“A date?” she repeated, a slow grin on her face.
“Yes. Your friends think all I do is work, and I hate to admit it, but they’re right. I could use a night out. And maybe you would enjoy seeing Chicago from a native’s point of view?”
She opened her mouth to answer, but a loud ding sounded out over our heads again, and the elevator began moving, coming to life with a sudden lurch, sending me flying forward and landing right on top of her. Luckily, she was already leaning against the wall and she reached out and caught me.
Steadying myself, now only inches away from her, I inhaled her sweet perfume, our eyes locked in an intimate embrace. I felt like I’d been struck by a lightning bolt as her hands rested on my elbows, her lips so close I could have kissed her.
“So, about that date…” I bent my head, my body acting of its own accord, my lips drawn irresistibly to hers.
She opened her mouth, waiting, the tension between us thick as fog.
Chapter 23
SAMANTHA
DING!
The elevator doors opened and we flew apart.
His lips were so close to kissing me, I’d felt like we’d been kissing anyway. His touch was so intimate, his words a low whisper and I felt nothing but the absolute desire to melt into him.
But once we’d flown apart — his lips returned to his mouth, his arms now his, my hands empty, my heart beating wildly as I tried to still it with my trembling fingers that I placed over my chest — the intimacy disappeared and was replaced by an aching awkwardness.
I stared blankly at the elevator technicians that greeted us when the doors opened, feeling like a teenager caught doing something I shouldn’t have. I bolted from the elevator, confusion washing over me.
What the hell just happened?
I mumbled a quick thank you over my shoulder and ran down the hallway, throwing a quick, apologetic glance back at Dane and then quickly turned away, unable to stomach the sight of him standing there looking as confused, and slightly bemused, as I felt.
By the time I arrived back home after work that night, I was kicking myself for running away the way I did. I should have at least answered him. My heart sank when I realized I couldn’t call Violet and tell her I’d done the same exact thing all over again.
Of course, I’d have said no.
Because there’s no way I can date someone right now. It’ll be a long time before that door opens up. No matter how dreamy he is…
I was drifting off to sleep in front of the television, Gigi resting at my feet, when my phone buzzed. I picked it up and saw I had a text message from a number I didn’t recognize.
My heart skipped in fear. I hadn’t given my phone number to anyone, except the HR department at work, and the property management company I’d rented from. I hadn’t even given it to my friends at work.
Had Nate found me?
Biting my lip, I pulled up the message and smiled.
“You never answered about the date. Please say yes…”
I smiled so big my lips hurt. I thought for a moment and began typing.
“How did you get my number?”
“I have friends in high places. I am The Kidney King, after all.”
I laughed out loud, my heart returning to a normal pace. I started typing again before I could change my mind.
“Okay. Yes.”
“Fabulous! Dinner Friday night? Shoot me your address and I’ll pick you up.”
My heart beat wildly. I wasn’t ready for this.
“Let’s meet at the restaurant. 7pm? You choose the place.”
There. Much better.
I just needed to be the one in control. I could do this.
Baby steps.
Chapter 24
SAMANTHA
Immediately regretting my decision, I told myself I’d cancel the date the next morning and I let myself fall asleep with a big smile on my face anyway.
But now I was fully awake and I did what I’d been avoiding for days: I pulled up my Instagram app and searched for Nate’s name.
I knew I shouldn’t.
I knew it would be torture.
But ever since I’d seen him on Ellen, I’d been terrified of what he might do next. Turns out, that fear had been valid.
The latest picture on his account was a missing person poster with my name on it. And my picture. And my height and weight and eye color, and to my disgust, there was a reward for any information that might lead to my safe return.
As if he was claiming I’d been kidnapped or something!
“Unbelievable,” I muttered. I clicked on the picture and started reading the comments, amazed at the sheer volume of them. I scrolled through quickly, realizing most of them were people saying they’d seen me in various cities, anywhere from Paris to Dubai — none of which I’d been in lately. It was almost comforting to see so many of them.
“Hiding in plain sight,” I said, a twinge of confidence rushing through me. “Like a needle in a haystack, Nate. You’re never going to find me, asshole.”
I threw my phone across the couch, flinging back the blanket I was under and heading to the kitchen to refill my wine glass.
I thought of Dane, the gentle and funny man with the kind eyes that I probably shouldn’t trust, that I probably shouldn’t go on a date with, either…and it was all so unfair.
I’d done nothing wrong.
And yet, I’d had to leave everything I know and love behind, because Nate couldn’t find the strength to be a good man.
He woke up not long after I saw the text message from Crystalia.
I managed to get through breakfast without saying a word to him about what I’d seen, hoping that he’d say something himself.
Instead, he finished his coffee, went to refill his cup and picked up his phone, scrolling through his messages with a blank look on his face. He sat back down at the table, looked right into my eyes — and lied like a dog.
“I have to go out tonight. Sophia set up a dinner with one of the biggest movie producers in town.”
