by Sabrina Kade
“Why do you need Prince Korben’s permission to go beyond the second triss?” I dare.
His eyes flash with annoyance. “Because he is our prince.”
I frown, trying to get him to start talking about the proteins again. “And the waterfall? That’s where the uh, proteins are? The coveted proteins?”
He nods. “The waterfalls are far from here. Very cold. Treacherous. There is more rain there, and despite this protein being best consumed fresh, the trip is not worth the trouble. Dried protein works, too.” His expression shifts and realization dawns on me.
“You’re the one who needs the protein.” He nods. Huh. How didn’t I realize it earlier? The object in his hand almost looks like smoked salmon, but the color is off, and the flesh looks less fatty. I’m so used to hearing about how Sidyths don’t eat meat, but I never put the pieces together that they could eat fish.
“Do all Sidyths eat that?”
His golden eyes flash, and his mouth pulls down in the corners. “No. Some do because they enjoy the protein. Others cannot process approved proteins, so they have been permitted to consume this.” He holds up the odd colored not-salmon once more. “This is feichka. It is a type of sea creature consisting of the type of protein we need to survive. Since it is a creature that lives in the sea and not on the land, it is not considered sinful to consume it. Only mildly offensive.”
I’m trying to put the pieces together. Sidyths don’t eat animals if they live on land, but they can eat fish from the sea. Huh. I suppose that explains why they’re so built, but I don’t get it. Why wouldn’t they eat meat? Is it a religious thing? It feels intrusive to ask, but the words fly from my lips. “So, you’re like a pescatarian, but not by choice?”
Horror strikes his face. Oh, Dios mío, he probably doesn’t have the slightest idea what I’m talking about. This is interesting, though. Dolan isn’t the same as the others. He needs to eat protein/fish because he can’t process what his people are supposed to eat. There’re rules on his homeworld that I don’t know about, but it makes him less alien, and more… Dolan.
I lean across the counter, trying to catch a closer look at the dried feichka, but Dolan doesn’t notice. “Can I see it?”
“See it?” He holds it up. “The taste is not good. Not dried, anyway. But if I don’t get protein, I grow weak.” He frowns. “My mother was not happy to have two broken sons. It was considered a great dishonor. At least Azan was able to find a good job. He works directly for Prince Korben. Now he has a mate. Even with all of his problems, he’s found a way to belong. He is a lucky male.” He takes a third and final bite of the feichka before I can get a closer look, and I frown at him. He doesn’t notice, and I process his words.
Dolan? Broken? Hard to believe. I take in his shorter hair, thick corded muscles, and soft, golden eyes. I don’t see how a food allergy ruins him, but I guess things are different on his homeworld.
And then something else occurs to me. Maybe all aliens have a weakness of some sort.
Dolan’s soft, rumbling voice interrupts my thoughts. “You never answered me earlier. Do you want something to eat?”
“Sure.”
We fall into a comfortable silence as he digs something out from one of the stainless cabinets and presents it to me. He asks if I like sweet things, and it’s like he’s read my mind. Dolan can enjoy his dried fish; I’ll take anything that reminds me of an Oreo. A few Sidyths and some of the girls wander in and out as Dolan and I remain in the preparation room, and I’m surprised when I realize I’m not thinking about Exer so much. I’m sure he’s with Sloane, but I don’t know. It doesn’t bother me. Dolan helps me think about other things, like, what’s beyond the second triss. What does a waterfall look like on Hethdiss? And—
“You guys really get weaker when you’re out in the cold?” I ask suddenly.
Dolan’s head lifts, defenses up immediately judging from his posture. “It’s not just me. If you are worried that I would not be a good mate because of my sensitivity to the required protein supplement—”
“Dolan, that’s not why I’m asking.” I roll my eyes, trying not to blush when he hisses and crosses thick arms over his bare chest. Gym body or not, Dolan should never see himself as broken. He’s annoying, but he looks pretty healthy to me right now. “I’m curious about aliens.”
Another hiss. “I’m not the alien. You are.”
“Seriously, Dolan, I don’t care. Answer me.”
