Reckless Hate: A Bully High School Romance (enemies-friends-enemies-lovers-enemies) (Westbrook Blues Book 1)

by Thandiwe Mpofu

  Last night, he spanked me, like a little child that disobeyed him.

  Yet he is the one who sent me away.

  I break down and the next thing I know, he pulls me over from my seat and over the center console and then into his lap. The large space in the Jeep affords that and he rocks me in his lap but I don’t want to be in his lap. I don’t want to be here with him if he is just going to sit here and pretend like he didn’t issue the command for me to go. Whether he knew about my being raped or not, he ordered that I go. And he didn’t even say it to my face!

  “Let me go.” I pound on his chest, shouting in the car but he doesn’t let me go. In my peripherals I notice that we are at the very edge of the school, hidden by the large trees that create a sort of shade, hiding Ace’s car from any eyes that might be around but still, I just want out of this car. I want out of his life.

  “Let me fucking go, you asshole!” I shout. “You did this to me!”

  “You did this to me!” He shouts back at me and I still in his lap, watching him.

  Our gazes locked, but there is no warmth or the frigid iciness that I’m usually used to. There is just hate. Plain and simple hate, in its rawest form ever.

  “You fucking did this to me! Noah’s alcohol abuse, Emmett’s depression, George’s falling apart and search for answers in dangerous places. And now he is dead. You did that!”

  “I was raped, you sick fuck!” I cry, brokenly.

  Maybe screaming out the words out loud for the first time like this wasn’t the best decision of my life. The words are different from what happened on Monday. I say them like he is the one to blame for what happened to me but I can’t stop the words from spilling out of me like a torrent of rushing water.

  Maybe these very words were always at the tip of my tongue but never really came out because the last time I actually said them, my own parents looked at me with horrified and then embarrassed expressions on their faces. And then, they rushed to cover it all up, acting like I was delusional. Maybe my screaming those very words in Ace’s car is to see how horrified he will be by them. Horrified by me.

  I watch as the look in his eyes hardens, the hate sharpening but he doesn’t look away, no he holds my gaze. So, I do what I do best. Dig the knife deeper and twist it in my own heart.

  “I was raped and you promised that you would never leave me alone again. And like an idiot, I believed you! Instead, I woke up in that damn hospital, alone and screaming your name, only for your fucking mother to come in and tell me that you wanted me gone!” I shout.

  Ace rears back as if I’ve just slapped him across the face, but I ignore him, wiping away the hot, annoying tears streaming down my cheeks. Messing up the stupid mascara that I put on for him.

  I remember the days before that party. I remember the blue roses that he got me. I remember the one sentence notes. I remember the butterflies I had. I remember the way he made me feel.

  “You said we were going to be together in high school.” I whisper then, remembering the way he kissed me for the first time, in a dark corner of Noah’s house. “You kissed me in the fucking dark and lied to me. You gave me darkness and lies!”

  I remember being so damn nervous that night, so nervous, my heart pounding and I knew I didn’t look my best. I wanted to look my best for Ace when he kissed me but that night I wasn’t ready and so that kiss was a terrible flop. I ran.

  “Did you leave for that damn camp because I couldn’t kiss you back?” It’s a question that has been rummaging in my head all these years. Did Ace punish me by sending me away—and my parents agreeing with it—because I was too nervous to kiss him back.

  “Star.” He starts but I slap him as hard as I can, his shades go flying one way and I watch with satisfaction as his jaw clenches and his cheek turning red at the force of my blow.

  “I came back to bury my brother, you asshole, but you decided to take over that too, declaring like the fucking king you are, that my life is in danger. You have the audacity to kiss me and fuck me so damn good, make me come in my room, screaming. Spank the truth out of me about my pills like I’m a fucking BDSM whore, and now you have the nerve, the actual nerve to take my one copying mechanism for all of this bullshit and tell me that you got rid of them?” I say all of that in one breath, my chest heaving. “Who the fuck do you think you are?”

