The Reality of Wright and Wrong

by Leddy Harper

  In my soul.

  In my heart.

  I loved Mercy Wright.

  Morning came too early.

  I didn’t want to get out of bed for many reasons. The biggest being Mercy. Seeing her curled up beneath the covers, occasionally groaning at the light as she turned from side to side, made it difficult to get dressed. All I wanted to do was crawl back in bed and help her through this hangover. In the end, I waited until the last possible second to leave, and then kissed her forehead before heading to the shop to get this day over with.

  “Does this mean everything’s good with you guys?” Indi asked while cleaning up the new tattoo she’d given me. “I assumed she would’ve been too drunk last night to hold a coherent conversation.”

  Staring at the fresh ink, I smiled. “Nah. We haven’t talked yet. She passed out as soon as I got her in bed, and I let her sleep in this morning. I’m hoping she won’t be as hung over when I get home. Either way, I’m definitely going to talk to her after work today.”

  “So she has no idea you were doing this? What if she hates it?”

  “No. She has no clue, and she won’t hate it.” I coated the small patch of raw skin with ointment before going to the closed door of Indi’s studio space. “Thanks again for last night—for coming to get me, I mean.”

  “How about you hold off on thanking me until after you’ve talked to her about the beans I spilled in the bathroom of a bar.” Her laughter filled the room. “No one can say we’re not a classy group of people.”

  With a smile and jumping shoulders, I shook my head and walked out, leaving Indi and her laughter behind. I should’ve known a camera would be waiting for me on the other side of the door, especially since I hadn’t allowed them in the room while Indi branded me with Mercy’s name. I figured that was a private moment I didn’t want to be shared with the world. And even though they complied, it didn’t mean they wouldn’t do everything they could to capture something.

  I shoved past the cameraman and headed to the front desk. That was where most of the show was filmed—open space, more room to move around, and it was near the front door. Perfect place to catch all the drama they organized.

  However, as I made it to the desk, the last person I ever expected to see in the shop pushed through the front door. My first thought was that production had somehow set this up. But with the way they scrambled at the sight of her, as well as her large, surprised eyes, I realized that wasn’t the case.

  Thirty seconds after permanently marking my left ring finger with my future, my past showed up. Again. In the very shop she wanted nothing to do with. Standing next to the man she’d left it all behind for.

  The motherfucking irony.

  “Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t realize they were shooting today.” She shook her head while an impish grin played on her lips. “That was about the stupidest thing I could’ve said. I have no idea what your schedule looks like anymore. I guess it’s been so long since I’ve paid any attention to the show, I wasn’t thinking about this side of your job.”

  “That’s okay. Did you want to go in the back and talk?”

  She glanced at her husband, who wore a nice suit, and shrugged.

  I led her to the supply closet in the back while she followed. Along the way, I glared at the cameramen, warning them to keep their distance. I knew it would be too much to ask that they not use any of this in the show, but as long as they gave me privacy, I couldn’t complain. Luckily, Indi noticed what was going on and gave me a short nod, assuring me that she would make sure they kept their distance.

  “Is your husband not coming?” I asked, realizing she had come alone as I held the door open for her to pass.

  Jessica moved across the room to stand in front of the lightbox, and as soon as I closed the door, she said, “We’re on our way to the wedding, so we don’t have a lot of time. I just wanted to finish our conversation from last night. He knows this is something I have to do on my own.”

  I leaned against the door with my shoulder, forcing myself not to cross my arms. The last thing I wanted was to come across as closed off. This conversation was long overdue, and the only way we could get through it without leaving anything behind was by being as open and honest as possible.

  “Listen, Brogan…” For years, she had been the only one who used my real name. Yet now, it seemed wrong. As if it belonged to Mercy, and hearing anyone else use it—including Jessica—made it feel like a betrayal. But I didn’t say anything and let her continue. “I never meant to hurt you. I never went looking for anyone when I found Drew. He came out of nowhere, just like my feelings for him. I need you to know that.”

