by Pride, Mia
“Gracias,” was all Juan could say, staring down at the plate of food that Alonso did his best not to devour in one bite. “Eat, eat, Padre. There is more.”
“No, I will be sick if I eat too much, or too fast. I have not eaten this much in so long. I may as well have died on that field. It has been torturous in the hands of the Dutch. They were going to deliver us to the English Queen and most certainly we would have all died. You saved us all.”
“You are with me now. That is all that matters.” Juan could not comment on anything else. Knowing he had saved so many souls helped to heal the wound in his own soul for having to kill other men. But in this world, sometimes decisions had to be made and a man had little time to make them. He knew the Dutch had mistreated the men simply by looking at their frail, starved bodies. And, even if the slaves had not been Spanish, Juan would have saved them just the same. A life was a life. And innocence was innocence.
“And, how have I ended up with you, mi niño? By the grace of God, no doubt… but there is more. You are on a pirate ship. And by the looks of you and how the men respect you, I would say you are their captain.” Alonso took another small bite and stared at Juan, awaiting answers.
“Si. I am. When my family succumbed to… their fate, there was nothing left for me. You were gone. My mother had passed. I had nobody and nothing. I decided to join the Spanish navy, yet with the state of the country, there was no money to pay us and little food to feed us. It turns out I became a slave, as well. Working for free for my own father.”
Alonso nodded and folded his hands. “Does anybody else know you are the eldest son of King Philip?”
Juan shook his head. “No. I never discuss it. I do not want to go back to Spain. I do not want the crown. When my father passes, my younger brother may have it. None know I survive, so it is just as well.”
“You have not heard? Your father passed away last month. I heard the Dutchmen speaking about it on the ship, saying the weak king’s weaker son was taking the throne. You are the eldest Hapsburg child. You should be king.”
“I do not want it. My mother sent me to live with you specifically to avoid it. I have a life here now. I have been in Ireland.
“So, I see,” Alonso looked at him knowingly. “You have yourself a chica bonita,” Alonso waggled his brows. “I saw you embrace her. Do all the chicas in Ireland look like her?”
Juan grunted and shook his head. “She is a rare beauty. She is also above average in intelligence, temper, and stubbornness. And, she is not truly my woman. It is a long story.”
“I have time, mijo. All the time in the world, in fact.” Alonso took another bite and stared at Juan.
“Very well. The man who saved me is named Tomas. My ship was attacked at an Irish port and Tomas, an English knight and an Irish pirate of all things, jumped into the water to save me. I have been his man ever since. That woman, Kat, is his younger sister. She stowed away on the ship because she believes I harbor a secret and will one day turn on her brother. Now, all the men know she is here and I must keep her safe. So, as far as the men know, she is my lover. But, that is not the truth. We can hardly tolerate one another.”
“That is not what I saw. The señorita is enamorado.”
Scoffing, Juan shook his head and chuckled. “No. You do not know her. She barely tolerates me and doesn’t trust me at all.”
“Do you remember what they used to say about me when I was a portrait painter for the royal families?”
“Si. That you could look at any couple and tell if they were truly in love or not. Women used to pay you extra to tell them after the portrait if their husbands loved them, no?”
“Si, si. That is correct. And I always told them that their husbands loved them madly. But, most of the time, that was not the case. But when I saw you approach her and touch her side, I saw something.”
“You saw surprise and naught more. Trust me,” Juan said wryly.
“As you wish, mijo. Perhaps I have lost my touch,” Alonso replied, sounding not at all convinced. “I am very tired. Gracias for the meal. I think I would simply like some sleep.”
Standing up from the bench seat, Juan helped Alonso to his feet. “You may have my cabin.”
“Is not your chica bonita sleeping in there?”
“Si, but I can find a place for her and myself to sleep. I want you to have a nice bed. You provided one for me for years.”