  He doesn’t say anything, watching me with that icy gaze of his. Maybe it was the silence that fell over the car or maybe it was the millions of questions knocking around in my head but I just couldn’t take it anymore.

  “Oh my God.” The realization dawns on me then. “You pity me, don’t you?” Hurt takes over my chest, my mind and my soul. The look in his eys confirms it.

  “Oh wait, maybe it’s the knowledge that they sent me to a damn mental health clinic out in London. My own mother refused to stop for a second, too invested in societal life to listen when I told her what happened to me. My father denied it and said I was sick! In the head! Imagine that!” I laugh and it’s as bitter as I feel inside. “Do you also think that I’m crazy, Ace?”

  I ask him but I don’t bother waiting for a response. Should have known when I woke up with that damn smile on my face that today was going to be the beginning of the end. Nothing good ever comes to me. Nothing great ever stays. Look at George.

  “So what if I wanted to end it all? So what, if I suffer from mental health issues that you have no understanding of? So what if I get panic attacks and I feel anxious in social settings? So what? To you I’m just a pawn that you can use anytime.”

  I wipe the tears away furiously, sitting in his lap, with my gaze directly on him, spewing the goriest parts of my life to him.

  “So what if I got addicted? So, what if I never wanted to come back here? So what if I can’t mourn my own twin? So, what if I can’t sleep at night and each time I do, I’m thrust into a vicious nightmare? So, fucking what, Alexander King? So what?” I demand but I don’t want an answer, I’m not expecting one either.

  So, I lean in and cup his strong, perfectly chiseled jaw in my hands and then look him in the eyes again. I kiss him, but it’s not rough, it’s not anything that he dishes out, I just kiss him as softly as I can, caressing his jaw and then pull back after a few seconds. Ace was the best, worst addiction I could ever have but this time, I was going to be strong enough to cut him off.

  With one hand I grab my bag and with the other I clutch the handle to open the car door but I never once look away from him.

  “You were supposed to keep your promise, but you didn’t. I will fucking hate you for the rest of our lives. Even if it kills me.”

  And with that, I quickly open the door and jump out before he can catch me. I don’t turn to look back, I run, tears running down my face. I run and never look back.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

  ASTRAEA

  I HAVE NO IDEA HOW I managed to get here but after running away from Ace, I ran straight for the damn private entrance that they use to get into the school and I have no idea how I knew it would be there, but I found it anyway. The one place where girls go through all sorts of chaos in their lives. The gossip is juiciest in here, lip gloss applying is an event and well as I have recently found out now—crying is easiest to do in the girl’s bathroom.

  I’ve been in this stall for what seems to be an hour but I think it’s more like a few minutes. My tears have since dried and I have been sitting in here, my stomach grumbling—and wondering what I should do next. Everything I do next rides on this moment, in this bathroom that looks less like a school bathroom and more like that of a five star hotel. Talk about extravagant.

  I honestly didn’t see this morning going the way it did. I woke up feeling slightly euphoric, full of life but everything quickly went downhill, as if the universe conspires against me. Constantly.

  I didn’t mean to have that kind of conversation with Ace. I didn’t mean to yell at him like that but it all just became too much and even now as I rock back and forth, I’m wond
ering when this. . .nightmare will end.

  I’m back to that headspace where I just want it all to go away. I don’t want to think about what happened to me. I don’t want Ace or the boys to look at me like I am a loon. Like I am a victim.

  I’m a victim of abuse.

  A victim of someone else’s horrors. Horrors that have somehow become mine.

  I don’t want to go out there and face him. I don’t want to see the look on his face or the lack thereof. I don’t want to be around him right now because I meant what I said, I’ll always hate him for what he did. Not just what he did four years ago, but for taking away my life line after making me see freaking stars last night.

  Westbrook literally crawls with secrets but it almost feels like everyone knows my secrets before I’m even aware there is a secret that involves me. My brother’s death was no accident, he was murdered—if I should trust anything Ace, Noah and Emmett says.

