Falcon Down

by Mark Spaid

  “I have the perfect spot.”

  “Where?” Dave asked.

  “That’s a secret,” Warren said and there was a pause before they all laughed.

  “I wonder what Andy is doing?” Dave asked.

  “Knowing Dad, he’s probably braving the cuisine of some exotic café,” Little Wolf remarked.

  * * *

  “What does any of this mean?” Andy said softly to himself as he sat examining a menu in a small eatery he found. “There aren’t even any pictures. Wait, do they eat dogs or cats over here? No, I think that’s in the Far East. If Jo was here, she’d probably tell me that was offensive. Maybe it is but I don’t want to eat rover or binky.” He finally gave up and left. No one spoke English and the more he shouted and pointed the more he got upset so he finally gave up and wandered the city on his own before ending up in another cafe. “These items could be anything but I don’t want to stand out as stupid,” he thought to himself as he looked over the menu. “Of course, since I can’t speak the language I probably already seem like an idiot. I could just point to something but what if it was fish head stew or calf kidneys. Don’t be silly, Andy, you ate sheep testicles in Scotland and you’ve had squirrel stew back in Masontown. Go on be brave,” The waiter came over and Andy pointed with a smile. The waiter nodded and left. A few minutes later his order came and it was a sandwich. “Well, that can’t be too bad,” he thought. He took off the top and it was some kind of meat. “Well, it looks okay.” He poked it with a fork and it was very hard. He took a couple of bites and it wasn’t terrible but not great. It was as dry as sand so he washed it down with water and finished most of it. He’d exchanged some dollars for the local currency at the hotel and he paid the bill and left. Kerch was not a super large city, a hundred and fifty thousand or so he thought. He walked the city, went into a couple of art galleries and recognized a copy of the Mona Lisa and a few Picassos. “I guess I’m not an art person,” he said to himself. “I just never understood Picasso, I mean what person has three noses or two heads. Norman Rockwell, now there was a guy who painted things you could recognize.” He thought he might be loud on that last comment so he looked around but nobody was looking and he breathed a sigh of relief. He didn’t want to alienate the native population. He walked for a couple of hours enjoying what he could. There was a museum but he couldn’t read the placards so the artifacts meant very little to him. He went into a few shops but found little of interest to him. Finally, around four he neared the hotel and found a seat on a bench in the park across the street from where they were staying. He had a bottle of water. He looked for a long time before finding one and he thought that was a coup. The Ukraine was not a third world country but he wasn’t sure he trusted their water purification system. If people thought that was offensive, he didn’t care; diarrhea wasn’t something he wanted.

  “Good afternoon, sir,” an elderly man said as he shuffled by with a cane.

