by Sabrina Kade
I can’t tell if I’m dreaming or awake anymore.
I back away from Shep’s impressive form, my back hitting the cold, damp surface of rock behind me.
“I needed you,” Shep continues, pulling his hands into large fists. “I need you. I need you more than anyone. Only you, Lay. Only you can save me.”
I swallow hard — Lay — Shep’s nickname for me. I swallow hard, feeling my defenses fall. There’s no one here to save me. Not Dolan. Not Exer. Not Sloane. Not Dad. Just Shep and me.
“Only you,” Shep says, reaching ahead.
I scream. I scream so loud that my eyes pop open.
A dream. Or, not quite a nightmare.
Either way, I’m entirely disoriented and darting around. It’s dark in the Gathering Room. No one’s here. I stare at the central opening of the Gathering Room, finding myself laying on my stomach. I must have fallen asleep. But when? I don’t remember. I was thinking about Dolan before going to sleep and then—
A large shape fills the doorway. And a smaller one.
“She was screaming,” the smaller one says, looping her arm through the large ones. “I sent most of the girls away. I didn’t want them to ask questions. I know she’s opening up to you, so I thought—”
“She’s not,” the male voice rumbles. “But… I will see what I can do.”
“Thank you, Dolan.”
Dolan.
I push myself up into a seated position about to give Sloane a piece of my mind before she darts away. She’s smart to run. Next time I see her I’m going to, well, I don’t know what I’m going to do, but it won’t be good. Dolan’s concerned face alone is enough to bring feelings of being a naughty kid all over again, and I find myself backing away from his approach, pulling my knees against my chest right before he crouches in front of me. I prepare. He’s either going to tease me, make some statement about how good of a mate he can be for comforting me or—
“I am sure I am the last being you wish to see, but the bloody-haired one insisted.”
I blink, shocked by his words. As our eyes meet, I’m surprised when Dolan lowers his head, rubbing a heavy hand against his thick neck.
“If you wish for me to go, I will. The bloody-haired one insisted, but I am aware I am not your first choice.”
I blink again. I am not your first choice.
His words startle me beyond belief. I’m surprised when something happens then. Hearing the sincerity in his words and seeing his eyes. He knows I don’t care for him the way he cares for me.
Dolan’s an alien, but he’s not an idiot. He’s not some emotionless machine.
I want to open up to this version of Dolan.
“It’s all right,” I mutter, squeezing my knees against my chest. “I had a dream. Or maybe it was a pre-dream. I don’t know. You ever have those? Like you’re not completely asleep, but you’re not completely awake either? You’re kind of in control of your thoughts in some ways but not in others?” The blank expression on Dolan’s face tells me everything I need to know.
“You want me to leave then, yes?” he guesses.
I shake my head. “No. No, I don’t want you to leave.”
“So, what do you need, Layla?”
There’s a tingle. A flutter. A whisper. My body reacts to Dolan’s soft, rumbling voice. Maybe I’m weakened because of the dream, but perhaps it's more. Looking at him, I’m happy he’s here. He won’t force me to bare my soul if I don’t want to, and he doesn’t know enough to hold my truths against me. He’s here because he wants to be. Because he cares about me, and Sloane told him I was distressed. I’ll bet he didn’t hesitate.
He came. And now he’s here.
“Layla?” he tries again, voice softer than I’ve ever heard it.
“Could…” I lower my chin, stretching out my legs so I can rise on my knees. We’re almost eye-to-eye. I don’t know why I’m so embarrassed, but when I inch toward Dolan, I notice his cock standing at attention. His eyes are wide, though. He probably has no idea what to expect. “You think I could have a hug?”
It’s stupid and childish, but Shep coming to me on Hethdiss in my dreams has left me more shaken than I’d like to admit. I don’t mind that Dolan looks like I’ve shot him. Honest to God, he looks like he’s about to pass out from my verbal request. I haven’t touched him. Do I matter this much to him?
And poor Dolan, he almost appears nervous to touch me.
“You don’t have to make this more awkward than it already is,” I can’t help muttering.
