But I was getting there.
“They were separated.”
I looked over. Cross wasn’t looking at me anymore, and his hands were tight on the wheel in front of him.
“My mom told me that recently,” he added. “I thought it was an affair, but it wasn’t. Not really. My mom and dad were going to get a divorce. I’m guessing they’d been struggling for a while. She told him she was pregnant before your mom did. That’s why he and my mom tried again.”
Shit.
This sucked.
My insides felt scraped, like an ATV had been joyriding over me.
“Did you talk to your mom?” he asked. “Find out why she lied to you?”
Yeah. Right. Like I was going to tell him how that conversation went? “You first.”
His face clouded instantly. “Why are you like this? I’m trying. I’ve been trying—”
“I tried first. Remember that?”
He stilled. “Yeah.”
And I had tried. When this first came out, I’d approached him twice. He wasn’t receptive either time, and since then, well, forget him. That’d been my motto, and that was around the same time my anger had started to bubble up. I’d been pissed, then angry, then livid, and I’d been running on furious ever since. I was trying to get back to the pissed level, but it took work. A lot of work.
“I’m sorry I was an asshole to you first,” he said, still not looking at me. “Can we, just…I don’t know. This is hurting Taz, and I didn’t get it until last night. It made her night that you talked to her for a while. Seeing that, I started thinking differently.”
I wanted to gut myself. With a plastic knife.
But…
“You were nice to Aspen last night,” I told him. “Thank you for that.”
He let out an abrupt laugh, shaking his head. “I bet that killed you to say.” He pulled his helmet off, and he was grinning. “It wasn’t hard. She’s a nice girl. Got no clue how the fuck you ended up with her, but it is what it is.”
I knew that. At this point, I was certain everyone knew that. I didn’t need him to say it. But whatever.
This felt weird. Uncomfortable.
I was sitting here, on top of a cliff, having a talk with my brother.
I still hated him. Except I didn’t, actually. Not really.
I rolled my eyes. “Lay off your dad.”
He turned to me. “How’s that your place to say?”
I looked right at him. “Because he beat the shit out of the guy who used to lock me in closets. He’s there for my mom. You have a good dad. Don’t take that for granted.”
We stared at each other, neither backing off. Eventually he sat back, and his shoulders dropped. “I’m supposed to go easy on my dad because he didn’t beat my ass? You kidding me?”
I shrugged. “He was unhappy. You do shitty things when you’re miserable, but trust me, you got the better dad.”
“Whatever,” he snapped, looking back out at the beach. “I’m sorry for your shit, what you—never mind.”
I felt a kick at his words. We both knew what he meant, and yeah.
That was enough said on the topic.
Some other ATVs were starting to come our way.
None of them seemed to know what they were doing—driving around, jerking and awkward. Someone was going to spill.
Cross shook his head. “I saw you before. There’s a ridge down there, and I knew it was you. You’re good at this stuff.”
I didn’t answer, but he wasn’t waiting for a response. “Someone’s going to flip their ride and get impaled.” He laughed. “We’ll have to take ’em to the hospital.”
I grunted. Probably. Everyone liked to show off until they were in the back of an ambulance. And I was betting it’d be one from my group.
“I heard you’re going to Cain,” he said after a moment.
I frowned. “Who’d you hear that from?”
“Are you?”
I nodded. “I’m going to be on their soccer team.”
He cocked his head. “You play soccer?”
Another nod. “I rock at soccer.”
He didn’t reply, his face an impartial wall, but I was learning to read my brother. He was surprised, and a little impressed, if I was getting him right.
“Listen,” he said. “I don’t know if I’ll talk to you again all summer. But we’re doing a party at the end of August. The four of us are renting a house. We’re doing a preview party for that project Aspen’s parents are working on. You’re invited.”
“You’re asking now to get Taz off your back, aren’t you?”
He jerked up a shoulder, shoving his helmet back on. “Maybe.”
I laughed. He was. And I knew I wouldn’t see him the rest of the summer. He’d live his life with his friends. I’d do mine with my friends. On the off chance we did see each other, we wouldn’t talk. That’s what this was about—setting a tentative peace. But no matter what we said today, we both still had issues to resolve. And those issues didn’t really have anything to do with each other.
And I didn’t want to deal with those right now.
I drew in a deep breath and reached forward, turning the engine on.
There were two ATVs right underneath us. I could jump them both if I had enough momentum.
Not saying another word, I began backing up until I had enough space.
It was like Cross knew what I was doing, because he waited, watching me.
I gunned my engine, shot past him, and flew in the air.
There were screams from beneath me, but I cleared both with a little extra distance. I left a wave of sand raining down, and I laughed, loving that.
After that, I headed back.
I wasn’t surprised when Cross wasn’t too far behind me.
We turned in our rides and gear, and oddly, we walked beside each other back to the campsite. We didn’t say a word, but it felt nice.
I’d admit that to no one.
46
Aspen
By Saturday night, the trip was winding down.
