Won't Be Fooled Again

by C F White

  “How long have you known Callum?” The doctor’s voice broke the silence after he’d pressed the button for the lift.

  Kez tucked his phone away. And here it is. “Years. Since school. Well, on and off.”

  “And is he your…boyfriend?” Rawlings stumbled on the word like he wasn’t used to saying it.

  “No. No, he’s not.” Stepping into the lift, Kez paused the conversation as a couple of nurses said their hellos to the doctor. Kez guessed the bloke didn’t want to talk whilst in polite company. So Kez kept schtum. So did the doctor. It took until they were outside the entire hospital before he spoke again.

  “Are you in a sexual relationship with him?” Rawlings didn’t look Kez in the eye and instead focused on adjusting the bursting-at-the-seams satchel on his shoulder.

  Kez baulked at the question. Not only was it completely over the line and the doctor had never feigned any interest in his partners before, but it also wasn’t any of the man’s goddamn business who he slept with! Was he asking because the doctor wanted a bit of Callum? A few months back, Kez would never have believed that. But now…after all the rumours about Rawlings and Ollie and their illicit ‘relationship’. After all the office gossip that said the doctor preyed on the young and vulnerable…

  Kez felt sick. “I don’t see how that’s any of your business.” That was rather brave, and foolish.

  “The reason I ask,” Dr. Rawlings continued, clearly cottoning on to Kez’s hesitancy to negate the question or offer the confirmatory, “is that I have a concern for him. And, therefore, to you.”

  “A concern? What type of concern? Is he okay? Lungs-wise?”

  “Oh, yes, that. He’s all clear on that front. This is more of a personal concern.” Rawlings tugged down his jacket sleeves, lowering his voice so those passing couldn’t eavesdrop. “To do with his sexual activity.”

  “What?” Kez forced out a laugh. Was he hearing right? What the hell did the doctor know about Callum’s sex life? Kez didn’t even know about Callum’s sex life. Not anymore anyway. And if he was honest, he could never have known the whole truth even when he’d thought they told each other everything.

  “Please don’t take this the wrong way—”

  “Did you do an STD check on him as well?” Kez’s voice bubbled with irritation. “’Cause he shouldn’t have agreed to that. Is that why you sent me out?” Kez shook his head. “Doctor, Callum’s an ex-criminal. He’s been on the inside a while and, yeah, he’s done some stupid shit. I don’t doubt he’s still doing stupid shit. Whether or not I’m sleeping with him doesn’t matter here anyway. I’m sensible. I won’t be fooled again. I know who he is and what he’s done. Who he’s sleeping with is also none of mine, or your, concern.”

  “I understand that, but if you’d let me interject here for one sec—”

  “Whatever you think of him, he’s still my friend. He needs my support. Those two things I can, and will, give him.” Kez’s rage wasn’t simmering and he was in danger of shouting. To hell with all those who were walking past their loitering on the hospital door step. He was so fed up of people’s judgements. One look at Callum and the doctor had suspected the worst of him. The very worst. That he was some sort of…what? What had he implied? Why had sex even come into it?

  Kez’s head hurt.

  “I can see he means a lot to you.” The doctor looked away, holding up a hand to an oncoming taxi.

  “He does.” More than a lot, but that didn’t need saying. Kez was sure it would be noted in the way he’d reacted. “So, with all due respect, Doctor, I’d ask you to leave him alone. Thank you for your help today. I appreciate it. But I would urge you not to pursue anything with him.”

  “Kwesi—”

  “Thank you, Doctor, and good evening.” With that, Kez rushed across the road, narrowly missing a black cab leaping over the crossroads toward Dr. Rawlings’ outstretched hand. His blood boiled and his chest ached. He’d just stood up to the doctor. First time ever.

  It had been for Callum. Even if he had no idea what it had been in reference to.

  Chapter Nine

  Forgive and Remember

  Telling himself to forget Dr. Rawlings and his blatant disregard for workplace ethics, Kez made it to Newham Hospital in record time. He must have been on autopilot, as he barely remembered the Tube ride, or the walk through the bustling streets, or passing the Marlyte Estate at all. Maybe he’d closed himself off for a reason. It would have been hard to gaze upon that place in its current state. He’d seen it on the internet news reports, in the evening commuter newspapers, and it was shredding the fond childhood memories he had of growing up surrounded by such diversity.

