Keeper of the Heart

by Johanna Lindsey

  He laughed, a bass rumble she felt clear to her toes. “I, too, am accustomed to having my way, but all of the time. And I have a small advantage over you.”

  Was that supposed to be his idea of a joke? “Why be modest? You have a big advantage over me.” And then her eyes narrowed. “You aren’t going to put me down, are you?”

  “No.”

  “Not even if it causes problems when a warrior demands that you release me? I am protected, Falon Van’yer, and this cloak I’m wearing is well recognized.”

  His other hand came up to finger the cloak at her shoulder. “I am aware of this, woman, though I could wish it were otherwise. Yet have you given yourself into my care for the while, so there will be no difficulty with these Kan-is-Tran warriors.”

  She wasn’t going to point out that the warriors who might stop him were her father’s warriors who knew her. She still didn’t want him to know who she was until it was absolutely necessary. And there was only one alternative just now.

  She suggested it. “How about you put me down long enough for us to leave here?”

  “So you still try to have it your way even though I have refused you? Is this going to be a problem, woman, your being unable to accept my will?”

  Shanelle had a feeling that question was too important by half. If she said yes, would he put her down and walk away? But she couldn’t say no, because it just might be a problem. And maybe she’d better find out right now if it would be.

  “I had hoped we could spend some time together to get to know each other. That does not mean I belong to you, Falon. Even if I did belong to you, I might not agree with everything you say. I’m not a slave who will obey without question. I have my own opinions and feelings, which may or may not be contrary to yours. If your will is reasonable and justified, of course I can accept it. But if it is not, don’t expect me to keep quiet about it. And I think I would like to know now if it is against your principles to take what I say under consideration.”

  “Have I not just listened to everything you had to say?” he said.

  “That’s true, you did. And you haven’t run like hell on finding out I can be a tiny bit arbitrary.” He smiled at that. So did she. “Perhaps you might tell me why you don’t want to put me down.”

  “Because I like the feel of you against me too much. Because I would rather fight every warrior here than lose this feeling for even a moment.”

  Oh, Stars, with reasons like that, it wasn’t going to take her long at all to love this man as well as desire him. “Why didn’t you just say so?”

  He grinned at her. “So my will has suddenly become acceptable to you?”

  “You’ve managed to—justify it. And I never said I couldn’t be reasonable. Perhaps if we disappear real quick, the problems I foresaw won’t materialize. Would that tent you left earlier happen to be yours—and vacant?”

  “It is both, though I am not sure this brazenness of yours pleases me. When and where I take you is for me to decide, you to anticipate.”

  She stared at him incredulously for a moment before she burst out, “Stars, where have I heard that before?” And then she asked suspiciously, “You’re not from Kan-is-Tra after all, are you?”

  “No—and neither are you, which I forgot for a moment. Your brazenness is acceptable.”

  She grinned at him, wondering just where he thought she did come from that her brazenness was suddenly okay by him. But she wouldn’t correct him on his assumption that she wasn’t from here. She didn’t want to deny who she was if she didn’t have to, and the less he asked right now, the better. And she was nothing but relieved to have it confirmed that he wasn’t a warrior, after he’d started sounding too damn much like one. But these were little problems they could work out after they got the main one of compatibility out of the way.

  But she was curious enough to ask, “Do the women repress their desires where you come from?”

  “They are more circumspect.”

  “Then maybe you ought to think of living elsewhere.”

  “I do not think so.”

  She sighed at that quick answer. “Why don’t we work on the principle that there is an inducement for everything and leave it at that for now?”

  “Of what do you speak now?”

  “Never mind. This isn’t the time to—”

  “Shani!” Caris called.

  “Farden hell,” Shanelle muttered, then looked ruefully at Falon. “That’s me being called. I don’t suppose you might reconsider and put me down long enough for me to talk to my friend?” He merely stared back at her without answering, which was his answer. “Maybe your arm is getting just a little tired holding me up?” she tried next.

  “You weigh nothing, kerima.”

  She made a face at that. “I’m a big girl, not a little one. Little describes my friend Caris.”

  “The female who was with your earlier is no more than a child.”

  “She’s not a child, she’s just short and—”

  Caris had reached them at that point, her warrior in tow. “Shani, I—” She paused when she noticed Falon. “Oh, my.” But then she took in Shanelle’s position and the implications of it, and added, “Oh, my.”

  Shanelle didn’t even try to deny what her friend was now obviously thinking. “We’ll keep this between ourselves, won’t we, Caris?‘”

  “If you insist, but Yari and Cira will be just as pleased for you as I am. It certainly took you long enough, Shani, but now you can find out—”

  “Not now, Caris.”

  “Sure.” The younger girl grinned. “I just wanted to let you know I will be busy myself for a few hours. Komar here wants to show me his tent.”

  “Did you remember to tell him you are protected by the shodan?”

  Caris grimaced. “As a matter of fact, I forgot.” She glanced back at the large warrior holding her hand. “Is that going to make a difference, that I’m protected?”

  “It keeps me from claiming you, had that been my thought,” Komar stated.

