by Jenny Lane
‘Have you found someone else? Is that why you won’t let me speak to you? That artist chap maybe?’ Ian had always been the jealous type. She looked pointedly at her watch.
‘I’ll give you precisely ten minutes to say what you’ve got to say. That’s the exact time it will take us to reach Rosemullion House from here.’
He brightened. ‘Thanks, Tam. I knew you’d see reason.’
It was a strange sensation walking along with Ian, just as if all that had occurred between them had been erased and they had set the clock back a year. The awkwardness gradually melted away and, in spite of herself, Tamara found she was listening intently as he outlined his year up north, which appeared to have been a disaster from start to finish.
‘And what about that girl, Pauline? Did she join you in the end?’ She asked at last. Ian shook his head.
‘No, I went on holiday with her immediately after you and I split up...’
‘Yes, you’ve no need to rub it in. You went to Tangier, where we had planned to go for our honeymoon, didn’t you?’
He looked shamefaced. ‘Oh what a fool I’ve been! It didn’t work out because we didn’t know each other well enough. All she wanted was to get married... Anyway, I went up north as planned and that didn’t work out either. The job was fairly okay, but I just couldn’t settle.’
They had reached the gateway to Rosemullion House by this time.
‘Tamara, I need you. Please come back to me. I’m more mature now and we can talk over our differences rationally. This trial separation has probably done us both a power of good.’
‘Is that what you call it?’ she asked bitterly. ‘Oh, why couldn’t you have contacted me before this instead of behaving in such a cowardly fashion? I’d have respected you more if you’d have been frank with me instead of leaving it until three days before the wedding and then just writing. Have you any conception of the humiliation and utter despair I suffered? And then you just try walking back as if nothing had happened. I must say I admire your nerve, Ian Gilbert!’
He looked suitably chastened. ‘Tamara, I beg of you to give me another chance... please.’
She could see the gardener cutting off the dead rose heads. ‘You’ve had your chance, Ian, now go away from my life.’
He stood there looking after her like a puppy dog with his tail between his legs, as she walked up the drive, and her courage nearly failed her, but she was determined not to give in.
*
Tamara was completely preoccupied all through lunch and Miriam noticed. ‘Cassie, are you all right, my dear, you’ve only picked at your meal... Perhaps the sun is disagreeing with you,’ she said anxiously.
‘Hardly, after the hearing in New York, I wouldn’t have thought,’ commented the colonel. ‘No, she’s missing Oliver, aren’t you, m’dear?’
‘Well, there’s the dance to look forward to on Saturday, and Richard will be back tomorrow.’ The voices droned on and on and Tamara did not hear a word that was being said. Ian Gilbert had walked back into her life. He was as handsome as ever, persuasive and charming, and she was well aware that if she wasn’t very careful she would fall right under his spell again.
Melissa had called in with Richard’s curtain material while Tamara had been out, and so she spent the afternoon sewing. Her thoughts were in a complete turmoil. What if Ian should come up to the house. Surely he would have more sense than to do that? Perhaps if she did not go out for the rest of the day he would finally get the message and return to London.
But would he attempt to contact her again at a later date, and, if he were persistent, would she finally succumb to his charms?
*
The following morning, Tamara rang Tom and told him she would like to have another sitting for her portrait. It was drizzling and she half expected Miriam to show surprise that she was going out. She noticed the white car parked in the layby and would have passed it without a second glance, if Ian hadn’t called out to her.
‘Hey, aren’t you going to say good morning?’
Tamara jumped. ‘Ian – I thought you’d gone home!’
He grinned at her. ‘You won’t get rid of me that easily, my darling. I’ve booked in at the Fisherman’s Rest in the village. So where did you get to yesterday afternoon?’
‘Ian, you really are the limit! I stayed indoors doing some needlework, if you must know.’
‘To avoid me?’ Tamara stooped to remove a pebble from her shoe. Her hands were trembling and she hoped he wouldn’t notice.
‘Don’t be silly – I didn’t even know you’d still be in the area. It’s no use, Ian. I meant what I said, even though you don’t appear to have taken me seriously.’