  Oddly enough, I understood that more than she would ever know. “It worked out for the best. For both of us. So really, you don’t have anything to explain. I get it.”

  “I never thought I’d hear you say that.” Her lips curled, causing her cheeks to grow rounder.

  Now was the time to get everything out in the open. Put all our cards on the table. So, I took a deep breath and went for it. “I’m a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. You know that about me. That doesn’t mean it’s always easy to accept—especially when it hurts. We were good together. I loved you with my whole heart and wanted to spend forever with you. Your thing with Drew seemed to come out of nowhere, which is what hurt so bad. I was confused why you’d go to a complete stranger for support, rather than turning to me.”

  “That’s just it, Brogan. I did go to you. About a lot of it. But you were so busy with the shop and the show that it was like you didn’t hear me. Or you didn’t have enough time to give. At the beginning, I was actually talking to you both about the same things…and it was his support and understanding that made it easier to talk to him instead of you.”

  I’d expected this to hurt more than it did. So it surprised me when I didn’t feel anything other than understanding and relief. I paid attention to everything she said, hoping I could prevent the same thing from happening again, only this time, with Mercy. Because I couldn’t lose her.

  “I wish I could explain what it was about him—what it is about him. I did love you, and I still do. But I’ve learned that love isn’t always enough.”

  “Jess…it’s okay. I get it. Trust me. I’ve thought a lot about this ever since I met Mercy. You were a ten. Perfect in every way. I never thought there was anyone else out there better suited for me. Anyone I could love more than I loved you. Then Mercy came along. She’s my eleven.” Just thinking of her made me smile. “It helped me see that, while you were perfect, she’s my match. It’s taken meeting Mercy to understand everything you tried to tell me back then.”

  I could practically hear her words from two years ago, as if she spoke them now. This was never about you. I didn’t fall in love with Drew because I fell out of love with you. And it doesn’t mean I feel any less for you now than I did before I met him. I know this is hard to hear, because it’s probably one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to say, but he’s taught me that there’s more. I didn’t realize I wanted more until it was too late, and by then, it began to feel like staying here would be settling. I can’t explain it. It’s just a feeling. And one of these days, you’ll find someone who makes you feel this way, too.

  At the time, I’d dismissed her claims. Called her a cheater and a liar. Argued her every point just to prove how selfish she was. If she wasn’t happy, then she should’ve left before finding someone else. It didn’t matter that they had never been intimate. I didn’t care that he had never touched her. My wife had committed adultery. Emotional cheating was still cheating, and I had refused to look past that.

  Now, after finding the very thing she had tried to explain, I was able to see things differently. She hadn’t planned to meet Drew. But she did. And from everything she’d told me back then, he was nothing more than a friend. A stranger willing to listen. Willing to offer an unbiased opinion—which apparently, had often been in my defense. It wasn’t that she was unhappy, jus
t lonely. And by the time she realized how she felt about him, it was too late. She’d already fallen in love with him.

  “I know you didn’t believe me at the time, but I swear to you, I had told him that I couldn’t speak to him anymore. I was married, and carrying on a relationship of any kind with someone I had feelings for was unfair to you.”

  For whatever reason, I believed her now. Maybe it was because she had no reason to lie, whereas before, I thought she’d only said that so she wouldn’t look as guilty. But now, I actually believed that she had been telling the truth all along.

  “I had no intention of leaving you for him or continuing to talk to him. I had ended things with Drew, because I’d vowed to be with you. That’s when you noticed a change in me. I was heartbroken, more than I ever thought possible. Which is how you ended up finding out about him. I know it doesn’t matter now, but I needed you to know that.” Her pleading eyes held my attention until all the doubt I’d held on to over the years had vanished.

