by Lauren Wood
After Nick got his hands on me, though, I don't know if I was ever going to be able to sleep again. He had been quite clear about what I had done to him by the two of us not finishing what we started. It sounded horrible, painful, and I genuinely felt bad about it. But I didn't feel that bad about it, either. It didn’t make sense.
When I got to the breakfast table the next morning, my mom wanted to know why I looked so rough. She asked just like that, too, because apparently when a person has enough money, they don't need tact anymore.
“I just didn't sleep very well.”
“I thought you had a good night? It seemed like it when Nick was here.”
I didn't want her to know why I was feeling so tired. She wouldn't freak out like dad did, but she lived by her set of rules, and I didn't know where she would fall in that category. Something told me that she wouldn't be too bothered by it, considering that she had been trying to set me up with a boyfriend for a very long time now.
“I did, it's still just a lot to take on. This still isn't my home and it's going to take some time for me to adjust.”
“Do you think you will adjust?”
If she would have asked me that same question a week ago, I probably would have told her no, there was no way. I couldn't even fathom it. It was just so far out of the realm of possibility, something I’d never thought about before.
It didn't change the facts, though.
“Surprisingly, I think I just might. This place kind of sneaks up on you, doesn't it?”
Anna agreed and I wondered then what made her like the place so much. Why was she saying so many good things about Montana? What made her agree to come live out in the middle of nowhere, with no society in sight?
The reason for me was pretty simple. It was Nick. What was her excuse?
I didn't even get through breakfast before my father came in and he of course had some questions about Nick. I knew that they were coming from him. He always was very interested in my love life. They both were and I had to wonder why. Maybe it was because I didn't have a love life. I don't know. What I did know was I didn't want them to be a part of it.
“So, what can you tell me about Nick?”
I shrugged. My father didn't want to know about his personality. He didn't even want to know about his prospects for the future. He was probably more worried about present deals that were in the making. My dad always wanted to jump in on deals, whether he was invited or not. Anything that made him a little bit of money, he was going to jump in.
I shot my mother a look and tried to get her to take my side. We looked a lot alike and she had the same expression on her face that I knew was mirroring my own. We both got sick of hearing about business. Mom didn't care how he made his money, just that she was able to spend it.
“Dear, Betty doesn't want to talk about that. She just met the boy. Can't you see that she's still embarrassed to talk about him yet?”
“You just met him, well of course you just met him. We haven't even been here a week.”
I had to agree with the sentiment. We hadn't been here long, but that was all it took. I, of course, didn't say that, though. My father wouldn’t have understood, and I don't know if I liked to be saved by mom. It was a foreign feeling and I was not sure how I was supposed to react.
Thankfully, I was saved from having to have any more conversations like that for the day. Nick was at the door for me, and even though I was a little skittish around him at the moment, I knew that if he was here, there was no way I was going to stay where I was. I pushed him out of my way just so I could get out of the house.
It wasn't until I was out there that I realized I wasn't even dressed. I had some shorts on and a tank top from when I was sleeping. He looked at me a little strangely. “Aren't you cold?”
The way Nick was looking at me and the temperament from talking to my parents, I probably wasn't too cold. I knew that I would be soon. The air was definitely colder here in Montana and as it got later in the season, I knew that I was going to start experiencing the weather that I had been warned about. That was definitely something I wasn't looking forward to.
“Not too bad. What's up?”
“What are you doing today?”
I shrugged. “I don't know yet. Did you have something in mind?”
I did have something to do. I was supposed to go to a couple of business meetings, but with the way things were going and how hard they were pushing me, I decided that I was going to flake on him. It didn't even really matter what the job was. If it was a job that my dad had to get me, I didn't want it. I would much rather work for less because of my own merit, than to have an inflated salary because of who my dad was. I had no intentions on riding his shirt tails.
“I did. Why don't you get dressed and wear some good shoes?”
“What are good shoes? What is that supposed to mean?”
He wouldn’t give me anymore of a clue of what we were going to do and I just snuck back in to my room, grabbed some clothes and good shoes, and agreed that I would meet him in front of his place very soon. I wanted to just run away for a while, forget about everything, and Nick was great at that. I was falling for him, I knew I was, and for some reason, I had a feeling that our next date was going to make me fall harder than before.
18
Nick
I was still riding on the high from the last time we were together, but I was realizing rather quickly that every minute without her was a wasted moment. I couldn't even focus on writing new songs. I needed to, because we had gotten a second audition, and it was huge for our band. They wanted to see how fast we could make new music, and I think a bit of it was they wanted to see if we were actually making our own music. They wanted a new song and I was experiencing writer’s block. I hoped that a little bit of time with Betty would change that. She was such a breath of fresh air that I’d been missing.