“No, no, no,” Alonso argued, waving his hands in the air. “A padre never takes a bed from his son. Especially when there is a woman in it. I have slept in terrible conditions for many months. If you can provide me a straw pallet, I swear to you on the St. Raphael that I shall sleep like a babe.”
“Are you certain, Alonso?”
“Most certainly. Now, simply point the way and go back to your wild Irish woman.”
“She is not my woman, Alonso.” Juan insisted. “Let me at least walk you to your pallet.”
“Very well.”
As Juan slowly walked with Alonso, he simply enjoyed their easy silence, feeling like a piece of himself had returned once more. There was one person left on this earth who truly knew him, and he walked beside him.
“I am fine, Ferdinand,” Alonso said, waving him away when they reached a pallet. “Do not fuss over me. Today is the best of my life, to see my Ferdinand once more, all grown and doing so well.”
“Nobody knows my real name. Here, I am Juan Alejandro Sanchez.”
“You kept my surname.” Alonso beamed up at Juan as he laid down on the pallet.
“Of course. As far as I am concerned, you are mi padre. Sleep well, Alonso.”
“Buenas noches, mi niño.”
As Juan walked away from Alonso, he decided to head over to his cabin and visit with Kat. He had something very important he needed to tell her and knew that now was the time.
Chapter Seven
“My wife and daughter died of the plague before I left on that ship.”
When Juan stepped through the door so abruptly, Kat nearly jumped out of her skin. She had expected him to be gone most of the night, seeing as he happened to know one of the men they had saved. But when he said those words so quickly, sounding out of breath, Kat knew how hard it had been for him to say them.
“Oh.” Propping herself up to a sitting position from the bed, Kat wiped her eyes of sleep and cleared her throat, not sure what else to say.
“You shared your secret and I shared mine,” Juan said gently, walking toward the bed. Kat blinked at him as he came closer. “May I sit here?” he asked, pointing to the edge of the bed. Nodding, she moved over a bit so he could sit. The bed creaked and bowed slightly under his weight and Kat felt her breath catch being so close to him while in bed.
“The plague swept through my village like the embodiment of death, taking more than half the population. My wife and daughter among them. I watched them fade from me, helpless. I had always protected them but from that… I could not.”
Juan hung his head and Kat reached out to grab his hand, squeezing it tightly to show her support. She still did not have the words to express her sorrow for him, but she wanted to somehow comfort him. He squeezed back and looked at her with his deep brown eyes. “I am verra sorry to hear that, Juan. Truly.” She moved a wee bit closer to him, if only to feel more connected, more engaged with his words as he confided in her. “Why did ye tell me this?”
“I felt like I could,” he shrugged. “I have not told anyone else.”
“Tomas doesnae ken?”
“No.” Juan shook his head. “It hurts to speak of.”
“Thank ye for trusting me, Juan. We dinnae need to speak on it further, if ye wish.” Her heart profoundly ached. Not only that he would trust her above all others with this information, but because he truly looked pained to his soul.
“I want to tell you.”
“Why?” she asked softly, cocking her head to the side.
“I trust you, and I want you to trust me. I do not wish to go back to Spain because there i
s nothing left for me there aside from memories of ghosts.”
“Oh, Juan.” Kat couldn’t help it. She was so overcome with emotion, for the need to comfort him and show him that she would be here for him. Throwing herself at him, Kat wrapped her arms around his neck and squeezed him tightly, happy when she felt his strong arms slowly, if not reluctantly, touch her waist. “I am sorry I doubted ye. I am sorry I was so horrible to ye.” Now his nightmares made more sense. He was trapped in a hell of his own every night reliving the death of his family.
“Kat?” Juan pulled back and looked at her carefully. “I am sorry you have been put in a position to pretend you are mine. I know you have a hard time trusting men and I wish to keep you safe, but I never meant to make you feel uncomfortable.”