  “I believe you, Jess. The whole thing hurt. I can’t lie about that. But the one thing I can say is that if you never did that, if I had never found out and practically pushed you into his arms, then I never would’ve met Mercy. Fate works in mysterious ways, and I think a lot of times, it pops up at the most inopportune time. Like it’s testing us or something. Seeing how badly we want it.” I shrugged and added, “We could’ve worked things out and been perfectly happy. Nothing wrong with that. But if that was the path we chose, then neither of us would’ve had…this. You made me happy, Jess. But Mercy makes me excited. You made me smile, but she makes me giddy as fuck.”

  Her grin started slow, but eventually, it took over her entire face. “You have no idea how happy I am for you. I’d hoped and prayed that, in the end, we would both be in good places. Better places than we had been in together. And while none of this excuses my betrayal, it is a good feeling to know it all worked out for the best.”

  “I guess it’s true what they say, huh? You only need to wait for the sun to shine after a storm to see the purpose in the rain.” That was one of Nonna’s favorite quotes, and reciting it now made it feel like she was here with us.

  Jess moved closer. “If I may give you a little word of advice…don’t let all this”—she circled her hand in the air, meaning the shop and the show—“get in the way of what you have with her. Unless you’ve lowered your standards for women, I’m willing to bet none of this means anything to her, and quite possibly, intimidates her. And if she’s telling you how she feels about anything, listen. Don’t try to change her mind or make her see things your way. Just listen.”

  As much as I hated to admit it, I appreciated her concern. “Thanks, Jess.”

  Hugging her had to be the most surreal moment of the whole thing. It felt natural, calming, without any of the emotion I’d ever felt for her. While I still loved her on some level, and always would, having her in my arms again seemed no different than hugging Indi. Except, this embrace held an air of finality to it.

  It was our way of putting our past to rest.

  I glanced at my left ring finger. At my future. And I felt at peace.

  That was enough to carry me through the rest of the day. When filming wrapped, I didn’t stay late. Their time was up, so I grabbed my things and left the shop. If the others wanted to hang around and film their downtime, that was on them.

  I had a woman to get home to.

  I’d sent Mercy a few texts throughout the day, but she hadn’t responded to the last one—which had been shortly after two in the afternoon. I assumed she had fallen back to sleep or possibly been in the shower. So I sent her another message after I left the shop, to see if she needed me to grab anything on the way home.

  Her silence was deafening.

  It was also a premonition.

  One I should’ve paid attention to.

  Because as I pulled down the drive and opened the garage door, her car wasn’t there. And when I walked inside, the house was empty. However, nothing was worse than when I ran into our room and found that her drawers had been emptied. Her side of the sink sat bare. Hangers hung lifelessly from one half of the closet.

  Meanwhile, I dropped to the edge of the mattress feeling it all.

  Empty.

  Bare.

  Lifeless.

  Without a word. Without a sound. Mercy had left. She’d taken my heart. My soul. My everything…and ran. And I’d promised that I wouldn’t chase after her. I’d wait for her to return. So that was what I had to do.

  Wait.

  23

  Mercy

  I’d made it nearly four hours into my ten-hour drive before Brogan called the first time. I should’ve answered, but considering it was hard enough to hold back my emotions as it was, talking to him would’ve only made it worse. I needed to get to Ohio, get to Stella, before I could brave a conversation with him.

  He didn’t deserve to be left like that. I realized that, but I knew if I stayed and talked to him face to face, he never would’ve let me go. And in all honesty, I didn’t want him to let me go. However, this was the only way for us to know for sure if we belonged together. My only hope was that he’d agree so that we could see where we ended up.

  I finally made it to Stella’s apartment at two in the morning. After a long hug, we both climbed into bed, where I cried until the sun came up, and she pretended not to notice while gently rubbing my back from time to time.

  “Are you ever going to tell me what happened?” She set a cup of coffee on the nightstand before perching herself on the side of the bed.

