by J. K Harper
Jordyn found herself laughing again in spite of herself. She reached up and caught his hand where it brushed her cheek. "Yeah, that's the main reason I keep you around. The 911 calls about dishrags on fire, exploded cars that turn out to be a kid's toy car, kittens stuck up trees. It's okay," she added lightly, feeling her heart beat hard in her chest for reasons she didn't care to explore at the moment. "You and I have no holds on one another. We agreed to that."
She said the words casually, and they were nothing new. They'd both been very clear about that from the beginning. Even so, silence descended again. Outside her apartment, a few cars shift down the streets. An owl called from the trees across the way, its deep hoots indicating the lateness of the hour. Tanner's eyes were dark, once again fixed on hers because he'd shot his gaze back up to her when she spoke. Yet his face stayed composed, as still as hers.
Deep inside, Jordyn's wolf whined, sidling forward on her belly to the front of Jordyn's mind, still staring out longingly through Jordyn's eyes at Tanner and the dark wolf hidden deep in his own gaze.
Finally, Tanner took a deep breath, then gently pulled his hand out from under hers to put it onto her back again. With his other hand, he gently pressed her head down so she laid on his chest again, breaking their eye contact. His heart beating and strong, steady rhythm beneath her ear, he said simply, "Yes. We did agree on that."
Silence around them again for a long time, Jordyn finally dropped off into a fitful sleep, disturbed by dreams of her wolf prowling through empty forests, calling out again and again but never getting an answer.
Chapter Three
Tanner's and Zach's footfalls slapped out along the sidewalk as the sun broke over the ridge on the east side of town. The morning was chilly, but both were clad in T-shirts. Even if they hadn't been running, they wouldn't have noticed the cold. The higher metabolism of wolf shifters insured that they didn't feel chilly temperatures as much as humans.
Breath puffing out a faint white, Zach said again, "But seriously. Isn't Dallas stupid hot? I don't understand the wolves who can live there."
"Says the wolf shifter whose livelihood is fighting fires and therefore being exposed to extreme amounts of heat all the time," Tanner pointed out in a dry tone as he glanced down at his watch. "Five more minutes and we head back to the station."
Zach nodded. Their shift started in an hour. They had enough time to get back to the station house to shower and eat when Gerald got on shift. Gerald, one of the human firefighters, was also a wannabe chef. He practiced his most excellent recipes on the very willing guys at the station. It was something none of the guys liked to miss when they were on shift. Everyone made sure they were ready to eat, forks and knives in hands, the second Gerald put out food. The only time that ever went awry was if they got called before they could dig in. Hopefully, that wouldn't happen today.
"Yeah, well, that's just part of the job. But being that hot all the time?” Zach shook his head. “That's just not natural.”
Tanner shrugged his around the corner and headed up the hill that was the usual halfway point on their routes. "I like all the guys there. They're cool. And Jax knows me. He knows I do a good job. Plus the local pack will accept me. I've already had that conversation with its alpha."
After a pause, Zach said, panting very slightly as they tackle the hill, "What about your pack here? And your dad?"
Shoving out a breath, Tanner snapped, "Why does everyone keep asking me about him? He's fine. He's a grown ass wolf. He's got one adult kid here to babysit him as needed. He doesn't need us both."
Another pause as they ran down the middle of a quiet residential street that had no sidewalks. Pushing, Zach went on, "I highly doubt he needs a babysitter. How long has he lived there by himself for now? I'm pretty sure he's got the system down for surviving. Besides, he's got back up if he needs it. If he wants it," Zach added. This time, there was a different note in his voice.
Tanner snapped his head around to give Zach a look. Calmly, Zach turned his own head to look back at him. Although neither one of them was an alpha wolf, they both ranked high enough that each one was fairly dominant anyway. They'd also known another since they were cubs. Zach wasn't about to back down.
Looking forward again so he would run into a curb or something, Tanner growled to himself. First Jordyn, now Zach. What the hell. They were treating him like—
"You treat me like I'm a pack mate.” He snarled, even as his wolf protested. “But I'm not. My pack and my alpha are totally fine about me going to Dallas. And yes, my father is perfectly fine on his own as well. He chose his life, and he lives it just fine."
