by Pride, Mia
“Carrick? Is that ye?” a voice from behind her asked.
“Oi! Look, mates! ’Tis Carrick! He is not dead!” another man shouted loud enough to make all eyes turn on her. She wanted to disappear into the air, maybe grow wings and fly away… anything to avoid the fire she saw in Juan’s eyes as he spotted her at the stern of the Dutch ship.
“We thought Captain Beast threw ye overboard!” the very loud pirate shouted once more, slapping her on the back.
Juan charged toward her, sheathing his sword with a wild look on his face. “Kat!” Before she could even respond, she felt herself being lifted into the air and flung over his back, her head dangling behind him. Her hat flew off and her red hair hung around her face as she heard the rest of the crew shout with laughter at the scene.
“Carrick is a lass!” one man shouted.
“That makes so much more sense!” another man shouted.
“It makes nay sense at all!” someone else shouted.
“Shut yer faces!” Kat shouted at them, looking at Juan’s backside as he jumped from one ship to the other and carried her like a sack of grain. “Let me down, ye beast!”
“You have not seen a beast yet, Señorita,” Juan growled much to the amusement of his men who continued to laugh, clearly happy to have destroyed the Dutch, gained some loot and crew members, and discovered a lass had stowed away on their ship. She was not laughing at all.
Reaching the cabin door, Juan kicked it open and tossed her onto the bed. “Why did you do that?” he roared in her face.
Jumping off the bed, Kat straightened her back and shoved his chest. “Ye want to ken why I wanted to save the Spaniards?”
“No! I want to know why you risked your life! Your brother is already going to be furious when he discovered you stowed away on my ship! But putting yourself in the middle of a fight? He will kill us both… if you do not get yourself killed first!”
“That is all ye care about, isnae it? Tomas! What he thinks! What he says! What he wants!”
“Si!” Juan shouted. “He saved my life! He could have let me drown, but he jumped in and pulled me out! I am alive because of him! I have a new life here because of him! I am loyal to him! Perhaps you should try being loyal to someone aside from yourself!”
“Ye ken nothing about me, Spaniard! I boarded this ship because of my loyalty to Tomas! Ye have secrets, I ken ye do! Ye are not who ye say ye are and ye think that because I am a lass, I am too stupid to see through ye! But I do!”
“You boarded this ship to find out more about me?” Juan asked. “You think I would betray your brother?”
“I dinnae ken,” Kat shrugged, calming down a wee bit. “I grew up around ambitious men. They start out as nothing, latch on to powerful men, pretend to be loyal as they gain more power of their own, and one day.” Kat slid her finger across her throat and made a choking sound. “They slit the throat of the man who made them powerful. And ye… ye have dreams about a woman and a lass that ye obviously care about and yet ye willnae go back to Spain. It makes nay sense. Mayhap ye are a criminal.”
“Kat. We are all pirates. Pirates are criminals.”
Rolling her eyes, Kat plopped back and huffed. “I ken that. But we give back to our people. We care for them. We feed them. England wants to own us and make us starve while they walk around in silks and riches. ’Tis up to us to help our own.”
“You do not need to explain that, Señorita. I understand what it means to help your own. That’s called loyalty. And Tomas is my own. He’s my family now.”
“What happened to yer family in Spain?” Kat would push for answers. She needed something, anything, to ease her mind.
“I do not speak of it. Ever.” Juan turned and walked away from her and frustration set in.
Clenching her fists, Kat realized she was going to have to give him something in return for his information. “I was… raped.” Her heart seized. She had never uttered those words and her breathing became labored as her head began to spin. Panic flooded her and her body began to quake.
Juan turned away from the door and stopped in mid-step, staring at her with a blank face, which was better than pity. She wanted no man’s pity. Yet, it felt like a weight was lifted off her now that she had finally accepted her reality. “I try to be strong. I try to prove myself. If I can fight, if I can steal, if I can be one of the men, mayhap they will leave me alone.”