  He knew what society thought of people brought up in council-run stacked housing. But if there was ever a place with a community feel, it was the Marlyte. They all looked out for each other there, like a huge family. That had included Callum at one point. Having lived five doors down from each other during their teens, they’d become like brothers, with Callum having spent more time at his and Eve’s than his own place. There had always been enough dinner cooked and a place set at the table for when he popped by. Callum’s mum hadn’t been particularly maternal, or of sound mind or present for much of Callum’s adolescence. So much like how Eve had taken Kez under her wing, she’d done the same for Callum. Callum had even taken to calling her Auntie. It had been the perfect family set-up. For a while. Until the boundaries had been overstepped. Until adolescence had sparked all those simmering feelings.

  Approaching his aunt’s cubical on the ward, Kez braced for what was behind the blue curtain and how he was going to explain to her that Callum was now in his house. She’d be okay. She would. She had to be. Callum had saved her and, albeit implicitly, she had encouraged Kez to seek him out. And she preached the gospel of forgiving others. That had to account for something. Right? Right?

  As he scraped the circle rods along the rickety pole, he was startled to find the bed empty and made to exacting nurse standards that Ollie would be jealous of. The guest chair, however, wasn’t vacant.

  “Kwesi!” Grace was an elderly woman herself, and a fierce one. She had to be nearing seventy, but it would take a heavy-duty truck to knock her off her feet. She and Eve were best friends, having met at Our Lady of La Sallette community church and become each other’s confidante. Grace’s husband had been lost to cancer several years back and Eve’s eternal spinster status had meant they’d needed each other, with Grace becoming Kez’s second aunt.

  “Grace.” He scooted around the bed to kiss the woman’s cheek.

  “Oh, Kwesi. How are you, my dear?”

  “I’m good. Where’s Auntie?”

  “She’s being taken to the little girls’ room. Then, she’s discharged and coming back to mine. All airways clear. She’s still in shock, understandably, and her ankle needed recasting. But other than that, she’s good to go.”

  Kez breathed a sigh of relief. Ever since he’d done the research on smoke inhalation because of Callum, he couldn’t help fearing that he hadn’t even asked about that of his aunt. He’d been concerned about where she went from here, yeah, but he hadn’t even worried about her health. She was always so tough, so strong. She had to be. Bringing up a disabled child who wasn’t her own had given her a body and soul of steel.

  “I can take her.” Kez dumped his bag on the floor. “You don’t have to take her in. She’s my responsibility now. I can return the favour for what she did to me.”

  “Nonsense. She’s better off at my house. I’ve got the room. I’m all alone there in my big old place. I’ll be glad of the company. Just you come and visit, yes?”

  “Of course.” Kez was a little relieved he didn’t have to find space to house his aunt, especially considering the sofa was currently occupied and there was no chance of sharing that or his bed, with either Eve or Callum. But he meant what he’d said. He would return the favour. That was what families did. Whether flesh and blood or not. It was why he was doing it for C
allum. They’d been brothers from other mothers for a while.

  Sinking down to perch on the end of the bed, he rested his arm on his knee and stroked the smooth plastic.

  “You okay, love?” Grace shuffled to the end of the seat and placed a wrinkled hand on Kez’s knee. “Eve told me about Callum.”

  Kez shot his head up, staring into wise grey eyes. “That he saved her?”

  “Yes. That was brave. And showed he has a moral side.”

  “He does.” Kez strangled that out. “He’s good underneath it all. He wants to do better.”

  Grace sat back and didn’t do a particularly great job of hiding her look of scepticism. Forgiveness could be preached in the gospel, but Kez guessed it was harder to put into practise when the stupid actions of others affected their loved ones.

  “It’s brought it all back, hasn’t it?” Grace at least tried to keep the disapproving tutt out of her voice.

  Kez didn’t get a chance to answer as the curtain swished along the metal pole and opened. A nurse clutched Eve as she hobbled on one crutch into the cubical. Kez launched off the bed and threw his arm around her. She toppled back, chuckling as Kez squeezed her close and inhaled her familiar scent. Beneath the distinct hospital-grade sanitizer, he could still breathe her in and it felt like coming home. Of being safe and warm and loved.

