Only You

by Fontaine, Bella

  Jessica started crying ,and Natalie did, too, but she did a better job at controlling her tears.

  “I feel terrible. I should have trusted you more. What does that say about me? I knew you never liked Joshua, and I was so scared to ask why because we’ve always valued each other’s opinions and I didn’t want a reason to not be with him,” Jessica expressed.

  Natalie pulled away slowly and took Jessica’s hand.

  “I understand. I do. You loved him.”

  “Oh Natalie, I loved him more than anyone would ever know, and I’ve had to spend the last few months unloving him. The thing is, I don’t know if he loved me. My heart wants to believe that he did, but my brain tells me he was only with me to get close to my family’s money.” She brought her hands together in her lap.

  Oh, Natalie had already thought that up, and now that the truth was known, she was a hundred percent certain that was definitely the case. People like Joshua lied and manipulated others. If you were vulnerable, or didn’t have the knowhow to avoid the likes of him, then you’d fall into the trap easily.

  Like Jessica had.

  “Neither of us can answer that question, and it’s probably not one worth worrying about. You will do better, I know you will, and you will be with the perfect guy who will love you forever.”

  “I think I’ll have to check in with you first before I even think someone is date worthy.” Jessica laughed.

  It was a nice sound to hear after not hearing it in so long. Too long.

  “I have no problem with that at all.” Natalie smiled, feeling pleased to have this again. This connection she had with her friend.

  “I’m so sorry for how I treated you, Natalie.” Jessica gave her hand a little squeeze.

  Natalie shook her head. “Forget it. Let’s move forwards.”

  “Forwards.” Jessica nodded, agreeing, and gave her a quick hug. “I guess, speaking of forward, I should ask how you and Luke are, but since I’ve never seen my brother look so happy I think I already know the answer to that question.” She beamed.

  Natalie was glad to hear that. “I’m happy, he seems happy, too.”

  “But you just wish you knew what was happening?” she filled in.

  Natalie nodded. “I do, but I decided it wasn’t fair to push. He needs time, whatever time he needs.”

  “And if he decides to go back, have you thought of that?” Jessica asked with a cautious expression.

  “I have,” Natalie replied on a hitched breath. “I realized his choices don’t affect how I feel. I want to be with him, I chose him, so I have to accept what he wants.”

  Jessica brought her hand to her chest. “Oh my God, Natalie, I never thought I’d hear you say something like that.”

  “It’s true. Let’s face it, anything could happen to him on any given day. It’s just probably more likely with his line of work. But not being with him because I’m scared of heartbreak if something happens to him is a stupid reason not to be together.”

  “It’s not stupid if that was how you felt. Besides, it was more the case of being afraid.”

  “Yeah, fear. That was me.” She laughed nervously.

  “You love him.” Jessica was practically beaming.

  “I do.” Natalie couldn’t help but smile too.

  “He loves you, too.”

  “It would be nice.”

  Luke hadn’t told her that, but she was fine with it. She felt that he loved her, and sometimes that was more important.

  Feeling and being shown love packed a hundred percent more punch than being told you were loved and not feeling it.

  He knew she loved him, too, and she always showed him when she was with him.

  “He does, Natalie. And I know he appreciates your decision to be with him, and your patience. We all will just have to wait to see what happens next.”

  That was the resounding truth of it all.

  The waiting part. She knew it was there, like a tangible life force that had to be acknowledged.

  Knowing she had to wait and actually doing it, however, didn’t make it any easier.

  Jessica stayed for a little and they talked about what they’d both missed. They made plans to catch up some more over dinner on Saturday, with Laura this time.

  Seeing her had brightened the day and Natalie made her way home with a skip in her step.

  Her heart, however, sunk like it had a metal weight attached to it when she saw the military van parked in the driveway.

  It sunk further into the ground when she ran inside to see Luke talking with a military officer dressed in uniform. He was a large-built, middle-aged man with blond hair speckled with gray strands and scars on his face. His presence screamed authority.

  When she looked at Luke and he stared back with a solemn expression in his eyes, she knew that the waiting game was now over.

  Luke had said that while he was on leave he could be called back at any time if needed.

  This guy here, sitting on their sofa, didn’t look like he was here for a social visit.

  He looked like he meant business.

  Business that would take Luke away from her sooner than she thought.

  Chapter 20

  Luke

  * * *

  “Captain Petersham, this is my girlfriend, Natalie.” Luke introduced Natalie and tried his best to keep the wavering out of his voice.

  Natalie walked into the living room, legs shaking.

  Captain Petersham stood and put out his hand to shake hers.

  “It’s a pleasure to meet you,” he told her.

  Luke could feel her nerves and anxiety from here, which called out to him to be soothed.

  Right now Luke couldn’t even help himself.

  They wanted him back.

  And it was for exactly the special mission he’d anticipated. Since he’d been the only officer to come in contact with the Ra and its leader and escape, they wanted him to work with a special squad being put together to hunt them. He had to say hunt because that was what it would be—a hunt.