Taking a few slow steps toward her, Juan squatted down beside her near the bed. “You are the strongest woman I have ever known, Katherine Ann Burke. And I mean that. You do not need to fight and steal to be strong. You already are.”
“Ye are just saying that to make me feel better,” she murmured. Feeling vulnerable was not something she enjoyed. And why she had finally told Juan of all people baffled her. She wanted to tell herself it was simply to open him up, to gain some answers. But it was more than that. Mayhap she trusted him more than she thought.
“I am not. I thought you were here only because I stole your coins and you wanted them back, but now I know you did it for love. Love for your brother. That makes you strong. You fought on that ship to save those Spaniards… men you do not even know. That is love. Risking yourself to save a stranger is the strongest thing a person can do, Kat. I am furious at you for doing it, but you have a good heart.”
Kat looked at Juan, really looked at him. He was dirty and sweaty from the fight with the Dutch and had a little blood on his tunic that didn’t appear to be his, thankfully. She knew he would never have killed the captain had he surrendered the slaves, but Juan was not going to let those men suffer anymore. His dark beard had grown in a little more since their journey began and his shoulder-length black hair stuck to his sweaty neck, yet she found him rugged, exotic, and mesmerizing.
He thought she was strong, and right now was the time to prove it to herself, to do something she very much wanted to do despite the potential for disaster. Closing her eyes, she leaned in quickly and tried to kiss him, yelping when her forehead collided with his.
“Ouch!” they both said in unison and she pulled away frowning. She was a mess. The only two kisses she had ever had were by a man forcing his tongue in her mouth to silence her, and Juan kissing her because he thought she was someone else. All she wanted was a real kiss. From this man.
“What was that for?” Juan asked, rubbing his forehead.
“Nothing. Just forget it.” Kat was too humiliated. She just wanted to be done with this conversation. She had shared with him and he was kind and made her feel a wee bit better, but he had still not opened to her and suddenly her desire to know more about him was for her own sake, not just Tomas’. Feelings unlike any she had ever experienced continued to swirl within her. She was intrigued by him but more importantly, she wanted to be intriguing to him, as well. She wanted to know who he dreamed of at night and why, if he loved her so much, did he not go home to her.
Standing up, Juan looked down at her hesitantly, clearly uncertain what to say or do. “I have things I must attend to on deck. I will let you be. Kat, you cannot leave this cabin unattended. The men know who you are now.” He scratched his beard awkwardly and shifted his stance. “Lawrence had previously suggested I tell the men you are my woman, so they will not attempt to touch you. I had not believed it truly necessary… but now I do.”
“I am to be yer false lover, then? Ye may as well bed me now. If I am to be considered a whore, I may as well be one.”
“Kat!” Juan scolded sharply. “I did not suggest such a thing! If you were mine, it would be because I loved you, not because you are my whore.”
“So, ye will pretend to be in love with me? To protect me?” she asked, feeling a sharp jab in her heart and terribly offended for some reason.
“Si. I know it upsets you to have people believe you are in love with the Beast,” he groused, “but you have created this mess. Until we are back in Clew Bay, you will be mine to protect, and the best way to do that is to keep you by my side. Especially once we re
ach Scotland.”
“Fine.” Crossing her arms in defiance, she knew she had no choice. The only way she would have any freedom aboard this ship is if she stayed by Juan, which was better than being kept in this small cabin for the next few days.
“Fine.” Juan nodded and left, shutting the door behind him. But, not before he caught the rude gesture she gave him with her hand on his way out.
No woman had ever confused Juan as frequently as Kat. One minute she was fiery and full of rebellion and the next minute she was sharing her darkest secret with him and choking back tears. He would be spending much more time with her than he ever expected and, somehow, he was more fascinated than annoyed. She was deeper than he had ever suspected. A product of abuse and a rough childhood, Kat always felt as if she had to be full of anger and toughness in order to survive. He could relate and saw a lot of himself in her.
“That went well.”
