Relaxed now and a bit tired, Chloe reached into her pocket for her phone, intending to find an appropriate playlist to play in the background as she continued preparation. As she scrolled through her music library, the classroom phone began to ring. She quickly crossed the room to answer it.
“Hello. Ms. Amden speaking.”
Maryanne’s distinctive voice rang out. “Wonderful, you’re exactly the person I need. Ms. Amden, this is your free period, correct?”
“Yes, ma’am, it is. Is there anything I can do for you?”
“Not for me per se, but Mr. Dorman would like you to come down to his office. He has something he would like to discuss with you and he is free at this very moment.”
“I’ll be right down.”
“Splendid.” In typical Maryanne style, her reply was followed almost immediately by the sound of the dial tone. Chloe hung up the phone and began the walk to the office. She had only seen the school’s principal from a distance. He was by all accounts a fair boss, engaged with the student body, and overall quite pleasant. That did not, however, completely assuage the nervousness she felt at being summoned to his office.
At Chloe’s arrival in the office, Maryanne gave no indication as to what she could expect. A curt nod from the secretary directed her to continue to an open door at the far corner of the hub of the school. The nameplate there was small and understated, unlike the ornate special order nameplates some of the faculty had chosen at UMass. She hoped that was a good omen.
Though the door was slightly ajar, Chloe announced herself with a light knock. Mr. Dorman appeared around the corner of his desk and he beckoned her inside silently. Holding his office phone up to his ear with one hand, he gestured for her to have a seat in the cushioned chair across the desk from him. He nodded his head and arched his eyebrows, signaling to her he was involved in what had to be one of the most unpleasant aspects of the job, tedious phone conversations.
Chloe took the opportunity to study both him and his office. His hair, once a deep brown, was now streaked with gray, reflecting the stress she imagined accompanied any administrative position. If she had to guess his age she would say he was somewhere in his fifties, though she wouldn’t be shocked to learn he was actually much younger.
The most dominant piece of furniture in the room was the enormous wraparound desk in the corner, lined with picture frames and covered with books. A table was situated to her immediate left with three comfortable chairs scattered nearby. Chloe felt welcome in the office, something that was not always a given with administrators.
After about a minute of nearly unbroken silence, Mr. Dorman finally spoke.
“Cynthia, I really appreciate your input, but I have to apologize. I have an important meeting now and I have to go. I did write down what we discussed and I will address it as soon as…” His voice trailed off as he listened to the Cynthia character politely, if not altogether patiently.
Again he spoke, this time more firmly. “Cynthia, I appreciate the call. I’ve heard what you’ve said and I will take it from here. You get back to John and I will see you next week for the art open house.”
This was followed by a much shorter pause, then he nodded and ended the call. As he turned to focus his attention on Chloe, his demeanor lightened considerably.
“I’m sorry about that. Cynthia is an engaged parent, and while we need more of them, she might benefit from a lesson in recognizing when to step back and be a parent and not an administrator.”
Chuckling and shaking his head, he stood, extending his hand, and continued, “I’m sorry it’s taken me this long to formally introduce myself, but I’m Mark Dorman. I’ve heard nothing but great things about how it’s been going down that science hallway.” Chloe took his hand in hers, impressed by his warm welcome and grateful for the praise.
“It’s nice to finally meet you, Mark. I can’t quite explain how grateful I am that I found my way here to substitute.” Though she saw pride and warmth reflected in his face, Chloe knew he couldn’t possibly grasp how much this school had already grown on her in such a short time. In a handful of days, Wiscasset and the people she had stumbled upon by association had helped thaw a layer of ice that she hadn’t realized had crept into her life.
“You know, I’m glad you brought that up. I wanted to hear a little bit more from you regarding your experience both in the past and here at Wiscasset.” He sat as he talked, gesturing that she should do the same. “I read your application to substitute. I saw your CV and I must admit I was surprised that you were branching out of academia, especially considering you were on the fast track to your doctorate.”
There it was, the same confusion Chloe had seen too many times on the faces of those closest to her. The familiar line of questioning sent her emotions into free fall. Scrambling to regain control, she took a steadying breath.
“I haven’t ruled out returning to my graduate studies, but I needed to take some time for myself to get some perspective. I couldn’t imagine a better way to do that than to share what I had learned with current students and maybe even ignite a love of science in a few of them while I’m at it.”
While this description was vague and phrased to obscure her own confusion about the direction her career had taken, it seemed to satisfy the principal, who was nodding as she spoke. She continued, “As for Wiscasset, coming here has been an absolute pleasure. Even though I am only substituting, it reminded me how much I love teaching, no matter the level.”
The caution Chloe had initially been met with melted away, replaced by another emotion. Was it hope? Excitement? Now it was Chloe’s curiosity that was piqued.
“Well, then, bearing that in mind, I have something that I think might appeal to you.” Straightening in his chair into what Chloe assumed was the friendly principal’s formal posture, he continued.