“I apologize,” Dolan murmurs, leaning closer. “You’ve never asked for my touch before. I don’t want to mess up.” I start to blush until he finishes. “I realize now this is a chance to prove to you how great of a mate I will be.”
“Not looking for a mate, Dolan.”
“So you say.” He leans closer, stretching his arms out toward mine.
I’m relieved that I don’t have to explain to him what a hug is. Kisses are probably going to be a problem—wait. Why the hell am I thinking about kissing Dolan? I’m not asking for that! Just a hug because I had a nightmare! I close my eyes, expecting his arms to wrap around me, but when a few tense seconds pass and nothing happens, I open my eyes. Dolan’s still impossibly close, and when I ask him what he’s waiting for, he shakes his head.
“You are hesitating. Are you still sure you would like me to embrace you?”
I’m shocked that he’s asking again. I thought Dolan would have leaped at the opportunity to touch me, but he’s still seeking my approval. Aliens don’t do that! At least none of the others have. But here’s Dolan, waiting expectantly for my permission.
“It’s all right—” The words are sucked from my lungs when he lunges forward the last couple inches and wraps thick, impossibly muscular, thick arms around my shoulders. I can’t help the unattractive grunt that escapes when he squeezes me, but it’s almost enjoyable after that. Dolan, for all his arrogance and alienness, is strong. Really strong. I feel it in his grip and the way my bones groan in his embrace. I can’t get over how strong he is, and also, how excited he is below the belt.
Dolan’s dick is rock hard, pressed up against my stomach, and though it’s awkward, I wouldn’t call it unpleasant.
“You had a bad dream, yes?” he asks, speaking into my hair. I nod. “What was it about?”
“It was…” I trail off, not sure if I want to explain. How am I supposed to not encourage him further while saying I had a dream about him? That we went to the waterfall together. And then Shep showed up and ruined everything.
Shep.
I swallow hard. I’m still not ready to talk about this.
But unless I come up with a way to distract Dolan, he’s going to keep pushing and pushing. I open my eyes, looking around the Gathering Room. Sloane and Dolan were telling the truth. It’s empty. Did Sloane know all along that I would consider Dolan? Am I considering Dolan? I don’t want to lead him on, but he’s so warm. So strong. So secure in who he is and what he wants. There’s something incredibly sexy about that.
I nuzzle into Dolan’s arms. He squeezes me tightly, but right as I’m about to take things a bit further, he stands, keeping me in secured against him despite taking almost 160 pounds with him along the way. I gasp in surprise, and he secures his arm under my ass.
“Wrap your legs around me,” he says thickly.
I listen without thinking. He’s never spoken to me like this before. So dominant, and yet, I’m not afraid of disobeying him. I want to listen to him because I want to know what he’s up to. I wrap my thick thighs around his trim waist, squeezing him slightly to experience the power in his massive body.
I want to ask what he’s going to do next, but to my surprise, he keeps holding me against him. I wrap my arms around his neck, hoping to deepen the embrace because I have to admit. This feels good. Too good. I love feeling small and delicate in Dolan’s grasp, even though I’m one of the thickest girls here. He’s never cared. Maybe my shape doesn’t bother him. A
nd if his attraction to me is built off nothing but my scent, is that such a bad thing? And if I smell so good to Dolan, why don’t I smell that good to the others? Why did Korben go after Blythe right away?
Maybe it’s a scent thing, or maybe, Dolan just likes me.
It’s a heavy thought to consider.
I catch the sound of Dolan hissing, and something wet and slick drags across the cords of my neck. I jump back in surprise in Dolan’s arms, swiping at the spot where my skin’s damp.
“What are you doing?”
“Tasting you,” he says without missing a beat.
“Tasting me?” I parrot.
He nods. “I’ve dreamt about tasting my mate.”
“Not your mate,” I grumble, but my voice doesn’t sound as convincing. “I’m not going to have sex with you, you know.” I hope he doesn’t expect it. I had a bad dream, and I asked him for a hug, but I don’t want to fuck, despite the beauty in this alien’s arms and the way he’s able to hold me up with ease. My attention trails to his eyes, half-expecting a protest, but Dolan appears more confused than me.