Even as he said the words, Tanner's wolf gave a somewhat sorrowful snarl in his mind, pacing. It hadn't actually been a choice. Not really.
Turning down another street, they kept up their steady pace as they headed back into town and toward the station. Undeterred, Zach said, "That may be true. But I've always considered you a friend. Even when you behaved like a jackass."
Tanner snorted, but the tension of the moment loosened.
"What about Jordyn?” Zach's tone probed. “Can't imagine she's taking this very well."
Tanner snapped his gaze on Zach again. "Jordyn is fine with this decision." His voice went colder than the air. "She and I have an understanding. No one's going to be hurt."
"Really? That's not what I would have thought." Zach puffed as they picked up the pace.
"Why do you say that?" Despite himself, Tanner's wolf lunged forward in his mind, eagerly flipping images of Jordyn's sleek, beautiful wolf at him.
"Because," Zach said with exaggerated patience, dodging a car parked in its driveway with the tail end hanging out of the sidewalk, "the way she looks at you says otherwise."
Tanner's wolf whined, scrabbling at his mind. He thumped his tail in agreement. No, Tanner thought immediately. It's not enough to make a difference. His wolf snarled at him.
He was getting damned tired of his wolf getting mad at him all the time lately.
"She looks like that just because she and I know how to have a good time together." Tanner forced his voice to stay light, even though he respected Jordyn hell of a lot more than it sounded like. "We enjoy each other's company. We have similar interests. That's all."
Zach's loud guffaw of laughter startled a woman wheeling her trashcan drown her driveway. Waving apologetically at her, he said to Tanner, "Yeah, buddy. If you say so."
"I say so," Tanner said. He was unable to keep the growl of his wolf out of his voice.
Startled, Zach shied away from him, then laughed. "Yeah. Also proving my point about the other thing."
"What other thing?" Tanner said suspiciously.
"The part where you look at her the same way she looks at you." Zach tone was matter-of-fact yet sharp.
Tanner was silent for several streets as they neared the fire station. Finally he muttered, "It doesn't matter, Zach. Even if we were mates, which we are not, I am not good mate material. At all. You know that. All the wolves here know that," he added in a low voice.
Their backs to the sun as it rose completely over the ridge and flooded Durango with light, they made a final turn and headed down the street to the station house where the promise of hot showers as well as a good breakfast awaited. Quietly, Zach said, "That doesn't have to be true, man. You don't have to end up like your father."
Mid stride, Tanner stopped dead. His wolf obviously alerting him to sudden danger, Zach stopped as well, spinning around to face Tanner. But of course he didn't bow down in the face of Tanner's bright flare of anger. Instead, he said in a forceful tone, "Being a lone wolf is a choice, Tanner. It sucks what happens to your dad. To you. Your whole family. Nothing will ever make that not horrible. But you deciding to be alone for the rest of your life isn't going to bring them back. It'll just make everything worse for you over time."
Fist clenched at his sides, Tanner struggled to control himself. His wolf, completely agitated by the flurry and mix of emotions swirling
around, growled and snapped inside him. Looking for something to rip into. To slice open with deadly claw.
Zach advanced a step toward Tanner, finger pointing at Tanner's chest. "See that? That's what I'm talking about right there. You getting angry. You burn it off at the fights, you burn it off on the job, and you get yourself in trouble by letting your temper get out of hand. But a wolf like Jordyn? Do you even realize what she does for you, man?"
Tanner felt his breath slicing out of him as Zach came even closer to glare at Tanner.
"She soothes you. Classic beauty soothing the beast stuff. Corny but legit. Dammit, Tanner," Jesse snapped when Tanner still refused to answer, matching him glare for glare. "Why won't you face the fact that she is your—"
The fire station alarm, barely half a block away, blared out loud and shocking through the early morning air.
