Dirty Rotten Seizure

by Andrew Bardsley

  I smiled at her, appreciating her beauty. She bowed her head slightly in respect and her smile lit up her face. “This is a gift of wine from some patrons of the tavern.”

  With a long, thin hand she pointed over to a group of elves in the corner of the common room. They were all dressed in armor that looked as if it had seen a lot of use. When I glanced over a woman in the group smiled at me and nodded. She had dark hair that was tied into plaits that went to her waist.

  The group all stood out a bit from the rest of the elves in the room. It suddenly clicked to me that their hair was darker than the others, whose hair was mostly a light brown color. Wondering if it meant anything, I smiled back at the beautiful, glossy-haired woman and nodded in thanks.

  Wondering how the wine would taste, I placed the elegantly-designed goblet to my lips and took a tentative sip. I didn’t know what I’d been expecting, but it was exceeded by how wonderful the drink tasted. A burst of flavor crossed my taste buds like an explosion. Not only that, but I felt as if energy was flowing into me and reinvigorating my body. I was certainly grateful for this feeling as I had been awake for such a long time.

  The next sip had a different taste but was even more pleasant. The elven woman was just about to leave and l asked in wonder, “What is this? It's wonderful!”

  The woman smiled at me and said, “It’s our own wine nectar. It helps you feel invigorated. We have many different wine nectars with different effects. Just ask me or one of the other servers and we can get you what you want.”

  As I sipped some more of the red liquid, I got a new and more wonderful taste. I asked, “Do you have anything that will increase dexterity?”

  She nodded. “We have several. They’re very popular amongst the visitors from beyond the great forest.”

  I made a mental note to drink some before I left the following day. Just before the waitress left, I indicated the table of strangers who had sent me the drink. “Was there any message from them?”

  The waitress frowned for a second and said, “Yes, but it would be unwise for you to accept the offer. They asked if you would like to game with them tonight.”

  I smiled and nodded. “I think I will, unless you have any more magical books available.”

  She shook her head and then moved off to serve others. I watched her go and wondered if all elven women looked like she did. It was as if I was in a land where everybody was some type of supermodel. It was not just the women - I thought that all the elven men were also near-perfect specimens as well. My own appearance must be quite different as I was well-built and more rugged-looking - but at least I was taller than all of them. Not by much, but I was taller.

  Sipping from the glass of wine in my hand, I walked over to the table with the dark-haired elves in armor. They were busy playing a game of some kind that involved circular tokens.

  The woman who had smiled at me from across the room stood up, looking at me more closely as I approached. She asked in surprise, “Are you human?”

  I smiled back and said, “I think so, but sometimes I’m not sure. What were you expecting?”

  “Certainly not a human with somebody so tall,” she said with a smile, a blush to her face as if she was slightly embarrassed. “With your hair darker than the normal color of higher elves, well, I thought you were one of us.”

  “Well, I’m sorry to disappoint you,” I said as I started to retreat to the bookshelves. If I was not wanted then I had better things to do.

  “No, no,” she said, smiling as though she liked me. “I didn’t mean to be rude, but I was just surprised. You’re still welcome to join us for a game.”

  I nodded and approached the large table that she was indicating where several others were sitting and looking at us. I said, “Why, thank you, but I would enjoy the company and the gaming. What are you playing?”

  “Bashere,” she said, as if it explained everything.

  “Never heard of it but I’m sure that you’ll teach me soon enough,” I said innocently.

  That drew a predictable round of smiles from the others in the gambling group. I guessed they saw an easy target appearing in their midst. For a few minutes we did a round of introductions. I found out that the lady’s name was Salihn. She was a pleasant host who sat beside me with a smile on her face as she explained the details of the game. It was played with circular tokens that had markings on them in different colors. I noticed that it had similarities with some of the human gambling games.

  For the first half hour I was content to watch the game being played by the others at the table. I felt a bit like a vulture circling, waiting for the victims to die. A few times I saw some of the war band come over and overtly check up on me, but thankfully none of them disturbed me.

  Salihn whispered in my ear when one of the war band had approached, “Are they your guard?”

  I shook my head and said, “No, quite the opposite, I think. Well, shall I see if I can play? What do you play for?”

  I had seen them using some brass coins that were being passed around between the winners and losers.

  One of the elven men looked at me with contempt and said, “Not any of the human copper coinage!”

  “How about some silver?” I asked with a smile.

  His face broke into a smile in return, but it was the kind that a predator gave to his prey. From my inventory that was full of treasure from the previous night’s escapade, I got out several silver coins of the smallest size. I dropped them onto the table with a clink.

  This created a buzz around the table as many of the players eyed my small pile of silver coinage. With that, I entered the game amid happy smiles from the rest of the players.

