The Reality of Wright and Wrong

by Leddy Harper

  “Come on, Mercy…give me the phone. I’m not done yet.”

  With a slight shake of my head in feigned exasperation, I handed it back. “I thought we were going to get in the pool. We can’t do that if you spend all afternoon chatting with my husband. You do realize he lives here, right? You can meet him in a few hours when he gets home, and then you’ll have all night to interrogate him.”

  “Oh, his client came in. We aren’t talking at the moment.”

  “Then what in the hell do you need my phone for?”

  She peered up at me without tilting her head back, her brows arched and pulled tighter in the middle of her forehead. “I’m talking to Jordan.”

  “For crying out loud, Stella.” I plopped onto the edge of the bed and fell back onto the mattress with my arms stretched out above me. “I thought you were just reading what he said, not entertaining his ridiculous rants.”

  “Oh, I’m not entertaining him. Don’t worry your pretty little head about that. I’m setting him straight. He needs to understand that there are boundaries he shouldn’t cross, so I’m informing him. Well, I mean you are informing him.”

  I sat up and stared at her, though she never glanced up from the phone to look at me. “Are you pretending to be me to everyone you’re texting?”

  “It’s from your phone. It’d be a little weird if they knew they were talking to me.” She didn’t need to add duh to her statement; it was implied by the tone. “Not to mention, in order for him to cut his crap, he needs to think this is coming from you. It wouldn’t do any good if he knew I was the one putting him in his place.”

  My mind raced and swirled for a moment before I could form enough words to make sense. “Wait…so he actually thinks that’s me texting him? But Brogan knew immediately it wasn’t me—by nothing more than a basic sentence that answered his question?”

  “Yup. Crazy, huh? Guess this just goes to show who knows you better.”

  The longer I sat there, comparing the two men and everything that came with that, the more confused I became. And scared. However, I didn’t understand that emotion. Which only fueled the confusion that did nothing but make the room feel like it was closing in on me. Finally, unwilling to lose myself in the chaotic thoughts that typically led my fight mentality to cower and my flight mentality to take center stage, I stood and moved to the doorway.

  “Put on your bathing suit…let’s go swimming.” I exited the room, leaving Stella sitting on the floor with my phone in her hand, furiously tapping out a message to Jordan—at least, I assumed and hoped it was to him.

  Going to Brogan’s dresser to get my bikini made me smile. The thought of my things taking up space next to his covered me in a warming sense of peace. Like this was where I belonged. Unfortunately, that thought wasn’t enough to stop the worry from overshadowing my happiness while I slipped into my swimsuit.

  I knew how I felt about Brogan. I could question it every second of every day, yet it wouldn’t change the bone-deep certainty that he was it for me. There wasn’t an ounce of my being or my soul that questioned if this was real. In a way, I’d recognized it the first time I heard his voice. The first time I felt his presence. The very first time I ever looked him in his eyes.

  Nevertheless, the gloomy cloud of dread would never leave. It hovered, following me, assuring me that my time with Brogan was temporary. Reminding me that I needed to enjoy this while I had it, because at some point in the near to near-distant future, it’d be gone.

  Shaking off the negative waves that threatened to drown me in sorrow, I grabbed a towel from the hall closet and met Stella on the back patio. All I needed was a little vitamin D and laughter to get me out of this ill-timed funk. Things had been going so well, especially since climbing into Brogan’s bed last night and waking up in his arms this morning. Concentrating on the possibility of losing him would only ruin the one thing I wanted to hold on to forever.

  They say you get back what you put into the universe.

  I couldn’t expect positive things if I only focused on negative scenarios.

  “You never finished telling me what happened last night with Wrong.” Stella leaned against the side of the pool, the water cascading off the ledge around her crossed arms. “Did you two finally say the L word?”

  My heart constricted as I stared off into the distance, setting my sights just over the tops of the trees in front of us. “No. But I mentioned it—the fact that he hasn’t said it. By now, it kind of feels like he’s refusing to say it, except I don’t understand why.”

