by Jenny Lane
Ian pushed a piece of lettuce round his plate. ‘Yes, Tamara did put me in the picture, but I dare say she will be returning to London with me in a few days’ time, so Cassie will have to sort her own affairs out then.’
Tamara felt herself going hot and cold as she caught sight of Richard’s grim expression. ‘Ian – you know I can’t do that!’
Richard got to his feet. ‘There’s nothing to prevent you from doing just what you like, Tamara. After all, you’re a free agent, but please try to spare my parents’ feelings as much as possible, will you? They are not going to take this too well, you know... And now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got one or two other business matters to attend to... Are you still planning to come to the dance tonight?’
‘We both are,’ Ian interposed before she could reply. ‘I’ve never been to one of these local hops before.’
‘No,’ Richard said sardonically, ‘you wouldn’t have done. Right, I’ll expect to see you both later, then.’ And he was gone leaving Tamara staring after him in bewilderment. She felt unable to cope with the speed of events.
‘Funny fellow that,’ Ian commented. ‘Rather anti-social, I thought.’
‘Oh, now, Ian, you’re quite wrong. I think Richard was just a bit annoyed that you’d gate-crashed. After all, he did invite me out first.’
Ian stared at her in amazement. ‘Are you going to tell me that you and that boring doctor chap are more than a little friendly?’
She felt herself colouring. ‘Ian, you’re jumping to conclusions... Richard’s already got a girlfriend, Melissa, you’ll see her tonight.’
‘Okay, have it your own way – and now, my darling, what shall we do with this afternoon?’
‘Well, I suppose we could go to the Lizard. We’re so near and yet I haven’t seen it properly yet.’
‘Right, you’re on, and you can have the chance to see how my car makes out as well. Little beauty isn’t she?’
The scenery at the Lizard was quite breathtaking. ‘I’ve read that this is the most southerly point in England – impressive, isn’t it?’ Ian remarked as they stood gazing down at the thundering waves.
‘Tam, have you thought about what I said yet? Will you marry me?’
Tamara looked silently at the jagged rocks below. She shuddered suddenly as she thought of the ships that had been torn apart in this area in the past. ‘Ian, I’d like to go now — we’re having an early meal tonight, and I’d prefer to get back in plenty of time to change.’
‘Tamara, you’re evading my question!’
‘It’s something that needs a lot of thought. I mean, you surely can’t expect me to wipe the slate clean and pretend that nothing went wrong last year? You can’t just expect to carry on where we left off, as if time had stood still.’
He swung her round to face him. ‘Tam, you’re not being honest with me, are you? There is someone else – is it that Richard Cassell-Boyd fellow?’
She forced a laugh. ‘Don’t be absurd, Ian. I’ve told you he’s already got a girl, and they’re practically engaged.’
‘And if he hadn’t – what then? You’ve fallen for him, haven’t you, Tamara? You never could hide things from me... Well, you won’t get anywhere with that fellow. You’re obviously wasting your time so you might as well face up to it. Now, if it had been that artist chap, I could have understood it more easily.’
‘You’re being absurd, Ian,’ she said shakily. ‘Now please drive me back to Tregarth.’
‘Oh very well, but don’t think I’m going to give up that easily.’ He pulled her to him. ‘I plan to hang around for just as long as it takes for you to make up your mind.’
‘Then I’d better hurry up if I’m footing the bill for your accommodation,’ she countered, trying to make light of the situation.
*
Tamara’s thoughts were in a complete turmoil as she got ready for the dance that evening. Ian had returned to her life as abruptly as he had left it, and she was no longer able to analyse her feelings for him. She was beginning to notice a side to Ian that she had not been aware of before because love had made her blind. She had disliked his criticism of Richard, and the way he had inveigled his way into their company that morning.
Tamara chose to wear a pretty floral print dress in pale green and white that she had made herself and knew became her. She left her hair to lay in waves about her shoulders, brushing it until it shone like burnished chestnut. She did not feel a bit like Cassie that night and hoped that Richard would approve of her appearance.