  With great concentration, I started to play the game. In the past half hour of learning the game I had been studying the behavior of all the players around the table. Knowing how they reacted had already given me a head start on my ability to manipulate their actions.

  For the following half hour, I steadily won as I read the people at the table. Soon the beautiful dark-haired elven woman, Salihn, began frowning slightly. I think she and the rest of the players had realized that she had invited a wolf in sheep's clothing into their circle. As the pile of brass coins accumulated in front of me, the eyes of the dark-haired male elf opposite me hardened. I could see him flexing his muscles and pouting whenever I won. For a few minutes I wondered if I should start losing so as not to antagonize this armored group of elves, but then I thought, What the hell - it’s not like they can do anything to me here in such a public place.

  Finally, I could see the elf opposite me must have snapped when I won a significantly large pot of brass coins. He wore a look of pure anger and the supposed injustice that I often saw in bad losers. As I reached out to pull the brass over to my pile, he suddenly moved. Quick as a flash, he had a dagger in his hand - he moved faster than I could see and plunged it into the back of my hand. The blade was quivering as it pinned me to the wooden table.

  Since I had been in this world I had gotten used to the near-constant pain, so I didn’t even flinch.

  I looked directly into his dark eyes and said calmly, as if he had just made a mistake, “That’s not a very nice thing to do to a guest you invited to game with you.”

  The table went silent as I stared at him. As if this was the most normal thing in the world, I slowly pulled on my pinned hand. Thankfully the knife was razor-sharp, so I was able to slowly cut through my hand until the blade passed beyond my fingers. I didn’t look down as the blade parted my flesh and my blood spilled onto the table. The elves looked at my hand the entire time as it healed behind the edge of the blade. I continued to stare directly into his eyes. Every now and then he would flick his gaze up to mine, then drop again with terror as the gruesome scene played out.

  By the time I had pulled my hand up from the table, all of their faces were white with fear. I didn’t care, and just picked up my winnings. Turning to Salihn beside me, I saw she was clearly afraid, but also had a look of hung
er in her eyes as if she’d seen a prize that could be won.

  Placing some silver in front of her, I smiled and said, “Thank you for the pleasant game, while it lasted.”

  She blushed slightly at my words and smiled back, but still wore a look of fear mixed in with desire on her face. I wondered what that was about, but I left before finding out.

  I moved off to the table with the captain of the war band, who stood watching as if he was about to intervene. When he saw me move away unmolested, he sat down with annoyance on his face. Behind me I heard several whispered voices as a chair moved. I saw that Salihn was coming over to me, but was stopped by some of the others’ expressions that seemed to be more warning than forbidding her. When she saw me glance at her, she smiled openly as if she was a lovesick teenager.

  I turned back, wondering why she was acting this way, but soon arrived at the table where the war band was eating.

  With a scrape of the wooden chair, I sat down and Arlen pushed over a bowl of stew. “So much for keeping a low profile. Next time you might as well shout out what you are.”

  I smiled at him and asked, “So, what am I then?”

  “Well, you seem to be a V-” he said, then stopped himself as all the elves around the table flinched. Then he just put his head down and ate, not making any eye contact.

  Chapter Four Into the Dark Forest Depths

  It was late at night as I sat in my bedroom at the tavern. The room was not large but it certainly was comfortable. The use of magic appeared to be more interwoven into daily elven life than that of humans. Everything seemed to be self-cleaning, which was wonderful. If they had this magic on Earth it would have sold so well. The bed covering was luxurious and had the magical property of maintaining the right temperature for my body. I felt like I had never slept in a more luxurious bed than this.

  I thought, if this is just a tavern room, what are the luxurious abodes of the nobles like?

  I had gone to my room after the event with the dark-haired elves that had so disturbed the captain, much to his relief and that of the rest of the war band. For the past few hours I had been busy reading the magical books that had been placed in my book of life that evening. Most of them were simple spells which I was grateful for, as it would make it easier to gain the first levels of natural magic.

  After those few hours of studying, I was pretty confident that I could cast my first spell using natural magic. Looking around me, I saw a small bedside stand with a wooden lamp on it. The lamp was made up of three wooden legs with a magical globe light on top that was lighting up the room.

  With one last look at the spell formulation, I focused on the lamp and channeled the magical energies through my body. The energies slowly swirled and twisted as they opened new pathways, and I moved them to my hand. Then with a practiced gesture, I wove a pattern that manipulated the magic. This changed the form of one of the lamp’s legs by bending it at a ninety-degree angle.

  I quickly looked at my skill table in the book of life and saw what I had hoped for - a new skill.

