CHAPTER FORTY: Victory in Defeat
Rau sat outside St Peter’s.
He was away from the graveyard! Away from the cross, and the altar. He sat against the wall of the church, his face in his hands. Shame! Shame. Their beloved friend was alive! Joshua was alive! And…and Rau had denied him…
“Do you love me, Rau?” Joshua had asked – and his words had been agony to him.
From his place, Rau could see across the road – into the intersection where Joshua had died, through the black iron gate into the Parliament grounds beyond, to the Parliament buildings, and the Beehive. There were still Army officers, patrolling the ground! There was no functioning Parliament now – only the Governor General, and an emergency council: only the Queen of England, ruling direct.
Rau shifted his eyes over to Molesworth Street. There he had denied him! There, he had run away.
“Whakama,” Rau whispered, “I have brought shame upon my whanau.”
Generations of priests! And he had failed them all. When the ultimate test had come, the peak of ministry choice, he had failed.
His mana was lost – he had brought humiliation to his own.
Pain filled him – but this was not the greatest pain. Not only had he brought shame to his whanau in Kerikeri – he had brought shame to his whanau here! He had brought shame to Joshua! He had brought shame to God.
He buried his face back into his hands – but now someone was sitting beside him.
“Rau.” It was Joshua’s voice.
Rau writhed in his presence. “Master,” he whispered into his hands.
Joshua’s arm was around his shoulders now. “Rau,” he said, “look at me.”
Look at Joshua’s victory? Look at his love? Look at his goodness, when Rau had missed it all? He had fled! He had abandoned him, at the peak of his offering!
Rau lifted his head, to look at him – and shame flooded him, while Joshua’s eyes met his.
“Do you love me?” Joshua asked, and Rau moaned with his confession of the truth.
“Yes,” he whispered.
“My whanau need your help,” Joshua said.
Rau tilted his head, looking at him. His whanau? The others?
Joshua grasped his hand, and searched his eyes.
“Rau,” he repeated, “do you really love me?”
Rau swallowed. “Yes,” he said.
“Then take care of all my whanau.”
Joshua’s eyes were finding him – and then Joshua grasped both of his arms, and lifted him to his feet.
“Rau,” he said, and Rau held his eyes. “Do you love me enough to take care of all of these?”
He gestured around the Parliament grounds, and Wellington, and beyond – Rau knew, to all of Aotearoa. Tears filled Rau’s eyes, now, and a profound, deep love suddenly filled his heart.
“Ae,” he whispered, sinking to his knees. “I love you, Master. Aroha! Aroha.”
“Then take care of my Iwi, Rau,” Joshua said. “My body and my blood are given! My tribe is born.”
Relief filled Rau – painful, releasing relief. He was back! Joshua was back! And Rau was back. Released! Released to lead! And…and there was more…
Joshua’s eyes were changing – from intense purpose to deep, girding grief.
“One day,” he said, “some men will kill you, Rau, because of me.”
Rau gazed up at him from his knees – and the words, intended to warn, were also freedom to his heart. Joshua’s face was close to his – Rau pressed his forehead up to Joshua’s; his nose to Joshua’s.
“Amine,” he said. “E te whanau, we are the body of Christ! We are bound by the love of Christ.”
“Amine,” Joshua whispered – and he lifted Rau again to his feet.
Rau noticed John, now, coming around the corner of the church. John was gazing at Joshua, utter wonder in his eyes, like a child. Rau could see his thoughts – he really was alive! He really was.
“What will happen to him, Master?” Rau asked, and Joshua’s gaze became far away.
“He will still be here,” he said, “until he sees the end.”
“The end?”
“The end is coming,” Joshua said. “The tsunami! The war. Birth pains! And then, the next age. Light will overcome darkness – only those in the light will survive. He will see it! He will know it.”
Rau looked at John. He would be alive, until the end? Surely the end was coming fast! Surely there was little time.
Rau looked back to Joshua – but he had gone.
John ran to Rau, and grasped his hands. “Can you believe it?” he said. “It’s actually real! He’s actually alive!”
Rau smiled at his new discovery. “Oh, yes,” he said, “I believe it all right.”
“We have to tell everyone!” John said. “This changes everything!”
“Wait.”
“We have to tell everyone!”
“First things first, John: wisdom! Wisdom. Don’t rush in just yet.”
John gazed at him – listening to his voice.
