by Baxter, Cole
Mary told him all about her mixed feelings and reservations, questioning whether she was ready to see him or not. She understood how important a milestone it would be for her to finally confront him, yet the question of whether she could remained.
"I see," Dr. Carson said thoughtfully.
"Are you disappointed in me?'
"Not at all. I am very proud that you managed to identify everything that’s happening to you. That is a sign of true progress."
Mary didn't feel like she’d accomplished a great deal and she shared as much. "I don't know what to do."
"The way I see it, this is quite good news for you. Now, you can finally serve him divorce papers or even involve the authorities and demand your half of the savings, all the money he stole from you."
"What if I break down when I see him?" She asked what troubled her the most. It was clear that Nick had some kind of spell over her, and while feeling it was wearing off, she was still uncertain.
"I believe you won't. You’re stronger than you think. However, if you experience a moment of weakness, now you know how to recognize it. You have all the tools at your disposal to overcome it."
It all sounded so simple coming from his mouth. That doesn't mean he's wrong.
"So your advice is to go and see him as soon as possible?" Mary asked, wanting to make sure.
"Absolutely."
"Ruby had a completely different approach when I told her," she said in passing.
Doctor Carson took off his glasses for a moment to rub his eyes before putting them back on. Then he said, "I understand you’re feeling very elated, happy, and perhaps grateful to have met and befriended Ruby at a time like this that is very challenging."
Mary sensed a big but was coming.
"However, you must bear in mind that you are in a very vulnerable state at the moment, especially with Nick's return, and bringing someone into your personal problems so quickly might not be a good idea," he warned. "As you said yourself, you do not know her that well."
"I know her enough to say she would never do anything to hurt me or take advantage of me in any way," Mary countered.
"How about you?" he asked.
"What do you mean by that?" Mary asked in return, taken aback by his question.
"From what I gather, Ruby doesn't have that many friends, at least not close friends."
"Neither do I."
"Let me finish. She is clearly a lonely woman, and because of her affection toward you, she might be making promises she can't keep," Dr. Carson explained, clearly referring to Ruby's offer to speak with Nick on her behalf.
Come to think of it, she’d actually mentioned that she had certain friends who could take care of Mary's Nick problem. She didn't ask Ruby to clarify what that entailed. She could get the picture. Either way, Mary did not change her mind about her friend's offer. Mary did not want Ruby involved.
And then it dawned on her, finally understanding her therapist's meaning. Mary was aghast. "So you think I might be taking advantage of her?" Her voice rose ever so slightly. It was a testament of how much this revelation affected her.
"What do you think?"
The thought that Doctor Carson might be right filled her with guilt. Am I taking advantage of Ruby? she wondered in alarm. Mary did tell Ruby everything about Nick only because Dr. Carson was unavailable and she didn't have anyone else to talk with. Oh, my God, I am taking advantage of her. She was horrified. For the past couple of weeks, she was so proud of herself, patting herself on the back for getting better, and as it turned out, she was using that sweet woman as an emotional crutch.
Ruby was a kind and overall lovely woman, if just a tad eccentric. It was true that she was lonely like Mary was. Being disabled clearly additionally isolated her, and she needed a friend as much as Mary did. However, that certainly didn't mean that Mary wanted to use the other woman since she’d really started to care for her.
"Oh, God," was all she managed to say. “I am a horrible person.”
"You are not a horrible person," he countered. Mary wasn't aware that she’d said that part out loud.
"Don't panic, Mary," Dr. Carson started in his most soothing voice, clearly sensing that she was spiraling. " The situation is not that grave."
She frowned as he continued.
"The reason I cautioned you is that I want you to be aware of the possibility of it happening. Now that you know, you can monitor yourself and your behavior, especially when interacting with other people, not just Ruby."
"Okay, okay." She was somewhat comforted by his words.
"The fact that you befriended her at all is a sign that you’re breaking out of Nick's confinements and are finally ready to explore the world. I'm positive more friendships will bloom in the near future."
That almost made her smile. "Thank you, Doctor. You really opened my eyes to all of this."
It was miraculous that Ruby entered her life, and at the same time, Mary wanted to keep it pure and not taint it with her own insecurities and fears. That amazing woman did not deserve that.
"You know I’m always here for you."
"I know."
On her way home, Mary was deeply lost in her thoughts thinking about Ruby and Nick and herself. Dr. Carson was right, about Nick and Ruby alike.
Yesterday, Mary had a moment of weakness and regressed in some ways. Luckily, she now saw things from a different perspective and the situation looked much clearer to her.
Mary believed Nick returned because the universe had deemed her ready to confront him and finally put an end to that part of her life. I need to set myself free. It was just that she was the last one to understand all that. The story of my life.
From now on, Mary was going to do better. There would be no more simply reacting to all the bad things in her life, and poorly at that. She would be proactive for the first time. This was her life and it was time she took charge and discovered who she was beyond Nick and learned how to be happy.
Everything she'd done so far, reclaiming herself, going to therapy, was to prepare her for this moment, so there was no going back and cowering like before, only moving forward.