  “No wonder I’m single. I finally get it now.”

  “What do you mean?”

  She turned her head to the side to regard me. My reflection shone back at me in the lenses in her aviator sunglasses, which prevented me from seeing her eyes, yet I didn’t necessarily need to. Her tone was enough when she said, “I’ve been doing this relationship thing all wrong. I’ve dated in the hopes of getting married. But I see now that I should’ve gotten married first, and then dated the guy. I’ve told ex-boyfriends that I love them, and they’ve said the same to me. Had I known, I would’ve waited until after the fourth or fifth child to say it. If more people found out about this, there might not be a need for divorce lawyers.”

  I rolled my eyes and shook my head at her sarcasm.

  “But in all seriousness…” She wasn’t capable of that, so I wasn’t sure why she wasted her breath saying it. “…do you think this is the real deal? You and Wrong, I mean? You were with Jordan for years, the picture-perfect couple to everyone. Are you sure you didn’t choose Wrong because you got cold feet or anything?”

  “We both know I married him to spite Jordan. Which I’m aware was irresponsible and immature. And reckless. But no, I don’t believe he played any part in my decision to stay with Brogan. I never had cold feet when it came to Jordan. Maybe I’m wrong, though; maybe I subconsciously freaked out and threw a match on our relationship. Seeing him at the club, grinding on that woman…it killed me. So I guess it’s possible I’ve done all this to keep him from hurting me again.”

  “Do you think you chose Wrong because you don’t believe he’ll hurt you the same way Jordan did? If you don’t love the guy, it’s kinda hard to get your heart broken by him.” Every now and then, Stella would make me realize something I’d refused to see for myself.

  This was not one of those times.

  “No. I didn’t choose him because I believe he can’t hurt me. Quite the contrary. If I’m being honest, I’m convinced he’s capable of hurting me more than anyone.” This wasn’t new to me. I’d contemplated this a lot lately—the unfathomable power he had to demolish me without even realizing it. Divulging that to someone else made it more real. Gave it more weight. And took it from a possibility to a certainty.

  “How in the world can he do that if you don’t love him?”

  “I never said I don’t love him. We’ve just never admitted it…if that makes sense.”

  “So you do love him?”

  I had to look away before she caught a glimpse of something I wasn’t ready to open up about. Squinting at the sun, I sighed and then answered her as truthfully as I could. “I feel something for him. But I’m not entirely sure what it is. It’s different than any love I’ve ever had for anyone else.”

  “Then why can’t you tell him that?”

  “Because sometimes I wonder if it’s infatuation, though it doesn’t seem to be. Then I question if I’m simply blinded by how different he is than Jordan, how different he makes me feel.” I glanced at her again and confessed, “The only thing I can do is wait it out and see.”

  “At the risk of Jordan being the one and losing him in the process?”

  “No matter what happens between Brogan and me, Jordan and I are over. I accepted that last night when I chased after Brogan, and oddly enough, I’m content with that.”

  Stella’s lips pursed in thought, which was never a good thing at a time like this. “If I were to take a guess, I’d say you’ve
had your mind made up from day one. What I don’t get is why it took so long for you to see it. Because, if you ask me, you’ve always seen it, but for some reason, you’ve fought against it this whole time. You could’ve made things so much easier if you had been honest from the beginning.”

  “Don’t you think I know that? It’s easy to sit back and judge me for dragging this out.”

  “No.” She pointed at me, finger less than two inches from my face, splashing water on me in the process. All the while, she kept a straight face. “I’m not judging you, so don’t think that. And if I was, I can guarantee it’s not about how long you’ve dragged this out. It’s for being so damn wishy-washy you’ve given everyone around you motion sickness.”