  “You, too.” Natalie smiled.

  “Baby, how about you go check on the rabbits. They probably need to be fed again,” Luke suggested. She loved rabbits, so he’d gotten her two floppy-eared ones, which they kept in a massive hutch in the garden.

  “Sure,” she replied, fear filling her eyes.

  “I’ll try not to keep him for too long,” Captain Petersham said.

  “Okay,” Natalie replied, her voice barely audible.

  Luke watched her as she walked away, legs still shaking, hands too.

  Captain Petersham sat back down and focused back on him.

  “Nice girl,” he commented.

  “The best,” Luke replied.

  “Luke, the reason why I’m here is to speak to you off the record. Please bear that in mind. We’ve known each other for a long time and I felt I owed you this.” A fatherly warmth was evident in his tone.

  Luke bit the inside of his lips and sighed. “Sure, I know.”

  Captain Petersham explained that there were plans set out from the other superiors to bring Luke back in for this mission, which he would lead. The word on the street was they were adamant that he did this. Captain Petersham had disagreed because, first of all, Luke was on leave for another two months, and next, he hadn’t come to a decision on whether or not he was going back. He still had another month before he had to meet with the consultants at the base here, so this was all very premature.

  Just like everything else. And he felt forced, again. Compelled towards his duty as a Marine.

  He rested his elbows down on his lap and templed his fingers, bringing them up to his nose.

  In his mind rang the Recon Creed.

  The words were always imprinted there, in his heart and his soul, because he knew what it meant to have the duty he had. He knew the great responsibility he had to sometimes get the impossible done.

  He knew the whole creed, but in his moments of self pep talk, these were the words that
always came to him:

  Exceeding beyond the limitations set down by others shall be my goal. Sacrificing personal comforts and dedicating myself to the completion of the reconnaissance mission shall be my life. Physical fitness, mental attitude, and high ethics—

  The title of Recon Marine is my honor.

  Conquering all obstacles, both large and small, I shall never quit. To quit, to surrender, to give up is to fail. To be a Recon Marine is to surpass failure.

  This whole time he’d been home he’d felt, deep down, that he’d become the opposite of those words.

  His limitation was his indecision, he’d indulged on personal comforts and he hadn’t conquered his obstacles. How the heck did he still not know what he wanted to do?

  The last thing he would need to do to be the anti-Marine would be to quit.

  And to quit was to fail.

  “What are the mission plans? Has that been laid out, yet, or is that my job?”

  Luke could tell from Captain Petersham’s face that the answer to that question was not going to be a good one.

  “That would be your job, son, but I must let you know that we’ve gathered intel which suggests the Ra are actually based in the Shadowlands.”

  Now Luke sat up. Actually, he bolted upright and winced.

  The Shadowlands?

  It was a suicide mission. No question about it, no way around it.

  The Shadowlands was a nickname they gave a secret underpass between the mountainous strip between Kabul and Islamabad.

  Everyone’s eyes were fixed on the mainlands, but the real problem was this place. It was a problem because only pure evil existed there. Forget about all the rebels and terrorists, the people and groups that gravitated towards the Shadowlands were the kind you’d find in a hellish nightmare.

  It was like no man’s land, where they did not have permission to go anywhere near the place so those officers who’d gone there had gone on some off-the-record mission.

  And they never came back.

  It was always to retrieve something that would put the world in danger, or to take down a certain group. Like the Ra.

  No one would even hear about what happened, it would just literally be top secret.

  “Jesus,” Luke sighed.

  “You see the reason for my visit.”

  “Captain, this is a mission I won’t make it back from,” he blurted.

  He shook his head. “Not likely. Son, I want you to really think about this. When you get the call in three days, your options will be this: go immediately to prepare and take charge of this mission so you can leave next week, continue on your leave as this is a special mission outside of your normal duties but come back in two months, or hand in your resignation. You have choices because of who you are, make use of them. Wisely.”

  “What would you do, Sir? If you were me, what would you do?”

  Captain Petersham chuckled. “Everyone has their own path, Luke. My answer will not help you because I’ve had different experiences, a different journey.”

  “You’d go, wouldn’t you?” Luke was sure of it.

  Captain Petersham was a fearless man. He was in his late-fifties and Luke had seen him do things the twenty-year-olds would never be able to do. It came with experience and knowhow.

  However, Luke couldn’t have been more shocked when the man shook his head.

  “I would not, if I was given a choice. If I was given an order, then that would be different. To be a Recon Marine is to surpass failure.” Words echoed from the creed. “Sometimes failure is not spotting when you’re given something as important as a choice. The error would be not seeing it.”

  Those words sunk into Luke’s mind. It was like they’d pierced through the fog of confusion that had filled him since the incident.

  “Do I really have a choice here?” He had to know.

  “Yes. Your name came up to lead this mission for obvious reasons. But we have other people in mind who I don’t doubt would be just as good. You were picked for being the best and possibly the most likely man to get the job done. Although you’re on leave, we had to give you the option.”

