The Venetian One-Night Baby
Page 14
She let out a soft sigh. ‘I’m sorry for being so snippy. I’m just feeling a little overwhelmed.’
He brought up her chin with his finger, meshing his gaze with her cornflower-blue one. ‘It’s perfectly understandable. We’ll get through this, sweetheart. I know we will.’
She gave another fleeting smile but there was a shadow of uncertainty behind her eyes. ‘I have to run. I have a dress fitting first thing.’
He pressed a kiss to her lips. ‘I’ll miss you.’
‘I’ll miss you too.’
* * *
Sabrina was ten minutes late to her fitting with her client, which was embarrassing as it had never happened before. But she couldn’t seem to get herself into gear. Ever since she’d found out Max was going away, she’d felt agitated and out of sorts. It wasn’t that she wanted to live in his pocket. She had her own commitments and responsibilities, but she had come to look forward to their evenings together each day. She loved discussing the events of the day with him over dinner, or curling up on the sofa watching television. She had even got him hooked on one of her favourite TV series. She loved the companionship of their relationship. It reminded her of her parents’ relationship, which, in spite of the passage of years, seemed to get stronger.
And then there was the amazing sex.
Not just amazing sex, but magical lovemaking. Every time they made love, she felt closer to him. Not just physically, but emotionally. It was like their bodies were doing the talking that neither of them had the courage to express out loud. She longed to tell him she loved him, but worried that if she did so he would push her away. She couldn’t go through another humiliation of rejection. Not after what had happened when she was eighteen. But even so, she had to be careful not to read too much into Max’s attentive behaviour towards her. He cared for her and he cared about their baby.
That was what she had to be grateful for.
Holly came in for her final fitting later that afternoon just on closing time. ‘Hiya.’ She swept in, carrying a bunch of flowers, but then noticing Sabrina’s expression frowned. ‘Hey, what’s up?’
Sabrina tried to smile. ‘Nothing.’
Holly put the flowers down. ‘Yeah, right. Come on, fess up.’
Sabrina was glad Harriet had left for the day. She closed the shop front door and turned the ‘Closed’ sign to face the street. ‘Come out the back and I’ll do your fitting while we chat.’
‘Forget about the fitting—we can do that another day,’ Holly said, once they were out the back. ‘The wedding isn’t for another few weeks. What’s wrong?’
Sabrina put her hand on her belly. Was it her imagination or had she just felt a cramp? ‘I’m just feeling a bit all over the place.’
‘Are you feeling unwell?’
‘Sort of...’ She winced as another cramp gripped her abdomen.
Holly’s eyes widened. ‘Maybe you should sit down. Here...’ She pulled out a chair. ‘Do you feel faint?’
Sabrina ignored the chair and headed straight to the bathroom. ‘I need to pee.’
She closed the bathroom door, taking a breath to calm herself. Tummy troubles were part and parcel of the first weeks of pregnancy. Nausea, vomiting, constipation—they were a result of the shifting hormones. But when she checked her underwear, her heart juddered to a halt. The unmistakable spots of blood signalled something was wrong. She tried to stifle a gasp of despair as a giant wave of emotion swamped her.
Was she about to lose the baby?
Holly knocked on the bathroom door. ‘Sabrina? Are you okay?’
Sabrina came out a short time later. ‘I think I need to go to hospital.’
* * *
Max was in a meeting with his client when he felt his phone vibrating in his pocket. Normally he would have ignored it—clients didn’t always appreciate their time with him being interrupted. Especially this client, by far the most difficult and pedantic he had ever had on his books. But when he excused himself and pulled out his phone, he didn’t recognise the number. He slipped the phone back into his pocket, figuring whoever it was could call back or leave a message. But he only had just sat back down with his client when his phone pinged with a text message. He pulled the phone out again and read the text.
Max, it’s Holly. Can you call me ASAP?
Max’s chest gave a painful spasm, his heart leaping and lodging in his throat until he could scarcely draw breath. There could only be one reason Sabrina’s friend was calling him. Something must be wrong. Terribly wrong. He pushed back his chair and mumbled another apology to his client and strode out of the room. He dialled the number on the screen and pinched the bridge of his nose to contain his emotions. ‘Come on, come on, come on. Pick up.’
‘Max?’
‘What’s happened?’ Max was gripping the phone so tightly he was sure it would splinter into a hundred pieces. ‘Is Sabrina okay?’
‘She’s fine. She’s had a slight show of blood but nothing since so that’s good—’
Guilt rained down on him like hailstones. He should never have left her. This was his fault. She’d been out of sorts this morning and he’d made it a whole lot worse by springing his trip on her without warning. What sort of job was he doing of looking after her when the first time he turned his back she ended up in hospital? Was there something wrong with him? Was there a curse on all his relationships, especially the most important one of all? His guts churned at the thought of her losing the baby. Of him losing her. Dread froze his scalp and churned his guts and turned his legs to water.
‘Are you sure she’s okay? Can I speak to her?’
‘She’s still with the doctor but I’ll get her to call you when she’s finished. She didn’t want to worry you but I thought you should know.’