  If I couldn’t count on my best friend to tell it like it was, then nobody would. “Again, Stella…it’s easy to say that while being on the outside. Put yourself in my shoes for five minutes and then tell me you’d handle it so much better. If Jordan had cheated on me, this wouldn’t even be an issue. But since he swears he didn’t—and honestly, I don’t even know what to believe anymore—choosing Brogan over the life we spent two years planning would only hurt him. Regardless of how I feel about Brogan, I still love Jordan. Hurting him hurts me. I’m not a heartless person.”

  “I know you’re not.” She offered a small smile, comforting me in ways only she could.

  “And then there’s the fear. What if I’m making a mistake? What if Brogan didn’t show up that night as some message from the heavens that I’m supposed to be with him? What if he was sent to me to test my relationship with Jordan, and by choosing Brogan, I failed? This isn’t which candy to get at the theater or what to make for dinner. This is my life. And such decisions can’t be made lightly.”

  “I’m not saying that at all, Mercy. Trust me, you know I’ll go round and round with you for as long as you need me to. I’ll be your sounding board, your advice columnist, a good slap across the face when you need it. Just as long as you can admit that by not doing this sooner, you haven’t spared anyone. Jordan was still hurt in the end.”

  “Yes, I’m aware. And I can admit that. I guess I thought that, if I stalled, maybe he’d make the decision to walk away and spare me from being the bad guy—selfish, I know, but I’m human. Sue me. Or maybe I hoped the truth about that night would come out and prove that he was the guy I saw on the dance floor, and therefore, I wouldn’t have to worry about breaking his heart. And to top it off, there’s the whole situation with the wedding. I’ve been terrified of how everyone will react when I cancel it.”

  “Oh, yeah…you have to call all those people, don’t you?”

  The mere thought of explaining it to one person, let alone over a hundred people, left my stomach twisted in knots. “Since you’re so good at pretending to be me, you should do it. At this point, I’ve already assumed my throne and title of the biggest piece of shit on the planet, so I guess it doesn’t matter how you tell them. Maybe a mass email would be better.”

  “Don’t worry, Best Friend. I’ve got your back. I’ll make Jordan handle it,” she said with a giggle and quick flick of her wrist.

  My smile burned my cheeks, along with the intense heat of the sun overhead. “The one thing I wish I could change about this entire situation is you. It’d be so much better if you lived here.”

  Stella peered over her shoulder at the house behind us. “Yeah, I think you’re right. I’d love it here. Give me a few days, and I can have the rest of my crap shipped here. I’ll only need to know the address.”

  Even though I nearly choked on my laughter and splashed her in the face, I had to admit that the idea of having her this close would be a godsend. I had a feeling that when the rug got swept out from beneath me, I’d need Stella more than ever before. And being hundreds of miles away from her would only make things worse.

  16

  Brogan

  I’d never admit it to Mercy, but meeting Stella made me more nervous than the thought of meeting her parents. Granted, my anxiety over it had nothing to do with her friend—or her parents. From everything I’d heard and learned about her, she seemed like someone I’d want to hang out with. Fun and entertaining. But she was Mercy’s best friend, which meant her opinion carried a lot of weight. Not to mention, she was a fan of the show.

  There was a good chance she expected to meet Wrong.

  And with Mercy, I was Brogan.

  The real me—the side of myself I didn’t offer many people.

  If that were the case, she’d possibly be disappointed. Not that I cared what she thought of me, per se. But I wasn’t stupid when it came to women. They talked. And I wasn’t entirely sure how much influence she had over Mercy.

  Whereas, if her parents didn’t care for me, I doubted Mercy would give it much thought.

  Which was why I had planned to bring home the best food in town, no matter how much I had to pay for it. If Stella wanted surf and turf, then she’d get it. Lucky for me, she’d requested KFC and a bottle of whiskey.

  “Why did her parents name her Mercy?” I figured if Mercy wouldn’t tell me, I’d ask her best friend. There were always other means to get the information I sought.

  Stella laughed and shook her head at my wife. “You still haven’t told him?”

  “No. It’s a stupid story, and it’s gone on for so long that he probably has this amazing reason built up in his head. If I tell him now, he’ll be let down.” Hearing her explanation only made me want the answer even more.