Thanks to therapy, Mary saw how truly unhappy she was in her marriage. She was a child when she met Nick and didn't get a chance to know herself, her hopes, or her desires since from the start, everything was concentrated, revolving around Nick and how to make him happy. She devoted all her time to be what he wanted her to be, and in the end, she lost herself, her identity, and it would take her a long time to reclaim that. Mary was resolved to do so at any cost.
Somehow, Nick had managed to brainwash her to see, think, and be only what he wanted her to be. And she’d let him, all in the name of love. Was it love? Nick was her first and only love. Maybe I don't know what true love is. That was a seriously depressing thought.
She couldn't say if she would ever forgive him for everything he did to her, for all the blame and insecurities he’d placed on her shoulders. Not that he asked for absolution and probably never would.
The more important question was would she be able to forgive herself? I hope I will, someday.
When Ruby called her that evening, Mary was glad like she always was. Then she remembered what she’d learned in therapy. That made her more in tune with herself. She needed to make sure she didn't do something she would later regret.
"I called you earlier and you didn't answer."
"I had a bunch of stuff to do for my boss so I turned my phone off." Then she rushed to her therapy session and completely forgot about it.
"Better to be busy than idle. Is there any news about that deadbeat husband of yours?"
"No news," Mary replied simply, hoping Ruby would get the picture and move on to some other subject. She didn't.
"Nothing?" she asked, a bit surprised. "Do you want me to look into that?" Ruby offered.
"There's no need. Lara is very competent," Mary replied as the guilt started to emerge.
"All right," Ruby said somewhat relu
ctantly. "How are you feeling?" she asked in concern.
Do not take advantage of her. "I really don't want to talk about it," Mary replied. It wasn't technically a lie, simply not the whole truth.
"Why? Did something happen? What are you not telling me?"
The last thing Mary wanted was to upset her. "It's nothing like that," she replied in haste. "It's just that I don't want to burden you with my problems."
"Oh, honey, don't be silly. What are friends for?" Ruby said. "Nothing you say or do can burden me."
Mary was still reluctant to say anything else. What if Dr. Carson was right?
Perhaps Mary needed to try and explain it to Ruby the way her therapist did to her. "I spoke with my therapist today and I came to a certain realization."
"Oh?"
"I've gotten very fond of you, but I don't want to take advantage of our new friendship and burden you with my problems," Mary explained, intently waiting for Ruby's reply.
"Oh, please. You are not taking advantage of me. As far as I’m concerned, your therapist is clearly overreacting, and I get it. He needs to make a living somehow," she replied dismissively.
"What do you mean by that?" Mary asked.
"He needs to say something that sounds meaningful every once in a while other than ‘How's that make you feel?’ to justify being paid for listening to you. They are all bullshit artists," Ruby said with conviction.
That didn't sit well with Mary. Dr. Carson had helped her a great deal, encouraged her to see the reality of her relationship with Nick.
Nevertheless, Ruby had the right to her own opinion so Mary didn't say anything in return, not wanting to start an unnecessary argument.
Chapter Eight
The next day, Ruby sent her an invitation to a little gathering at her place of some of her friends and former associates from the theater. Quite literally. A courier delivered it to her first thing in the morning.
The invite was printed on fine black paper with silver letters written in decorative calligraphy. "Fancy," she murmured to herself, feeling a bit excited for the prospect of meeting other people in Ruby's life.
There was a personal note attached to it. That note was written by hand, by Ruby herself, and it advised her to ‘dress up’. Mary's heart sank.
After their talk last night, Mary was still a little bit conflicted regarding her friendship with the other woman. She gathered if she didn't lean on Ruby regarding Nick, they could continue spending time together. Putting that aside, with her mind somewhat at ease and resolved, she returned to the invitation.
Over time, Mary got used to going to all kinds of events with Ruby, and socializing with other people was also something she started to do despite being uncomfortable, but the special note made her apprehensive.
Mary didn't have anything nice to wear. I don't know how to dress up, she thought in exasperation. And she certainly couldn't afford anything new.
Thanks to Nick, she was left penniless, and despite working every day, she was always short and struggled to catch up with all her bills. Nick had really made a mess of her life on so many different levels. It would take her a long time to fully recover.
I can't go, she realized.
Mary didn't want to disappoint Ruby by canceling, but other than robbing a bank, she really couldn't see another way to obtain anything wearable or nice for the party. Up to this point, she'd managed, yet she sensed this party would require something finer than she had.
As though summoned by her troubled mind, Ruby called her sounding beyond excited. That made Mary feel even worse. She's gonna be devastated if I fail to come to her small gathering.
"Did you get my message?"
"I have. Thank you for inviting me."
How am I to tell her I'm not coming?
"It's going to be marvelous," she said in high spirits. "All the important people from the business will be there."
Oh, crap. "Um, Ruby, I don't think I can—"
Ruby interrupted her. "You know, I've been thinking. Let's go shopping today."
"Well . . ."
"I'm sure you will need a new outfit for this shindig, and God knows I need one too," she declared with utmost seriousness.
Mary somehow doubted that to be the case. She'd seen all the closets Ruby had which were filled with expensive attire.