‘And now I really must be getting along. Tom’s expecting me.’
He frowned. ‘Tom? Oh, I suppose you mean that artist fellow... Have you and he got something going between you?’
‘Of course not. He’s painting my portrait, as a matter of fact. Well, goodbye, Ian, enjoy your stay.’
‘Don’t be daft – it’s raining. Hop in and I’ll drive you into the village.’ She hesitated for a moment and he saw her indecision.
‘No, thank you, Ian, I’d really rather walk.’
‘Oh, come on, Tam, don’t be difficult. I want to talk to you. There are things I want to explain... Please, Tam, I promise I won’t upset you.’
‘You couldn’t,’ she said with a shrug. ‘Not now. You’ve lost the power to hurt me. I suggest you forget all about me and find someone else.’
‘Tam, let’s try again,’ he pleased.
In answer she turned on heel and walked briskly away down the lane. She half expected him to follow her, but he didn’t. She was out of breath when she arrived at Tom’s and yet she could not bring herself to confide in him. She just wanted to forget the incident, but seeing Ian again had the effect of sending her thoughts whirling into a kaleidoscope of memories. They had been so happy together once. When had it started to go wrong, she wondered? Since she had been apart from him, however, she had had to admit that they were both very different people. He loved sport and an outdoor life, while she was a dreamer and a home-loving girl. He wanted adventure – always to be off and doing something – while she was content to lead a quiet, domesticated life.
‘You’re very quiet this morning, Tamara, is anything the matter?’ Tom asked, laying down his palette and coming to her side.
‘No – I’m just a bit tired that’s all. How’s it going?’
‘Fine – at least that’s my opinion. I think I’m going to manage without any further sittings as well... Are you sure there’s nothing wrong? Can’t you tell Uncle Tom?’
She laughed as he pulled a comic face. ‘If you’re not careful, you’ll stay like that.’ He kissed her gently.
‘A reward for being so patient, my sweet. You really are a model, model... Now come indoors and have a drink. Anne’s longing to show you some of her pebble paintings.’
Anne had remarkable talent for a girl so young, and Tom had difficulty in concealing his pride.
‘Not bad, kid, for a first attempt,’ he said tweaking her hair.
‘I think they’re beautiful,’ Tamara said. ‘I’d love to buy one or two for presents before I go home.’
Anne’s face fell. ‘You’re not going yet, are you, Aunt Cassie?’
‘Not quite, but the holiday’s slipping away very quickly and I’ve got to be back in London by the beginning of September. Never mind, I’ll send you a postcard from New York.’ She knew she had one or two back at the flat and would get Cassie to post them when she returned to the States. Anne brightened at this. Tom was just about to run Tamara back to Rosemullion House when some people turned up to look round the studio.
‘If you care to hang on I don’t suppose I’ll be too long.’
‘No, really, Tom, it’s eased up a bit now and I’ve got my umbrella. I’ll be okay. Have a good weekend.’
‘Wish you were coming with us... enjoy yourself at the dance.’ He stood at
the studio door, waving until she turned the corner.
When Tamara reached Poltock’s farm, Ian was waiting for her as she had half known he would be.
‘You’ve been a mighty long time. Are you sure you’re only sitting for a portrait?’
‘Ian, don’t you dare to start cross-examining me!’
When he asked if she would like a lift she did not refuse this time because it was beginning to rain quite hard again.
‘Tam, there are one or two things I simply must say to you.’
‘Okay, but I’m warning you, you’re wasting your breath.’
‘Don’t you think the separation was probably the best thing that could have happened to us? It’s given us time to think and put things in perspective… We could get a special licence, Tamara, and be married within no time.’
‘Ian, do I have to spell it out for you? I AM NOT INTERESTED FULL STOP!’
He took a bend too fast, braked abruptly and then backed into a layby. Before she knew what was happening he had pulled her towards him and was kissing her fiercely, and the clock swung back to those halcyon days of their courtship. At last she pushed him away.
