Vicious Spirits

by Kat Cho

  Jihoon let out a hard laugh. “Come on, Junu told me that you don’t think I’m capable of taking care of myself. You really think I’m that useless?”

  Junu, that snake, Somin thought. She should have known better than to trust him. But she also hadn’t expected the intense anger in Jihoon’s eyes.

  “No, of course I don’t think that about you,” Somin said. “I was just worried.”

  Jihoon let his head drop into his hands again, rubbing them roughly over his face. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said it like that. I just . . . I have a really bad headache.”

  “Here,” Miyoung said, returning with the aspirin. “Take these and then go lie down.”

  “Yeah, okay,” Jihoon murmured, throwing the pills back. “Maybe I’ll do that.”

  “And I’m going to go have a little chat with Junu,” Somin said. She wanted to give the dokkaebi a piece of her mind.

  28

  JUNU PULLED ON a fresh shirt, throwing the old one in the hamper. He actually considered burning it as it held a day’s worth of sweat. But it was designer, so in the hamper it went.

  He almost groaned when he heard the brisk knock on his door. Before he could answer, Somin stormed in.

  “Listen, I don’t—”

  “No, you listen. I can’t believe you told Jihoon about our conversation. What happened to that whole my-business-depends-on-my-discretion nonsense?”

  “This is the last time I confide anything in Ahn Jihoon,” Junu muttered. It felt like more of a betrayal than he’d have thought. He’d always thought Jihoon was steadfast when he made a promise. After all, he always guarded Miyoung’s secrets so carefully. But perhaps that consideration wasn’t extended to Junu. And that stung.

  “Don’t get mad at Jihoon,” Somin said. “You’re the one who broke your word to me.”

  “I brought him back in one piece,” Junu said. “I kept that promise. I don’t know what else you want from me. I’m not in the mood for the third degree about the last twenty-four hours.”

  “Is that why you escaped into here, because you’re hiding out?”

  “I’m not hiding,” Junu said. “Not exactly. I just, I don’t know what to tell Miyoung.”

  “I’m a big girl,” Miyoung said from the open doorway, and Junu sighed. It seemed there was no escape, even in his own home. “Tell me what happened with your staff. The whole story. You know I wouldn’t ask if I didn’t need to know.”

  Junu nodded. He’d started this, so he would take responsibility. “I used it to trap something.”

  “A gumiho,” Miyoung said.

  Junu shouldn’t have been surprised. Of course Jihoon had told them. Apparently, none of Junu’s secrets were worth protecting. “I didn’t know what she was when I first met her.”

  “I get it. You fell in love with her and then when you found out what she was, you betrayed her,” Miyoung said.

  “No, it’s not as simple as all that.” Junu closed his eyes to hide his frustration. Why did Somin have to be here right now? This was not a part of his past he’d ever planned to share with her. Or anyone, for that matter. “I thought I loved her. You don’t know how much that meant to—” He couldn’t continue without exposing more about his past than he was willing to. He took a breath to collect himself before continuing. “When she finally revealed herself to me, I was scared. She woke me in the middle of the damn night. Of course a guy needs a moment to react to the demon fox standing over his bed at midnight.”

  “Demon fox?” Miyoung said quietly.

  “It’s how it seemed to me at the time.” Junu shrugged. “And Sinhye always did have a temper. She killed me for what she perceived as rejection. Next thing I knew, I woke up like this.”

  “You were something before you were a dokkaebi?” Somin asked.

  “Yeah, once upon a time, I was human. Sinhye got a shaman to trap my soul in a dokkaebi form. A punishment for rejecting her.” Junu gave a sardonic smile. Because in his human life, he’d always been the one being rejected.

  “Some punishment. Immortality and beauty?” Somin said with a scoff.

  “She wanted me to know her specific pain. A monster wearing a beautiful face. Cursed to incite lust but never real love.” His eyes slid to Miyoung, who gave a small nod of understanding.