  “Notice how he doesn’t confirm or deny if that was his intention,” Caris said to Shanelle.

  “That’s to keep you from being disappointed either way,” Shanelle replied.

  “How sweet. I knew I was going to like this warrior. So I’ll see you later, Shani.”

  “You know where to meet me?”

  “Sure do.”

  “Why is it you wear your protection and she does not?” Falon asked as soon as they were alone again.

  “I knew I was coming here. For Caris, it was a last-minute decision.”

  “Also are you well acquainted with the customs of this place.”

  That was an observation, not a question, and he was getting too close to the truth for comfort. She needed to get him thinking along different lines, and there was one sure way to do that quickly and completely. She just wished she had more experience in the area.

  She lowered her lashes, displaying a shyness that was only half feigned, and twirled a lock of his hair about one finger. “You’ve been holding me a long time, Falon,” she said softly, peeking up at him quickly, then away again. “Is that all you want to do with me?”

  Shanelle was amazed that she could suddenly feel his heart beating against her chest. But even as she felt it, her legs were being gathered up, so that she was now cradled in his arms and he was moving, quite rapidly, in the direction of the tents. She held on to his neck, though it wasn’t necessary, because he held her tightly, protectively. She was merely trying to hide her face so that whoever noticed them wouldn’t recognize her. The one thing she didn’t want was someone who knew her following right now.

  But she had learned something. Maybe she shouldn’t have tried being sexually provocative with a man she knew nothing about, but it had proved that his attraction to her was possibly as powerful as hers was to him. He hadn’t even answered her question. He was showing her instead.

  Chapter 7

  Shanelle had told herself she wouldn’t protest if
Falon Van’yer dragged her off. Being carried off amounted to the same thing, and she wasn’t protesting. But she certainly hadn’t expected it of a visitor.

  Typically, if a people were advanced enough to travel from planet to planet, rather than merely from town to town, there tended to be a high level of sophistication in their social practices, too. Even if a planet were discovered and advanced by its discoverers, the people tended to broaden their way of doing things as well.

  There were only a few planets that Shanelle knew of that doggedly clung to their old traditions even after discovery. Century III was one, nearly medieval in culture, yet taking to space because it now could. Sha-Ka’ar, evolved from Sha-Ka’an more than three hundred years ago, was another, where not a single woman on that planet was anything but a slave. But the men visited other worlds. Sha-Ka’an was also a good example, yet with another difference. It had been discovered, but the people had no wish to visit the rest of the universe or take advantage of what that universe could do for them.

  Falon Van’yer, wherever he was from, was again treating her like a warrior might, and it was again beginning to worry Shanelle. And he had reached the white tent that was his, shouldering his way through the slitted opening, then through another opening deeper inside which divided the tent into separate areas.

  This second area was strewn with fat pillows and different colored and textured animal pelts, and onto a thick bundle of these was Shanelle put down. Falon had gone to his knees to place her there, and he didn’t rise from them now.

  Her worry was triggering a certain nervousness, or perhaps it had been there despite her earlier brazenness. This was going to be her first sex-sharing experience. Some trepidation had to be expected, she supposed, no matter how much she wanted this to happen. But his actions said it was going to happen too quickly.

  Shanelle came up on her knees to face him, hoping that would slow him down, but already he was reaching for the ties of her cloak. “Can—can we talk about customs, you and me?”

  “Whatever you wish to call it, woman, we have begun it.”

  “I didn’t mean—”

  “There is only one thing I object to,” he said with a kernel of annoyance in his tone and expression. “Thus do we rid you of it now.”

  Shanelle watched her cloak sail through the opening into the front half of the tent. Out of sight, out of effectiveness?

  She felt she had better clarify. “That doesn’t mean I’m no longer protected.”

  “I am aware of this, yet was it inhibiting me.”

  Inhibiting him, when his eyes had already been filled with that wildly turbulent emotion she’d seen earlier? If that was going to now be released . ..

  It was purely instinctive at that point for her to draw back from him when his hands came toward her again. He noticed, though that didn’t stop his intent.

  His fingers were now delving into her hair to loosen it. “Why is there fear in your eyes now, when before there was none?” he asked.

  “Not fear, just—you seem a little too intense now, Falon, like you’re about to lose control.”

  She had to brush his hands aside when he couldn’t figure out how to open the Kystrani binder that held her hair so tightly in place. She pressed the release mechanism at her nape, and her hair spilled down her back. Instantly, Falon brought it over her shoulder to hold in his hands, gazing at the golden length in wonder.

  “I had not realized,” he said to himself as he pressed her hair to his cheeks, “this, too, would be magnificent. Gold has so little value here, yet on you it becomes a treasure.”

  Shanelle took pleasure in hearing that, yet she still had self-preservation on her mind when he started to draw her forward by her hair. “You aren’t going to lose control, are you?”

  “Would it reassure you to know I never have?”

  “It would reassure me to know this won’t be the first time you might.”

  “I cannot swear to it, woman. I have never felt this way before.”

  “What way?”