  “Trust me, babe…I’m not expecting anything mind-blowing. Especially after you said that.”

  “It doesn’t matter, because I’m not telling.”

  Stella leaned across the kitchen table where we all sat and shared a few drinks together, getting to know each other, and placed her hand on my arm. The twinkle in her eye made me wonder if she was about to fuck with me, but if there was a chance—no matter how small—that she’d tell me the truth, then I’d take it.

  “She was such a big baby that they had to give her mom a bunch of drugs.” Not once did Stella look away or even crack a smile. “The nurse happened to come in right as the meds were wearing off and the pain was coming back. She was really out of it with all the pills they’d given her. Anyway, the nurse asked what the baby’s name was, but her mom thought she was there to give her more morphine or something, so she kept mumbling, ‘mercy.’ The nurse thought that was the name and marked it down.”

  I glanced between the two women, wondering how much truth that story held. Once I stopped and took stock of the entire situation, I realized there couldn’t have been an ounce of truth in it. “I know you’re lying; want to hear how? Because that one right there”—I pointed to Mercy without taking my eyes off Stella—“didn’t object once while you spoke. And with as adamant as she’s been about keeping me from finding out the reason behind her name, there’s no way she would’ve let you say more than three words if any of them were true.”

  Stella sat back and shrugged—the kind that says, believe what you want.

  “Don’t worry, babe. I’ll figure it out one day.”

  Mercy smirked and raised her brows. “Doubt it.”

  “We have the rest of our lives together, so I’d say the odds are in my favor.” I winked at her and then pulled myself to my feet. “Well, ladies. I think I’m going to call it a day. I have a feeling I’ll need a full night’s sleep to deal with the two of you.”

  It’d been a long day at the shop, most of it spent hunched over, and it was already nearing midnight. It also didn’t help that I hadn’t gotten much sleep the night before with Mercy in my bed, but there was no way in hell I’d complain about that.

  “Night, babe.” I leaned down to kiss the top of Mercy’s head, but at the last second, she tilted her chin up and met my lips with hers. I had no idea why that one simple, easy gesture affected me so much, but it did. It made my heart beat faster and my smile spread wider.

  “Night, baby,” she whispered, increasing the high she’d
just given me with her kiss.

  “Good night, Wrong. I’ll be in bed shortly.”

  Stella had made several teasing comments throughout the evening that seemed borderline inappropriate. I had allowed them because the look on Mercy’s face—even knowing her best friend was only kidding—was both entertaining and encouraging.

  Laughing them off, I turned and headed for my room. While I wasn’t excited to fall asleep alone, the thought of waking up to Mercy crawling beneath the covers, naked, thrilled me.

  The sun hadn’t even met the sky when my phone woke me. I strained against the light on the screen with one eye closed and noticed it was a few minutes before five in the morning. Normally, I would’ve ignored it, but it was Indi, and she knew better than to call me this early if it wasn’t an emergency.

  Three words in, and I was out of bed, reaching blindly in the dark for something to put on so I could meet her at the shop. Someone had broken in and smashed the place. I didn’t waste time asking why the alarm company had called her instead of me. That was shit I could find out once I got there. I just needed to get there.

  The thought of leaving Mercy to wake up alone gutted me; however, I didn’t have a choice. So I quietly went to her side of the bed and leaned down to kiss her goodbye. Even in the dark, I found her lips. I never needed light to know exactly where to touch or lick or kiss. I’d know her body blindfolded, like I’d spent hundreds of lifetimes worshiping every curve. Every dimple. Every line and pore and hair on her head.

  It was instinctual.

  I headed into town with that thought running through my mind—how being with her never felt like a choice. I hadn’t been given an option. Not that I needed one. I wouldn’t have even wasted my time contemplating it. Because the truth was…as soon as I saw her on the sidewalk that night, I had found what I never knew was missing.

  She was the answer to a question I never realized I had asked.

  The tourniquet I wasn’t aware I needed.