  “Did all dokkaebi used to be human?” Somin asked.

  “No, some of us are just special little prisoners,” Junu said. “After the shaman turned me, she felt bad for her part in my curse and she offered me vengeance.”

  “And you took it?” Somin sounded incredulous. “I thought you said you loved her.”

  Junu stiffened at the accusation. “What upsets you? That I sought revenge for being cursed to wander the world a monster, or that I once loved another?”

  “I don’t care about your exes,” Somin said. “I just can’t imagine turning on someone you claimed to love.”

  “Well, I suppose you don’t know me that well, do you?”

  “I guess not.” And Somin’s expression seemed to shutter, like she was locking away her emotions.

  “And when you trapped your former love, you used your staff,” Miyoung continued the story quietly. Junu and Somin both turned to her. In the heat of the fight, they’d forgotten she was there.

  “Yeah,” Junu said. “And now it’s gone. I left it in that cave. I thought it was what held her there. But I must have been wrong, because someone took it.”

  “So . . . it’s over.” Miyoung’s head hung, her shoulders hunched.

  “No,” Junu insisted. “I’ll figure this out.”

  From the expression on Miyoung’s face, it was clear she still had no faith in him. What did he have to do to prove himself? And why did he still need to?

  “We don’t have time to come up with any more big plans. The reapers are already here. We have to close the tear, or they’ll take care of matters. And I’m assuming they’re not really motivated to keep me alive.” She paused and closed her eyes, pinching the bridge of her nose. “I’ll figure something out. I need to learn how to clean up my own messes or to at least face the consequences of them.” She left before Somin or Junu could respond.

  Junu clenched his fists. He wasn’t sure if he was more frustrated or annoyed, but it didn’t matter. He didn’t want to deal with the disappointment that still hung heavy in the air. He waited for Somin to leave, but she didn’t.

  “Is there anything else I can do for you?” Junu asked, his tone sharp. Filled with all of his pent-up frustration. “Is there another traumatizing story from my past you’d like to hear?”

  “I just don’t get you,” Somin said quietly. “I thought maybe you were different from what I initially thought. I was willing to admit I was wrong. But it’s like you’re constantly asking me to hate you.”

  “Then maybe you should,” Junu said, suddenly wanting to punch something. “Maybe you’re trying to look for something in me that just doesn’t exist.”

  “I don’t want to believe that.”

  “Why? Because otherwise you’d be ashamed of kissing me? Well, I absolve you of any responsibility there. I was already getting bored of you anyway.”

  He started to turn, and Somin grabbed his arm to stop him.

  “Do you really mean that?” she asked, her eyes searching. “If you say yes, then that’s it. But once the door is shut, I’m not opening it again.”

  Junu started to say yes. But he couldn’t. The frustration that burned through him was sliced by the chill of fear. He was afraid of losing her. And suddenly all his anger seeped away and he was left feeling drained. “I don’t know what to say to you. I don’t know what to do here.”

  “Will you just tell me the truth?”

  “I don’t know if the truth will help,” Junu said, but he knew he’d give it to her.

  “Why did you do what you did? Why would you turn
against someone you loved like that?”

  He yanked his arm free like a petulant child. “You don’t know what it’s like to have everyone in your life tell you you’re nothing. And then, when you think you’ve found someone who says they’ll love you no matter what, they betray you, too. Worse, they turn you into a monster. You’d gladly take back the pathetic life you used to hate because anything is better than the hell you’re living through now, living through it against your will. Living against your will.”

  “Do you really wish she had let you die?”

  “She did let me die,” Junu said. “She was the reason I died.”

  “Fine, do you really wish she’d let you stay dead?” Somin asked.

  “I wish that I’d been given a choice.” Maybe if his family had let him have a choice, then he wouldn’t have been so enamored by Sinhye. He wouldn’t have been so taken in by her.

  “But you loved her.”

