Adapt Or Be Crushed (The Exceptional S. Beaufont Book 9)

by Sarah Noffke

  Trin strode into the sitting room and paused in the doorway at the sight of all the dragonriders lounging and playing on devices. At her heels was the cyborg dog, NO10JO. “I brought you all some refreshments.”

  “Thank you.” Sophia stretched and put down her phone.

  Trin’s gears made noise as she set the tray of finger food down on the coffee table.

  “Oh, let’s watch the video on angler fish,” Lunis said with his head still hovering over Wilder’s shoulder.

  “Trin, if Sophia would move over, then you could take a break and play games with me,” Evan offered as he stretched out and took up more of the sofa.

  Sophia shot him a scowl. “I couldn’t take up any less space here, Dork Face.”

  Trin shook her head. “I prefer not to use devices.”

  “Oh, because you have one in your head and all?” Evan insensitively asked.

  Sophia slapped his leg. “Show some respect, would you?” She knew that the cyborg was still—always—sensitive about the fact that she was mostly composed of wires and bolts and magitech.

  “I am showing respect,” Evan stated. “I’m pretty certain that Trin knows she has iPhone technology in her as well as other handy-dandy stuff.”

  “They aren’t as handy as you think,” Trin said dryly.

  Evan straightened and pulled his feet off Sophia. “I think it’s marvelous. You’re way cooler than the rest of us.” He patted the couch, automatically calling NO10JO over. “I mean, look at this guy. He’s the best dog in the world. Not boring like all those other animals who can’t do cool stuff.” He affectionately patted the dog on the head, and a moment later, NO10JO transformed into a foot stool.

  Evan let out a howl of satisfied laughter. “See what I mean! He’s awesome and thoughtful.” He glanced at Sophia. “He knows you’ve been hogging all the space on the communal couch and is trying to help out. Isn’t that sweet?”

  “He is thoughtful and knows that I’m about to cut you if you put your feet on me one more time,” she threatened. “That dog is trying to keep you alive.”

  Evan nodded and redirected his attention. “It’s okay though, boy. I would rather have you than the convenience of a place to put my feet up.”

  With a poof of sorts, NO10JO shapeshifted back to his usual form with bolts and metal plates and wires.

  “That’s nice of you,” Trin said, her voice suddenly sensitive.

  “Well, I’m nice,” Evan stated smugly. “Just ask my wife. She’ll tell you that I’m the best lover in the world. Very giving.”

  Wilder laughed. “You haven’t seen her since your wedding day when you got married and left her on Roya Lane five minutes later, according to Sophia.”

  “But we sealed the deal with a passionate kiss,” Evan argued.

  “It was a handshake,” Sophia corrected.

  When Evan reached for a cream cheese and cucumber sandwich, Trin’s robotic hand stretched across the several feet separating them and slapped him. He pulled his arm back and gave her a look of offense.

  “What did you do that for, woman?” he asked, his eyes wide.

  Her gaze took on one of surprise. “Oh, well, you didn’t wash your hands first.”

  Sophia eyed the housekeeper and read something else under her expression.

  “Evan hasn’t washed his hands in three decades,” Wilder stated flatly. “How is today any different than any other?”

  “Ha-ha,” Evan said with no humor. “And my hands are plenty clean.” He gave Trin a careful look as he reached for a sandwich again. This time she didn’t slap him, although the look of irritation was still heavy on her face.

  “Oh, there’s a new branch of Amazon that’s come out of Roya Lane,” Sophia said while reading a press release from the House of Fourteen.

  “Like you need anything to further your Amazon addiction,” Evan teased and put his feet back on the couch, taking up most of the space again.

  “I do,” Sophia stated. “And this will make impulse buying even better. Wild, didn’t you say you needed a new pair of shoes?”

  He glanced up, obviously engrossed in whatever he and Lunis were watching on YouTube. “Yeah, what are those cool shoes that all the kids are wearing? Didn’t you call them Converse something or another?”