  Skill Table

  Name

  Major

  Level

  XP to the next level

  XP

  Comment

  Unarmed combat

  Strength/Agility

  31

  3200

  90

  Any fighting without weapons

  Blunt weapon use

  Strength/Agility

  25

  2600

  567

  Use of a blunt weapon in combat

  Trading

  Charisma

  5

  600

  45

  Buying and selling items

  Romantic

  Charisma

  0

  100

  48

  -

  Running

  Strength/Agility

  38

  3900

  23

  -

  Gambling

  Charisma

  18

  1900

  34

  Shield Magic

  Intelligence

  35

  3600

  30

  Any type of shield magic

  Domestic Magic

  Intelligence

  10

  1100

  34

  Useful for all type of work around the house

  Fire magic

  Intelligence

  40

  4100

  490

  Any heat energy magic

  Blade weapon use

  Strength/Agility

  29

  3000

  124

  Use of a blunt weapon in combat

  Healing

  Intelligence

  5

  600

  34

  Magical Healing

  Natural Magic

  Intelligence

  2

  300

  45

  Natural Magic

  OK, that was a significant increase for my first casting of a natural magic spell, I thought. I guessed that I now had a large amount of intelligence as I could put all my stat points into that stat.

  For the following several hours I practiced the wood mutilation spell, and reached such a level that I almost got the wooden lampstand dancing.

  When the morning light shone through the windows I had not slept a wink, but I had learned three spells from the natural magic books.

  Spells

  Name

  Mastery

  MP

  Effects

  Wood Animation

  5

  5

  Allows the caster to move and manipulate wood

  Wooden Light

  5

  5

  Create a light on any wooden surface

  Animation Minor

  5

  5

  Creates a small wooden creature that can be commanded

  I got dressed into my elven tunic and trousers, that were as clean as if they were new. I looked at the small creature that I had created that was about the size of a mouse, and could be commanded to move and carry small items. At the moment the tiny nest creature made up of twigs was limited in the size of what it could carry, but for me it was a wonderful start. Now that I had finished experimenting for the night, I released the magic, allowing it to collapse into a pile of inert twigs.

  With a happy smile at what I had accomplished overnight, I walked down the winding stairs to the common room. Strangely, this gain in magic was more significant to me than the gold I had taken from the king’s treasury just a short while ago. This realization hit me like an electric shock running though me as I wondered where my inner greed was going.

  Soon I will be giving out money to anybody. What a disaster that would be.

  But then I remembered the poor family in the city who I had healed, and wondered how they were doing. Maybe it wouldn’t be such a bad thing for me to be a bit more generous to people in a less fortunate position than my own. I knew what it was like to be at the bottom of the mess of humanity.

  As I was contemplating this, I arrived in the light common room of the tavern. At this time of the morning the rest of the war band and other patrons were eating breakfast. I saw no sign of the dark-haired elves. When I sat next to the captain, he gave me a welcoming smile and pulled over a bowl for me to eat from. Instead of it being an oat porridge, it was meat again.

  As I saw the meat I muttered, “Orcs must love it here.”

  The captain looked surprised. “No orc would venture into our lands uninvited.”

  “No,” I said, “you misunderstand me. You seem to mostly eat meat, and so do they. It’s just that they would love your diet!”

  The captain seemed a bit offended by the comment, and huffed a bit. I went back to eating my food - which was good - as I wondered what I had said to offend him. When everybody had finished eating, we left the tavern to meet up wit
h the duke and his guard.

  I was crossing a particularly difficult branch pathway to the exit of the treetop town when my memory was jogged. I had forgotten to buy some wine that would have helped with my dexterity.

  Oh well, I thought, another day of looking the idiot and holding up traffic.

  Thankfully, the column of warriors was soon traveling along the wide highway amongst the tops of the trees with its broader paths. The duke was in front of the column, seemingly deep in conversation with a new member of our party, a platinum-haired woman. From the way the elves around me looked at her, she was what they considered to be a great beauty. She seemed to have a presence that made all the elves around her show her respect. I wondered for a second if she was royalty due to how the other elves treated her. The duke also seemed to be treating her with great respect and I saw him bow to her frequently.

  Out of the edge of my vision every now and then, I thought that I caught her looking at me when she thought that I was not looking in her direction, but as I was never able to make eye contact it remained only a suspicion.

  This cat-and-mouse kind of game, of me trying to catch her looking, went on for the first hour as we walked across the broad branched highway of the tree canopy. I was concentrating on the ‘game’ and all the time I was flexing my magical muscles to practice as I walked. This kept me busy as I traveled. I had gotten into the habit of doing this in the past as it had the effect of increasing my magical ability. It was now almost like second nature to me, to keep increasing in power while I was on a long journey.

  The beautiful canopy was full of color as flowers growing from branches gave vibrancy to the world around me. Some of the trees were like small hills that we had to navigate around as we followed the wide path.