Take Me (Take Me Series Book 1)

by Calista Fox

  Yet she and Jude had never been on the same trajectory. And while their mutual attraction was certainly blistering and wholly consuming when they were tangled in the sheets, in the light of morning, they were back to reigning opposite sides of the spectrum.

  She knew Jude would eventually concede to wanting a family. Hell, she was perfectly aware he’d purchased a mammoth-sized apartment in Tribeca. A solid investment, yes. But on a subconscious level, Jude was starting his journey…of nesting. A dog was in his near future, she suspected. Then a girlfriend, when he was ready. When he could allow that sort of permanent intimacy into his life without succumbing to flashbacks of catching his fiancée in bed with another man. The ensuing argument. And later…the deadly aftermath.

  Kate drew in a slow breath. She’d seen the photos of the travesty. The bloodbath.

  She comprehended in every capacity and to the nth degree how damn-near impossible it was for Jude to consider getting involved again, so emotionally invested, when he’d been thoroughly wrecked.

  Damn-near impossible.

  But not entirely.

  Though he’d been a rebel from an early age and had survived the vast majority of his life on his own—Jude had explained his mother was a drug trafficker who went to prison, he had no idea who his father was and McMillan was the name Jude legally gave himself when he turned eighteen—the one thing Jude had always craved, the one thing that had been elusive, was a true family. People who loved and supported one another through thick and thin.

  Kate’s heart wrenched suddenly. It never ceased to astound her how well she knew Jude McMillan. To the depths of his soul—because he’d permitted her to delve that deep. Had needed her to delve that deep.

  What he’d encountered, sexually, over the past few years was in the vein of assuaging guilt and attempting to move on. Release the pain and all that simmering intensity. It was the same with his fighting. He didn’t intentionally get into altercations at a bar or on the street. Rather, he’d trained professionally and had legitimately entered the world of MMA fighting. Had strategically moved up in ranks and could honestly make a career in the octagon. But that had never been his goal. Working out all the kinks in his system was the ultimate objective for Jude.

  Sleeping with Kate seemed to be another ultimate objective for him—one he’d fulfilled, and yet… Jude wanted more.

  Kate could see it crystal-clear in his smoldering eyes. In his hard-set jaw. In his squared shoulders and the calculating tilt of his chin.

  Hell, it radiated from him more vibrantly than his tension.

  Therefore, Kate tactically suggested, “It might behoove you to consult someone while I’m making all of these travel preparations, Jude.”

  The corner of his tempting mouth quirked in a sexy smirk. “Afraid I can’t handle a little distance, Doc? I waited three years to get naked with you. Remember?” he sardonically added.

  Kate fought the smile teasing her lips. Maintaining her stance, she said, “I’m merely making a recommendation. I think you’d find Dr. Lyle an engaging and personable substitute for me. He’s quite—”

  “There is no substitute for you, Kate.” Jude’s hands shot out and he clasped her upper arms. Kate barely had the chance to take a breath before he hauled her up against his hunky body and kissed her with that fervent reckless abandon only he’d mastered.

  Every fiber of her being ignited. So that she melted into him once more.

  He loosened his grip on her and Kate slipped her arms around his neck, returning the kiss with all the passion Jude incited.

  She hadn’t intended to leave things between them in this way. In fact, Kate had hoped to make a clean break. Say goodbye and walk out that door, allowing both her and Jude the severed tie. The fantasies would linger, she had no delusions there.

  But the tie would be severed.

  Would have been severed.

  But Kate had aided in jacking that program, because here she was, completely incapable of breaking the kiss, pushing him away and retreating, as she’d always been prone to do in dangerous situations such as this.

  Well, in any situation with Jude. He was the only danger she’d ever encountered. And yes, he was a threat to everything Kate was attempting to accomplish. Truthfully, all the man had to do was lift her off her feet, back them into the bedroom and she’d fall onto that ultra-comfy mattress with him again and get twisted up in the rumpled, bazillion-thread-count sheets.