‘Ian, you had no right! Oh, why did you have to come back into my life again just when I was beginning to sort myself out?’
‘Because I can’t live without you that’s why, Tam, and I just want one more chance to prove that I’m right for you.’
They sat there deep in conversation, trying to iron out their differences. He told her how much he still loved her, and how empty his life had become without her. She in turn told him about her new teaching job, and how she had stopped going out because there hadn’t seemed any point without him. An hour passed before she realised it.
‘Ian, I have to go – Miriam will wonder where I am,’ she said in sudden alarm.
He glowered. ‘That’s another thing. When are you going to end this ridiculous charade? Why can’t your sister take care of her own affairs?’
‘Same old dictatorial Ian,’ she teased. ‘We’ll discuss it later, I promise. I’ll meet you for that drink tonight. I’ll make some excuse to get away.’
‘You’d better or I’ll come and fetch you,’ he threatened.
It was unfortunate that, as she got out of the car, Richard drove past. He spotted her and pulled up. Tamara knew that she could have made some excuse about a tourist giving her a lift because of the rain, but instead she found herself explaining about Ian. Richard’s forehead was furrowed in a deep frown as she finished.
‘Well, Tamara, if you want letting off the hook we’d better think up some good excuse for your departure.’
‘Oh, no, Richard, it won’t come to that. It’s just that it’s been such a shock – Ian turning up again like this.’
‘But you’ve said you intend to see him tonight?’ he persisted.
‘We’ve things to discuss... It’s been such a long time.’
‘I see. So you’re not completely indifferent?’
Tamara was silent for a moment and then she said, ‘No, I suppose not... Oh, how could I be when we were so close?’
‘Then I hope it all works out for you, but don’t go rushing into things without giving serious thought to the matter, will you? Be ruled by your head not your heart, Tamara... And now let’s go and get some lunch. I’ve been existing on tinned stuff whilst I’ve been at the flat and can’t wait to get back to Mother’s cooking.’
Tamara had never felt so indecisive as she did now. Whatever was the matter with her? She should be over the moon at meeting Ian again, but she just wasn’t sure of her feelings for him anymore. He still had the power to arouse deep emotion within her, but she knew now that physical attraction was not sufficient basis for a marriage. The more she thought about it, the more she realised how different they were as people. Her thoughts turned to Richard. She knew that there was a certain chemistry between them that she had never experienced with Ian and that she found Richard’s company stimulating. If he had not already been involved with Melissa, perhaps she might have stood a chance with him. She sighed. What a mess she seemed to be making of the affairs of the heart.
*
The Fisherman’s Rest was crowded that evening, and Tamara was on thorns in case she was recognised by any of the Cassell-Boyds’ friends. She was relieved when, after a quick drink, Ian suggested a walk round the village. He took her arm as they walked down a narrow alleyway.
‘This is just like old times, Tam,’ he said. ‘What’s this about a village dance tomorrow night?’ She explained. ‘Right, I’ll see if I can wangle a ticket.’
‘Ian, I’d rather you didn’t. I don’t want to let Cassie down and if either of us made a faux pas...’
‘Oh, I’ll be the very soul of discretion if you promise to dance with me. Darling Tam, I need you so badly. Can you ever forgive me for the way I’ve treated you? This year without you has been unbearable.’ He pressed her against him. ‘Tam, please marry me – and soon.’
‘I need time to think, Ian. There’s so much to sort out. You haven’t even told me where you’re working at present.’
He grimaced. ‘I’m not. I had a row with my boss up north about a fortnight ago and packed up and came down here. I booked into a hostel in London – told your sister it was a hotel – and I’ve just blown the last of my money on the petrol down here.’
‘I see, and I suppose you were thinking I could help you out?’
‘Oh, no, I couldn’t sponge on you, Tam. I’ll get a job doing something. They always seem to need bus conductors or waiters in London. I’ll manage somehow.’
Ian always had been hopeless with money. That in itself had been another problem. She handed him some notes.
