Adapt Or Be Crushed (The Exceptional S. Beaufont Book 9)

by Sarah Noffke

  “You tricked me!” Sophia yelled loud enough that a few gnomes huddled in the shadows of a neighboring building glanced over.

  Lee shook her head at them. “Pretty bold move on her part, huh? Yelling at me when I’m holding a sword. Not the brightest bulb, I’d say.”

  “You can’t steal from Papa Creola,” Sophia continued.

  “Technically, I didn’t,” Lee argued.

  “Borrowed or whatever.”

  “Technically, I borrowed it from Subner,” Lee countered.

  “It doesn’t matter,” Sophia stated. “I have to work with them, and they’re going to be pissed when they find out…” She couldn’t believe it took her that long to work out all the details. Sophia narrowed her eyes at the pavement, seeing the last set of events she witnessed at the Fantastical Armory. “Papa Creola knew you were going to steal the sword.”

  “Borrowed,” Lee corrected. “I just have no intention of giving it back. Like when I loan my jerk neighbors a book. Wait until they see my new sword.” She held the weapon in a fighting stance.

  Sophia shook her head. “So Papa Creola knew you were going to steal it. That’s why he took me in the other room and said that bit about having been gone long enough. You had no plan of getting his autograph. You were using me.”

  Lee nodded proudly. “Why would I want that man’s autograph? He’s the worst. When I’m looking forward to something, time goes so very slowly. When I have to deal with something awful, time all of a sudden slows down. He’s the ultimate worst. And don’t get me started on time zones and how much I loathe him for that one.”

  “I was so used.” Sophia ambled forward and shook her head.

  “You were. Doesn’t it feel good?”

  “No,” she answered at once.

  “I know what will make you feel better, or so much worse that you want to end things,” Lee stated.

  “Please, no more jokes,” Sophia begged.

  “Did you know that nothing rhymes with orange?” Lee strode up next to Sophia after letting her get ahead for a moment.

  “No. No, it doesn’t,” Sophia retorted.

  “Oh, nice way to cut off my joke,” Lee said proudly. “Don’t worry. Father Time obviously wanted me to have the sword. It’s a win-win too because now you get my help with fixing the water supply in Scotland, and I get the sword, which will ensure I don’t have to listen to my neighbors watching loud movies at night.”

  Sophia shot her a punishing stare.

  Lee held up her hands in surrender. “Because I’m going to use the sword to cut their cable, obviously.”

  “Yeah, obviously.” Sophia opened a portal to outside the Gullington. “I’m going to take you somewhere that few have seen. Try and be on your best behavior, would you?”

  Lee nodded and put one hand behind her back. “I promise.”

  “Did you just cross your fingers like a schoolchild telling a lie?”

  “No!” Lee stated while pulling her hand up and spreading her fingers wide. “See!”

  Sophia rolled her eyes.

  “Seriously,” Lee argued, and held up a pinky. “Look, I’ll pinky swear if that will help.”

  After opening the portal, Sophia shook her head. “You’re freaking ridiculous.”

  “I know you are, but what am I?” Lee countered and stepped through the opening after Sophia.

  Chapter Ninety-Seven

  Entering the Gullington wasn’t something that most could do. Sophia had to explain that to Lee.

  “You have to want to serve the Dragon Elite, or Quiet won’t allow you entry,” Sophia imparted.

  “I bet y’all have some pretty impressive weapons in there,” Lee mused while glancing out at the Barrier she couldn’t see, but Sophia instinctively knew was in the distance.

  “If you steal anything, then I’ll have Liv shut down your bakery and cart you away for petty crimes,” Sophia threatened.

  Lee’s mouth popped open with disgust. “How dare you!”

  “Oh, I dared.”

  “Close my bakery,” Lee stated. “Take my wife and lock her up. But send me away for anything less than heinous crimes? Well, that’s just wrong, Sophia. I thought we were friends.”

  “Keep your sticky hands to yourself when we enter the Gullington,” Sophia warned.

  “Fine,” Lee gave in. “Are there any more dumb requests like don’t murder my friends or don’t entertain me with your incredible wit?”