  “Yep,” Sophia stated. “They’re Chuck Taylors. What size are you?”

  “You should know that about your man,” Evan quipped.

  “Your wife doesn’t know what your last name is,” Wilder insulted.

  “Well, she knows the important stuff,” Evan countered.

  “Like to stay far away from you, as evidenced by the fact that you haven’t heard from her since the wedding done for purely logistical reasons,” Wilder stated.

  Trin let out a high-pitched, sudden laugh that was completely uncharacteristic for her. When everyone, including Mother Nature, gave her strange looks, her face turned red and steam spilled from her ears. She rushed from the room while muttering something about smelling something burning.

  “Anyone else sense that something isn’t right with Trin?” Wilder asked.

  “Or everything is right with her and she’s dealing with things the way humans do,” Mama Jamba offered.

  “By having steam shoot out of our ears?” Evan asked. “That seems more like a way that a dragon deals with things.”

  “These are nostrils,” Lunis stated, then huffed and made smoke issue from his.

  Wilder waved the smoke away while coughing. “Hey, buddy. Can we not do that when we’re sharing screen time?”

  “Sure thing,” Lunis agreed. “Let’s watch the Zefrank video on hummingbirds. I can imagine the weird facts we’ll learn about their mating habits and killer ways with their knife beaks.”

  “You bet, buddy.” Wilder looked up at Sophia. “And to answer your question, I’m a size ten in shoes.”

  “Oh, wow, I knew you were little but—”

  “Size ten shoes.” Sophia tapped on her phone. A moment later—only a few seconds—a Converse shoe box appeared on the coffee table.

  Evan and Mahkah both straightened with surprise. Sophia smiled. Wilder’s eyes widened.

  “Are those my shoes?” Wilder asked.

  Sophia nodded proudly. “The new service for those who qualify is called Instant Amazon. It can deliver to the Gullington, as you’ve all witnessed.”

  “How do you qualify?” Evan swiped through his phone.

  Sophia shook her head. “You don’t. The first thing you have to have is good credit and since you have none, you don’t qualify. You also have to pass a series of personality tests that show you won’t abuse the service, and aren’t prone to immediate gratification.”

  Wilder sighed. “Maybe in your next lifetime, Evan. But Mahkah, you’re perfect for that kind of thing.”

  “I would be interested in checking it out,” Mahkah stated, then returned his attention to his Kindle book.

  “Well, Sophia can you pretty please buy me some shoes?” Evan batted his eyes at her. “I’m a size thirteen, which I know is totally blowing your mind.”

  “It’s not,” Sophia stated. “And I got those for Wilder as a gift, but I’m not allowed to order too many things for other people.”

  “How about a new track suit for me?” Mama Jamba asked. “I got orange marmalade on my white one and the stain won’t come out.”

  “First of all,” Evan began, “why does the queen of the Earth have to order anything? Why can’t you poof whatever you need?”

  “Because it keeps me humble,” Mama Jamba answered simply.

  “And why can’t you just magic out the stain?” Evan asked.

  “Because I’m horrible with domestic stuff,” Mama Jamba replied. “I don’t know how to do laundry. I’ve never, ever done it, if you can believe it.”

  “Me either,” Wilder stated.

  “Nor me,” Evan chimed in.

  “Why am I not surprised?” Sophia asked.

  “Hey, we’re in good company,” Evan
argued.

  Sophia made a series of swipes on the phone and a moment later, a brown box that said Chanel on the side appeared at Mama Jamba’s feet on the chaise lounge.

  “Why thank you, dear,” Mama Jamba exclaimed.

  “Why can’t you gift me something?” Evan asked, pouting.

  “Because you’re you and I’m me,” Sophia stated.

  “But you didn’t get me a wedding gift,” he argued.

  “It’s in the mail,” Sophia replied.

  She was going to elaborate, but they were interrupted when Hiker Wallace stormed into the room and looked at them all with great offense on his face.

  They all directed their attention to their screens and pretended to ignore the lurking Viking. After a moment, he sighed. “This electronic thing has gone too far.”