“Is that so?” I said, slowly measuring my words. “I didn’t know you were considering acting again.”
“Sure, why not,” he shrugged. “Nothing wrong with branching out as much as possible.”
“Right,” I nodded. “Can I come?” I asked, knowing the answer.
“Not tonight, babe,” he said, standing up and kissing the top of my head as he walked away. “It wouldn’t be professional.”
I nodded silently, my heart breaking.
Chapter 25
SAMANTHA
Candlelight flickered in Dane’s warm brown eyes. The restaurant he’d taken me to, Gene & Georgetti’s, was a little fancy for my taste, but Dane insisted it was the best steakhouse in the city. It was also the oldest. We sat at a small table tucked in the back corner of a candlelit mural-lined room. Formally dressed diners were crowded around tables dressed in crisp white tablecloths, their tops adorned with stark red napkins that matched the red leather chairs we sat in.
After fighting with myself all night, I woke up a little stronger than I was when I’d finally passed out last night. I kept telling myself that I already knew Nate wasn’t going to let me go so easily when I decided to leave. If I’d thought he was just going to say goodbye and wish me well, I’d never have had to do the things I’d done.
His drug money would have still been sitting in his safe and I’d be back in my apartment in Portland, picking the relationship apart viciously with Violet over many bottles of wine on my couch and trying to get my old job back.
I’d taken drastic measures for a good reason.
And now, I had to suffer the consequences. Roll with the punches, no matter how hard they hit me. I had a feeling this was only the beginning, and I needed to be prepared for anything.
But I also needed to stick to the plan.
Going out with McDreamy — or the Kidney King, rather — was part of that plan. I needed to appear completely normal and isn’t dating what no
rmal people do?
If I told my new friends that I turned down a date with Dane, they’d think I was from another planet. I couldn’t risk the questions now, so as much as it went against every instinct I had, I forced myself to get dressed on Friday night and call a Lyft.
Once I arrived and Dane was in front of me again, I was instantly at ease. His presence was as comforting and warm as his eyes. I couldn’t help but wonder if his lips were just as warm, as I watched him lift a wine glass and take a drink.
“So, this place is technically a steak house, but they have amazing Italian food. So, we have to get a side of spaghetti and meatballs, too.” He paused, smiling at me sheepishly. “If you’re into that. Maybe you’re a vegetarian?”
“I’m not, and that sounds great, thank you for asking,” I said.
After we ordered, and the waitress left, we were left staring into each other’s eyes once more. But there was nothing awkward about it.
He jumped into conversation easily, going on about his work, which I could listen to all night, because it did exactly what I needed — took my mind off my problems. I didn’t have to answer any questions with lies. I didn’t have to think about the pain.
I just had to watch his handsome face talk to me, every line and wrinkle an animated dance that was almost hypnotizing. He lacked the perfect polish that made Nate sparkle, but he was real.
I swallowed hard, clenching my fist under the table to keep myself from reaching out and tracing the laugh lines around his eyes as he attempted a joke I barely heard.
“What about you?” he asked, raising an eyebrow.
“What?” I murmured, mesmerized by the warmth of his caramel colored eyes.
“I asked where you were born, where’d you grow up? You said you moved from Scottsdale, right?”
“Oh.” I nodded, solemnly, as if he’d just asked the most personal, serious question ever. I’d rehearsed this, of course. I had an entire story to recite, just for moments like this. I took a deep breath and let the words fall from my practiced lips.
“I was born in San Diego.” Liar.
“But my family moved to Scottsdale when I was five.” Liar.
“So you went to school there? In Scottsdale?” He asked, his gaze so totally present and engaged and interested that it took my breath away.
“Yep,” I nodded, bringing my glass to my lips. Liar, liar, pants on fire. “I went to Arizona State for nursing.”
“What made you move to Chicago?”
I swallowed hard, trying to push the actual reason from spilling from my lying mouth.
My rockstar boyfriend is a monster and I’m on the run.
Everything in my soul resisted lying to this kind man. He’d done nothing to deserve the total line of bullshit I was feeding him. I yearned to tell him the truth, to tell him where I was really from, so I could gush about the beauty of the waterfalls in the Columbia River Gorge during an Oregon autumn, or tell him about the park near my house that had little statues that honored Beverly Cleary and her infamous books and that I loved to take Gigi there because she always barked at the dog statue, thinking it was real. I wanted to tell him how in the spring, the rhododendrons bloom and the blooms are the size of my head and come in every color of the rainbow. I wanted to tell him how the rain smelled like home to me.
But I couldn’t. I couldn’t say any of that.
Rocco had been more than emphatic when he warned me of the dangers of not sticking to my story. One slip up and it could cost me everything…
Instead, I lied again.
“I just needed a change of pace,” I said, then quickly changed the subject, rattling on about Scottsdale — listing off the things I’d researched on the internet so that I could sound like I knew what I was talking about.