"Dammit," Tanner muttered, brushing past Zach to sprint for the station house with Zach hot on his heels. It didn't matter that their shift didn't start for another twenty minutes, they would still be on this call. Unshowered and unfed.
In Tanner's case, also wildly enraged, confused, and definitely looking for something to take it out on. Might as well be the flames of another devastating fire.
You don't have to be a lone wolf, Zach's voice lingered in his mind as they barreled into the station and raced for their respective lockers. You don't have to make it your choice.
One thing Zach didn't understand, could never understand, was that it was a choice. And it was a choice the Tanner would willingly make, even if it meant losing Jordyn and her sexy laugh, her understanding eyes, and the rich depths of her heart that even he and his pigheadedness acknowledged was the one thing he was really running from.
It was the only choice he could make to save her from his own damaged self, and that was a truth he meant to hold onto.
***
"Wait, then he said what—oh! The baby kicked. Quick, Jordyn, you'll be able to feel it." Lia grabbed Jordyn's hand and placed it on her bulging stomach. Jordyn tensed for just a second, but she couldn't let down her sister-in-law. Lia's face glowed with excitement and anticipation that seems typical to all new mothers to be.
Letting her hand relax on the side of her sister-in-law's wide expanse of belly, Jordyn waited. Suddenly, the distinct ripple bumped beneath her hand. Startled, she jerked her hand and gasped. Lia laughed, as did Connor, Jordyn's brother and Lia's mate.
"Keep your hand there. He'll do it again." Connor's face shone with the same sort of excitement as Lia's. Jordyn rolled her eyes at herself for her own silliness, her wolf snuffling at her to keep her hand there. Her wolf wanted to feel it, too.
Again, the bizarre ripple fluttered over Lia's stomach, beneath Jordyn's fingers. "It's amazing," she whispered, watching the ripples with fascination. "I am so happy for you both." She said that with utter sincerity. Connor and Lia had traveled a bit of a rocky path together. But they were now both very happily ensconced together here, building a life filled with joy.
Building a life filled with one another.
Connor leaned forward to soundly kiss his mate on the lips. Jordyn sat back in her chair, biting her lip. Yes, she was very happy for them both. Then why did seeing their joy highlight the abrupt sense of emptiness in her life?
"You must be excited too, to be auntie Jordyn." Lia smiled over at Jordyn. "But don't think I won't fight you both on the path this little one takes," she added in a teasing tone, shaking her finger at both of them. "I may be outnumbered by the doctors in this family, but I'm really good in the courtroom. If this little boy," her other hand curled protectively across her stomach, "ends up being anywhere near as good a debater as I am, I'm steering him straight into a life practicing law."
It was a common, silly little family argument that was totally in jest. Even so, Jordyn played along as always. "I'm only an EMT."
"Without EMTs," Connor said firmly, "doctors would lose a lot more patients before they ever even got the chance to see them. Your job is just as important as mine, Jordyn."
This time, Jordyn softly snorted. "Yes, oh golden child brother dearest." Connor mock thumped her on the shoulder as Lia laughingly admonished them to settle down. Connor had always been drawn to those helping those who were weaker, less powerful, and hurting. He ran a low-income clinic in town for the poorer residents. It didn't matter that nearly all his patients were human. Connor wanted to save everyone he came across.
"Anyway," Lia picked up the topic she'd begun before the baby interrupted them, "I thought he enjoyed being here. He specifically left Dallas to come back to his home pack again, right? To help out his father, or something like that."
An uncomfortable silence descended. Lia, realizing she'd stepped into something, immediately began to apologize. Jordyn shook her head. "It's okay." She glanced at Connor, who sighed. "We were pups when it happened. The adults didn't talk about it very much back then, but we knew what happened. Besides, some of the survivors came to live with our pack."
Lia's eyes had widened. "Survivors?"
Jordyn took a breath. Nodding, she went on. "Tanner's pack. When he was very young, it was attacked by rogue wolves."
Lia's face paled.