  “Well, Eve.” The nurse snaked her arm free of Eve’s. “Looks like you’ve been missed.”

  Kez stepped back and gave a lopsided smile. Relief wasn’t the only reason he’d launched himself on her. It was everything that had happened within twenty-four hours and the inability to talk to his one confidante about it whilst she cooked him his favourite stew. The image of Eve slaving over a hotpot in the poky kitchen at the Marlyte stabbed him in the chest. She’d never be there again. Neither would he. The whole dynamics of their relationship had been altered indefinitely. What would become of them now?

  “We’ll call you a taxi, Eve, and it’ll take you where you need to go,” the nurse said, cutting through the silence.

  Grace nodded. “Thank you, nurse. She’ll be coming with me.”

  Eve ran a hand over Kez’s hair. “See. Told you I’d be fine. Take more than a fire to put this old girl out.”

  Kez smiled. He bloody well hoped so. He had so much to tell her. He wanted to blurt it all out, but fear of her reaction kept his lips sealed.

  “I’ll leave you to get sorted.” The nurse backed out of the cubicle. “Take care, Eve. If you need anything at all, please call the hospital.”

  As she left, it shunted the small space into an awkward silence.

  “What’s happening with the council?” Kez asked to get some conversation going that wasn’t him having to address the news of Callum. “The Marlyte?”

  “We’ve had notice that they’re able to get in the building today and will be salvaging what’s left.” Eve allowed Grace to wriggle her into a long woollen coat that Grace had bought for her. The tags were still on it and Kez ripped them off. Why hadn’t he thought to bring his aunt clothes, or something? Anything. Flowers would have been a nice touch. Fuck, I’ve become useless again! “Refurbishment will take place. In the meantime, alternate housing will be issued to all. But as I’m with Grace, I’ve told them they don’t need to hurry.” She gave Kez a pained look and squeezed his arm. “I am sorry about all your old things.”

  “It’s just stuff, Auntie. What’s important is you.” Kez grabbed the plastic bag filled with clothes and whatnot that Grace had clearly thought to pack and held out his prosthetic for Eve to grip. She did.

  “Have you heard from Callum?” She asked the inevitable with concern. “I’ve been thinking about him this whole time. How he came to me. He didn’t have to, y’know. He didn’t have to carry Thomas out. I hope he’s found somewhere to go.”

  Kez bit down on his lip, ignoring the sharp inhalation from Grace behind.

  “Best he’s gone, I say!” she snapped. “That boy was nothing but trouble. For both of you. And for the estate. They should have rehoused him somewhere else!”

  “If they had done that, Grace, I might not be here at all.” Eve’s fingers tightened around Kez’s arm and she threw a pleading look over her shoulder. “Please. I know how you feel about him. But he was a boy. And now a confused young man who has lost what little he had. Let’s offer some compassion and pray that he does not resort to his old ways.”

  Chastised, Grace scoffed. Kez offered her a brief smile. She wasn’t saying it all to be nasty. It came from knowing what Kez and Eve had had to go through all those years ago. Before the fire, Eve might have been saying the exact same thing, although the subject of Callum had been off-limits for quite some time. It had been easier for them to never address it. Kez had found it difficult to talk about him without tearing up, yet he knew Eve prayed for him most nights. She’d hoped he’d find a different path, preferably one as far away from them as possible. Instead, it had paved right back to Kez. And he knew he had to tell her the truth.

  “He’s staying with me.” Kez attempted some sort of finality, but he knew it was futile.

  “What!” Grace spat.

  Eve waved a hand to silence her then turned to Kez, drawing her eyebrows in. “How did that happen?”

  “I went to see him. At the community centre. He had nothing, Auntie. I couldn’t leave him there.” He appealed to Eve through his glistening eyes, begging her to understand. To not make a fuss. To accept that Kez could never have walked away from Callum. Not again. He sighed. “Matthew 6: 14–15. ‘If you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.’”

  “If we do not forgive others their sins, our Father will not forgive us.” Eve nodded. “Yes, Kwesi. I know.” She tapped his arm. “I hope you know what you are doing.”