The village hall was packed. Tamara looked in vain for Ian. Perhaps he had decided not to come after all. She suddenly caught sight of Richard and Melissa. Melissa looked absolutely stunning in a backless white dress which showed off her honey-tan to perfection.
It was a pleasant evening and Tamara found herself enjoying it more than she had imagined possible. The colonel claimed a dance and trampled all over her toes. She watched Richard whirling round with Melissa and noted how beautifully they danced together and how closely he held her, and longed to change places with her.
‘Lovely couple they make, don’t they?’ observed the colonel following her gaze. ‘It would make Miriam a very happy woman if Richard married Melissa.’
‘And what about you?’ Tamara asked softly. He smiled.
‘To tell you the truth, I’m not sure, m’dear. Oh, I like the girl well enough, it’s just that sometimes I don’t feel she’s quite on Richard’s wavelength. He takes his work so seriously and she might get impatient with the long hours he keeps at the hospital... Now shall we go and find Miriam?’
There was still no sign of Ian when Richard came over to claim a dance with her. ‘Tamara, you look absolutely lovely,’ he told her as the music struck up and she felt a warm glow within her. It seemed as if she were literally dancing on air. He was such an exciting person to be with, so vibrant and dynamic. How could Ian imagine him to be boring?
‘So where’s Ian?’ he asked, breaking across her thoughts.
‘I was just wondering that myself,’ she replied lightly.
He gave her a keen look. ‘Have you reached a decision yet?’
‘I could ask that about yourself and Melissa,’ she countered and he laughed.
‘Okay, I asked for that. You’d like me to keep my nose out of your affairs, eh?... Well, here is the gentleman in question, and just look who he’s brought with him!’ Richard whistled and following his gaze, Tamara saw Ian standing in the doorway with a voluptuous–looking brunette. ‘Intent on making you jealous, do you think?’
‘I doubt it,’ she said coolly. ‘Just trying to avoid gossip linked with my name – or rather Cassie’s. Who is the girl – do you know?’
He shook his head. ‘Someone he’s discovered at the Fisherman’s Rest, no doubt.’
The band struck up a lively number and Tamara watched Ian and his partner gyrating and had to smile. She knew this wasn’t Ian’s scene at all and realised that he had only come so that he could keep an eye on her.
The girl turned out to be the barman’s niece from the Fisherman’s Rest. She couldn’t have been above eighteen and was bent on keeping Ian on his toes. At last he managed to farm her off with a boy of about her own age and made his way towards Tamara. The perspiration was pouring from him and he was as red as a beetroot.
‘Finding it a little more than you had bargained for?’ she teased.
He mopped his brow. ‘It was the only way I could get hold of a ticket. The barman was so relieved to have found someone to take his place that he let me have it for half-price... I was going to ask you to dance, but d’you think we could go outside for some fresh air?’
‘Well, there’s a fine thing! No, Ian, you go by all means, but I’d best stay here or it’ll look too conscious. Anyway, your partner seems to be enjoying herself without you, so you can relax for a few moments.’
Ian suddenly spotted Richard and Melissa. ‘So that’s Cassell-Boyd’s girl, is it? She’s a cracker. He certainly know h
ow to pick them... Can’t imagine what she sees in him, though.’
‘You can see that you needn’t have worried that he was taking an interest in me... Absurd notion, wasn’t it?’
‘Oh, I don’t know, Tam, you’re not so bad yourself, you know,’ he said surveying her solemnly. She had to laugh at him.
‘Ian, you are totally incorrigible... Well, have you recovered sufficiently to ask me to dance?’
It was a quickstep, and as they passed Richard he glanced over and his eyes met Tamara’s. Ian was holding her more tightly than he need have done, and she was afraid that Miriam and the colonel would notice and disapprove.
‘Happy, Tam?’ he asked softly. ‘Like old times, isn’t it?’ She nodded, but in her heart she knew that it wasn’t and never would be again, for she was now no longer sure that she loved him. The old charm was still there, but he no longer had the power to send her pulse racing and her heart thumping against her rib-cage. He still attracted her, but love... no, that was a different matter altogether.