He sighs. “Yes. We do not enjoy the rain or cold. This was one of the main reasons Prince Korben’s father exiled us here to Hethdiss. It is unpleasant, but there are pockets of goodness. If we travel too far north, it would be dangerous. And too far south…” He shivers before continuing, “beyond the second triss; there is not only the woods but changes in temperature.”
“And the protein you like lives in the water out there? The fish key?”
“Feichka,” he corrects. “Yes. It wouldn’t have surprised me if Prince Korben knew this. Maybe it’s why we’re here. I’m not the only one who needs to or enjoys feichkas.”
“There are other pescatarians?”
“I do not understand this word.”
“Fish-eaters.” I try again. “Those who eat that fish thing?”
“Oh.” He nods. “There are others, yes.”
My shoulders slump. “Anything else you want to add? Anything interesting or useful?”
He smirks. “Are you saying that you find me boring?”
“No!” I squeak, surprised by how much emotion creeps into my voice. I clear my throat, trying not to laugh at his cautious teasing. “It’s not that. I guess I’m trying to learn about you?”
He breaks out into a huge smile. It’s flipping creepy.
“You are trying to learn about me because you plan to Choose me as your mate, yes?”
I slam my palms against the counter, rising on the stool. “No! Dammit, Dolan! I’m not looking for a mate!”
He rolls his eyes. “So you say, so you say.”
“I do say,” I insist.
He rolls his eyes again, further infuriating me. Arrogant, annoying alien. Male alien. Male. They’re all the same. Dolan’s so sure of himself. So sure I won’t be able to resist what he sees as charm. Alien charm. There’s no way I’ll ever take him or any alien for a mate. I can’t find happiness. I’m not allowed to. Absently, I scratch my shoulder. There used to be a dense scar there, but since I started work as a Space Whore, they removed it.
There’s no trace of Shep there anymore.
Shep.
My mind settles back into reality and not silly fantasies of finding a happily ever after with an arrogant alien.
“Have you ever gone beyond the second triss?” I dare.
“No.”
“Of course, you haven’t.” I resist the urge to leave. I suppose it would have been too easy for him to take me away from the lair to see the rest of the planet. Sidyths like to tell us that things are going to be different for us now. That they’re different. That they won’t treat us like whores or pets or dolls. At first, they kept most of us in the Gathering Room, but that was until Blythe threw a tantrum. But even after that, things still aren’t that different. We’re still in a cage. A larger cage, yes, but my wings are still clipped.
We can go outside, but only if a Sidyth comes along.
We can see our friends in the second lair, only if a Sidyth is observing.
Then there are the lines. We can’t go beyond the first triss without a Sidyth. We can’t ever go beyond the second triss without permission from Prince Korben, which he rarely gives. Hujun and Ellis got permission. But not for the protein thing. But Dolan leaving would make sense, wouldn’t it? Dolan should be allowed to travel to the waterfall beyond the second triss to retrieve proteins his stomach can process.
“Do you ever think about going beyond the second triss?” I try again, but I can tell Dolan’s already shut himself down.
He doesn’t answer me.
For t
he first time, I wish Dolan would keep talking.
***
Back in the Gathering Room, I can’t stop thinking about what Dolan and I talked about earlier. He didn’t have to share any information with me. Maybe he really does want more than a casual fling. Well, duh. Of course, he wants more, but I guess I never really took him seriously. I rarely think about things other than work, Shep, and sometimes Exer. Maybe not Exer that much. Sometimes I think Dolan is much more interesting than Exer. His brother Azan certainly has a story hidden (literally) behind the mask on his face.
But, if I started considering anything with Dolan other than banter and argue, what would happen? I already forget what my father looks like. Will I forget Shep as well? Absently, I scratch at the spot on my shoulder where my scar used to be. Weirdly, I loved that scar. The angry, raised flesh was a reminder of how fragile my brother could be. That despite his anger and his rage, there was a broken soul inside of him. Broken. Dolan says his mother thought he was broken. Well, odds are Dolan’s mother would be in for a rude awakening if she ever met Shep.