Damn right he should know. But he still shouldn’t have left her. He had let her down and now he had to live with his old friend, guilt. ‘Thanks for calling. I’ll be back as soon as I can.’
* * *
‘You’re free to go home now, Sabrina,’ the doctor said, stripping off her gloves. ‘The cervix looks fine and the scan shows the placenta is intact. A break-through bleed at this stage, especially one as small as yours, is not unusual. Some women have spotting right through the pregnancy. Just make sure you rest for a day or two and if you have any concerns let us know.’
Sabrina tried to take comfort in what the doctor had said but her emotions were still all over the place. ‘I’m not going to lose the baby?’
‘I can’t guarantee that. But, as I said, things look fine.’ The doctor glanced at the engagement ring on Sabrina’s hand and smiled. ‘Get your fiancé to take extra-special care of you for the next few days.’
Her fiancé...
Sabrina wished Max were waiting outside instead of Holly. Her friend was fabulous and had swung into action as if she had been handling fretting pregnant women all her life. But the person Sabrina most wanted by her side was Max. She felt so alone facing the panic of a possible miscarriage. What if she had lost the baby? What if she still lost it? The doctor was right, there were no guarantees. Nature was unpredictable.
Holly swished the curtain aside on the cubicle. ‘The doctor said you’re fine to go home. Max is on his way.’
‘You called him? How did you get his number?’
Holly patted Sabrina’s tote bag, which was hanging from Holly’s shoulder. ‘I found his number on your phone. I didn’t feel comfortable calling him on your phone so I called him on mine. I know you didn’t want to worry him but if something had happened, imagine how he’d feel?’
Sabrina got off the bed, testing her legs to see if they were as shaky as they had been earlier when panic had flooded her system. ‘He would probably feel relieved.’
‘What? Do you really think so?’
‘I know so.’ Sabrina cast her friend a weary glance. ‘The only reason we’re together
is because of the baby.’
Holly frowned. ‘But he cares about you. I could hear it in his voice. He was so worried about you and—’
‘Worrying about someone doesn’t mean you love them,’ Sabrina said. ‘It means you feel responsible for them.’
‘You’re splitting hairs. That poor man almost had a heart attack when I told him you were in hospital.’
‘I wish I had what you have with Zack,’ Sabrina said. ‘I wish Max loved me the way Zack loves you. But wishing doesn’t make it happen.’
‘Oh, honey, I’m sure you’re mistaken about Max. You’re feeling emotional just now and this has been a huge scare. You might feel better once he’s back home with you.’
But what if she didn’t?
* * *
Max risked speeding tickets and any number of traffic violations on the way back to London. He’d called Sabrina several times but she must have turned her phone off. He called Holly and she told him Sabrina was back at his house, resting.
‘Can you stay with her until I get back?’ Max glanced at the dashboard clock. ‘I’m about an hour away.’
‘Sure.’
‘Thanks. You’re a gem.’ He clicked off the call and tried to get his breathing under control. But every time he thought of what could have happened to Sabrina he felt sick to his guts. Miscarriages were dangerous if help wasn’t at hand. It might be the twenty-first century but women could still haemorrhage to death. He couldn’t get the picture of a coffin out of his mind. Two coffins. One for Sabrina and another for the baby. How could he have let this happen? How could he have put his work before his responsibilities towards her and their child?
It felt like an entire millennium later by the time Max opened his front door. Holly had obviously been waiting for him as she had her bag over her shoulder and her jacket over her arm.
‘She’s upstairs,’ Holly said.
‘Thanks for staying with her.’
‘No problem.’ She slipped out and Max was halfway up the stairs before the door closed.
Sabrina was standing in front of the windows with her back to him, her arms across her middle. She turned when she heard his footfalls but he couldn’t read her expression.
Max wanted to rush over to her and enfold her in his arms but instead it was like concrete had filled his blood and deadened his limbs. He opened and closed his mouth, trying to find his voice, but even that had deserted him. His throat was raw and tight, blocked with emotions he couldn’t express.
‘You’re back.’ Her voice was as cold as the cruel icy hand gripping his throat.
‘I came as fast as I could. Are you all right?’
She was holding herself almost as stiffly as he was but he couldn’t take a step towards her. His legs felt bolted to the floor, his guts still twisting and turning at what might have been.
‘I’m fine.’
‘And the baby?’ He swallowed convulsively. ‘It’s still—?’
‘I’m still pregnant.’
Relief swept through him but still he kept his distance. He didn’t trust his legs to work. He didn’t trust his spiralling emotions. They were messing with his head, blocking his ability to do and say the things he should be saying. Things he wasn’t even able to express to himself, let alone to her. ‘Why aren’t you in bed? You need to rest.’
A shuttered look came over her eyes. ‘Max, we need to talk.’
He went to swallow again but his throat was too dry. Something was squeezing his chest until he could barely breathe. ‘You scared the hell out of me. When I got that call from Holly...’ His chest tightened another notch. ‘I thought... I thought...’ In his mind he could see that tiny white coffin again and another bigger one next to it. Flowers everywhere. People crying. He could feel the hammering of his heartbeat in time with the pulse of his guilt.
Your fault. Your fault. Your fault.