Turning around, Juan saw Lawrence eyeing him strangely. “Si. We saved my people and gained lots of bounty for our men and Grace. We need to destroy the Dutch ship before we sail on. No evidence should be found of our piracy.”
“I had meant yer reaction to finding Kat fighting the Dutch. The men have already wagered on how long before ye plant a babe in her belly. Ye can imagine I was not fond of their wager and knocked a few heads. However, yer response was… passionate.”
“Passionate?” Juan crooked a brow. “Passionately attempting to save her life!” What the devil was wrong with everyone?
“Did it ever occur to ye that Kat O’Malley can hold her own in a sword fight? She was raised by the Pirate Queen of Ireland, after all.”
“Perhaps. But aboard this ship, she is my responsibility!”
“So is every man, yet ye are only concerned about the woman.”
Juan opened his mouth to rebut Lawrence, but he closed his mouth and swiped his hands over his eyes. “She is Tomas’ sister. I would never dare… what is it they say? Plant a babe in her belly? What sort of beast do they take me for?”
“Why would ye need to be a beast to love a beautiful woman and want to make a child?” Lawrence asked, appearing confused by Juan’s apprehension.
“Because, again, she is Tomas’ sister.”
“And she does not deserve happiness? Ye do not?”
“Together, no.”
Juan was tiring of this conversation. He had carried her away from danger to protect her, to keep her in one piece so Tomas did not send him back to Spain. Everything he did was to protect himself in the end. That thought made him stop. Did that make everything he did self-serving? Was he truly a heartless Spaniard beast? No. He felt pain most keenly, especially every time he closed his eyes and thought of Lucia and their daughter. He was not a beast. He was a man protecting himself from further pain and loss in this world, protecting his only friend in the world from experiencing the same pain. Losing Kat would destroy Tomas.
It would destroy Juan. Closing his eyes, he swallowed and shook his head. Of course, it would hurt him. He was not cruel. He cared for the lass. But not in the way his men believed. However, if they believed he was in love with her, no man would touch her.
Turning to his men, Juan shouted at the crew. “Take down the ship! Let Davy have those Dutch devils!” His men roared, excited to blow something up and readied the cannons. As they went off, bits of wood flew into the air and scattered at sea, shaking his ship in turn. He could feel the heat from the explosions even from a distance. If the ship was never found, nobody would suspect what happened or who did it.
“What are ye men blowing up now?” He heard Kat’s feminine voice and looked over his shoulder, transfixed by what he saw. It took all his strength not to allow his jaw to drop and looking around at the crew, he knew every man felt the same way. Wearing a blue linen dress that fit her quite well, Kat’s hair blew in the wind, her rosy cheeks matching the coral and pink streaks consuming the clouds overhead as dusk settled over the Atlantic.
Stepping closer to her, feeling inexplicably drawn to her side, Juan looked her up and down and felt his stomach flip. Never had he seen Kat in anything other than breeches and a tunic. He knew she had long, slim legs. He had seen them the night before. He knew she had a fine curve to her backside and plump breasts that only a blind man would not appreciate, but in this dress, as old as it was, she looked like a truly beautiful woman even though he could not see more than the size of her waist.
Placing a hand on her back, he pulled her to him, deciding he had to play the part of the besotted fool in front of his men, in case anyone got the idea to try and woo her… or worse. Strangely, when her green eyes went wide with shock and she looked up at him with those pink lips and flushed cheeks, he found it not too difficult to play his role.
“You look… beautiful, Señorita,” Juan said lowly. “Where did you find that dress?”
“Tomas keeps a few spares for Katherine in the trunk,” she shrugged. “All I had was a pair of breeches and they were soiled by Dutch blood. I had to change. Even if it meant I had to be seen in… this.” Looking down, Kat looked at her dress and frowned.
“You do not like it?”
Shaking her head, Kat looked at him again. “Nay. I try never to wear them. Why are ye holding me?”
“Because you are my woman.” Those words rolled off his tongue so easily that it frightened Juan.
“I am?”
“Si. As far as the crew knows.”