“I’ve been in contact with Marlene Flore’s daughter and have gone to visit her since her hospitalization. Collectively we’ve decided the best course of action would be for her to go on leave for the remainder of the year.”
Chloe’s pulse began to race in wild disbelief at where she assumed this conversation was headed. Struggling to rein in her hopes, she listened intently.
“We will be holding open interviews for the long-term position that has now opened in light of Marlene’s failing health, but I wanted to encourage you to apply given your qualifications and the way you have meshed with our students and staff in such a brief time. That is if you really want it—which, pardon me, I haven’t even asked you. Regardless of your feelings about the long-term position, though, for the students’ sakes we want you to continue subbing until the new person comes on board.”
Mark finished his thought quickly and sat back waiting to hear Chloe’s thoughts on the matter. Where to begin? She didn’t want to appear overeager, but then again if she hesitated, what did that say? Ignoring any misgivings or doubts that were building along with her mounting hope, Chloe went for it.
“Wow, Mark. Obviously I’m concerned for Mrs. Flore. I hope that this is exactly what she needs to get well. But that being said I would absolutely love the opportunity to apply for the position. To be frank, I feel like I have found a niche here. I will gladly continue next week. Given the chance, I would be honored to work here for the year!”
Mark beamed. “I am thrilled to hear that, Chloe, I really am. I will have Maryanne send you an email with all the particulars so that we can set up your interview and get the process started.”
He stood and extended his hand again, gripping hers with both of his. Wishing him a good rest of the day, Chloe left the office. For the umpteenth time since this surreal journey began, she could not believe her luck. She shivered with excitement and a bit of fear. How long would it be before this newfound luck ran out?
* * *
Returning to the classroom, Chloe looked at it with new eyes, marveling that it could become hers for the next nine months and envisioning small changes she would make, posters that mig
ht work on various stretches of exposed wall. She shook her head in disbelief. She needed to talk with someone about this stroke of good fortune. She didn’t know Hannah’s schedule for the day, and she didn’t want to disrupt a potentially busy day for her. Jacob. He would be thrilled with her news. This was most likely what he had imagined when he had persuaded her to give teaching a whirl.
Chloe punched in the number for the store, though mounting doubt was dampening her excitement. Jacob wouldn’t be upset, would he? Fall was a slower season for him and he wouldn’t need the extra hands. It would save him money to get her out of his hair.
Jacob’s expressive voice greeted her after one ring. “Buongiorno. What passes in the land of bountiful attitude?”
“Well, time passes. I’m sure a handful of students will too.” Chloe’s quip was met with a low chuckle. “How’s business?”
“Not a bad day. A trickle of late season tourists came through. I’m working on one of the window displays now. It’s rather uninspired, though. I’m stepping away to let something come about organically, if you will.”
“I hate to interrupt a master at his craft, but maybe my news will bring some inspiration with it.”
“Oh do tell!” Chloe could hear the approval in his voice.
“Well, the secretary called me down to the office to speak with the principal. Mrs. Flore is taking a medical leave for the rest of the school year and he’s encouraged me to apply for the newly opened long-term substitute position!”
“Bravo! You must be doing some really solid work up there if they want you to apply so badly. I don’t mind taking a moment to gloat and congratulate myself on this accomplishment, but the question is, how do you feel about it?”
Leave it to Jacob to pick up on her misgivings so quickly.
“I’m terrified now that I’m overthinking it, but when he first talked to me about it, I don’t know—it felt right.” Chloe’s voice trailed off as she struggled with the tumult of emotions.
“What about the position excites you? What appeals to you about it?” Jacob asked.
His straightforward questions were difficult for Chloe to answer honestly. If she verbalized her excitement, then she risked feeling more pain when things inevitably failed to live up to her hopes and expectations.
“Well, for starters the timing is nothing short of ideal,” she said, aware that she was avoiding the real reasons she was interested, the ones Jacob wanted to hear. Those were the reasons that were the scariest to articulate. “I would get some great experience to put on my résumé while working within the time constraints of my leave of absence.”
Chloe hesitated. Every commitment she had made within the past few years had left her vulnerable. How could she risk that again, especially now that she was starting to feel somewhat normal? She wasn’t sure she was ready to risk having something else that she allowed herself to become passionate about implode right in front of her.
“Yes, logistically it does play out quite nicely. But the same could be said for you delivering the mail, so why does this job appeal to you specifically?”
A hard edge crept into her voice despite the fact that she knew Jacob was only trying to be supportive. “You know why, Jacob. It works. I would still be able to do some physics, and it would fill my time until I make up my mind.” Her response was met at first with silence. Then…
“Chloe, whatever decision you make will be your own, and that is exactly what you need right now. I know there is fear and doubt, but I believe in you. Eventually you’ll find a way to do the same. But remember, there is always risk involved with reward.”
He paused, almost as if he knew Chloe needed a moment to let the words swirl around her. Every hurdle would not be tackled today, but he could apply whatever emotional balm he had.