  “When you gave us the day off sir, did you mean the hour, and that you’d spend the rest of the day berating us for our choices?” Evan wisecracked.

  “And there’s why I’m not getting you anything,” Sophia said to the dragonrider on the other side of the couch before she glanced up at Hiker. “Hello, sir.”

  He nodded and thundered over to Mama Jamba. “What are you working on?”

  “Why do I have to be working on anything, son?” she asked in reply.

  “Oh, did you take the day off too?” he countered.

  “A day off,” she mused. “I wonder what that would feel like?”

  “The world would go to hell,” Hiker answered.

  She shrugged. “Well, a girl can dream.” Mama Jamba looked up at the Viking and smiled sweetly. “Since you must know, I’m still working on the way to track down the demon dragons. It’s not going to be easy.”

  “I thought you were drawing me a pretty picture,” Evan teased.

  Hiker spun around. “You do realize that she can make it so you never existed, right?”

  Evan gulped. “But you won’t do that, will you Mama Jamba?”

  “Not today, I won’t,” Mama Jamba answered in a sing-song voice and continued to sketch something on her pad of paper.

  “I’m not having any luck tracking down where the leviathan and simurgh came from,” Hiker announced with frustration in his voice.

  “I’m not having any luck pronouncing either of those terms,” Evan stated. “Why couldn’t they be called something easy?”

  “Like Evan One and Evan Two?” Wilder propped his iPad on the arm of the chair so Lunis could continue to watch animal videos while he opened his new pair of shoes.

  “I can look into it for you, sir,” Mahkah offered.

  Hiker nodded. “Thank you. That would be helpful. And Evan and Wilder—”

  “Sir, it’s still my day off,” Evan interrupted. “And although I’d like to take orders from you, we both know that I need my reserves filled after single-handedly killing that giant sea monster while the rest of these slackers swam around in the Mediterranean.”

  For some reason, Hiker didn’t appear motivated enough to argue. It was true that Evan was the reason they defeated the leviathan because he could swim in the sea and find its weak spot. However, the entire battle had been a group effort.

  “Yeah, fine,” Hiker stated. “But tomorrow, I’ll have missions for all of you.”

  Sophia eyed the leader of the Dragon Elite and spied the tension hiding behind the surface. None of them had spoken about Ainsley in quite some time, but that didn’t seem to make things easier for Hiker. She secretly knew that with each passing day that they didn’t hear from her, he worried more and wondered if she’d ever return to the Gullington.

  She was going to mention something about the previous housekeeper to test the waters when she was interrupted by a message on her phone. It was Mae Ling, her fairy godmother. Sophia sat bolt upright, and gained the attention of everyone in the room with her sudden movement.

  “What is it?” Wilder asked, one of his black Converse shoes in his hands.

  “It’s about the exploding sheep problem,” Sophia answered as she read the message. “It looks like we might have a solution.”

  She stood at once and looked around for her boots.

  “What does it say?” Hiker asked.

  “Nothing much,” Sophia answered. “My fairy godmother says for me to get to Happily Ever After College right away.”

  “Did you tell her it was your day off?” Evan stretched into the place that Sophia had abandoned on the couch.

  She shook her head at him. “No. This is important. I’ll leave right away.”

  Hiker gave Evan a punishing expression. “See that work ethic? Learn anything from it?”

  Evan nodded. “Yeah, that’s one surefire way to burn yourself out. Learn from the masters, young one.”

  Sophia dismissed him. “Also, Mae Ling reminded me that you all need to get your measurements done for the suits of armor that Jeremy Bearimy is making for us, if you haven’t already.”

  “I’ve done mine,” Mahkah stated.

  “Me too,” Wilder added.

  “It’s my day off,” Evan said.

  “Do it now,” Hiker ordered.

  “Of course, sir,” Evan stated at once, urged on by the authority in Hiker’s voice.

  “And we’re supposed to get this armor because?” Wilder asked.