“Oh. Right.” Kat sighed and looked around, noticing the staring men before locking eyes with Lawrence and wrinkling her brow in confusion. “Why does he look particularly pleased?”
“I do not know.” Juan had no intention of telling her Lawrence was practically already planning their wedding. He would play his part to keep her safe, then once back at Clew Bay, he could go back to ignoring every woman and doing his duties.
“Ye blew up the Dutch ship? ’Tis a shame really.”
“Si, it is. But, we had to cover our tracks. And now we can continue on our journey.” Juan commanded his men to raise the anchor and continue due north once more, then looked back at Kat. “I am going to kiss you now,” he whispered in her ear.
“W-what?” she stumbled, pulling away from him. “Nay.”
“I am sorry the thought of kissing me is so disgusting to you, but it is only an act.” Frustration coursed through him. He was trying to be convincing to the men but having her pull away from him only made the situation appear forced.
“I cannae.” Kat shook her head and frowned.
Feeling slightly rejected, Juan simply turned to his men. “Last fresh meal of the journey tonight. Cook has been working in the galley. Eat, drink, do not be arses. Show our new crew members respect, or you will be the ones off the ship.”
As the men dispersed, Juan watched the Spaniards carefully. None appeared to have bathed or eaten in a very long time. Thankfully, they had transported enough food from the Dutch ship to more than feed everyone for the duration of their journey. Some men were dark in feature, some fair. All appeared to have suffered greatly. These were his people. He’d fought beside them.
A man with brown and gray stringy hair covering most of his features stepped up to Juan. He smelled like death, but Juan had the decency not to flinch when the man came closer, leaning into his ear. “Ferdinand. Is that you, mijo?”
A wave of chills ran down Juan’s spine. Very few people in this world knew his true birth name, and he had believed them all dead after the war.
Moving the man’s hair away from his face, Juan gasped and stepped back a pace. “Alonso? Is that really you?”
“Si, mi niño. I am here.” The man put out a shaky hand and Juan felt tears well in his eyes. This man meant the entire world to him, had raised him and taken him in when he was a young child and his mother feared for his life.
Very gently, he pulled Alonso in and hugged him, feeling the old man shake with emotion and squeeze him back with a fierceness Juan would never believe his old body capable of.
“I am old and broken, but I have enough strength in me to hug my son,” the old man chuckled and embraced Juan tightly.
Looking over his shoulder, Juan noticed that Kat had wandered off somewhere and he hoped she had been wise enough to go back to the cabin, but he would check on her later. For now, he had things to discuss and knew the men would not dare touch her for now.
“You were taken prisoner by the Dutch after Turnhout?” Juan guided Alonso down to the galley, determined to get the man some food in his stomach and most glad they had some fresh food to offer.
“Si. I survive the battle but was taken shortly after.” Juan rummaged up a plate of beef, bread, cheese, and carrots for Alonso, handing the plate over and grimacing when he almost dropped it, too weak to hold it. The man used to create portraits of royalty so fine, he had commissions all over Europe and had even painted Juan when he was a young child of four years old and again at seven. Now the man could barely hold a plate.
“Here,” Juan said, guiding him over to a table in the corner. The rest of the men would be finding a place to eat all around the ship, but none would be down in the galley, where Cook would chase them out with a scowl and a wooden spoon, so Juan knew they were safe to have a private conversation.
“What of you, mijo? How did you end up on this ship? You look as strong and fierce as ever.”
“After the war, I evaded capture and stayed in Seville with mi familia. However, only a few months after the plague swept through and…” He could not say the rest. He never could. Every time he attempted to tell the story, he got choked up and still, he had not uttered his daughter’s full name. “I looked for you, Alonso. I thought you had died.”
“Oh, mijo. I am sorry to hear about your family. Lucia was a good woman.” Alonso gripped Juan’s hand and he felt himself shifting somehow deep inside. Pain twisted with grief, yet somehow healing. It felt good to speak to someone who truly knew him, not only who he was but the people he had loved.