  “Try and murder my friends if you want your wife to be planning a funeral,” Sophia stated proudly.

  Lee howled with laughter. “Oh, Cat has been planning my funeral for ages. She picked out her dress a few days after our wedding. It’s really pretty. I’d say I can’t wait to see her in it, but, well…”

  “You two are the real deal, aren’t you?”

  Lee nodded while striding next to Sophia as they approached the Barrier. “Will it hurt when I enter the Gillington?”

  “Gullington,” Sophia corrected. “I don’t think so. Trin seemed all right, but she wanted to serve the Dragon Elite. According to Quiet, our groundskeeper, you have to want to serve us or you won’t be allowed entry. I’m not sure what will happen if you’re ill-intentioned. Our sheep explode right now, so I don’t have high hopes that you’ll simply not be allowed to enter. Things tend to happen big at the Gullington.”

  “Okay, I want to serve the Unicorn Riders,” Lee said in a bored voice.

  “I don’t think that sarcastic attitude will help things,” Sophia argued.

  “My sarcastic attitude has served me well all my life, Ms. Sophia. So just let me be me, and you be you.”

  At the Barrier, Sophia passed through as she normally did. She turned and watched as Lee paused, then took a step through. The assassin’s eyes widened, either because it hadn’t worked or because she could now see the Castle and the Pond and the Caves in the distance. But a second later, Lee sank onto the grass while screaming and writhing in pain.

  “Oh, it hurts!” Lee yelled as she clutched her stomach and jerked her head back and forth.

  “Lee!” Sophia shot down to a kneeling position. “What is it? What hurts? What can I do?”

  Like she suddenly passed out, Lee’s head rolled to the side and her eyes closed. Then a smile cracked her lips, and she peeked through one eye.

  Sophia growled and jerked to an upright position as Lee howled with laughter.

  “You really are twelve years old, aren’t you?”

  “Twelve and a half,” Lee argued and held out a hand like she expected Sophia to help her up.

  “So you didn’t die entering the Gullington,” Sophia stated. “Well, after you fix our water problem, I’ll feed you to my dragon.”

  “It’s so cute that you keep up the charade of having a dragon,” Lee chimed while nearly skipping on the Expanse as they crossed it, headed to the Pond on the far side of the Gullington.

  Sophia pointed at the Castle. “You do see that, which wasn’t there before you entered the Barrier, right? And the Caves and Pond, right? Why is it so hard for you to believe we have dragons? They’ve been all over the news lately.”

  “I don’t watch the news. It gives me nightmares.”

  The dragonrider laughed and shook her head. “You murder people for a living.”

  “It’s more of a hobby at this point,” Lee corrected. “I needed something that was mine after opening up the bakery. Cat has her art projects and books. So I had to find my soul’s calling.”

  “Which was murdering people.”

  “Yeah, and since then, my soul has sung its song.”

  “You’re the strangest person I know, and that’s saying a lot.”

  “Why thank you,” Lee said affectionately, then yanked out the sword she’d stolen from the Fantastical Armory as her entire body tensed. “Get behind me, little one. There’s a giant bat headed this way. I’ll defend you.”

  Sophia tensed as well, then turned to find the other half of her soul headed in their direction while g
liding through the air, his blue wings like an extension of the sky behind him.

  Chapter Ninety-Eight

  “That’s my dragon, Lunis,” Sophia stated proudly and put a calming hand on Lee to encourage her to put down the sword.

  Lee shook her head, pure surprise written on her face. “Dude, I thought you were making up the dragon thing all along.”

  “Are you serious? You have heard of dragonriders before? We’re kind of a big deal. And these missions we’ve gone on, what did you think those were all about?”

  Lee shrugged. “Honestly, I thought they were elaborate escape rooms. So that thing with the evil spirit was real? That’s nuts. You almost died.”

  Sophia nodded. “That’s a pretty regular occurrence.”

  Lunis landed nobly beside Sophia, shook out his wings, and swung his head from side to side. She recognized the little act he was putting on for the company, being regal instead of casually landing like a puppy dog and pretending to lick her face.