‘Max, I can’t marry you.’
He went to reach for her but she stepped back, her expression rigid with determination. ‘You’re upset, sweetie. You’ve had a big shock and you’ll feel better once you’ve—’
‘You’re not listening to me.’ Her voice with its note of gravity made a chill run down his neck.
‘Okay.’ He took a breath and got himself into some sort of order. ‘I’m listening.’
She rolled her lips together until they almost disappeared. ‘I can’t marry you, Max. What happened today confirmed it for me.’
‘For God’s sake, do you think I would have left town if I thought you were going to have a miscarriage? What sort of man do you think I am?’
Her expression remained calm. Frighteningly calm. ‘It’s not about the miscarriage scare. You could have been right beside me at the hospital and I would still have come to the same decision eventually. You were wrong to force your proposal on me when you can’t give your whole self to the relationship.’
‘Forced?’ Max choked back a humourless laugh. ‘You’re having my baby so why wouldn’t I want you to marry me?’
‘But if I had lost the baby, what then?’ Her gaze was as penetrating as an industrial drill. ‘Would you still want to marry me?’
Max rubbed a hand down his face. He had a headache that was threatening to split his skull in half. Why did she have to do this now? He wasn’t over the shock of the last few hours. Adrenaline was still coursing through him in juddering pulses. ‘Let’s not talk about this now, Sabrina.’
‘When will we talk about it? The day of the damn wedding? Is that what you’d prefer me to do? To jilt you like Lydia did?’ Her words came at him like bullets. Bang. Bang. Bang.
Max released a long, slow breath, fighting to keep his frustration in check. He couldn’t talk about this now, not with his head so scrambled, thoughts and fears and memories causing a toxic poison that made it impossible for him to think straight. Impossible for him to access the emotions that went into automatic lockdown just as they had done all those years ago when he’d seen his mother carrying the tiny limp body of his baby brother. It felt like he was a dead man standing. A robot. A lifeless, emotionless robot.
‘I put marriage on the table because of the baby. It would be pointless to go ahead with it if you were no longer pregnant.’
Nothing showed on her face but he saw her take a swallow. ‘I guess I should be grateful you were honest with me.’
‘Sabrina, I’m not the sort of man to say a whole bunch of words I can’t back up with actions.’
Tears shone in her eyes. ‘You act like you love me. But I can’t trust that it’s true. I need to hear you say it, but you won’t, will you?’
‘Are you saying you love me?’
Her bottom lip quivered. ‘Of course I love you. But I can’t allow myself to be in a one-sided relationship. Not again. Not after what happened when I was eighteen.’
Anger whipped through him like a tornado. ‘Please do me the favour of not associating anything I do or say with how that creep treated you. You know I care about you. I only want the best for you and the baby.’
‘But that’s my point. If there wasn’t a baby there wouldn’t be an us.’ She turned to the walk-in wardrobe.
‘Hey, what are you doing?’
‘I’m packing a bag.’
Max caught her by the arm. ‘No, you’re damn well not.’
She shook off his hold, her eyes going hard as if a steel curtain had come down behind her gaze. ‘I can’t stay with you, Max. Consider our engagement over. I’m not marrying you.’
‘You’re being ridiculous.’ Panic was battering inside his chest like a loose shutter in a windstorm. ‘I won’t let you walk away.’
She peeled off his fingers one by one. ‘You’re a good man, Max. A really lovely man. But you have serious issues with love. You hold everyone at a distance. You’re scared of losing control of your emotions so you lock them away.’
‘I know you have but it’s not enough. You don’t love me the way I want to be loved. And that’s why I can’t be with you.’
Max considered saying the words to keep her with him. How hard could it be? Three little words that other people said so casually. But he hadn’t told anyone he loved them since he’d told his baby brother, and look how that turned out. He felt chilled to the marrow even thinking about saying those words again. He had let her down and there was nothing he could do to change it. He wasn’t good enough for her. He had never been good enough and he’d been a fool to think he ever could be. ‘Will you at least stay here for a bit longer till I find you somewhere to live?’
A sad smile pulled at her mouth. ‘No, Max, I don’t think that would be wise. I’ll stay with my parents for bit until I find somewhere suitable.’
Later, Max could barely recall how he’d felt as Sabrina packed an overnight bag and handed him back the engagement ring. He hadn’t even said, No, you keep it. He’d been incapable of speech. He drove her to her parents’ house in a silence so thick he could almost taste it. His emotions were still in an emergency lockdown that made him act like an automaton, stripping every expression off his face, sending his voice into a monotone.
* * *
It was only days later, when he got back home to his empty house after work, where the lingering fragrance of her perfume haunted him, that he wondered if he should have done more to convince her to stay. But what? Say words she knew he didn’t mean? He would be no better than that lowlife scum who’d hurt her so badly all those years ago.
But why did his house seem so empty without her there? He had got used to the sound of her pottering about. Damn it, he’d even got used to the mindless drivel she watched on television. He would have happily watched a test pattern if he could just sit with his arm around her. He could get through watching just about anything if he could hear the sound of her laughter and her sighs, and patiently hand her his handkerchief when she got teary over the sad bits of a movie.