  Junu measured his reply. This felt like some kind of trap, but he couldn’t tell what kind. And he’d promised Somin he’d tell her the truth. Stupid promises. Junu hated that he felt so honor bound to keep them. “It wasn’t a healthy love.”

  “What does that mean?”

  “Not all love is good for you,” Junu said with a harsh chuckle.

  Somin looked confused, like he was speaking in a language she couldn’t understand. Of course she didn’t. She’d grown up with a loving mother, good friends, loyal companionship. She never had to question if she was loved. Not like Junu had.

  “Sometimes love can be so big that it consumes us,” Junu explained. “And we see nothing else. That’s dangerous. That’s when it starts to move from love to obsession.”

  Somin shook her head. “You’re just being cynical again. Letting your immortal boredom affect how you see things. Love is a good thing.”

  “No,” Junu said. “In this I’ve done a lot of studies. Even love can be a crutch we lean on. Something we use to hide from our real problems. Trust me. I know.”

  “What were you hiding from?”

  “Everything I was. And everything I couldn’t be.”

  “I don’t understand.”

  Junu shook his head. “You don’t need to. It’s not important anymore. What’s in the past should not affect our present.”

  “That’s ridiculous. How can you just ignore your past?”

  “With a lot of whiskey.” With that, Junu left in search of just that.

  JUNU KNEW TWO things from an early age. That his father had certain expectations of him. And that he would never live up to them.

  It didn’t matter that he was the youngest of five and the second son. It didn’t matter that he would not inherit the responsibilities of being the head of the family. He was too weak. Too mediocre. Too obsessed with flighty things like his art. He was not good enough in his father’s eyes. And in the family, his father’s opinion was law.

  So Junu retreated behind his mother and his nunas. The women in the family fawned over him. Perhaps because he’d been sickly as a child and left in the care of his three nunas—older sisters who catered to his every need.

  When he got older and he was bigger and stronger than his nunas, he would often accompany them to the market. Carry their shopping. Be an arm for them to hold on to. It wouldn’t do for a daughter of a well-off household to be wandering the market alone.

  But soon it was apparent that his father disapproved of how much time he spent with the girls. And sometimes that disapproval would culminate in a quick slap.

  There were only a handful of times that Junu earned a real beating, and he always sought never to commit those infractions again. But for Junu, his own personal punishments weren’t the worst. It was when his nunas were punished that it hurt the most. Sometimes it would be because they kept Junu out too long and he ignored his studies. So Junu’s father would have their mother use a switch on the back of their legs. Or it would be when he heard them laughing too loudly with Junu in the courtyard. And they’d be denied dinner that night. Junu was left unscathed, but alone in his room, he’d hear the sounds of his nunas’ cries as they endured their punishment. And every time they knew it was his fault. The one and only time his hyeong had spoken up on Junu’s behalf, he couldn’t sit easily for a day. Hyeong never stood up for Junu again. And Junu could see that it was a tactic of his father’s. To drive a wedge between Junu and anyone who might defend him. Anyone that his father saw as coddling Junu. Until Junu felt completely isolated and alone.

  This was the way Junu lived for the first nineteen years of his life. This was what drove him into the arms of the first girl who smiled at him. The first girl who said kind words to him. He was too enamored by her beautiful face and sweet words to realize that he was joining himself with a monster until it was too late.

  29

  DUBU SHOT OUT of the back room to greet Somin and Jihoon when they returned to the apartment. She barked happily when she saw Somin, before her mood suddenly turned. The small dog started growling, barking so much that her body jumped. But it wasn’t directed at Somin; it was aimed at Jihoon.

  Surprised, Somin scooped the dog into her arms. “Dubu, what’s gotten into you? Jihoon hasn’t been gone that long.”

  “Maybe I still smell like the road,” Jihoon said. “I’ll go wash up.”

  “Okay,” Somin said. “I’ll make lunch. You hungry?”