“Picking your scar again?” a soft voice implores when I close my eyes for a moment. Flashing them open again, I find Sloane alone and sitting next to me on the floor. I look over her shoulder, expecting Exer lurking in the doorway, but it’s bare, and Sloane offers a weak excuse of how she wanted to check in on me.
“There are no scars there,” I whisper, lowering my hand and lacing my fingers together in my lap. “Not anymore.”
“But the feeling is still there,” she answers. “I get it. You miss your brother, don’t you?”
“He’s the reason I’m here. How could I not?”
Her soft expression hardens. “You’re here because your father is an asshole.”
I grimace. “I’m the one who signed the papers. Don’t bring my father into this.”
“Your brother probably didn’t want you to go.” She huffs. “I hate your father.”
“Shut up,” I snap, wishing I had the vag to slap her across the face, but of course I don’t. I never would. Despite Sloane’s words, she’s right in a way. I hate that she’s right. Nobody else knows my story about why I’m here. I was stupid enough to spill the beans to her too fast, and now Sloane says I’m trying to repaint the past so I can push forward. She says I can tell myself any story I like, but she remembers the original version.
My father sent me away. He wanted Shep more than he wanted me, and I (my body) offered my dad a chance to build the son he’d always wanted.
I pinch my eyes shut. I hate memories when they’re not on my terms.
I try changing the subject. “Dolan’s allergic to protein, you know? The ones Sidyths are supposed to eat.” When Sloane doesn’t answer right away, I frown in her direction. “Did you hear me?”
“You want to talk about proteins?”
If I were a Sidyth, I swear I’d hiss at her right now. I hate how she doesn’t let me get away with anything. I hate how she’s beautiful and yet she’s patient and kind. She’s different from the other girls. Everyone’s already formed cliques. There’re the ones who found a mate right away and got themselves pregnant. Blythe, York, and Ellis are kind enough, no complaints, but they think of themselves as being members of a secret club I’m not allowed to join. Sloane has Exer, even if they are only friends. Celeste hangs out with that old, attractive alien who wears his hair in a man bun. The workout twins have each other, and Phoebe has two aliens watching over her most of the time. I think they’re competing for her or something, but I can’t be sure.
But Sloane? Sloane has Exer all but worshipping her, and she doesn’t disappear for days on end. Like the state girls, Alaska, Arizona, Dakota, and Kansas, she talks to her alien, but she spends time with her girlfriends. I thought that’s what Blythe said at the beginning. We need to stick together. Well, where is she now? In Prince Korben’s room with fluffed pillows while he waits on her hand and foot. Sloane could have that. In a moment, she could have Exer doing the same thing, but she doesn’t. She spends time away from him. She spends time with me.
I hate how Sloane is such a good person because I’m not so sure I am lately.
My thoughts grow fuzzy, and Sloane’s always the first to remind me what really happened back on Earth with my family and why I’m here. My story is not one of glorious self-sacrifice. It’s something much more common, at least it is to me.
“Where’s Exer?” I try next.
The corner of her mouth crooks up in a gentle smile. She’s so feminine and pretty that my heart aches. A lot of the girls look at her the same way I do. Even Lacey, who never smiles at anyone, is polite to Sloane, and since Sloane likes me, she’s forced to be nice to me, too. Some girls have it, I guess. And while Sloane finally answers one of my questions and talks about Exer, I’m ashamed to admit I don’t catch most of what she says.
“All right, that’s enough about me.” She elbows me in the ribs with a smile. “Where’s Dolan? You two were looking pretty cozy in the kitchen earlier.”
I blanched. “You saw us?”
“No,” she giggles. “Phoebe did. She was excited. According to her, you guys are soul mates.”
I frown. “Like Phoebe should talk. If that’s the case, she has two soulmates right now.”
Sloane shakes her head. “I don’t think so. I think I can tell who she likes.”
“So, who is it?”
“That’s for her to show and tell.”