‘Look, I don’t have easy access to ready cash at present, but if you can make that do for your immediate needs, I’ll write a cheque for your bill at the Fisherman’s Rest when the time comes.’
He looked relieved. ‘Tam, you’re an angel and I love you.’ His lips came down on hers, but today she realised that some of the former magic was missing.
That night Tamara tossed and turned, wondering what she should do. Just as she was beginning to pick up the threads, Ian had come back into her life and now she wasn’t sure if she really wanted to marry him anymore. Quite apart from the fact that it would not be easy to forget the heartbreak she had suffered last summer, she was fast beginning to realise that she had grown apart from him.
EIGHT
‘I’m going to a house sale this morning,’ Richard informed Tamara at breakfast the next day. ‘John Penfold recommended it – says there’s some good Victorian dining-room furniture that might interest me. I was wondering if you’d care to come, unless, of course, you’ve got other arrangements.’
Tamara helped herself to bacon and sausages. ‘Not to my knowledge, Richard. I’d enjoy that – thanks for asking me. You know, I didn’t invite Ian down here. I hope you’ll believe that.’
‘Why shouldn’t I? Now, if you’ll excuse me, I want a word with Father.’
Just as Tamara was finishing her breakfast the phone rang. To her consternation it was Ian. He wanted to tell her that he had managed to get a ticket for the dance, and to know if she was free to go swimming. She told him in no uncertain terms what she thought of him for phoning her at the house, but he just laughed.
‘I was very discreet, darling, said I was a friend of your sister’s.’
‘That’s not the point, Ian. It’s just as well Rose answered. Anyway, as a matter of fact, I’m going out with Richard this morning.’ She explained about the house sale. Ian was not at all pleased and tried to persuade her to have lunch with him instead.
‘No, thanks, Ian, I’ll see you tonight,’ she said firmly and put down the receiver before she changed her mind.
As they approached the layby, Tamara caught sight of Ian’s white Citroen and her heart sank. Ian was sitting on the grass verge and waved to them to stop.
‘What the heck is the fellow playing at, Tamara?’ demande
d Richard. ‘Did you arrange this little rendezvous?’
‘No, of course not... I suppose I’d better see what he wants.’
Richard looked at his watch impatiently. ‘According to the catalogue, the items I want are in lot fifteen so I can’t afford to be late... I’ll give you five minutes and then I’m afraid I’ll have to go.’
She nodded and got out of the car, and he drove on slowly. ‘Ian, what on earth are you doing here? I told you, Richard and I are going out and we’re in a frightful hurry.’
‘I couldn’t bear to wait all day before seeing you so I’ve decided to come with you. I’ve never been to a house sale before and I’ve nothing better to do.’ He scrambled to his feet and took her arm.
‘Ian, you can’t be serious!’ she protested.
He grinned. ‘Oh, but I am, my love. Think I’m going to let you out of my sight again now that I’ve found you?’
‘Well, you please yourself, but I’m going in Richard’s car,’ she said helplessly.
Richard looked furious when she told him what was happening.
‘If you want to go off with that fellow then don’t let me stand in your way. Don’t think you’re under any obligation to me.’
‘But I want to come with you,’ she said miserably and realised that she meant it.
They drove in virtual silence. Tamara knew that Richard was annoyed and wished miserably that Ian had taken the hint and kept out of the way until that evening.
When they arrived at the house, Ian showed a great interest in the proceedings. Richard purchased the furniture he wanted and made arrangements for it to be delivered. It was all over so quickly that Tamara was amazed. Ian was in no hurry to return to Tregarth.
‘Nice spot this. I’ve got a thirst on me – must be all that bacon they gave me for breakfast. How about us all having a drink?’
Tamara expected Richard to refuse, but he didn’t and so they went into the old world inn and ordered cider and sandwiches. She felt a bit like the pig in the middle, sensing that the two men had nothing to say to each other. It was an odd situation and Tamara felt rather ill at ease. To give Ian his due, he did try to converse with Richard, but the latter was strangely withdrawn. At last they got on to the subject of Cassie.