Blaise had gone out early in the morning to ride, and later in the afternoon. I’d realized he enjoyed doing that stuff when no one else was around, but he’d said he was going to take me out in the morning.
I hadn’t been sure what to expect from this trip, but it was fun.
While Blaise was gone, Bren and Taz had come over and sat with me at our camper. When he came back, he and I went inside. He’d held me while I read until Zeke came over, and then Blaise had gone off with the guys. They’d taken a trip to town and came back with more food and booze.
A few people had started drinking early in the morning, but once the guys came back, party mode got cranked up a notch. The music blared, they fired up the grills, and the drinks were flowing.
Now it was the evening, and Blaise was drinking while I sat on his lap. We’d moved from in front of our camper to join Blaise’s friends around the fire. Bren and Taz stuck with their group, and they were laughing a lot. Taz sat on her boyfriend’s lap, and Bren sat close to Blaise’s brother. The other guys were eyeing a few of the girls on our side of the campsite.
At one point, I saw Mara Daniels break away from the main group, and I sighed, figuring maybe this was the time for our showdown.
I knew it was coming. Everyone had been waiting, or they had been in my head, at least. People watched whenever Mara came close to where Blaise and I sat. Blaise would stiffen too, until she moved to a different group. Then he’d relax. The other
girls in her group had left me alone. I’d gotten a few dirty looks, but that was it.
Whatever Blaise had done, it had worked to warn them off.
But still, this was my fight. He couldn’t take this on for me. As I saw Mara head over to a camper by herself, I slid off Blaise’s lap.
He held me in place. “Where you going?”
I rested my hands on his chest. “I’ve got something I need to do.” I pushed off of him.
He started to stand, and I shook my head. “No. You stay. I need to do this alone.”
He growled. “I don’t like this, Aspen.”
I snorted. “I don’t care.” I gave him a smile and leaned down, brushing my lips over his. “I have to do this. Let me.”
He scowled, but stayed where he was.
“Keep him back,” I told Zeke.
He laughed. “Yeah, right. Good luck on that one.”
Blaise’s scowl shifted to his best friend.
Zeke shook his head.
I headed around to Mara’s camper, but when I looked back, I wasn’t alone. Her girlfriends were right behind me.
Penny raised her eyebrows. “You think we’re not going to rally around our girl? Blaise warned us off, but it’s different when you’re the one seeking her out. All bets are off.”
Well then. Lovely.
I eyed them. All four gave me varying hostile looks.
Then I heard a scrape behind me, and saw Bren and Taz walking to join us.
Penny raised her head. “This doesn’t concern you, Monroe.”
Bren snorted. “It’s a chick fight. Of course we’re coming to have Aspen’s back.”
Penny’s gaze turned wary. “We don’t fight like you do.”
“I hope not, but if you do…” Bren’s grin was a slight bit evil. I liked it. She added, “I got no problem wading in.”
Penny looked past her. “And if you do? What then? Your crew will come? We’re girls.”
“So let’s keep this just girls.” Bren shrugged.
The camper door opened, and Mara stepped down, taking everyone in before her eyes fell to me. Her demeanor was frosty, and she didn’t waste time. “Get the fuck out of my way.”
I readied myself, rolling my shoulders back. Chin up. That’s what you do when you’re about to fight, right?
“I’m giving you your shot,” I told her, already bracing myself because I didn’t really know how this worked.
She frowned. “Say what?”
“I’m right here. Blaise gets tense every time you walk by us or get near us, and I don’t know... I figure this is coming, so go for it. I’m here. Take your shot. If you want to hit me, do it. If you want to say something to me, do that instead. I can take it. I’m ready.”
Her eyes narrowed.
A brief image of a snake winding up, raising its head for an attack flashed in my mind… Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea.
But I still added, “I’m kinda tired of waiting, to be honest. Time keeps moving. Feelings will fade, and you might not get your shot later, so strike while the iron is hot. Right? That’s the saying?”
Someone snorted behind me. I wasn’t sure which side it came from.
“You’re an idiot,” someone else muttered.
Again, I wasn’t sure, but I was betting that wasn’t Taz or Bren.
Mara rolled her eyes. “I don’t have anything to say to you.”
What? I frowned. “Why not?”
She shook her head. “Are you always this stupid? I’m leaving you alone. Take this and shoo, bitch.”
But… That’s not how this was supposed to happen. “I don’t get it. Aren’t you supposed to lay into me or something? Make me bleed? Cry, at least?”
“Why?” Her eyes flashed, but they looked hollow, empty. It was gone in the next breath. “My problems aren’t yours. Blaise never lied to me, and it ain’t your fault he fell for you and not me. It’s my fault I didn’t keep him.”
I had no clue how to process this. This was really not going how I’d prepared myself for. I had psyched myself up for a fight fight. “But—”
“Dear God.” A hand took my arm and pulled me back. Bren frowned at me. “She’s trying to be a good person. Leave it alone.”
I swung my head back to Mara. “I don’t get this.”