“Now, I’m entirely too old to boast about how wise I was to suggest this, so I will instead choose to return to my window display. Don’t work too hard today. I’ll see you for your shift tomorrow.” With that he hung up, but not before Chloe heard him start humming to himself in a contented way.
Chapter Five
Monday
What a way to start the week. Maryanne had been able to squeeze the interview in during Chloe’s free period so no one outside of the committee was any wiser about the whole thing. The interview itself had been straightforward and encouraging. Judging by the way that Mark and his panel of teachers had nodded at each of her answers, she felt pretty good about her chances, though her emotions regarding the prospect of teaching for the rest of the year were still prone to fluctuate wildly at any given moment.
Staring down at the stack of quizzes that needed to be graded, Chloe sat motionless, surprised at herself. She had left the interview with a clear head and was temporarily at peace. Noticeably absent was the stream of doubts and worries that had ticked on endlessly in the back of her mind when she started the day. She still wasn’t sure how many applicants they were bringing in and how long it would take for them to decide. All she could do now was wait.
She had expected to spend her weekend filled with anxiety, but it actually had passed quickly, thanks in large part to Jacob and to some serious Netflix binging. Working with Jacob had been a good balance of distraction and discussion. As usual, his words had struck right at the heart of the issue.
“Chloe, what you’ve experienced, absolutely that’s enough to dismantle anyone’s confidence. But the question is, how do you respond? I know you’ve faced adversity in basketball. Did that keep you from playing again? You have to start somewhere.”
What had she expected when she took her leave of absence—to run away indefinitely? Even if she got the job, she would still be avoiding the larger issue, the future of her academic career.
The more Chloe thought about the Wiscasset position the more she realized she was being irrational in hesitating. Nothing about taking it mandated that she remain in a high school setting. She had been strong enough to walk away from UMass. She could certainly handle a few months teaching physics to high school kids.
Talking to Hannah had also helped. They had spent a good portion of Saturday evening on the phone discussing their respective bucket lists. Hannah was hoping to visit Chloe next weekend if her workload allowed and she wanted to tick off a few things on her list in the process.
The prospect of spending a weekend goofing around with Hannah was providing Chloe with a bit of an emotional buffer as well. All she had to do before she visited was survive a period of torturous anxiety, a week of teaching, and grading the rest of the quizzes from today, which she had been staring at for the last ten minutes.
Grading was an interesting experience. Chloe actually kind of liked it. Still in the process of getting to know her students, she saw their personalities reflected in every answer, in the way they approached each problem. She enjoyed throwing bonus questions in at the end of quizzes for fun. The one on this particular quiz asked the students to calculate the mass of a group of Star Wars characters given a set of clues about their relative sizes and volumes. For an extra point, students could argue why one character was superior to the others. Chloe loved to read the arguments. Even more, she enjoyed writing responses to them.
Leah had written a particularly moving argument in favor of the newest female Jedi in training, Rey, as not only the best but the most clearly underrated and overlooked of all of the Star Wars characters, noting that she had been left out of the action figure sets in toy stores despite being the main character of The Force Awakens. Chloe was contemplating what feminist stick figure cartoon she would draw as a response when a knock on the doorframe disrupted her concentration.
“Please tell me one of the students superglued your ass to that chair.” Taylor had sauntered into the room and now stood opposite from her, wearing an expectant expression.
Confused, Chloe stared back as Taylor waited for her response.
“Have you forgotten the outside world? Being superglued in that chair is the only reason I’ll accept fo
r you not doing whatever the hell you’re doing outside. At least get some color while you geek out. Jesus, you’re practically translucent.”
Chloe’s retort had barely formed on her lips when Taylor held up her hand and continued. “You know what, it’s fine. You can make up for it by saying yes to the two things I’m going to ask you to do before I even ask them.”
“Taylor, I may have only been here for a couple of weeks, but I think I know better than to agree to anything from you before I read the fine print.”
“I should probably be insulted, but it really doesn’t matter, you’re going to say yes anyway. I’ll start off with the tougher sell considering your apparent agoraphobia. Madeleine’s soccer team has a home game against Stacey and her gang tonight. Six thirty. I’ll pick you up. Unless you’re planning on staying here the entire time…”
“Obviously I’ll go,” Chloe responded. “But I, unlike you who gets to have class outside every minute, have to grade these and I happen to need a desk for that, so forgive me for being inside. I won’t need a ride. I’ll probably stay here to finish them up since it’s nearly four.” She paused, steeling herself for Taylor’s response to what she was about to say. “I really need to get these finished if I want to get that year-long sub position.”
Chloe hadn’t told anyone at school about the interview before this, not wanting to get involved in any school drama. She had contemplated not telling Taylor for fear of jinxing it, but as soon as she walked in, she decided to bounce the possibility off her. Her reaction to Chloe’s statement did not disappoint.
“Wow! I had heard Marlene probably wasn’t coming back this year. Did you interview? How’d you find out? Tell me everything, you fool!”
Breaking Even Page 6