  But do they have a reason to lie to me?

  My parents are assholes, keeping a chunk of information from me.

  The door suddenly opens slowly and I hitch a breath when I hear a set of soft footsteps coming in the bathroom. I hold my breath, hoping that whoever it is, isn’t Ace.

  “Raea!”

  I let out a sigh of relief as soon as I hear Kim’s voice echoing in the bathroom

  “What do you want?”

  I hear her sigh and then she walks in my direction, opens my closed stall door and then looks down at me. I’m seated on the closed toilet seat, I know my mascara is a mess and probably my eyes are red rimmed with dried tears on my cheeks. I think I look the way I feel. Pathetic and miserable.

  “You look like hell warmed over.” She says with a shake of her head.

  “Thanks.” I look down at my skirt, wishing I had something, anything with me. A joint, hell, even alcohol, to dull the pain in my chest and the buzzing in my head.

  “Noah said you ran in here and haven’t come out. He said you might need a tampon.” She says with a roll of her eyes and for some reason, that cracks me up like nothing else in this world and I laugh hard. Man, I wish all I needed right now was a tampon.

  “Noah is a shithead.” I say in between laughs and Kim joins me.

  “No argument there. Come on baby girl.” She tugs my arm and I stand, leaving the stall. Kim leads me to the chaise lounge—yes there is a freaking blue chaise lounge in the girls’ bathroom of Westbrook Blues—and we both sit.

  “Wanna talk about it?” She asks and I look down, unable to look her in the eye.

  “I fucked Alex King last night.” I whisper, feeling a weight being lifted over my shoulder. This must shock Kim because she just gasps.

  “Uh, okay.”

  “It was so damn good. He fucked me so good, I’m wet thinking of it right now.”

  “Well damn.”

  “You know what I need right now? I need a damn joint.” I tell her, my hands start to shake. I think I’ll just skip school again today, at this point I’m failing behind anyway and I really don’t give a fuck.

  “Ha! I always knew you had a dark side.” She shakes her head with a huge smile on her face then she takes out a rolled up joint from her skirt pocket. “I knew today was going to be shitty and it’s already gone to hell at this point.”

  “Wait, you smoke?” I ask. She does look like a rebel but I didn’t think Kim would smoke.

  “Girl, there’s a lot you don’t know about me.” I watch as she lights up the joint and we pass it along in silence a few times. I think back to what she just said.

  “So you fucked the Blue King.”

  “And you had a shitty week.”

  We look at each other, then we both burst out laughing.

  “But seriously, what do you mean everything has been going to shit this week?” I ask, accepting the joint.

  This shit is bad for me but I don’t fucking care. It’s helping me calm down and settle my mind. A buzzing mind is the worst because that leads to the dead silence of darkness at night and I’m not interested in all of that. I need to find a way to get a new bottle of pills.

  “Well, since you decided that academia is shit and fuck instead, Brittney took it upon herself to be the she devil that she is.”

  I watch as Kim’s expression tightens and her face is now an annoyed frown.

  “What did she do?”

  “Well, she thought it would be creative to spray paint my locker with the word ‘slut’ and then stuffed my locker with used condoms. As if that shit is original.”

  “Kim. . .”

  “That was Tuesday. Yesterday though, she had my car tires slashed. I don’t think she is smart enough or has the balls to have done it herself because it looked professionally done.”

  I gasp, the bathroom is filled with smoke at this point but we don’t care as Kim lays down on the chaise, dangling her feet in the air and I lay back, starring at the ceiling too.

  “Did you confront her?”

  “Not yet, she just stood there, with a malicious smile on her face and I’m guessing she has something in store for you too.”

  No surprise there at all. I bet she has a voodoo doll of me in her room, and instead of pins, she has knives in it.

  “She’s a bitch.”

  “What did she do to you? Besides hating you for the stupid Blue Boys?” Kim questions. I knew this day was coming, I knew if I wanted to have at least one friend in my corner, that that one person would demand answers.