It was an odd sort of evening, but Tamara enjoyed it in spite of herself. John Penfold claimed a couple of dances and Ian managed another one. The fish-and-chip supper was fun, but Tamara wished that Richard would come and join their party instead of sitting apart with Melissa and his friends.
‘Just look at your friend Cassell-Boyd and that girl of his – they can certainly dance,’ Ian said in undisguised admiration as the dancing got under way again. ‘They seem pretty well matched, if you ask me.’
‘I wonder if that’s what people said about us – that we were well matched,’ Tamara retorted bitterly.
‘Okay, Tam, I get the message... I’ve behaved in the most deplorable fashion towards you... I’ve been an unfeeling brute. There, does that make it any better? Can we now build up our relationship on a new understanding?... Come outside for a moment so that I can show you just how much I care.’
Tamara suddenly felt incredibly weary. ‘The trouble with you, Ian, is that you are always trying to prove yourself... If you want me to admit that you still attract me physically then the answer is yes, so you don’t have to bother.’ There was a triumphant look in his eyes. ‘But you should know that you can’t base a marriage on that alone.’
He grinned. ‘But it’s not a bad starting-point, is it?’
‘Perhaps you would prefer a nice lively lass like the barman’s niece, Shirley?’
He laughed. ‘Are you joking? Stop tormenting me, Tam, and tell me when we can have some time together.’
‘If you’re out of work you can’t stay down here indefinitely. Don’t you have to sign on or something?’
His face clouded over. ‘Practical as ever, aren’t you? Why don’t you leave me to manage my own affairs, eh? Now, let’s talk about something more interesting, shall we?’
Tamara was glad when there was a break in the music and she was able to sit down. To her amazement, Ian made a beeline for Melissa, and she realised that he wanted to try out his charm on her. Shirley seemed quite happy dancing with the younger set, and Tamara suddenly wished that she could return to Rosemullion House. Quite without warning she realised that she did not want to marry Ian. She would go back to London, bury herself in her teaching and stay a spinster for the rest of her life.
Richard came to sit beside her. ‘Enjoying yourself?’
‘Oh, yes, super,’ she lied.
‘I see Ian’s dancing with Melissa. He doesn’t miss an opportunity, does he?’ Melissa was laughing and evidently enjoying herself immensely in Ian’s company. It was obvious that he was flirting with her, and she didn’t appear to be objecting.
‘Cheeky bounder,’ Richard muttered. ‘Who does he think he is?’ He suddenly got to his feet. ‘Come on, Tamara, any minute now they’ll strike up the last waltz and as we’ve both been stood up, so to speak, we might as well dance it with each other.’
It was an ungracious invitation and she wanted to refuse, but somehow she found herself being led on to the dance-floor just as the strains of the waltz began. She had to smile as she saw Melissa looking round for Richard, and Ian hesitating and then turning back to Melissa. Richard held Tamara so closely that she could smell the fresh scent of the cologne he used and feel the warmth of his body against her. She trembled at his nearness. His blue-grey eyes held hers and as he smiled the dimple appeared in his chin. ‘You’re not a bad dancer, Tamara... In fact, for a school marm, you’re not bad at all, come to think of it.’
She laughed. ‘Thanks for your diagnosis, Doc.’
He suddenly became serious. ‘I suppose this really is the last waltz, Tamara... for us, I mean.’
Her heart thudded rapidly. ‘I don’t think I understand.’
‘Well, if you’re returning to London in a day or two, I suppose this is the last time we’ll be together, so that being the case I might as well make the most of it.’ His arms tightened about her and it seemed as if there were just the two of them out there on the dance-floor. It suddenly became important to her that the waltz went on so that they could be together for a few moments longer. It was as if she knew that when the music stopped and he took his arms away from her there would be a finality. This was Richard’s way of saying goodbye, and all at once she knew that she could not bear it.