  His fingers came to her face to learn the feel of it, not roughly but not exactly gently. “It took no more than my first sight of you to know that I want you to belong to me.”

  She wasn’t sure she understood. “But you can have me.”

  “For now. And I am more grateful than I can say that you give yourself to me for this time, yet do I know this is only temporary.” His hands cupped her face then, bringing it closer to his. “Do you understand I want the right to command you? I want you cloaked in my protection, not that of another. That I am denied all means of obtaining you that are known to me is intolerable.”

  His intensity was frightening and exciting her at the same time. But he was sounding more and more like a warrior, and that just increased her unease. Still she asked, “Is that the only problem?”

  “No,” he said in all seriousness. “I have been ready to join with you since I first saw you, that powerful was my reaction to you. It has not lessened, kerima, it has increased. So I cannot give you the tender care I would like, yet you need not fear I will hurt you. Sooner would I leave you now than hurt you, and I cannot leave you now.”

  She wasn’t exactly reassured. It was one thing for a man of normal size to get carried away by his emotions, but Falon was in no way normal-sized. Of course, that “tender care” he’d just mentioned he couldn’t give her could refer to the amount of time he would spend giving her pleasure, rather than the way in which he would handle her. On the other hand, how would he define “hurt”? Anything short of dead?

  That did it. Her libido might still be jumping up and down at the sight of Falon Van’yer, and to be honest, she was thrilled to know he wanted her that much. But she had to be crazy to take this kind of risk, especially after he had already admitted that he couldn’t be sure he wouldn’t lose control, that he couldn’t give her the tender care he would like to, which absolutely contradicted his assurance that he wouldn’t hurt her. And he was definitely too damn warriorlike to suit her.

  She never should have come in here, never should have let it go this far. Now what was she going to do? Leave, of course, but without an ugly argument if she could help it. And she wasn’t at all sure he would just let her go now anyway. So she would have to trick him somehow, maybe into closing his eyes, and then slip out and disappear before he even knew she was gone. Easier said than done, with him presently holding her, she realized.

  And then it occurred to her to put her fear, which he’d already noticed, to good use. “You know, Falon, we could wait a while, just until you’re not so—intense about this.”

  “Do you jest?” he groaned.

  “All right, so that option is out. Close your eyes, then, and no touching for a moment. I’m going to undress myself so my clothes don’t get demolished by those untender hands of yours. When I’m finished, you still aren’t to look. Looking can sometimes be stimulating, and we don’t want you any more stimulated than you already are if I’m to survive this.”

  “You still think I will harm you?”

  “Not intentionally.”

  “I do not want you to fear me, woman.”

  He said it so sternly, she almost released a nervous laugh. “Then let’s try it my way, okay? You start by closing your eyes.”

  He did, and sat back on his heels, but his expression was a prime example of chagrined impatience. “I would prefer it did I demolish—”

  “That’s not an option.”

  “Then best you hurry, woman.”

  That was the best advice she’d ever heard, and she immediately started backing away from him, but she’d scooted only a couple of feet when his command stopped her.

  “Talk to me, woman. Distract me from imagining what you are doing.”

  Farden hell. But distraction wasn’t a bad idea, just in case she got caught sneaking out and had to talk her way out instead. Distraction might calm down his turbulent emotions, so he would be reasonable about it.

  “Very well,” she sai
d. “But you must continue to keep your eyes closed.”

  “Must? I do not care for your habit of giving orders, woman.”

  She ignored his grumble because he was still obeying her despite it. She supposed he just needed to file that protest for the record.

  And just to reassure him, she said, “I wouldn’t presume to give you orders, Falon. Suggestions are more in my nature.” Especially with men his size, she thought with a mixture of amusement and apprehension. She scooted another foot back, raising her tone slightly so he wouldn’t notice. “Now, let’s talk about names and why you haven’t said mine yet even once. You did hear what my name is earlier, didn’t you?”

  “I heard it,” he snorted. “Yet does it not have a womanly sound to it.”

  Another foot got her off the pile of furs. “That’s true, which is why my mother loves it and my father won’t use it. It’s what my friends call me, but you—I guess you can call me anything you like.”

  “I wish to call you mine.”

  He said it simply, but with feeling, and the words shot straight to Shanelle’s core. She had wanted him to be able to call her his, too, before she got cold feet. What if he wouldn’t hurt her? What if she had let her anxieties get the better of her and would be missing out on the best thing that could ever happen to her?

  Farden hell, she was doing it again, letting her attraction to him blind her to what was a clear fact. The man could crush her in his bare hands, and he was just too damn intense in his feelings. And that was not at all warriorlike.

  “You’re very . . . possessive . . . aren’t you?” She scooted two more steps back and slowly rose to her feet. “That’s an old-fashioned trait on most worlds. What planet did you say you were from?”

  “I did not say. Does it matter where I am from?”

  “No.” She gasped, for he’d reached out for her as he asked it. “As long as you’re not from here.”

  She turned and ran, then cried out as she was jerked to a halt by a fist in her hair before she even reached the opening to the front half of the tent.