A part of her started to wonder if Ruby was doing this because she sensed Mary was about to decline, having no money for the extravagance. Mary couldn't accept her generosity. It wouldn't sit right with her.
"I'm still waiting for my paycheck to arrive," she lied.
"Don't think about it. It's on me," Ruby offered.
"I can't accept something like that."
"You can and you will. Besides, you'll be doing me a favor by coming with me. I can be so indecisive."
Somehow, Mary could see that clearly.
"If you don't come with me, I’ll end up buying more things than I possibly need."
Mary's resolve started to waver.
"Please."
"All right, I'll go."
"Great. I'll send you the address for where to meet me," Ruby said cheerfully again. "We can squeeze in a little lunch somewhere in between."
"Of course," Mary replied instantly. She already said yes to expensive clothes, so saying yes to lunch felt like nothing in comparison.
"Shopping is a marathon, not a sprint. Remember that."
Despite herself, Mary laughed. "Okay, I'll wear my comfortable shoes then."
"You’d better. See you in a bit! Bye."
"Bye."
Mary hung up while shaking her head. It was amazing what an effect this woman had on her. Ruby was constantly pushing her outside her comfort zone, and that was not necessarily a good or bad thing, simply different, unnerving at times. Who knows? Maybe this is exactly what I need at the moment.
As it turned out, all the stores they visited were on the high end, but Mary knew Ruby enough to already expect something like that happening. The knowledge didn't stop her from feeling quite overwhelmed. The endless possibilities and spectacular prices were making her head spin.
Ruby treated Mary like she was her personal doll, dressing her up in anything that caught her eye. It appeared as though she randomly took out various dresses or suits from the hangers for her to try on. At some point, Mary figured out that there was a method to the madness. Ruby was trying to give her a makeover.
Mary paraded in front of Ruby in the dresses made in the latest fashion as she sat on the sofa drinking champagne, scrutinizing her. It was all done under the watchful yet helpful eyes of a saleswoman.
"That just arrived today," the clerk provided.
I am so glad I decided to shave my legs.
"I don't think this is quite me," Mary confessed, looking dubiously at herself in the big mirror. She was wearing a sleeveless lime green dress, and to be perfectly honest, she hated it. Not because that was clearly something Ruby would wear herself but because it didn't fit her one bit. I look hideous.
"Nonsense," Ruby replied, waving with her glass. "It fits you perfectly. Besides, it's important to experiment in life."
"I don't feel comfortable in it." Mary was sure the sleeveless piece of clothing made her look unattractive and chubbier.
"That's just passing insecurity because you’re not used to looking like that," Ruby countered.
Even though what she said did make sense, Mary still didn't like it.
"We’ll take it," she added with a smile, speaking with the saleswoman.
"Please, Ruby, don't," Mary begged, her voice carrying just a hint of panic. She didn't want to appear ungrateful, but the mere thought of owning something like this made her skin crawl.
Overreacting?
"Perhaps that blue one?" Mary offered as the alternative because she couldn't possibly appear to Ruby's party wearing this monstrosity.
It looked as though Ruby wanted to argue with her and buy it anyway, but she reconsidered at the last moment.
&nbs
p; "Are you sure?" she asked instead. "You look lovely, and I'm sure all will be dazzled at the party, especially the men, who won't be able to keep their eyes off you."
Mary knew Ruby meant that as the deepest compliment. That was not what Mary wanted. More to the point, being ogled all night was something Mary wholeheartedly wanted to avoid. At the same time, she was relieved that Ruby would let her make up her own mind. "I'm one hundred percent sure," Mary insisted.
"Very well," Ruby said, taking the last sip of her drink before turning to the other woman. "We will take the blue one, and the black one just to be sure. Oh, and I spotted those lovely shoes on the display. We will need a size five and a half."
The saleswoman nodded and dashed away to do her bidding.
Mary wanted to protest again, not wanting her friend to spend too much money on her. Once again, she didn't want to appear rude or ungrateful. The last thing she wanted was to hurt Ruby's feelings. She was so looking forward to this outing. If this means so much to her then let her have it, she told herself.
"I'll go change," Mary said in haste before Ruby found anything else for her to try on. Besides, she needed to take this thing off so she dashed to the dressing room.
Once she was in her normal clothes again, Mary felt like she could finally take a deep breath. Perhaps Ruby was right. Maybe she was too snuggled inside her comfort zone and needed to experiment a little.
There was experimenting a little by tipping the toes in the water and then there was experimenting by doing a dive in, cannonball style. She was definitely ready for the former. Wearing that blue dress at the party would suffice.
Mary emerged just in time to see Ruby going to take care of the bill, and she joined her.
Glancing at the check, Mary was shocked, eyes bulging, to discover how much those three items actually cost. Are they made out of gold? she wondered. Threaded by fairies? What could possibly explain such a high price?
"Just in time," Ruby greeted her cheerfully. "I added a little something while you weren't looking as a surprise," she added with a wink.
Did she decide to buy me something else? The price to be paid for exclusivity or the illusion of it was often too high, and in Mary's opinion, complete madness. Clearly, Ruby did not share her views.