  “To be honest, I have no idea what I did to her.” I take a deep breath, feeling the effects of the joint doing its damn thing. . .loosening my limbs and soon my tongue. “You know, I never really had friends in elementary school. Hell, all the girls never liked me.”

  I guess today is #throwbackthursday because I’m remembering a lot of what happened before. I remember the way all the girls would ignore me, steal my lunch and throw it into the sandbox. I remember the way they would laugh at my braces and my hair. I remember I would be bullied by both girls and boys, especially Brittney.

  “Wait, so how did you become friends?”

  “Chill, I’m getting to that.” I laugh. “So, the boys noticed that I was always alone at school and so, they started playing with me. At that point, my twin brother, George, was close friends with Noah, Emmett and Alex. Like really close. So, when they all started to sit with me at recess and then at lunch time, it was all good but. . .”

  “It made things worse. Yeah, I’m seeing that.”

  “Yup, but the boys would scare people, warning them to stay away from me or else and by that time, they were growing so damn fast and soon, the four Blue Boys were much bigger than the rest of the kids in our grade but even older kids respected them. And let’s not forget, they were popular.”

  “Popular assholes, yes.” Kim injects and we look at each other, then we burst out laughing.

  “I can’t argue with that. So, Brittney realized her dream in life right around that time.”

  “To be Miss. Whore?”

  I burst out laughing at that and my feet do a little dance. Somehow, everything is so damn funny now and I can’t stop laughing.

  “I guess that was one. But being popular. She wanted to be the most popular girl in school and I think she thought that to have that much power, she needed to be in the Blue Boy’s circle. By that time, Noah, Emmett and George were already kissing girls.”

  And Ace would bully me to no end.

  “So, she came to you with a best friend bracelet.”

  “I hate those shits.”

  We burst out laughing again at that, gasping for breath really and soon, the joint is finished but we just sit there, basking in the glorious after burn of the high.

  “I guess she didn’t get the attention she needed. Alex was so damn indifferent to her. Noah hates her guts as for my brother, well, George was always nice so he tried to tolerate her for me but when we were at home, he would say something about Brittney.”

  I remember the way George would just gi
ve me random details about Brittney. Something about the way I always ‘helped’ her with her homework and she never helped me finish class projects. The way Brittney would come to our house, and never invited me to hers. The way she would always talk about kissing Alex. . .

  “I should have known that she was only using me.”

  Kim sits up then and grabs my hand and looks at me seriously.

  “I’m slightly high right now but I know all about backstabbing bitches but this bitch needs to pay!”

  I look at her seriously, it’s almost as if we are drunk because the next thing we do, we just fall apart, laughing at each other.

  “No seriously, she needs to pay.”

  “Yeah, you are right. She needs to get a taste of her own whorish medicine.” I say with a laugh, trying my best to be serious. Shit, I needed this to get my mind off of everything else that has happened.

  “Okay good. We need to make a list of what that daft bitch cares about and make her senior year a mess.”

  “Uh of course. She is a basic shithead but she likes purses, shoes, hair products. . .”

  “No, Raea. To be a mastermind and blow shit up, you need to dig deeper and get to the very core of a bitch.”

  “Uh, I’m not interested in seeing the insides of that ink-head.”

  “What’s an ink-head?”

  “I don’t know, it just sounded badass in my head.” I shrug. We look at each other and then we burst out laughing again as the school bell rings for the second time. I grab my phone from my blazer pocket and I notice that it’s time for the first lesson. Shit, how long have we been in here and why isn’t time moving?

  “Ink-head. I like that!” Kim nods. “No but really, what makes her so popular, what does she do in this school exactly?”

  “Well, you already are running for office. We need to step that up like no man’s business.”

  “Yup, Noah has a whole campaign strategy, whatever that means but we need to go further and reach through the gutter.” I look at her, noticing her serious contemplating expression on her face. “And then there is the issue that she is also trying out for cheerleader captain after that poor legacy princess broke her leg over the summer.”