  “Hello to you, sir.” The man looked and smiled. “Well, someone speaks English, maybe there are more,” Andy thought to himself. “I guess that’s wrong too. No, no, I’m not going to feel guilty for hoping that someone can understand me. I don’t look down on them because they can’t speak English and I don’t think everyone in the world should speak English. But I wish that some of them did so I could make my needs known. If that makes me bad then so be it,” he said to himself then he began chuckling because of his internal conversations. “I should just go ahead and speak out loud because no one could understand me anyway.” He doubled over at that and laughed silently for a few moments then sat up and took a sip of water. Suddenly, something caught his attention. Justin always told him that you can watch people from a hundred feet when they don’t know you’re there and learn much about them. He’d tried that over the years and it worked. Now, he could see two men by the side of the hotel in an alley. They were talking and pointing to the hotel and the buildings down the block and to the park. They took out a map and examined it then pointed again to the hotel. They were tall, maybe six two and wore black pants and black sweatshirts. At times they became animated and on one occasion when one bent over Andy could see a long knife in his belt and later the other guy had a gun in his waist. Andy stirred when he saw those items. Granted he didn’t know anything about the Ukraine. Maybe guns were common for everyone like some southern states so, he didn’t want to rush to judgement. Should he tell the police? No, he didn’t want to presume they weren’t doing their job. He had no desire to perpetuate the Ugly American persona. He should just mind his own business so, he did but still watched. A few minutes later a car stopped by the side of the hotel and the two men got inside. They sat in the back with two other people in the front seat. He could see them talking, pointing and even with the windows shut he could tell the conversation was getting heated. But after fifteen minutes the four men shook hands and the two in the back got out as the car pulled away. Andy was puzzled, he thought for sure there’d be a fight or something. But he had to catch himself again because he was ascribing things to this culture that maybe he didn’t understand. Perhaps Ukrainians argued and shouted at each other as a regular part of conversation. “Okay, I guess that’s not fair either,” he thought. “Look, I don’t know anything about these people and I’d be the first to admit it. I never said I did. Justin and Dave know everything about them and Little Wolf I’m sure but I don’t so there, I’m guilty.” He stopped and chuckled at his own argument with himself. The two men stood talking then one of them took out a notepad and jotted down something. They brought out a map and laid it on a barrel. They pointed to the map then at the hotel and down the street. Finally, one of them looked up at the park and saw Andy. Then the second guy looked as well and they said something to each other. They stared and Andy knew he’d been had. He looked away, but in a blink both men were gone map and all. They disappeared down the side of the hotel. Andy waited for a few minutes then walked across the street as casually as he could and looked down the side of the hotel. No one was there of course, and at the end of the hotel was an opening through which the two men had obviously left. Andy went back to his hotel room and sat in a chair thinking. He wouldn’t tell the police but he’d tell Dave.

  * * *

  “This is a nice place,” Jozette said as the five women sat in a small café in the heart of the city.

  “You’ll have to read the menu to us, Tatiana,” Ariel said as she perused the lunch specials.

  “Glad to, just tell me what you want.”

  “How about a diet salad?” Belinda asked.

  “I better write these down,” Tatiana said and took a pencil and paper from her purse. They ordered salads and soups and ate as they talked for about an hour.

  “What do you think of the President?” Jozette asked.

  “Seems down to Earth,” Ariel said.

  “I like her,” Julieta said.

  “Me too,” Belinda said, “but I’d like to help her with her make-up.”

  “No!” Jozette shouted then put her hand over her mouth when people turned to look at her.

  “Careful, Jo, you’ll frighten the natives,” Tatiana said chuckling.

  “Sorry, I didn’t mean to yell but, Lind, you can’t give fashion advice to the President.”

  “I know, I just said I’d like to, okay,” Lind said sheepishly.

  “I’m sure you could help her, honey, but Jo is right, it might not be a good idea to advise the President of the United States on how she could look better in public,” Tatiana said.

  “I know that and I can keep my mouth shut if I have to despite what Jo thinks.”

  “Sorry, Lind,” Jozette said.

  “I know how you feel about the subject, Jo, and I’ll keep quiet if nothing else to keep you from blowing up again.”

  “I deserved that, Lind.”

  “Hey, let’s move on girls, we want to enjoy the day,” Tatiana said.

  “She’s right, Lind,” Jo said.

  “Agreed, let’s do som
ething else,” Belinda suggested. They walked the town and saw the art museum.

  “I like Picasso,” Jozette said.

  “I don’t, I never did,” Belinda said.

  “He paints from a different perspective,” Julieta said.

  “I guess so but I don’t like people with two noses. I want people to look like people,” Belinda said.

  “I have a tendency to agree with you, Belinda,” Ariel said. “I like DaVinci, especially the Last Supper.”

  “I like Michelangelo’s paintings on the Sistine Chapel ceiling. The two hands touching for the spark of life is my favorite of all time,” Tatiana said.

  “Yes, I like that too,” Julieta said.

  “I thought you liked Picasso?” Jozette asked.

  “No, I understand what he was trying to do but that doesn’t mean I like it. I agree with Belinda, I like paintings of people that look like real people,” Julieta said.

  “My own daughter-in-law has abandoned me.”

  “Never but we differ on what is art.”

  “You sound like a politician, Julieta” Ariel said.