When I saw her coming out of the side door, I knew for certain that today was going to be the day. We had been putting things off for too long, as far as I was concerned. I just wanted her so badly and I wasn't used to being put off like this. I was still convinced that all I needed to do was frame it all in the right way and I would have her right where I wanted her.
It was quite obvious to me that Betty was not as experienced as the women I was used to. That didn't bother me, of course. I was not sure how deep that issue was, but I had not met a woman that I really wanted and I couldn't have. It was kind of impossible to believe that it was actually a thing. I wasn't going to accept it.
“You're looking good.”
“I am starting to think that no matter what I wear, you're going to say that.”
“You would be right. I think you could wear a sack and would still look amazing. Edible, for sure.”
She told me that I didn't have to butter her up, because she was already coming. I told her that it was nothing like that, but I don't think she believed me. However, I probably didn't believe me either. It was pretty obvious to me what was needed. I was just wondering why she couldn't see it.
“So, where are we going? Swimming?”
She was made uncomfortable with any sort of compliment, so I told myself that I wasn't going to give her anymore. I didn't want her to think that I was just talking crap. I really wasn't. She did look amazing, and I didn't think there was anything she could wear, that would make me change that. Whether it was hard to believe or not, didn’t matter. The truth was the truth.
I had an idea for a date in mind and I was hopeful that it would work out the way it was supposed to. She did not seem like a normal girl and where I wanted to take her, wasn't where many women would come with me. Betty was different, though. She was more adventurous, and I was hopeful that she would appreciate what I’d come with up with.
Something else that I really loved about Betty was that she just kind of went with it. She didn't ask a bunch of questions, and even though I would have told her, I liked that no matter where it was we were going, she wanted to co
me with. That was probably the best feeling.
Betty didn't say anything until we pulled up at our destination. She was looking around and there was a moment that if I would have been able to read her mind, I probably would have been offended. She was certainly looking at the situation like I was a serial killer and I was bringing her to the woods to get rid of the body.
“Are you going to tell me what we're doing way out here?”
“I was honestly waiting for you to say something. It's a place that I hope that you like.”
I was being ambiguous and that was kind of the point. I wanted her to get out of her comfort zone. I wanted us to have some time alone and this was the perfect place.
“What is the Center Cavern?”
“It's a great cave that has been around for a long time. It is one of the most relaxing places I have been in and I thought that you would appreciate it. My family used to come here when I was younger. It was sort of our place.”
“You brought me to a cave?”
I hoped that her dubious expression wasn’t a clue how she was going to feel about the caves. The place was an old home that I’d escaped to when my father was pushing me too hard. I’d always found comfort here and I don’t know why, but I wanted her to get inside and fall in love with it as much as I was.
The stairs were a little shaky going up and I loved the way she grabbed my shoulder to steady herself. This felt right. Being with Betty was supposed to happen. We were supposed to be together. I don't know why I was so sure of it, but I was.
“What do you think of it so far?”
We were just getting to the first level and I could tell that she was impressed. This was unlike any cave that I had ever been in before and we were just in the beginning. It was huge, really something to look at once we got a little deeper inside of it.
She said that she liked it, but she was still shaking a little bit when I touched her arm. I asked her what was the matter with her and she didn’t answer for a moment, making me prod her along for a real one.
“You're not cold, are you?”
She quickly shook her head that she wasn’t and when I asked her again what was the matter, her face got red.
“I was just thinking about something.”
“It must be something good if it embarrasses you like that, just from the thought. Maybe you should share it and I will be the judge of it.”
She gave me a look that said she knew exactly what I was trying to do. The truth was that I did have an ulterior motive. I had a good idea of what was on her mind. I wanted to believe that she was thinking about our time together. I wanted desperately to believe that she was obsessed with me, just like I was obsessed with her. It would have made everything a lot easier.
“You know damn well what I'm thinking about, Nick.”
“Join the club. I've been thinking about it since it happened. Sometimes I think that maybe it would be even better if we had not done it, though. The way you have made me crazy wasn’t something that I saw coming. Surely you can see what you’ve done to me.”
She said that she could, but I don't think she really did. I don't know how innocent she really was, but I certainly knew that I wanted to change it. I wanted to turn her into the bad girl, and I knew it was dying to come out of her, for the right person. So badly I wanted to be the right person. I would have given anything.
She asked me after a little while back, why there was a backpack on my shoulder, and I told her that she would find out soon enough. It was not enough that we went into the Cave together alone. I wanted to set the stage, and I had a little picnic that I had packed earlier in the day. I was convinced that all I had to do was get her here and then it would play out like it was supposed to.
That's what I wanted to think anyway.