  “Captain, that sounds like you guys picked me because, without me, the mission could fail.” Again he had to know and be aware of their thinking behind choosing him.

  “You’re a lieutenant, Luke, you know that when organizing a mission there is no one guy that the mission relies on. Each member of that team holds his or her own special qualities that makes them a leader in their own right. That makes us act like a team but also take initiative. If you decide this isn’t for you, no one will think any less of you.” He offered up an understanding smile.

  “You don’t think quitting is failing?”

  “If I sent you on a mission and you got there, got scared, and decided to run off and abandon your men and your duties, that is failure. That is not what this is. It’s separate, and you need to see it as such.”

  “Thank you, Sir.” Luke nodded.

  “I’ve given you a lot to think about.”

  “Yeah…you have.” Luke chuckled off key.

  “Let me know what you decide and if you need to talk through anything else. I’ll leave you to enjoy the rest of the day.”

  Luke gave him another curt nod.

  He sat by himself in the living room for a good half an hour after Captain Petersham left.

  He was just thinking about it all and about what would happen. There was a chance that he could totally go and do this mission and come back from it. He’d never believed in comparing himself to others, so the fact that no one else had made it back from the Shadowlands didn’t mean he wouldn’t.

  It was just an indication of how dangerous the place was. Maybe if he thought like that, he’d be okay. He’d have the strength and the will to make it through.

  And he’d have Natalie in his heart. She was reason enough to make it back from the dead. It was the thought of her and hearing her voice that gave him strength when he was captured by the Ra.

  But…

  Maybe it wouldn’t be that simple.

  No, it wasn’t a maybe, Luke knew it wasn’t as simple as that.

  It wasn’t about thinking and being strong willed.

  The very very best men were picked for missions like this. They had it all and, just like Captain Petersham said, every member of a team were leaders in their own right, based on their special qualities.

  Escaping a place like the Shadowlands had nothing to do with those qualities. They may help you keep alive longer, but it would be luck, a miracle, that would help you escape.

  If you were captured, then you couldn’t call for backup or even give away that you were associated with the U.S. Marine Corps. And that was just it.

  He thought the whole fiasco he’d been through was terrible. Since he’d never been on a mission to the Shadowlands and had only heard stories of what a person could encounter there, he couldn’t begin to imagine.

  So what did he do?

  He stood up, thinking of Natalie. It wouldn’t be fair to let her wait any longer.

  He found her outside, crying. She was sitting by the rabbit hutch, legs drawn up to her chest and head bent low as she sobbed.

  “Natalie,” he said her name softly, on the edge of a tired breath.

  She looked up and wiped her face. “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to cry. I’m really sorry. It’s just so soon. I thought I’d have two more months with you before they took you away from me.”

  God she was crying like she was already mourning him. He sat beside her and scooped her up into his arms, pulling her into his lap.

  “It’s a mission they considered me for,” he tried to explain. “They thought I’d be good for it so they wanted to give me a chance.”

  She sniffled and tried her best to look bright at the idea but she failed, miserably.

  “That’s great. Nice of them. Yes. I’m happy for you.”

  He had to laugh. “Baby, you are a terrible liar. Don’t lie, you don’t
have to, baby. You can always tell me the truth, even if I don’t like it or don’t want to hear it.”

  She shook her head and wiped more tears away. “I can’t, Luke. I can’t, and please just ignore my tears. I can’t help it. It doesn’t mean that I don’t want to support you.”

  “I know, baby.”

  “When…when do you have to go?” Her voice was shaky.

  “They’ll call me in three days. But if I’m going, it will be next week.”

  Bewilderment crossed over her beautiful face. “Oh…next week. Oh…okay. I just have to believe that you’ll come back to me.” She tried to smile through her tears.

  He found it intriguing that she’d already made up in her mind that he was going.

  Given the mission he was being considered for, he couldn’t lie to her and tell her that she should believe that.

  In fact, Luke found himself speechless.

  He couldn’t give her an answer.

  * * *

  He used the night to think about his choices.

  With Natalie in his arms, Luke held her until she drifted off to sleep.

  Luke always he enjoyed the feel of her against him and loved that she was his.

  He didn’t sleep much, but the feeling and appreciation of her cushioned his mind as he ran through everything.

  They acted normal the next day, as if nothing had happened. Except that she decided to work from home. She wanted to spend time with him.

  She made them a killer breakfast and then set out for a walk.

  He allowed her to go by herself, understanding her need for some alone time. He needed it too.

  They’d be calling him in two days, and what would he say?

  He went outside and sat on the porch steps, needing the fresh air.

  As he was alone, he took the time to lay it all out.

  He thought of himself accepting the mission and leaving. He’d serve and do a great job, like he always did. Heck, he even knew exactly what he would do to organize it all and what they would have to take. If they made it past the border, they would have a chance at getting inside the Shadowlands. He’d heard the border was rigged with all manner of traps designed to keep people out. To get in, he wouldn’t go that way. They’d go the long way around.