“I did not plan on pleasuring you,” he says stiffly. “Are you asking me to?”
“No!” I squeak, slapping his chest. Dios mío, he’s so hard there. Almost as hard as— “I wanted to make things clear that just because I asked you for a hug, that doesn’t mean I’m going to suck your dick or anything.”
His eyes widen. “Suck my dick? So, humans really do this, yes?”
My eyes narrow. “Yes,” I say carefully, “but I’m not—”
“I was not expecting such a great honor. You requested a hug, and I obliged.” As though to prove his point, he boosts me up slightly in his arms until our noses touch. “Last I researched, what we are doing now has nothing to do with you sucking upon my cock.”
I can’t help snickering. Sucking upon my cock. I guess that’s one way to word it.
“No. I just… I wanted to make things clear.”
“And you have. And now, let me make some things clear.” His voice drops to a hiss, and I find myself nodding without argument. The tone sends shivers down my spine and tingles down where I’d rather not think about. “When I say you should Choose me for a mate, I mean only this. I will never force myself upon you.”
“You won’t?”
“Of course not! That is why we are here, yes? Because we do not think females should be treated poorly simply because they are inferior.”
“We’re not—”
“I would never take pleasure from you unless you wanted me to,” Dolan interrupts. “When you ask for my embrace, I will oblige. If you ever wanted to suck upon my cock, I would happily oblige. And when you are ready to admit that I am a suitable mate, I will agree to your terms.” My lips part, and Dolan places a long, scaled finger across them. “Let me finish, Layla. It is important that you understand. I will give whatever you request of me, but I will never take what is not offered. That would make me no better than the ones I left my home for. There was no point of leaving if I was going to conduct myself in the same manner as those back on the fatherland. So please, understand that you will be my mate, but not because I forced you to.”
I swallow hard. I’m not sure how to handle this little declaration. Ah, who am I kidding? This isn’t a little declaration; it’s enormous. Epic. And now I can’t stop thinking about it. What Dolan’s saying separates him from the others. He’s an alien, but not a typical alien. He won’t rape me. I had such a hard time believing Blythe and Ellis when they explained this but hearing it from Dolan, I have a hard time being skeptical.
He’s still arrogant, though. He’s still convinced I’m going to Choose him as a mate.
That part may be incorrect, but he’ll learn that he’s wrong.
I think.
My pussy tingles, and I realize that’s because my clit is all but brushing up against Dolan’s cock while he holds me close in his arms. I’m soaked, and I wonder if Dolan’s realized this as well. Sidyths are supposed to be able to smell everything, and if so, there’s no way he doesn’t know. York told me all the time that Azan pointed out when she was aroused, so why isn’t Dolan doing the same? He’s caught me in a moment of weakness, and he’s still holding me in his arms. But he’s not doing anything. Unable to stop myself, I bury my face against his neck, enjoying the texture of his skin and the strength in those corded muscles. He overwhelms every sense. I inhale deeply, wondering if there’s any way to tell if he’s aroused, other than his massive hard-on brushing against my clit.
I shift and oh fuck that feels way too good. It’s been so long since I had any physical interaction. At least, physical interaction that didn’t make me want to throw up. I sniff deeply at the base of Dolan’s short hair but find there isn’t anything particularly noticeable. He smells manly, but nothing like citrus or Christmas like York and Blythe have noted in the past. I’m disappointed, but not deterred when Dolan readjusts me and my pussy all but drags across the tip of his cock.
“Oh,” I breath, unable to stop the wave of arousal that washes over. “Dios mío.”
“Is something wrong?” he asks.
I shake my head, burying my head against his neck so he can’t see my face. I’m beet red, and I don’t want Dolan chuckling about how moments like this let him know I’m going to Choose him. Maybe he’s not wrong. I wiggle my ass, surprised at how strangely I’m acting. So unabashed. So needy.
“Do you need something from me after all?”