  All bad and wrong. She had plans for the day. And every additional second spent glued to Jude, absorbing his heat and sweltering under his touch and his kiss, had thoughts of those previously mentioned plans fading to black.

  So she gathered the strength—from Lord only knew where—to drag her mouth from Jude’s, unlock her arms from his neck and step out of his embrace.

  Naturally, his disappointment resonated all around them—without him even saying a word.

  As a peace offering, Kate told him, “I’m on borrowed time here, Jude. Got a car coming for me at my apartment and I don’t want to keep anyone waiting.”

  “I don’t want you thinking this is over, Kate. That we’re over.”

  She gaped.

  He continued to stare at her.

  “Jude,” she said on a faint breath…when she finally found her voice. “We had an arrangement we both made good on. I did treat last night as a real date, and as much as I believe I probably should have insisted on returning to my place, alone, at the end of said date…I don’t regret that we came here. I don’t regret any of it—everything we did. But I do have other responsibilities.”

  “And I’m not trivializing them. You know I never would.”

  She nodded.

  He said, “I’m just not inclined to deny or ignore the fact we connected on a level that went far beyond doctor/patient; far beyond the psychological. We’re hot for each other, Kate. I know exactly what you want, how you like it. I’m more than happy to keep giving it to you.”

  Now, she smiled. Leave it to Jude to be so blunt. And scandalous.

  But this was a one-night stand only.

  Why did she have to keep reminding herself of that?

  Kate collected her small purse from the previous evening—the rest had been sent to the cleaners, as Jude’s clothes had. The shoes, too, to be buffed and appear as though they’d never even been worn.

  On her way to the door, she considered that her Cinderella moment was about to be erased. Like it’d never happened. Because Kate was that excellent at compartmentalizing, and so was Jude. Those silos she’d thought of when she’d called him and asked him to escort her to the party returned to her. She’d known Jude could internalize the invitation for what it was. Even though she’d innately known he’d employ some crafty maneuvering to get what he wanted out of the deal, she’d already ascertained that, in the long run, they’d be able to contain the intricate nuances of their association, no matter how varied they became, in the appropriate continuum.

  Perhaps that was one of the reasons she’d explained about her anticipated international endeavor. Jude would be able to reconcile in his mind that Kate felt compelled to take her skills as a therapist into a different realm. An outreach program he couldn’t disregard; he’d benefited greatly from her services and there was no contesting that.

  Still… Each step toward the door became more and more difficult to take. She slowed to a near crawl, her feet feeling heavy, weighted by a peculiar dread she’d never anticipated feeling.

  She stood mere inches from the threshold, not quite reaching it. She was rooted in position and that instantly terrified Kate.

  She hadn’t wanted to turn her back on Jude. She didn’t want to walk away from him.

  Kate pulled in a shaky breath. Held it for as long as she could, then gradually exhaled.

  Behind her, Jude murmured, “We did some damage to each other. Didn’t we, Kate?”

  12

  Jude didn’t narrow the span between them.

  He didn’t make a sing
le fucking move.

  He didn’t have to. He’d made his point, the hammer hitting the head of the nail soundly. Driving it deep.

  He suffered a hint of irritability that Kate was trying so damn hard to pretend nothing had changed between them. But the way she’d yielded to him last night, the way she’d responded to every touch, every kiss, every breath they’d shared, had unmistakably and wholeheartedly assured him of that revelation he’d discerned in his office weeks ago when she’d patched him up.

  Kate was not immune to him. Less and less so as they revealed more about their desires and needs.

  Jude couldn’t help but believe those desires and needs were mysteriously intertwined—always had been.

  Conversely… There was so much diversity in both their personalities and worlds that those woven threads were tenuous.

  He was smart enough to recognize that reality. But just cautiously optimistic enough to deliberate over whether the bonds could be strengthened. What would it take?