Lowering her brow, she was rather close to Juan’s face and could see a few very small freckles scattered on his olive-toned skin. “What do ye mean? I am not uncomfortable. It is my fault I am in this position.” She surprised herself admitting such a thing. Taking personal responsibility for her actions was not her strong suit, but she had to admit she had been a stubborn fool to attempt to gain her coins back, then stay on board to spy on Juan. It was a ridiculously ill-thought-out plan.
“I said I was going to kiss you when we were on the deck and you seemed repulsed by me,” Juan said with a frown. “I did not mean to make you feel that way.”
Once again, Kat’s heart seized. That she had made him feel that way made her stomach knot up in an inexplicable way. “Nay, Juan. That is not it at all.”
“Then… why?”
Sighing, Kat slumped a wee bit and leaned back to better look at Juan. “My first kiss was from… the man who forced himself on me. It was rough, painful, foul, and still haunts me. My second kiss was from ye, but ye were asleep and dreaming of another woman… yer wife, I ken. Ye didnae even mean to kiss me. I didnae want my third kiss to be another false one.”
“I am sorry Kat. I had no idea.”
“How could ye?” She shrugged. “Nothing is yer fault, Juan.”
His dark eyes searched her face silently for a moment as he leaned ever so slightly toward her. “May I kiss you, Kat?”
“But… ye dinnae want to, I ken ye dinnae like me, and I just said I dinnae want another false kiss and—”
“I want to kiss you. Very badly, in fact,” Juan said with a small smirk that melted her insides into a warm mush she had never felt before. “I have not kissed a woman since my wife died. So, it will be a first for both of us.”
The ache in her heart and the flutter in her belly made her want to sigh, but she held it back, not wanting to seem like an overeager virginal lass.
Words failed her, so instead, she nodded and looked up at his handsome face with his square jawline covered in a dark beard and those eyes that felt like dark portals to his soul. Juan leaned in slowly and she did the same, feeling as if she may run out of breath at any moment.
His lips gently touched hers and the sigh she had been holding in escaped. He was so soft and tender for a man so large. He was called the Beast by pirates all over the world, yet he was no beast. He did everything out of love and loyalty, she knew that now. The only secret he held close to his heart was the one that had destroyed it – and he had shared it with her.
Kat wasn’t sure what she was doing or what to do next, so instead, she followed Juan’s lead, loving the feel of his large hand on her hip and loving even more that he was not yet pulling away. He allowed his lips to stay on hers for another moment, his other hand touching her cheek in what felt like an intimate move for some reason.
When he pulled away, disappointment flooded her. She did not want to be done kissing him. How had she ended up here? Why had he decided to confide in her?
“Why did ye kiss me, Juan?”
“Honestly, I cannot think of a single reason not to kiss you again.”
She felt her cheeks turning redder than the flames of a fire and had never considered herself one to flush in the first place, but he was so effective at making her feel special. “I cannae think of a single reason ye stopped in the first place,” she replied, chewing her bottom lip and hoping he would kiss her again.
And then he did. His lips crashed down on hers, this time with an urgency that excited her. She let him lead the way, enjoying the way his large hand cupped the back of her neck and his other touched her hip. She scooted closer to him, so their knees were touching and melted when his tongue slipped between her lips and wrapped around hers. She groaned at the sensation, never understanding how a simple kiss could cause so much intimacy and pleasure, but there was nothing simple about this. He was taking and she was willingly giving. And though it was rough and full of obvious desire, she was not frightened. She trusted Juan. He would never hurt her.
That thought filled her with a sense of ease and a willingness for more. Wrapping her arms around his neck, she helped deepen the kiss, seeming to instinctively know what to do, then squealing when she felt his hands move to her backside, scooping her and placing her on his lap as the blanket she had been under fell away.
All rational thought left her the moment she felt her body so close to his, his tongue sliding down her throat, his strong chest pressed against her breasts. In nothing but her long tunic, her hard nipples scratched at the fabric, aching for his touch. Kat distinctively felt the hardness of his passion for her between her legs, pressing against her bared center.