I arch an eyebrow. Fuck, Sloane doesn’t want to gossip. Isn’t that what girls do? They certainly chatted enough about Shep and me when we were in school together. Every time I had to go down to his classroom to calm him down, I always heard the whispers. I pinch my eyes shut. I don’t want to think about that side of Shep. It wasn’t his fault.
“Are you going to give me the details or not?”
“I was trying to,” I grump.
“Telling me that he doesn’t eat protein isn’t details. I’m talking about the dirty details.” She waggles her red eyebrows, breaking out into laughter. “Oh, come on! You must have some dirty thoughts about him! He’s almost as built as Hujun.”
“I like Dolan’s build better,” I blurt before realizing my verbal slip. I cover my mouth with my hand, cheeks red and hot as Sloane bursts into loud giggles. Lacey lifts her head, and dare I say, the corner of her mouth crooks up in a grin before she lowers her chin, burying herself in one of the books Korben had shipped to Hethdiss.
“I knew it!” Sloane squeals. “You’re hot for Dolan! I knew he’d wear you down.”
“I’m not getting worn down,” I stammer, trying to avoid Sloane’s curious eyes. I don’t understand it. Some of the girls think Sloane is simple, some think she’s dumb, but I don’t think so. Sloane’s mind works differently than the others, but it doesn’t make her any less observant. Minus the anger, she reminds me of—
I shake my head hard. I hate thinking about the past, and it’s creeping up more and more as evening settles in. Usually, I can distract myself by thinking about Exer and his moodiness and scaleless chest, but with Sloane right here, guilt plagues me. And if I can’t distract myself with him, I’m only left with my past.
Shep’s dark, crazed eyes. His fits. My father’s disappointment when I couldn’t settle him down at school. The days Dad had to come in and take both of us home. The way he would scream at Shep and me about how fucked we both are and why can’t I do anything right? I’d have to sit in the front because Shep would still be worked up. But he’d always find a way to reach forward. He’d claw at anything ahead of him to satisfy his anger.
The car seats. The seatbelts. My shoulders.
I… I don’t want to think about those things.
So, for the first time since arriving on Hethdiss, I allow myself to think of something different.
Dolan.
I picture us together, but we’re not at the lair anymore. The weather’s sunny and bright, and the heavy sound of a waterfall is close enough that we both cover our
ears until we get used to it. For some reason, I’m dressed as I would be back home; a pair of jeans, a tank top, and red Converse sneakers, but Dolan’s still in a tight pair of black shorts. Even in my dreams, his cock is fully erect, and his scaled arms are flexed and veiny.
We’re both silent as we make our way to the waterfall, and I love how the air feels. It’s not sticky and humid like back at the lairs. It’s warm, but not unpleasantly so. The silence is strange but not uncomfortable.
“We’ll get in trouble if we don’t head back soon,” I hear myself saying to Dolan.
He only smiles down at me. Why haven’t I noticed how beautiful his smile is until I’m thinking about it right before I fall asleep? Exer has a decent smile, too. Or, he does when he’s smiling at Sloane.
I curl more into myself, pushing ahead with my thoughts.
I imagine Dolan leaning over me, brushing a hand across my cheek. He doesn’t mind my full cheeks. I don’t think he cares that I’m thirty pounds heavier than most of the girls here. He likes my curves. Fuck, he wants me.
I hate how my mind doesn’t allow me to cover anything I want to leave alone right before I fall asleep. I shouldn’t think about Dolan. It’s dangerous. I need to keep working. I need to think about getting credits sent back to Earth so Shep has a chance at the surgery that could change everything.
Shep’s there in my dreams now, too. He’s standing in the distance, tall and imposing as always. His dark hair is cropped to the root. He was never allowed to keep it long because it gave others something to pull. He narrows his eyes at me, and then, Dolan is nowhere in sight.
I whimper.
“This is what you’re doing?” he asks from the other side of the waterfall. “You’re having fun, while I’m stuck here with Dad?”
I shake my head. “No,” I manage as he dives into the pool of water below us. I dart around, seeking to find Dolan, but he’s nowhere in sight. I’m alone. Alone with Shep. And when he emerges from the water, hot tears enter my eyes.