  “No, that’s Little Wolf.”

  “He wants to go into politics?” Tatiana asked.

  “No but he equivocates like one,” Julieta said and they all laughed.

  “How about some shopping after we finish here,” Belinda posed. They agreed and went to a Ukrainian version of a boutique.

  “Interesting styles,” Tatiana said.

  “There’s a euphemism if I’ve ever heard one,” Jozette said.

  “It’s all kind of outdoorsee and manly for a woman’s store,” Belinda said.

  “Yeah, I think we’re in a rather unrefined area of the country,” Tatiana said.

  “I actually I like this hat,” Ariel said. “I’m going to buy it.”

  “The girl is a shopper,” Jozette said.

  “I found a scarf, Little Wolf likes scarves,” Julieta said as she held up a pink and an orange scarf.

  “He likes to wear scarfs?” Belinda asked.

  “No, he likes me to wear…” Julieta started then caught herself and gasped. Jozette and Tatiana were grinning. “This isn’t embarrassing.”

  “There’s nothing to be embarrassed about but it was funny,” Tatiana said and Julieta blushed and shook her head.

  “Can we go somewhere else?” Julieta asked.

  “Of course,” Tatiana said then they paid and left.

  “Let’s stop for a rest,” Belinda suggested. They’d been walking for two hours and they were all tired.

  “How about that outdoor café?” Ariel posed and they found a table and sat with sighs and moans of exhaustion.

  “The coffee’s not bad,” Belinda remarked.

  “Yes, the Russians are known for their coffee,” Tatiana said.

  “I thought this was The Crimea,” Belinda said. “But you know me I’m so scatter brained that we might be in some entirely different country and I wouldn’t even know it.”

  “You’re fine, honey, but The Crimea is so close to Russia that most people speak Russian and nearly everyone here understands some Russian and they have Russian ways and customs, like their food, dress and particularly their coffee.”

  “Well, whoever it belongs to I like it,” Belinda said.

  “That’s a relief, I’d hate to think of the international ramifications if Lind didn’t like the coffee,” Jozette quipped and they chuckled except Belinda who gave a look to her friend.

  “Alright, girls let’s not start something, okay,” Tatiana said. Belinda and Jozette, even as best of friends could get into some nasty arguments with unpleasant remarks, hateful expressions and looks, etc. and though they always made up in the end, Tatiana didn’t want to be in the middle of another verbal scuffle.

  “Look at that,” Ariel said and they all turned to see three young men, boys actually, about seventeen, surrounding a girl at the end of the street. They were laughing and pushing her around. She tried to get away but they held her in the circle and she began to cry.

  “No,” Jozette said as she and Tatiana got up and began walking to the group followed by Julieta.

  “Nyet!” Tatiana shouted as she arrived first. The boys turned to look and laughed at a woman intervening. They said something in Russian. Tatiana ignored them and talked to the girl who also spoke in Russian and though Jozette and Julieta couldn’t understand it was clear from her facial expressions and hand gestures that she was fearful and wanted help. “She’d never seen them before and they want her to come into the alley so they can make love to her…rape her.”

  “That’s not going to happen,” Jozette said.

  “No,” Tatiana said. The three boys each turned and picked a woman to approach, figuring they could intimidate them into leaving. One stared nose to nose with Julieta expecting her to flinch but she didn’t move. He said something that Julieta did not understand as he smiled a sickening expression. Julieta grinned then poked fingers into both of his eyes, ala the Three Stooges. The kid grabbed his face and doubled over. Julieta didn’t wait and kneed him in the balls as hard as she could. He lay on the sidewalk moaning in agony. Another kid took a swing at Jozette but she ducked and grabbed his arm, twisting it behind his back as he cried in pain. She threw him on the ground and put her foot on his throat. Tatiana’s kid drew a knife and she smiled. He raised it to stab and she jammed her three fingers in his throat and he gasped for air. She grabbed the knife and leveled it at his crotch without stabbing him. He was trying to breathe as he watched in horror while his knife was millimeters away from his manhood. She said something in Russian and he nodded frantically. She looked at the other two and they managed to get out the same agreement. The girl thanked the women who had saved her and went on her way. Down the block she hailed a cab and as she got in, she waved at her protectors.