“Don’t rush in,” he said, and Rau gestured to the Parliament grounds. John looked at him, and then broke into a grin.
“I’m telling Mark Blake!” he said, and he rushed into the church.
Rau rushed after him, into St Peter’s. Mark was there, between the choir stalls, behind the pulpit, wandering backwards and forwards, with his hands clasped behind his back. Rau was sure he was praying.
“John,” Rau whispered – but he couldn’t stop John’s younger exuberance.
“Mark!” John called out, launching himself beyond the pulpit. “Mark!”
Rau hastened his step – the Right Reverend Mark Blake’s response to news of a resurrection of Joshua Davidson: this Rau had to see!
Mark turned, and looked surprised. “John!” he said. “I see you’re revived?”
John was grinning from ear to ear. “Not me!” he said.
Mark’s eyes were set on him – Rau watched his gaze pass over John’s face, and body, with a flicker of bewilderment followed by a dawning thought.
“Don’t tell me,” he said wryly, and John slapped him on the arm.
“He’s alive!” he said. “He’s alive!”
Rau closely watched Mark’s face – how would he respond?
“Alive?” Mark asked, with complete control. “Who?”
“Who do you think?” John said, and Rau thought he might start jumping up and down on the spot. “Joshua! Joshua’s alive!”
Mark’s blue eyes widened slightly – and then came to rest on Rau.
“Alive?” Mark asked, and Rau nodded.
“Yes,” he said. “We both saw him, together.”
“The grave!” John said. “Come and see!” And he grasped Mark’s sleeve, and tugged him down the aisle.
Rau made way for the bishop, and then followed after them. Mark was allowing John to drag him – he cast his eyes back at Rau, questioning, but then forward again to John.
They returned to the graveyard – and now Mark stood next to the empty grave.
His eyes moved over the mound of dirt, the lid resting on top, and the open empty coffin lying in the ground. He stared at John, and at Rau. Then he tipped his head back, face to the sky, and erupted in resounding laughter.
“Hallelujah!” he cried. “All over again – he is risen! Victory! Victory!”
And now his eyes came to settle on Rau, his face lit up as Rau had never seen it before.
“The sign of Jonah,” Mark said. “The only definitive sign: dead, in the grave, and risen again!”
“Yes,” Rau said quietly. “Death swallowed him up and spat him out again.”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” John said happily, “but I know he’s alive! And I’m going to tell everyone about it!”
He turned, to move toward the Parliament buildings – and Mark caught his arm.
“Wait, my friend!” he said. “Think about what you’re doing.”
“No need to think!” John said
. “Time to tell!”
“How are you going to explain this?”
“No need to explain it.”
“That works for Israel two thousand years ago, but here?”
John smirked at him. “What part of ‘back from death’ do you think people won’t understand?”
Mark was smiling at him, now – Rau knew his thoughts! The arguments! The endless debates! John had forgotten, Rau saw – had instantly forgotten that he had once been a sceptic! But then the conversation was interrupted.
Tristan walked into the graveyard.
Curious, Rau wandered up to him.
“Kia ora, mate,” he said, and Tristan smiled in memory.
“Hey, old man,” he replied. “How are the knees?”
“They’ve got a new lease in life.”
“True…?”
“Got something to show you, I have.” And now Rau ushered Tristan over to the empty grave.
Tristan’s eyes settled on the open coffin – they widened.
“Oh, boy,” Tristan said, looking at Rau. “That’s a biggie.”
“Yes,” Rau said, straightening now to his full height, “and so it begins.”
Tristan stared at the grave. “I missed out on that darned fish!” he muttered, and Rau bowed his head.
“He dodged the bullets,” Rau said.
Tristan’s eyes suddenly widened further, shifting again to Rau. “My God,” he whispered, “you’re right! He beat me! He actually beat me, and I’m glad! He’s won! Thank God…”
And relief flooded his face.
Joshua’s mother was walking in, now – looking at the grave, lifting her voice with joy. Mark was quietly smiling. Selena had appeared, and was hiding behind Mark. Tristan was studying Rau.
But John – John’s face was lit up.
“Careful,” Rau warned, but John would listen to no warning.
“There’s someone I have to tell!” he said. “Someone before all the rest.”
And as he launched himself out of the little gate, Rau knew he was headed out to find Rachel.
A New Kind of Zeal Page 40