"They killed the majority of the pack. The youngest survivors were sent to our pack to live for a while until their pack could regroup and figure out what to do." She shrugged, the shiver of old tragedy winnowing through her even though it had happened so long ago. "Tanner, his sister, and their father were on a camping trip when it happened. The rest of his family was killed.”
Clutching her hands in a protective, unconscious gesture over her belly, Lia simply nodded. But her face was still stark.
“His father kept him and his sister with him for some time,” Jordyn went on, “and they just traveled. They traveled all over the country, never staying anywhere longer than several months. When they were old enough to just about take care of themselves, he decided they need a little more stability. He sent them back to our pack, and they stayed until pack law said they were allowed to strike out on their own. His sister stayed in the area, but she ended up mating with one of the other surviving wolves from her old pack. They live back there now. Tanner—"
She took a breath. Her wolf whined in her mind, sending image after image of Tanner as his wolf, the fierce growls lifting one lip. Guarding himself against the world. Slowly, she finished, "He bounced around again. He'd always wanted to be a firefighter. He—"
She stopped again. A hard knot had formed in her throat. Her brother, sensing she couldn't say it, finished for her.
"The rogues apparently were trying to take female wolves. For mates. Tanner's mother was an alpha, and she fought bitterly. Along with most of the other pack, she barricaded herself and her two other sons into the main pack den.” Connor's voice uncharacteristically hardened. “The rogues blocked all the exits and set the place on fire. Everyone still inside burned to death."
This time, Lia gasped in absolute shock. Connor, sitting beside her around the kitchen table where the three of them had just finished eating lunch, put a strong arm around her shoulders and gently pulled her to him. "Those rogues were all eventually caught, tried for their crimes, and executed. But it destroyed the pack. The Abajo Pack exists now, but it's a small adjunct pack under the protection of the Black Mesa Pack."
Jordyn soundlessly drummed her fingers on the table. After another several moments, Lia said in a thoughtful voice, "It makes sense, then, what he does."
Jordyn nodded. "Yes, he really is good at his job. He's rescued many lives."
Leo shook her blonde head, her eyes gentle as she fixed Jordyn with a look. "No. What I mean is, it makes sense why he always leaves. Everything and everyone he really knew from his puphood was lost. That created his rootlessness. He never stayed anywhere very long.” Very softly, she ended, “Creating a bond with someone is too painful. He might lose them."
Connor raised his eyebrows, looking away from his sister while keeping a protecti
ve arm around his mate. Jordyn frowned at him.
"He doesn't get along with the chief at the station here. His sister is mated and settled, so she doesn't really need him around. All painful memories for him are here. I don't blame him for wanting to go to Dallas. It's a fresh start. He'll be okay." She echoed Tanner's own words to her despite the knots in her throat having moved down to her stomach.
Connor opened his mouth, but Lia beat him to it. "I know you've had a couple of jerk exes hurt you badly, Jordyn." The no-nonsense words were softened by her understanding tone. "Believe me when I say that sometimes, we do have to take a chance on love and trust that it will work out." She looked at Connor, her glance filled with the joyous richness of their own story together.
Jordyn frowned again, her wolf pacing in her mind. "You're right," she admitted in a low voice. "I'll be the first to admit the thought of getting hurt again scares me. But Tanner's not my mate, and I'm not his. He's free to be rootless."
Her wolf howled so sharply in her mind that both Lia and Connor blinked, instinctively leaning back from her. Lia quickly smiled again, however, her sharp eyes missing nothing. "I'd say your wolf doesn't agree. Listen, you know I'm the first one to say that I don't really believe a woman should drop everything and follow the man she loves." She rubbed her hand up and down Connor's arm as he snorted in good-natured agreement. "But with your background, you'd get a job in Dallas no problem. Have you thought about just telling Tanner that you'll go with him?"
Jordyn tightened her lower jaw a little bit even as her wolf huffed around in her mind. Lightly, she answered, "Could be a good idea. I'll try that."
They didn't need to know the truth. That Tanner didn't want her coming with him. Despite her wolf's howl of protest, Jordyn firmly held onto that knowledge. He didn't want her. That was the truth, and she had to accept it.