We had been exploring the cave for about an hour by the time we stopped and I asked her if she was getting hungry. It was probably not quite lunchtime, but since we had left before she could have breakfast or pretty close to it, I figured that it would be time for a stop. I knew of a place with just the right level ground for what I had in mind. Betty wasn't the only one that was thinking about our time together. I certainly was and so help me, I so desperately needed the right stage for my play.
“Why don't we stop here and have a little snack?”
She agreed and I was thankful for that. There was a big part of me that thought I might quite literally go crazy if I didn't get my hands on her soon. I knew that I physically wouldn't lose my mind, but then again, maybe I would. It was a real possibility.
“Why do I feel like you have ulterior motives?”
“You should probably know right off the bat, that I definitely have ulterior motives. I think you do as well. Why else would you come with me? You're thinking about our time together and so am I. Don't you wonder what would have happened if we would have gone further? How good that could have been?”
I was laying it on thick, but I couldn't help myself. It wasn't just a question that had come up in my mind randomly, but one that I had been thinking about for quite some time. Ever since I heard the sweet sounds of her pleasure, I knew that I wasn't going to be able to rest until I had given her the same pleasure again. This time I wanted it to be with my mouth and not just my fingers. This time, I wanted to be deep inside of her when she called out like she couldn't stop herself.
Instead of taking it the way I wanted her to go, she pulled away and got a little defensive.
“What's going on? I was just joking. We don't have to do anything.”
“I want to, that's the problem.”
“Well, if you want to, then why are you moving away from me?”
“Because. I told you I don't do this sort of thing.”
I agreed and told her that she had said it before. I still really didn't understand why she kept saying that. I think she wanted me to know that she was a good girl, but that was pretty obvious to me. I just wasn't getting it, though.
“I know I said it before, but I don't think you were really listening to me. I don't do this, and I don't know you very well. I've been waiting a very long time and I don't know if I'm ready to give into the feelings I have for you. I do want you and that's probably the problem. I'm worried that I won't be able to say no.”
I felt like I was supposed to read between the lines. I played back the words she said to me. What was I missing? I know that she was a good girl. Why did she keep reiterating it, though?
“When you say that you don't do this, what do you mean by that?”
Her face got a little bit redder and I would have given anything to know what was on her mind in that moment. Was she thinking about us again? That's what I was thinking about. I was thinking about how it had felt and how she had sounded.
“I mean that I don't do that. Ever.”
The bright light was starting to show, and I was starting to get what she was talking about. She had never done it before. She was a virgin. Why had that not come to my mind so completely before? In my defense, I had never met a virgin, especially not her age, and I probably hadn’t thought that they really existed.
Great, now what? There goes my whole plan, blown to bits. I knew that she was innocent, but a virgin? I liked to think of myself as a lady’s man, but I know that I was not the only one who had tried. Many had. They had to of.
19
Betty
After I told him what I wanted to keep a secret, he had this blank look on his face. I guess that might have been the worst part. His eyes lost some of the twinkle and his face relaxed. He just kept looking at me like he didn't know what to say and after a few moments, it became even more awkward. I didn't know what to say either.
When I tried to get some words out, nothing was able to come forth. My throat was dry, and I think that the words were actually getting caught there. Was I supposed to apologize? It felt like I was. He was looking at me like I was some perpetrator that had lied and said I was one thing, when I really wasn't. Maybe that was the case. W
as I supposed to tell everyone that I got close to that I was a virgin? None of it made any sense, and finally I turned back and started walking the way we came. The cave had lost some of its grandeur, as well as the man that had talked me into going here.
He caught up with me after a moment and asked me to wait up.
“I think it would be better if we just get out of here. Maybe you can take me back home.”
“Take you back home? There is still half of a cave to look at. You haven’t even seen the best part yet.”
“It would appear that you are not very comfortable in my presence, and I don’t think I’m very comfortable in yours.”
“I wouldn't say that.”
“Then what would you say? I told you that I hadn't been with somebody before and you're now looking at me like I have snakes coming out of my head. What am I supposed to think?”
He apologized, but he still didn't give a reason. Finally, he just said that he didn't know what to say.
“You really put me at a loss of words. It’s a surprise.”
I didn't see how. It wasn't like I had told him the secret to living forever. It was just one little thing. Sometimes it felt like a big thing, a huge thing at the moment, but it was one tiny aspect of my life. There was a little less desire in his eyes, and I hated to see the change. The light feeling between us was gone. He was definitely not looking at me the same way.
Turning away because I didn't want to see Nick’s face like that, I felt his hand on my arm, trying to stop me. I pulled it back without even looking at him and kept walking. It had taken us awhile to get down here and now I was wishing that the entrance was closer. I just needed to get out of here and away from him. I felt so embarrassed, so betrayed. I'm not even really sure what all I was feeling, just that I knew I had to get some distance between me and Nick.