“Hold still,” I say, wishing I wasn’t selfishly trying to steal an orgasm from Dolan to calm my nerves. I’m trembling with need. My clit’s throbbing, and I’m afraid I’ll lose my footing if I get down from Dolan’s grip now. I wrap my arms more tightly around his neck, but not before pushing the folds of my skirt away for easier access. I’m not removing Dolan’s shorts, that’s a little too much for me, and Dolan stiffens.
“What are you doing?” he asks thickly. “The scent… your cunt…”
“Dolan, please,” I gasp, as I continue to grind and shiver without shame. “Don’t talk. Don’t do anything. I’ll take care of it.” I dig my fingernails into his skin, dragging across the soft, warm flesh, bucking in his arms for more friction. It shouldn’t be like this. I had a bad dream. I shouldn’t use Dolan as a sex toy to get myself off. But he feels so good… so fucking good… and then—
Dolan lifts and then drops me down. It helps. It adds to the pleasure. I pull my head away from his neck, and his eyes are hooded.
“That feels good to you, yes?”
I nod wordlessly, allowing him to guide me across his cock. We’re flipping dry humping, and nothing’s ever felt more intimate. I can’t look at Dolan for too long, finding myself against his shoulder again, but he continues to pump me up and down his body, allowing my clit to brush against his cock. It’s insatiable.
“You’re so wet,” Dolan notes. “Your cunt drips onto my shorts. Should I remove them?”
“Keep them on.” I should be mortified, but I grind harder. I need to finish. I can’t listen to Dolan talk. I don’t want to talk. I need release. I shift Dolan’s grip and rock harder and harder until I’m panting, and my toes curl, and my pussy tightens. And then sweet release.
Dolan gasps, stilling his movement as wave after erotic wave of an orgasm pulses through my body and down my thighs. He inhales deeply as I collapse in his arms, still too ashamed to look at his face as I try to catch my breath and ride out the rest of the aftershocks. I swear, I hear a bead of my arousal hit the hard floor, and I curl more deeply into Dolan’s arms, finally feeling the real shame for what I’ve done, how I’ve used him.
“I’m… I’m sorry,” I manage to gasp before he stiffens and yanks me away from his shoulder.
His eyes are steely, but he doesn’t look angry. “Do not look away. Why do you apologize to me?”
“Because I… well, you know!” I lower my eyes to what must be a ruined pair of shorts, but Dolan’s not embarrassed in the least. “I used yo
u to give myself an orgasm.”
“I noticed.” The corner of his mouth crooks upward. “Was it enjoyable?”
“Don’t ask that.” I try to hide again, but Dolan fists a handful of my hair and gently pulls me away before he can’t see my face.
“I wish your eyes to see mine. Do not apologize, Layla. I am your mate. You may use me however you wish.”
I want to roll my eyes. I want to bark back a sarcastic reply, but my mouth is dry. I can only nuzzle back into his arms. I must be like jelly, but he holds me securely. He probably always would.
Ugh. And now I have to think about that.
At least Shep couldn’t be further from my mind.
CHAPTER FOUR
Layla
What the hell is wrong with me?
A few days later, I’m still haunted by what happened with Dolan and me. Ugh, not Dolan. He was there, but I’m the one who used him. How he accepted it because he’s so convinced I’m going to be his mate. Every time I blink, there he is. Holding me. Lifting me and letting me use him. I used him. I mouth off about aliens being terrible, but what I did a few days ago is one of my lowest moments.
Exer is beside me, and Sloane is next to him, and a few others are talking, but the only thing I can think about is Dolan and why he isn’t here. I don’t understand him any better than I understand myself. I haven’t seen him much the past few days, which is honestly the last thing I expected. I thought he’d be hot on my heels, screaming to others about what happened, but not only do I not see him, there’s not a whisper about what happened between us.
I want to tell Sloane, but I can’t bring myself to admit my shame.
Worse, despite how awful I feel, there’s a small part of me that liked what we did — a lot.
“Ugh,” I groan, pulling at my dark hair, oblivious to the conversation going on.
Exer glances down, looking directly at me. He rarely does this, and I’m surprised when I don’t blush. “Are you all right?”