The lights dimmed traditionally and as they did so his lips brushed hers gently like thistledown, leaving her tingling with anticipation. The music stopped, a switch was flicked and the moment was over. Had it been a figment of her imagination, she found herself wondering as Richard abruptly left her side to join Melissa. Ian came over to her.
‘I thought you’d have saved the last waltz for me, Tam. Never mind, we’ve got a lifetime to dance cheek to cheek, after all.’
‘You were too busy enjoying yourself with Melissa,’ she reminded him.
He grinned. ‘She’s quite a smasher, but she doesn’t hold a candle to you... Oh, well, better go and find my protégée, I suppose ... Where is she?’
‘Over there in a clinch with that fellow who’s been hanging around her all evening. Don’t be such a spoil-sport Ian. After all, you’ve neglected her since supper.’
He chuckled. ‘I must admit I can think of someone I’d rather escort home, but I suppose it wouldn’t do.’
‘Too right... I can see the colonel looking for me and I don’t somehow think he’d take kindly to his daughter-in-law going off with another man right under his nose.’
Ian took her hand and pressed it to his lips. ‘There, they surely can’t object to that... Night, my darling, I’ll see you tomorrow.’
Miriam joined Tamara at that juncture, and so she was prevented from replying. Tamara was relieved that she could postpone telling Ian of her decision not to marry him until the following day, for she did not want to spoil the evening.
She lay awake for hours, mulling over the events of the day, and savouring every moment of that last dance with Richard and the kiss that had set her on fire. How could she have imagined herself to be blind to emotion when her whole being was full of longing for him? It was Richard who had caused her to decide against marrying Ian, because he had aroused feelings within her that she had not even known existed.
‘I’m in love,’ she told the china figurine on her bedside table. ‘Not with Ian, but with Richard Cassell-Boyd, and he is expecting me to return to London with Ian... Tonight, the man I love said a final goodbye to me without even being aware of my feelings for him.’
She stared blankly at the ceiling. Why, oh, why had Cassie got her into this mess? She had been happy as she was. If only she had been at home when Ian called she would probably have welcomed him with open arms, but now that she had met Richard she knew that she could never marry Ian... And Richard was so obviously in love with Melissa. It was a completely hopeless situation.
*
Ian did not take Tamara’s decision well. He stood gazing at her in bewilderment and then he said, ‘Come on, Tam, you know you don’t really mean it. When we get back to London things wi
ll be different. When we can see each other without all this secrecy and subterfuge we’ll be able to relax more.’
‘No, Ian, you’re wrong. There’s been too much water under the bridge... I think it would be best if you went now.’
‘But, Tam – oh, darling, if it’s because I danced with Melissa last night then I’m sorry.’
Oh, yes, Ian, that’s it, she wanted to cry. But not in the way you think. She sighed. ‘It’s no good, Ian – this time it’s I who am finishing with you. There’s nothing left between us, can’t you see that? We can always remain friends, but nothing more. Oh, Ian, please understand.’
He took a step towards her. ‘Tamara, don’t be idiotic. This is just your way of paying me back, isn’t it, for walking out on you like that? Right, so I won’t do it again – I give my word. I’ve told you we can get married almost immediately with a special licence... Please give me another chance, Tam. Life without you is intolerable... I’ve discovered that.’
‘Oh, Ian, you know how to say all the right things – you always did. But, no, it wouldn’t be the right decision for either of us. I’m too much of a stick-in-the-mud and you like adventure.’
Ian gripped her wrist. ‘You have got someone else, haven’t you? Is it that Cassell-Boyd fellow? Because if it is, I’ll soon sort him out.’
Tamara had seen this aggressive streak in Ian before when he couldn’t get his own way, but love had blinded her to it. She tried to reason with him. ‘Ian, I need to be left alone to lead my own life. I am not going to be dictated to, least of all by you. Now please take me seriously and let me go!’ He caught her in a rough embrace and kissed her with a fierce intensity so that he bruised her lips, and as he did so, Richard passed them in his car heading in the direction of the village. She pushed him away from her.
‘We’re through, Ian... Have you got the message loud and clear or do I have to spell it out to you?’