  Admittedly, he’d need more therapy.

  Jude couldn’t skirt that inevitability. Especially with that anxiety he’d been feeling lately still besieging him. Even when this case he was working was over, he’d continue to feel the thorns in his sides.

  And by thorns, he meant daggers. And they weren’t piercing his fucking sides.

  He rubbed his jaw with his finger and thumb as he considered what really needed to be said between him and Kate—all that it encompassed.

  His pause had her turning to face him.

  Damn, she was so incredibly beautiful, it made his heart hurt. Even worse than the daggers.

  She gnawed her lip a moment, drawing his attention to that mouth he’d kissed over and over last night. This morning. The taste of her, the feel of her, the scent of her would stay with him forever. Another element of Kate and this precarious scenario with her he couldn’t escape.

  She quietly said, “We shouldn’t have taken things so far.”

  “I disagree.”

  Her gaze met his and held. “Jude, we had a sensible relationship before.”

  “No. We had absolutely no balance before, Kate. You told me nothing about yourself, other than your father was a doctor. I didn’t know about this world you’re living in. This life you’ve been trapped in, regardless of how meticulously you’ve designed your own destiny. You’re still trapped, because… Because it’s your fucking family. And maybe you fear the box they want to put you in, but they are your family. Despite all the difficulties and complexities, you love them. Would go against your personal convictions to appease them.”

  “To an extent,” she corrected. “Make no mistake, Jude, I would never compromise my integrity for the sake of something inconsequential. I will bend for valid purposes, though. That’s true enough.”

  “Like your adoration for Charlotte.”

  With a self-effacing laugh, Kate said, “She had me two seconds away from headlining a fashion show I want absolutely nothing to do with. How ironic my mother saved the day for me.”

  “She didn’t,” he asserted. “She took something away from you, Kate. Hell, she took it away from Charlotte and Mirabeth and the societal ladies who lunch, both the ones trying to raise money and those willing to give it.”

  Kate moved closer, her gaze not faltering. “What are you talking about?”

  “You don’t need me to spell it out,” he challenged. “But I will, because you’re too damn nice and honorable to own up to this, Kate. Your mother is threatened by you. Your independence, your intelligence, your talent, your ambition… Hell, maybe even your beauty. Certainly your likeability. Your stalwartness.”

  She gave a tiny shake of her head. “Jude, that’s rid—”

  “Ridiculous?” He stared a bit harder, with determination. “No. It’s not, sweetheart. You are the complete package. I’m not the only one who knows it, sees it. I just might be the only one who accepts it. Well…” He shrugged and flashed a playful grin—wholly uncharacteristic of him though it was. “Me and Charlotte. Mirabeth, as well.”

  “Oh, good Lord, Jude!” Kate’s arms flew up in the air.

  His brow jumped.

  She huffed for a few moments, then said, “I have avoided that particular species my entire life. As much as humanly possible, of course, because their mothers are the type mine associates with. My sisters-in-law, Jude… They’re…”

  His brow remained crooked while she searched for the appropriate words. Jude suspected they were on her tongue. She was just loathe to say them out loud.

  Jude spared her the exasperation, simply commenting, “They’re not like Charlotte.”

  “They’re self-righteous, overly indignant, much-too-pampered, spoiled—”

  Her hand clamped over her mouth briefly as her eyes popped.

  Jude chuckled. “You think your assessment is going to offend me, Kate?”

  She tore her hand away. “I will never relate to any of them,” she contended. “My, God… They each had meticulously vetted and certified au pairs flown over from France the very minute they learned they were pregnant! Can you imagine? They weren’t due for nine months, and they already required someone taking care of them, running their errands, doing their every bidding! And they utilize every waking hour of the day mentally plotting how to outdo, out shine, outspend each other. It’s…” She heaved a rasping breath. “It’s absurd and so, so sad. And poor Charlotte is about to be caught in their crosshairs. I’m not even sure she knows what the hell she’s getting herself into!”