Hell, I’d never even been to Arizona. I hated the desert. Give me lush forests or give me death.
“You didn’t want to work at the Mayo Clinic? Such a coveted campus. I have a lot of friends who work there.”
Shit. I didn’t even know they had a campus there. So much for my homework. Giving myself a huge failing grade in my mind, I smiled and shook my head. “Just wanted a change of scenery, too, I guess.”
Luckily, the food arrived just then and we both fell silent, digging into our meals, which were absolutely heavenly, and resorting to a series of moans and smiles of appreciation.
Everything was going great, until a small bit of spaghetti sauce decided to take up residence on the side of my lips and Dane reached over and wiped it off.
His unexpected touch sent me reeling.
I think I jumped slightly, and I’m sure I looked completely shocked. But I wasn’t shocked by the fact that he touched me, I was shocked by the way that it felt. Not to mention the similarities from my first date with Nate. I could still see him wiping barbecue sauce from my lips that first night, before I knew who he was, when everything was innocent.
I’d been so naïve.
I put down my napkin and politely excused myself to the ladies room. I ran into the stall and slammed the door, tears springing to my eyes. My heart raced in my chest, my breath catching in my throat.
It seemed like I was experiencing every feeling on the spectrum all at once. First, I was terrified. After that, shame was winning against all the others. I’d fled the table like he’d burned me with his fingers.
Such an innocent touch had left me completely unable to deal with it. Why?
Because I was scared of being touched again. I’d fallen for Nate hard. I’d trusted him. I’d leapt into the the deep end of his pool of deceit with both feet without even stopping for a second to take a breath, let alone open my eyes to see him for who he really was.
I was blinded by his money, his fame, his charming smile that quickly turned into manipulation and anger.
I was terrified of that happening again.
And yet, something about Dane left me feeling all the same things I’d felt with Nate in the beginning — excitement, desire, even happiness.
I yearned for that joy.
I’d yearned for it with Nate and thought I’d found it. What if these feelings were just as wrong now? What if Dane was just another handsome face? What if that gentleness was a front for a monster lingering beneath the surface?
How on earth would I ever trust another person with my heart?
I dried my tears and left the bathroom stall, staring myself down in the mirror with the hard, brutal truth.
I couldn’t.
I could never allow myself to lower my guard again.
I couldn’t trust myself with judging anyone correctly ever again.
How do you come back from that after being so horribly wrong?
You just don’t.
I took a deep breath and resigned myself to my fate. I could have friends, sure, but my heart would stay closed off. Mentally, I hung a ‘gone out of business’ sign over my locked up heart and walked back to our table with an imagined suit of armor surrounding me.
As if he knew I’d shut down, Dane flashed me a smile that would have melted a normal woman’s inhibitions in a hot second.
But it was no use.
I would never be a normal woman again.
Nate had seen to that.
Chapter 26
DANE
Standing on the sidewalk outside the steakhouse, I watched Samantha walk away with a frown on my face.
We’d gotten off to a great start, but somewhere along the way things went downhill. Once she came back from the ladies room, she was closed off and curt, making any further conversation very difficult.
As I walked back to my car, I searched the conversation to figure out where it all went wrong but I couldn’t put my finger on it.
I’d been asking her very basic questions about Scottsdale, if I recalled correctly. The way her eyes darkened when she talked about herself was concerning. Maybe she had a difficult past, I thought. Maybe she thought I couldn’t handle it.
That was probably my fault.
>
Outside of talking about my career, I was uncomfortable talking about my past. Perhaps if I’d opened up a little more — maybe told her about my own painful past — she would have opened up more herself.
Determined not to give up, I quickly pulled out my phone and texted her.
“Thanks for having dinner with me. I’d love to get to know you better and show you around Chicago a little more. Next week?”
I watched the little green checkmark appear, telling me she’d read the message. Then three little dots appeared, letting me know she was writing me back. But then, as quickly as they appeared, they disappeared, and whatever words she was responding with never showed up.
“Well, shit,” I murmured, shoving my phone back in my pocket.
Her eyes haunted me the entire drive home.
By the time I arrived, I decided to give her whatever time she needed, but I wasn’t about to discount the chemistry between us.
Maybe this wasn’t the right time, but there was something there that needed exploring. I could only hope she’d allow us the opportunity to do so someday.
Chapter 27
SAMANTHA
I walked out of my patient’s room the next day to find my three new friends waiting for me and forming a wall of accusatory glares.
“Hey,” I said, haltingly. “What’s up?”
“We could ask you the same thing,” Emma said, raising a brow.
“What does that mean?” I asked, my stomach sinking. Had I finally been found out? Did they know who I was?
“There’s a rumor going around the hospital about you, girl,” Mike said.
“A rumor?” I asked, my voice squeaking.
Of course there was. There was a damned bounty on my head, basically. Half the people in the country were looking for Dove, thinking they’d get some kind of reward. How did I ever think I could hide? I half expected Nate to pop out from behind a corner.
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