  “Rider Beaufont,” Lunis began in a deep voice. “It has been many moons since you left. Have your travels treated you well?”

  Sophia rolled her eyes. “You’re ridiculous. You can see everything I see and know that I’ve been hanging out with this Laffy Taffy, restraining myself from cutting her.”

  “Wow. You’re, like, totally real.” Lee ran her astonished eyes over the dragon.

  “What did you think?” Lunis asked. “I was all animatronics?”

  “Sort of,” Lee answered. “And you can talk?”

  “Sometimes too much,” Sophia related.

  “Oooh!” Lunis excitedly said as he dropped the act and resumed his normal way of talking. “Did you hear the rumor about butter?”

  Lee didn’t expect this strange question. She tilted her head to the side. “No, I haven’t. What is it?”

  Lunis shook his head. “Never mind. I shouldn’t spread it.”

  Sophia dropped her head, realizing that nightmares did come true in her world.

  Meanwhile, Lee howled with laughter and slapped her leg. “Yes, I’m totally stealing that joke.”

  “Please do,” he said proudly.

  “Although this is all very entertaining and not at all soul-sucking, we do have a mission for Lee.” Sophia pointed at the Pond. “That will be a good place for us to start. Do you need to take readings or do tests or what?”

  Lee and Lunis both glared at Sophia, but from the corner of her mouth, the assassin baker said, “Is she always so…”

  “Let’s save the world?” Lunis supplied.

  “Yeah and a stick in the mud too with her responsible attitude,” Lee added.

  “Always.” Lunis also talked from the corner of his mouth.

  “I can hear you two dorks,” Sophia pointed out.

  “I think she knows we’re talking about her,” Lee whispered.

  “Maybe, but if you tell more jokes, she’ll ignore you,” Lunis offered. “That’s how I do it.”

  Lee nodded. “I like how you do it. Are all dragons as cool as you?”

  He shook his head. “None are. The others talk about the days of yore and only eat sheep…well, they used to eat sheep. Now my diet of taquitos and bean dip is looking pretty appealing, I bet.”

  Sophia crossed her arms and pretended to be annoyed by the two, although they were undoubtedly pretty entertaining and obviously fast friends. “Speaking of sheep, does anyone want to work to save the herd?”

  “Again with the demands and always being responsible.” Lee sighed. “Is she always like this?”

  “Always,” Lunis answered.

  “Fine.” Lee sounded defeated. “Lead me to the poisoned water supply. I’ll take a look, but I might need some whisky when we get there.”

  “For testing purposes?” Sophia asked.

  Lee shook her head. “No, to deal with your soul-sucking attitude. I bet you drive many in your life to drink.”

  Sophia laughed at this. “I can’t argue with that.”

  Chapter Ninety-Nine

  When the three reached the edge of the Pond, Sophia cautioned Lee with a look of warning. “There’s a sea monster that lives in here and protects the waters. So be careful. We can’t get too far in.”

  Lee scoffed at her. “I ate a whole Chilean sea bass this morning for breakfast that was still alive.”

  “Why would you do that?” Sophia questioned.

  “Because we were out of sardines,” she answered matter-of-factly.

  Lunis gave Sophia a wide-eyed expression. “Can we keep her? Oh, pretty please. I promise to take her out on walks and feed her regularly.”

  “No, Lun,” Sophia answered. “You didn’t take care of the last human I let you have.”

  His face was suddenly covered in embarrassment. “I got hungry.”

  “I don’t taste very good, if that helps,” Lee offered. “There was this one time that this bear tried to eat me and I was too wasted on donuts and absinthe from the night before—”

  “What a strange combination,” Sophia remarked.

  Lee nodded. “We were out of Pringles. That would have been the better option over donuts.”

  “Who does your grocery shopping?” Lunis asked. “Or rather, the lack of grocery shopping?”

  “I do, but I’m awful at it,” Lee answered.

  “Obviously,” Lunis replied.