  Jude would have gloated that he’d so perfectly pegged what plagued Kate. That his own psychoanalysis of her had been dead-on.

  But one, he couldn’t stand there triumphantly while she was clearly tormented.

  And two… He’d hardly shattered the glass ceiling where Kate Stockman was concerned. He had infinite layers to penetrate.

  But he’d apparently capped out for now, because Kate tucked a lock of hair behind her ear and gave him her “time’s up” look.

  “I really do have to go,” she told him in a placating voice.

  Jude swept his fingers over her cheek, enjoying her soft skin against his. “Yeah, I know. I don’t mean to keep you. Well, I do… But…” He laughed, with a tinge of regret.

  “But. I have all these plans, Jude.”

  “I’m happy for you, Kate. I promise.”

  She stretched on tiptoe and pressed her warm lips to his.

  Of course, Jude couldn’t let well enough alone. He pulled her to him and turned the kiss into a searing liplock that left them both breathless. And had Kate clinging to him for several seconds before she got her bearings.

  Eventually, she moved backward, toward the door. Still gazing up at him.

  Jude couldn’t help the gloat this time.

  “You like the way I kiss you, don’t you, Kate?”

  She swallowed hard. Drew in a breath. And nodded.

  Jude said, “You go do what you have to do, sweetheart. I’m not the guy who’s going to disapprove or beg you to stay.”

  “Jude—”

  “Go. I respect and admire your dedication and your goals, Kate. I’ll tell you that again and again. However much you need to hear it in order to believe it. Go.”

  The air shifted between them. An almost tangible thickening that held the hint of remorse and the distinct edge of hesitation.

  So Jude repeated with conviction, “Go, Kate. It’s okay. I get it. Trust me…I do.”

  “I know. Maybe that’s why it’s so crazy to—” She groaned. “Never mind. I’m out of here. Thanks for all you endured at the party and just…for everything. I had a great night, Jude. The best, really.”

  “Me, too.”

  She lingered.

  He fought the overwhelming urge to kiss her again. To take her to bed and make love to her at least a dozen more times before the weekend was over.

  For a few insanely wild moments, he wondered if Kate was thinking the exact same thing.

  Then she wh
irled around and marched off.

  Answering that question. And not in the way he would have preferred.

  Jude watched her pass through the door.

  There was a huge part of him that was curious about the wide berth he’d just granted, when all he really wanted to do was prove to Kate they should parlay this one electrifying affair into something significant. Something that would gauge on a much grander scale precisely how fantastically suited they were for each other.

  Yet, even as that notion flitted through his brain, Jude had to reasonably accept that sensational sex didn’t necessarily equate to emotional stability—the kind required in a relationship for people like Jude and Kate. People with all those demons they still hadn’t slayed.

  For as much as Jude wished Kate had cured everything that ailed him, this current court case of his was proving his theory incorrect.

  Making not just his chemistry with Kate volatile, but also Jude’s entire existence.

  As he snatched his wallet, phone and keys from the foyer table, he had one other terribly disturbing thought to process.

  Kate was the only one who’d ever grounded him, kept him on an even keel. Even at his worst, following Annalise’s suicide, Jude had found solace in his sessions with Kate, in her unwavering gaze and reassuring presence.

  Now, she was talking about traveling all over the world to help others. And while Jude found that a valiant cause—and despite the words he’d genuinely uttered to her—he couldn’t help but selfishly wonder how the hell he was going to survive when she was no longer just a call and a car ride away…

  Kate stared at the mound of black leather portfolios on the desk in front of her and tried to detect a single heartbeat within her. That particular organ seemed to have stopped working all together.

  “It’s like you’re signing your life away,” Nikki Kane said with a casual laugh. “But you’re not.”

  “Right,” Kate mumbled, still wondering when a regular thumping of her pulse would occur.