  “For an upcoming battle.” Sophia pulled on her boots and cloak. “I don’t know anything more. But also, we’ll need some special weapons. I’ll check on that too after figuring out the sheep situation.”

  “And I’ll be right here.” Evan continued to play Animal Crossing.

  “When you need someone to test out the exploding sheep solution, I’ll gladly offer Evan,” Hiker stated.

  Sophia laughed and made for the entrance. “Okay, I’ll see you all as soon as I’ve got more answers.”

  “Size thirteen, Sophia,” Evan called after her. “Surprise me with colors, but be sure my new shoes match my green eyes.”

  Chapter Eighty-Two

  The last time that Sophia was at Happily Ever After College, she’d thought something was wrong when she stepped through the portal. This time she knew it.

  Before, it had been tiny robotic bugs flying through the air that had set Sophia on edge and made her think that there was a new pest at the fairy godmother college. Those had turned out to be seemingly harmless spies used on Cinderellas and Prince Charmings in the field.

  However, what Sophia encountered after stepping onto the grounds of the college wouldn’t be confused as ambiguous. The invaders were definitely trouble—no doubt about it.

  Sophia automatically pulled Inexorabilis from its sheath and connected immediately with a stone statue that lunged at her upon arriving. She had little time to react to the attack. Sophia recognized the statue as one that stood in the gardens on the eastern side of the main building. It was of a man holding a book in one hand and pondering while stroking his chin with the other.

  Now the statue was moving and trying to assault her with the book and the free hand. Sophia darted under his next attack and nearly got hit in the forehead by his arm as it swept over her. She spun at once and brandished her sword when the next swing came her way.

  It connected with the mad statue’s forearm and prevented it from coming down on her. But the now-living statue’s strength was fierce, and Sophia knew she couldn’t hold him that much longer. He was much taller than her and made of stone, which made the whole act of keeping him from knocking her to the ground more difficult. Sophia gritted her teeth and rolled to the side, which made the statue tumble to the grass from the momentum.

  Sophia took the opportunity to throw a disintegration spell at the man while his back was to her. It was something usually used to dissolve rock walls, but she thought it would be the most effective offensive attack in this circumstance. To her relief, it hit the statue square in the back and made him arch dramatically. His head shot back and his mouth opened wide. Then he crumbled to dust and made a neat pile on the ground where he had been seconds before.


  Sophia didn’t get a moment of relief. With the statue gone, she became aware of the chaos all around her on the usually peaceful grounds of Happily Ever After College. All over the place, sculptures of animals and magicians and fairies and many other magical races had come alive and were anything but happy about their new state of being.

  Like the man with the book, the statues appeared enraged and fought the fairy godmothers with a vengeance. In the distance, Sophia caught sight of her fairy godmother Mae Ling battling a statue of a centaur. She appeared to be doing okay, but the beast was relentless. It alternately kicked out its back legs and reared several times, trying to kick the small woman.

  It was probably to Mae Ling’s advantage that she was so small since it made it easier for her to dive out of the way. When she had a clear opening, she shot a spark of red at the angry centaur that made him freeze as he attempted to charge in her direction.

  On the other side of the grounds, Sophia caught sight of Professor Amy, the math instructor, fighting a gnome statue that held a broom. She recognized the figure from the front steps where it always looked to be greeting the students while also wearing an expression that said, “Wipe your feet before entering this school. I just swept.”

  Behind Professor Amy was a woman Sophia recognized as the Head Mistress named Willow. Her long brown hair flew out behind her as she battled two statues, one of a large jackrabbit with fierce teeth and another of a goat. Never before had Sophia thought of goats as deadly, but right then she was terrified of the creature that jumped around and tried to ram its horns into Willow.

  Sophia yanked her attention off the professors fighting statues when she caught sight of a gray figure striding in her direction. It was the largest one she’d seen on the grounds of the college, and it appeared angrier than all the rest as it moved toward her.

  Sophia backed up while trying to figure out how she could fight a full-sized giant made of stone that held a sword bigger than her.