“What the fuck do you want from me?!” she screeched. That was more like it. Her hands formed fists and she came at me, but only took a few steps before stopping. “You are rubbing salt in the wound by doing this. Back off! I have shit to deal with, and it has nothing to do with you. This ain’t a television show where I’m the mean girl and I’m going to write whore and your phone number in the bathroom or something. Bitch. Whore. Slut. Is that what you want from me? For the last fucking time, I got my own shit to deal with, but I’m not a bully. I never actually planned on doing anything to you.”
“You told Blaise you were going to do something to me.”
A bitter laugh rippled from her. “I wanted to hurt him. Threatening you hurts him. That’s all I wanted. You helped me in the beginning of the year. Do you not remember?”
“I did?”
She laughed again. “I needed an answer on a test, and you moved your shoulder. You knew I didn’t know it, and you let me see your test. That one question helped me keep a passing grade. It meant a lot to me.”
I was pretty sure I hadn’t done that on purpose.
“Oh.” I eased back. “Yeah.”
Someone stifled a laugh behind me. This time I guessed it was Taz or Bren.
Mara waved, dismissing me. “Just go away. You got the guy. Stop rubbing it in by doing stuff like this. It’s barely manageable watching him fawn all over you, treating you like you’re made of glass or some shit. Want to do me a favor? Get away from me. That’ll help.”
And with that, she was done. She swung around, grabbed a bottle of wine, and stalked off. Her girls went with her, and I watched them move past the guys, giving them a wide berth too.
Taz stepped up. “That was refreshing. For once, no one came to blows.”
“I’m kinda disappointed,” Bren said. “But relieved at the same time.” She looked at me. “You okay?”
I nodded. “Is it wrong to feel bad for her?”
“Nah. She’s hurting. That’s obvious. But she’s trying to do the right thing by not taking it out on you. Steer clear of her. That’s the kindest thing to do now.”
She was right.
Taz gestured to their side of the campsite. “We’re going to do s’mores. You want to hang for a bit?”
I looked over my shoulder, my eyes meeting Blaise’s over the campfire.
I nodded in their direction, and he looked over to where his brother was.
I was trying to convey that I was going over there, but that’s not what happened. His shoulders went rigid, but he nodded and stood. He said a few words with Zeke, grabbed some of the booze we’d been drinking, and came around to where we were standing.
Bren went stiff next to me. “What are you doing?”
His tone was cool. “Not starting shit.” He nodded. “She likes you.”
That must’ve been enough, because Bren and Taz turned back, and their entire group watched us come. All were silent for a second until we settled.
I sat at their table, with Blaise beside me at first.
Then as the conversation started, as Blaise remained quiet, just sitting with me, and the guys started to relax. Conversation flowed, and after a full hour, they were laughing and telling jokes. The s’mores were yum. Blaise gave me an extra one of his, but for the most part, he was content to remain quiet, sipping his drink.
Later on, Zeke, Brian, and Branston moved their chairs so they were closer to where we sat, but they remained at their own bonfire.
Then Blaise moved, grabbing one of the bigger lounge chairs. He settled in and pulled me down onto his lap. And that’s where we sat the rest of the night.
Blaise held me while I laughed with his brother and the rest of thei
r group.
It was nice.
It was progress.
47
Blaise
The next month didn’t unfold the way I wanted it to, nor how I expected it to.
I’d thought July would be fun and filled with lots of Aspen sexy times. I’d looked forward to lazy mornings, rides in the car with my girl, and cuddling and more in the evenings. I was going to get a van and get it tricked out for camping—maybe with a wide moonroof so we could cuddle under the stars. Romantic crap like that.
Guess what happened?
Her brother happened.
Nate went apeshit on her parents while she was camping with me. I don’t know his motivation or the reason for his timing—since he’d seemed to keep it together at her graduation and the weeks after—but he ripped their asses a new one.
Aspen’s parents were now woke, and trying to be the world’s greatest parents instead of the neglectful asses they were. That translated into an entire month where I didn’t see my girl.
They whisked her off for trips all over the damn world: Europe, Singapore, Australia, a brief stop in Brazil for sentimental reasons (don’t ask me; I haven’t a clue why), and then off to some cabin they used to own in the mountains. It was supposed to be huge, and Aspen had been rallying to get me to come, but they’d been there the same weekend I had to go to Cain to look at apartments.
That was the other thing that happened—my plans for next year.
Soccer training started in early August, so I needed to get there and get situated. That also meant a conversation with Zeke about his true living aspirations. He wanted to rush a fraternity, but at first I’d thought he and I could get a place, and then if he rushed, that was fine. I’d have the place to myself.
But Zeke backed out, and it wasn’t because he didn’t want to start out living with me. He got his ass reamed by his dad. That seemed to be going around.
A cop friend had been at the house, recognized the smells coming from Zeke’s room, and informed Zeke’s dad that if his son didn’t clear out his room, he’d be returning with drug dogs. Zeke got the wake-up call of all wake-up calls.