She wanted him, wanting this, so much that she ached and throbbed. Pushing herself against his hard length, she reveled in her ability to make the Beast groan with restrained need as he slipped his tongue back in her mouth, rolling it with hers as her hips continued to push their bodies together. She was not sure what was happening and he still had his breeches on, but it felt too good to stop. His hard length was rubbing against some part of her that was driving her wild, and she felt herself losing control, shuddering in his arms as a wave of pleasure consumed her body, so intense her legs shook and she placed her head on his shoulder, breathing deeply as a sigh of pure delight escaped her.
Looking up at Juan, she saw him close his eyes just before resting his forehead on hers. “Are you all right?” he asked, placing a hand on top of hers. She could feel his breath fanning across her cheek and she nodded.
“Aye. Are ye?”
“Si. Surprisingly so.”
“Why do ye say that?” she asked, kissing his cheek before sitting upright.
“As I mentioned, I have not done that with a woman since Lucia passed. I never thought I would or could. But there is something about you, Kat. You make me… feel things, things I am not sure are safe to feel.”
“Because I am Tomas’ sister?” she asked, slightly frustrated that just because she was someone’s wee sister, she could not simply be seen as a woman to be desired. Why he could not separate the two.
“Si, but also because my experience with caring for people means they get taken away. I have kept to myself, too afraid to feel. And you make me feel too damned much, Kat.”
“I think I make ye feel angry most of the time,” she smirked, trying to lighten the mood a wee bit.
He chuckled much to her delight, the deep sound resonating in her heart. “I cannot argue that. You make me frustrated… like I want to shake you until you see reason.”
“Or throw me over yer shoulder and carry me to bed?” she added playfully.
“Si, that is the feeling that scares me the most, Kat. That despite all the hell you give me, the fact that you should be off limits, and that I vowed to never care for another woman, you make me feel things I do not want to feel.”
Kat frowned and backed off his lap. “Juan, ye ken ye frustrate and anger me, too. Ye should be off limits to me, as well. I boarded this ship first to prove to ye that I could steal my coins back, that I was as good a pirate as ye are. I stayed because I overheard ye having a conversation with Lawrence about wanting to avoid Spain and I wondered why. I kenned ye had a secret to hide. But deep down, I sta
yed because… because ye make me feel things I shouldnae feel either. But, I do want to feel them. Life is too bloody short to fight how ye feel for someone or allow others to control how ye live.”
Juan nodded, but slowly got up from the bed, which made Kat somehow feel empty inside. He was shutting down again, she could see it in his face. Those dark eyes held dark secrets and something told her there was still more to Juan that he was not willing to share.
“We should not have done that.”
And with those six words, Juan may have well thrown ice cold water over her head or simply tossed her out into the freezing Atlantic, but even that was not as cold as Juan Sanchez’s heart.
“Fine. It willnae happen again. But remember, ye kissed me. I didnae ask for any of that.”
“Kat. I am not capable of… whatever it is you think we are. I care about you, si. I find you incredibly beautiful and I if I was not a broken man, perhaps we could be more. But I am, and we cannot.”
Making a scoffing sounds and feeling insulted, Kat waved her hands in the air, wishing she could hit him. “Ye presume much. I never said I wanted anything more from ye! We may be attracted to one another, but we also drive each other mad. We dinnae make a good pair and I have nay interest to be anything to ye. Not yer wife, and certainly not yer whore!”
Juan flinched and frowned, nodded as he turned away. “Then we understand one another.”
“Perfectly,” she said defiantly, crossing her arms. He had just made her feel something wondrous, something she had only heard about from other lassies, and just as quickly, he made her feel like a piece of shite on the bottom of his boot. Well, Kat had too much pride to allow a man to get the best of her. If he wanted nothing to do with her, then nothing was what he would get. Climbing back in bed, Kat rolled over, pulled the sheet over her, and closed her eyes. Sleep was a long way away, but as long as she stayed silent, he would not know the difference.
And if Juan had any more nightmares, she was not going to attempt to help him. That child could eat him for all Kat cared.