  I pushed up until I sat with my back against the headboard, a pillow against my chest, and a hot mug in my hand. “I don’t even know what happened, Stella. That’s just it. Over the last two weeks, it’s been one thing after another, and I guess I needed to get away before anything else fell apart. I believe we can still come back from this…but if one more thing had gone wrong, it would’ve been the absolute end of us.”

  “Let me get this straight.” Stella tucked her legs beneath her, looking every bit the yoga goddess she was. “You left him because you want to stay with him? Surely you can see how confusing that is.”

  I huffed and dropped my head back, the impact of my skull against the headboard resulting in a resounding thud. “It’s not if you take into consideration all I’ve lost over the last several weeks. My dignity, thanks to the media running my name through the mud. My job, because, apparently, being the wife of a reality TV star is frowned upon. My parents barely speak to me anymore. Anyone I’ve met through Jordan—be it his family or friends—whom I actually cared for want nothing to do with me. And to top it all off, it turns out that the one person who was supposed to have my back has been keeping things from me.”

  “I haven’t kept anything from you,” she argued with a straight face.

  “Not you. Brogan.”

  “Well, you said the one person…so I wanted to point out that I’ve had your back this whole time.”

  “Fine. One of two people. Better?”

  “For now.” She shrugged, somehow not breaking a smile. “Carry on.”

  I fiddled with the mug in my hand, enjoying the warmth it offered through the ceramic walls. “His ex-wife showed up Friday night. We were all hanging out—some tradition they have for the night before filming starts—and when I came out of the bathroom, I caught them walking outside. I waited and waited for him to say something to me about it, but he never did.”

  “Did you ask?”

  I met her stare and shook my head. “I shouldn’t have to.”

  “You can’t be upset with him if you don’t even know what happened.”

  “So I shouldn’t be upset with Jordan for not telling me about the woman he was seeing behind my back because I didn’t ask if he was cheating on me?” I waited for her response, though it was obvious she didn’t have a retort for that. “The point is…he’s kept a lot from me lately. Maybe he has his reasons. Maybe he doesn’t. Even so, there’
s a reason he didn’t tell me.”

  “Which may very well be a completely logical one.”

  “You’re absolutely right. It could be. But it’s not my job to ask him why he’s keeping secrets. He shouldn’t be keeping them in the first place. First Jordan, now Brogan. And with Jessica coming back into the picture—”

  “That’s not fair. You don’t know that she’s back in the picture. Maybe they simply ran into each other, and a bar isn’t the best place to have a conversation. Haven’t you learned by now that you should never jump to conclusions?”

  “Why not? That’s what I did the night I saw Jordan at the club. Then he spun his web and convinced me I was wrong about what I saw. He had me so twisted up in it all that I started to think I was crazy. Somehow, he’d convinced me that I was mistaken until I questioned every memory from that night. And guess what, Stella? It turns out that the original conclusion I jumped to was right. So what lesson should I have learned?”

  She rolled her eyes and blew out a huff of exasperation. “We’re not talking about the douchebag right now. This is about Wrong and your inability to accept that maybe you overreacted.”

  “I barely know him.”

  “If that’s not a total crock of steaming horseshit, then I don’t know what is. But okay, sure…let’s go with that for argument’s sake. How can you be so sure his ex is back for him, or that he’s keeping things from you with malicious intent, if you barely know him? You can’t have it both ways; you can’t say you’re familiar with him enough to understand his motives while practically calling him a stranger in the next breath.”

  “News broke that he’s married, and then his ex pops up out of nowhere.” I didn’t understand how she couldn’t see this the way I did. “Ever since the internet decided to take interest in my relationship, Brogan’s shop was destroyed, I lost my job, and now, his ex-wife is back. Why else would she be there?”

  Stella shrugged, showing a complete lack of concern over my fears—rational or not. “Maybe she wanted to bring him a wedding present. Or maybe she ran into him in a public place and wanted to congratulate him in person.”