  “Anyway, this bear tries to eat me while I’m hanging out in Montana,” Lee continued. “That’s a good story for another time. But the bear takes one bite of my leg and decides I’m not worth it and goes to the river to fish, which was a lot more work than eating me since I was laid out like a Thanksgiving dinner.”

  “Okay, I’m ready for the story about why you were in Montana.” Lunis wagged his tail like an excited puppy.

  “No,” Sophia cut in. “We have a mission. Water. Remember?”

  Lunis sighed dramatically. “You never let me do what I want. When I’m older, I’m out of here!”

  Sophia rolled her eyes at her dragon. “You don’t mean that.”

  “Nah, not at all,” he said with a chuckle. “Since my life is tied to yours, that would pretty much kill us.”

  “That’s how it works with my wife,” Lee mused. “Apparently we’re tied together until death does us part, and as far as I can figure out, she’s not going anywhere until I die and that will probably be in Las Vegas to put my life insurance all on red.”

  “Your wife sounds charming,” Lunis offered.

  “Can we focus here?” Sophia demanded with her hands on her hips. She pointed at the blue water lapping up on the shore. “Water? Lee! Now!”

  “Is she always like this?” Lee asked the blue dragon. “All demandy and overcompensating for her runt status with a bad attitude?”

  “Always,” Lunis stated dryly.

  Sophia shot him what most would read as a murderous glare. In her head, she threatened, I’m considering canceling your Disney Plus subscription now.

  “Nooooo!” he exclaimed out loud, and made Lee, who was bent over the water and studying it jump.

  “No what?” the assassin baker asked.

  Lunis pointed at Sophia with an accusatory claw. “She threatened to take away my Disney Plus.”

  Lee glanced up at Sophia since she was hunched low by the water, making her shorter than the dragonrider. “I think you might need to take your dragon to see that psychiatrist. He hears voices, which is normal in my world, but some think of it as weird.”

  Sophia shook her head. “No, I did threaten him but through our telepathic link.”

  “Wow, you get to communicate with your dragon telepathically.” Lee sighed. “Some people are given all the advantages in life while the rest of us have to settle for mediocre.”

  Sophia groaned with real annoyance now. “You run a magical bakery on the most iconic road in the world and were recommended by the chief expert on magical creatures as the only person who could fix this water supply problem.”

  “And yet, I still pu
t my pants on lying down, just like everyone else,” Lee related.

  “That’s not how that phrase… Never mind.” Sophia pointed again at the water. “Pond. Fix. Now.”

  “Someone failed manners school.” Lee shook her head and returned her attention to the Pond.

  “Speaking of clothes,” Lunis began in that voice he used when a bad joke was about to follow. “Do either of you ladies know what a lawyer wears to court?”

  “Please…no…” Sophia begged.

  “A law suit!” Lunis cheered with a laugh.

  Lee’s face contorted with confusion. “I don’t get it. Why wouldn’t they wear a business suit like everyone else? Why does it have to be specific? You don’t see me wearing an assassin suit. Or a baker’s suit. It’s just an apron and a ski mask.”

  The excited expression on Lunis’ face fell away. “Are you serious?” He glanced sideways at Sophia. “I changed my mind. I don’t want her.”

  She nodded. “Told you. A human seems like a fun idea at the time, but then the newness wears off, and they go in the closet with all the other stuff you’ve lost interest in.”

  Lee had returned to studying the water. She dipped two fingers into the Pond and sniffed it, her focus to the side as she contemplated it and made her assessment.

  Sophia took this rare moment of quiet to look out at the Pond’s rippling waters and appreciate its pristine beauty. The Expanse’s green hills were such a nice contrast to the blue waters and clear skies, and made Sophia smile from the welcomed meditative experience.

  It pained her that Nevin Gooseman had gone after her in Scotland to try and hurt the Dragon Elite. The place wasn’t just the home to the Gullington. The cutting winds and sideways rain had become such a strange comfort to Sophia that she always looked forward to returning to the grassy green hills and fresh air at the end of every journey.

  “Well, I figured out the problem.” Lee stood and wiped her wet hands on her jeans.