  “Sure,” Jihoon replied, and Somin watched as he paused a second in front of the first door before turning and trying the handle across the way. He looked disoriented and dazed. Like the travel had gotten to him.

  Somin made a mental note to get those vitamin shots at the grocery store. The last thing they needed was for him to get sick, too, because he was so worried about Miyoung.

  “Don’t give him such a hard time,” Somin said to the small dog, whose body still vibrated in her arms. “He’s been through a lot. He’ll give you more attention later.”

  She moved into the kitchen to give Dubu breakfast and found a note from her mother.

  If you get home when it’s still breakfast time, there’s toast in the fridge. Hope you were studying and not partying, my daughter.

  Somin almost laughed. She would definitely not count last night as a party. Even if she thought it skirted the line of being a mom-approved activity. Good thing her mom rarely asked questions as long as Somin’s grades were good and she didn’t have any open wounds.

  As she set the dog bowl on the floor, the doorbell rang. She wondered who it could be and considered ignoring it. But the bell rang again and again, so persistently that Somin gave in and answered. And when she swung open the door, she immediately regretted it.

  “Jihoon’s not here,” she said, glaring at Jihoon’s father.

  “I know he is. I saw you walk up here together. So go get that boy before I cause a scene.”

  “This is private property. I could call the police.”

  “Somin,” Jihoon said from the hallway. “I can handle this.”

  “Good to see you know what’s best for you,” his father replied.

  “Oh yes, I know,” Jihoon said. There was a gleam in his eyes. Something sharp that confused Somin. She’d never seen such a harsh look on her best friend before.

  Then Jihoon stepped forward and slammed his fist into his father’s face.

  Mr. Ahn stumbled back and might have fallen if Jihoon hadn’t grabbed him by the collar.

  “You here for a handout?” Jihoon asked through gritted teeth. “You think I’m an easy target because you remember when I was small and weak? Well, obviously I’m not anymore.”

  Somin grabbed Jihoon’s arm. “Jihoon, let go. This isn’t what you want.”

  “You think you know what I want?” Jihoon said, his face contorted in rage. Somin almost stepped back, but she knew if she did, Jihoon might do something he regretted. She pried his han
ds free, trying to drag him away. He felt like solid steel, unmoving. But at least he let his arms drop.

  “You’ll regret that,” Jihoon’s father said, smoothing his collar.

  “I don’t think so.” Jihoon slammed the door closed.

  “Jihoon-ah—” Somin began, ready to chastise him.

  He spun on her. “How dare you.”

  Somin was taken aback by the venom in Jihoon’s voice. “How dare I? You were attacking your father! In a public hallway where any of my neighbors could have walked by.”

  “So you’re upset I could have gotten caught?”

  “Jihoon-ah, this isn’t like you. What’s gotten into you?”

  Jihoon shook his head, lifting a hand to his temple like he was fighting off a headache. “I don’t know. I just got so angry. I couldn’t stop myself.”

  “I get it; he makes me angry, too—”

  “No, you don’t get it. You don’t know what it’s like to have a father like that. To have him haunting your life. You don’t even remember your father.”

  Somin considered letting it go. Even as the pain of Jihoon’s words stung her, she tried to work on agreeing with him because she knew he was hurt. But instead she whispered, “You’re wrong. I do remember him.”

  “What are you talking about?” Jihoon asked. “You always said . . .”

  “I know what I said. But I lied.”

  “Why would you lie about something like that?”

  Somin considered changing the subject. Why was she even bringing this up now? They had bigger problems to worry about. But Junu had been right, damn him. She needed to stop pushing her pain aside just to cater to Jihoon’s. “I lied because I didn’t want to hurt you. My father was a good man. He loved me, and I really loved him. But I felt like if I said that, if I was sad about him in front of you, then it would hurt your feelings. Because your father was so . . .” She couldn’t think of an easy way to describe Jihoon’s horrible father.