  “Get lost,” Tatiana said then repeated it in Russian. Jozette’s shook his arm and rubbed his neck, Julieta’s stood up still holding his crotch and trying to get his eyes working again. Finally, he could see and stand up straight. Tatiana released hers and he asked for his knife which she refused and made a motion with her head for the three to get lost. They didn’t argue and took off down the sidewalk.

  “Well, that got my blood pumping,” Julieta said as they returned to Belinda and Ariel.

  “Me too, Jozette said and they sat down.

  “How do you do those things?” Ariel asked.

  “You just react,” Jozette said.

  “But you three, look like ninjas,” Ariel added.

  “We’re not ninjas, Ariel,” Tatiana said. “We don’t like women being assaulted and we’ll act against the aggressor when we can. I was assaulted many times when I was growing up and I decided I’d never be raped. I took care of things and I killed one of them. I was fifteen then. No one messed with me after that.”

  “These were punks and they were terrorizing that young girl. That I will not allow,” Jozette said.

  “They could’ve been armed with guns,” Belinda said.

  “They could have and then we would’ve had to deal with that,” Tatiana said.

  “You could have been shot,” Ariel said.

  “Perhaps but I can’t and won’t stand by and watch a woman being assaulted,” Tatiana said.

  “And you, Julieta, you just jumped in there and took that kid down,” Ariel said. ‘How did you learn that?”

  “Little Wolf taught me to fight dirty. He’s always worried about me being attacked.”

  “Well, he shouldn’t be worried now,” Ariel said.

  “Not every situation is the same, Miss Ariel. Today it worked but the next time I or anyone else could be in trouble if they jump into a fray.”

  “So, if you do it again you could be hurt,” Ariel said.

  “Yes, I could but like Miss Tatiana and Miss Jozette said, I won’t stand by and let a woman or a girl be attacked.” Ariel nodded understanding.

  “I was raped as you know but I was helpless to stop it. I d
idn’t know any methods to help myself like you three do. I’d like to learn how to defend myself if it happens again,” Ariel said. Tatiana and Jozette exchanged looks.

  “It’s not like learning to play the guitar or juggling,” Jozette said.

  “I know that, Jo,” Ariel said.

  “Sorry, Ariel I didn’t mean to sound flippant,” Jozette said.

  “I didn’t take it that way, Jo, but I want to learn to do what you three girls do. Will you teach me when we get back to the states?” Tatiana took a deep breath.

  “We can show you some things,” Tatiana said.

  “Thank you,” Ariel said.

  “I guess I couldn’t learn to do those things,” Belinda said.

  “No, Lind, you couldn’t but you could just talk non-stop and bore them to death or they might even kill themselves so they didn’t have to listen to you anymore,” Jozette said.

  “Ha, ha,” Belinda said. “You’re so funny, Jo.”

  “Alright, let’s behave, girls,” Tatiana said.

  “Lind, I couldn’t resist,” Jozette said.

  “Actually, you’re right, I could never do what you three did and my best bet might be to bore them to death,” Belinda said.

  “Look, Lind and Ariel, you two and Lexi are just not cut out for our kind of life,” Jozette said. I’ve killed and so has Tatiana. We know what to do if we’re forced to and you two don’t.”

  “Can we change the subject?” Julieta asked and it was agreed.

  “Yes, a good idea,” Ariel said.

  “I wonder how Justin is doing,” Jozette asked.

  “Probably boring the President with his college stories,” Belinda posed.

  * * *

  “I have to say, Mr. Weaver, that your college stories are refreshing and funny, your wife must live to hear you talk about your college days,” Ellen said.

  “Oh yes, she craves them,” Justin said. Ellen grinned knowing Justin was being facetious. Ellen liked to get to know her interviewers and spent a long time just talking about herself and expected other people to do the same.