  “So do I, Auntie. So do I.” The tightness across his chest was hopefully not a sign that he didn’t. “I have to help him, don’t I? If I don’t, who will? It’s what you did for me.”

  “That was different!” Grace piped up from behind. “Eve was saving you.”

  “And now I’m saving Callum.” Kez hung his head. “From himself, at least.”

  Nothing more was said as Kez helped Eve away from the cubicle and out of the emergency ward, through the bustle of the hospital. Outside, the sun was settling against the concrete backdrop and the tailed-back cars heading out from the multi-storey car park caused an oppressive drone over the three of them. Kez hoped it was that anyway, and not his announcement that he planned to have Callum back in his life. As a friend. As only a friend. Because Callum needed one.

  So do I.

  At the taxi rank, a driver rushed out of his car and confirmed he would be their cab home. He opened the door and Grace lowered herself into the back, with the man taking Eve’s crutch and popping it into the passenger side. Eve twisted to face Kez and took his hand, holding it between her cold, dry fingertips.

  “I can’t say I won’t worry. I know how you felt about him.”

  “Auntie—”

  She gripped his hand tighter. “‘For as the rain and the snow come down from heaven and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish, so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater, so is my word that goes out from my mouth. It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I deserve and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.’”

  “Isaiah 55:10-13. I don’t understand.” He’d been a churchgoer when he’d lived with his aunt, but that had fallen by the wayside. After Callum. After everything. It wasn’t that he didn’t believe. It was that he couldn’t forgive as easily as he was meant to.

  “When you give your love to someone and they don’t deserve it, you can feel completely deflated. You’ll wonder why you cared in the first place. Isaiah reminds us that nothing happens without a reason, including all the people that come into our lives. There is a reason why we meet them and a particular purpose to serve.” She tapped his hand. “It ma
y not be what you expect or want, but there will be a reason.” She lifted a hand to his cheek and he slid to the side to press his lips to her dainty palm. “Just remember that, if nothing else.”

  Nodding, Kez helped his aunt into the car and closed the door behind her. As he waved her off, the heaviness in his stomach didn’t feel like it was made from iron anymore. It was much more fragile than that.

  * * * *

  It was a stroke of luck that Callum managed to find his way back to Kez’s place. He’d not paid that much attention the previous night and Rafferty’s incessant chatter on the way to the hospital had prevented him from mentally mapping the way. But he found it without too much of a faff. Even though he’d promised himself he wouldn’t be here again, that he wouldn’t rain on Kez’s parade, that it wasn’t fair on him, he now believed that he could find a way out of his mess. Staying put, regardless of the risks, was currently his only choice.

  And maybe, just maybe, I can get Kez back. ’Cause fuck knows how much I need him.

  Clapping around in the kitchen, he made a start on preparing a dinner of reconciliation. Kez was more than likely due home any minute and Callum was taking step one to rebuilding the foundations of a new life, starting with salvaging his friendship with Kez. He needed to prove—not to Kez as such, more to himself—that he could be a decent bloke. Bunging a pizza in the oven wasn’t exactly culinary expertise, but it was a goddamn start. Familiarising himself with the contents of Kez’s place had been like getting to know the bloke all over again and he now realised how much he’d taken him for granted back then. He’d never paid Kez back for anything. Not so much money-wise—although he was sure Kez had spent a fair bit of cash on him over the years—but more returning the favour of Kez’s unbridled care and friendship. He had to rectify that. Asap.

  It was as if the fire had ignited something in him. Gave me a starting point, perhaps? He wanted to become a better person. Saving Eve from a potential fatality and coming face-to-face with Dr. Rawlings—a man who had seen him at rock bottom and commanded he tumble down even farther—Callum knew he couldn’t continue on his path of self-destruction. He had to leave the old Callum behind. He’d been given a second chance. Not that he believed in fate, or God, or any divine being, but something had driven this chain of events. And that had brought Kez back into his life. Now he intended to hold on to him. Because he couldn’t go back to who he’d almost become. He couldn’t be one of those geezers at the club. He couldn’t have the same fate as his mum had. And he couldn’t run. He couldn’t leave Kez ’cause Kez was all he had. So the new Callum would begin by offering Kez himself in the form of a tasty after-work snack made by his fair hands. Not him being the snack, exactly. Although…