Chloe laughed at Taylor. She was incorrigible. “Thank you so much for that generous offer. But is there any chance it could wait until tomorrow during lunch? I promised Madeleine I’d stay with her this afternoon so that we can both get some grading done. Otherwise we won’t do it at all.”
Letting out an exaggerated sigh, Taylor nodded her head in defeat. “Okay, get it done now so we can put together more practice plans tomorrow.”
“Will do.” What a way to spend the rest of the year, surrounded by friends and teaching physics. Granted, it wasn’t the way she had originally pictured her academic pursuits panning out, but it was pretty fantastic nonetheless.
Chloe was laden down with tests from the three general physics classes as well as her messenger bag, workout bag, and water bottle when she finally made her way to Madeleine’s room. Though she had walked by the room multiple times, she had never been inside it. The inside of a classroom could tell you a lot about a teacher. It was their domain and how it was organized and decorated spoke volumes about their personality and teaching style.
Madeleine wasn’t in the room when Chloe arrived, but the lights were on and the door was open. Taking in the room, Chloe was not disappointed. What she guessed was a refurbished farm table served as Madeleine’s desk. It held an assortment of books piled on it, her laptop, a sand Zen garden, and three potted plants. It was easy to imagine writing conferences taking place in the two comfortable chairs that sat beside it.
In the back corner was a reading den with three beanbag chairs and what had to have been a personal bookshelf. It was loaded with a library that Chloe wanted desperately to check out. The titles she saw ranged from A Brave New World by Aldous Huxley to the entire Harry Potter series. Chloe was excited to begin borrowing from the extensive collection. She loved the idea of students reading books from the vast assortment and she imagined Madeleine encouraging them to read whatever tickled their fancy.
The back of the room had an interesting array of student projects and a collection of signs. Walking to the whiteboard where the signs were posted, she read the first.
I like cooking my family and my pets.
Don’t be a psycho, use commas.
Each sign she read grew more ridiculous. The next had two quotes with a cartoon of a scared grandmother. The text read “Let’s eat Grandma!” and “Let’s eat, Grandma!”
She lost it. Punctuation saves lives.
There was a Liam Neeson picture threatening students who didn’t staple their papers when they handed them in. There were at least fifty cartoons and punny signs in all, some of them even handwritten.
As she was perusing them, she heard Madeleine enter the room. She turned. “I’ve got the perfect meme for your wall.”
“Oh yeah? Care to share? Just so you know, I exercise supreme authority over what makes the cut.”
“There’s a prerequisite. You’ve seen Star Wars, right?” Chloe checked with Madeleine expectantly, eager to pull the meme up on her phone. When she didn’t answer immediately, she was shocked.
“You’ve never seen Star Wars?” She was aghast. “How is that even possible? What kind of monster are you?”
“I know. It’s a travesty. If you want to cut me out of your life, I understand.”
“Seriously, how is that possible? I mean they’re everywhere. It would be impressive if it wasn’t so tragic.”
“I never saw the appeal, and the whole Jedi business always felt a little culty to me. No one ever convinced me they were worth watching.”
“I’ll grant you there is a tiny cult feel to it, but they’re so good. I’ll convince you.” She grinned, walking over to where her things were piled on the student desk. Glancing back at Madeleine, she smiled as she saw her shake her head at Chloe’s conviction that watching the movie was now an inevitability for her. “How was your day?”
“Typical. Some dramatic readings, the seniors’ papers were due, and then I was bullied over my taste in movies.”
“Bullied is too strong a word. I would go with ‘interrogated.’ No maliciousness was involved.”
“My apologies, I was interrogated. How about you? Did anyone accost you?”
At the sight of Madeleine’s slightly crooked half smile, Chloe lost the thought she’d been forming. How could anyone think around this woman? What had she asked? Something about her day? “Not really, but I did get a pretty intriguing offer.”
Madeleine gestured toward her table and the padded chairs.
“Here, sit down. Though they appear ancient, they’re incredibly comfortable.” As Chloe lowered herself into the chair, her knee brushed against Madeleine’s thigh. Sliding her chair back to manufacture some distance, Chloe watched Madeleine’s hand go to the hairband at her wrist. Today the accessory was bright yellow.
“So, what was this big offer?” Before Chloe could respond, things clicked into place for Madeleine. “You got the long-term position!” She grabbed Chloe’s arm, squeezing it and beaming at her. Chloe’s skin tingled at the contact.
“I did. It’s official. I’m here all year!”
“Well, then, we need to celebrate. It’s a shame we’re at school and can’t have a couple of celebratory margaritas.” Madeleine frowned, appearing appropriately disappointed. “Why don’t we finish some grading and then celebrate?”
Chloe agreed. Grading was about to become a central aspect of her time; she might as well dive in. Madeleine’s half smile was back, and Chloe’s ability to speak had vanished with its reappearance.
“Since coaching with a tequila hangover doesn’t sound appealing for practice tomorrow morning, does a movie and popcorn in my in-room theater appeal to your sensibilities?” Madeleine gestured toward the beanbag chairs at the back of the room.
“Sounds perfect.”
“Considering we’re celebrating your new job, I’ll let you pick out the movie.” Madeleine paused, and Chloe jumped at her chance.
“I can’t wait for you to see Star Wars. Then the ‘Teacher took your phone, mine took my legs’ meme would make so much more sense.”
“Pump the brakes. I’m happy for you, but I’m not that easy. You’ve got to work for it. Make another selection.”
Sighing, Chloe had to trust in her ability to wear Madeleine down eventually.
“I’m sensing some conditions here.”
Madeleine shook her head. “Only that one. I reserve the right to veto any terrible choices.”
“Well, congratulations to me! Are you sure you don’t want to cut out the middleman and pick?”
“No, no, I wouldn’t do that to you. Tonight’s all about you.” Electricity sparked to life in the air surrounding them. “After grading, of course.”
Chloe stood, hoping that filling her hands with tests to grade would give her time to recover. She had never experienced such acute attraction in the simplest gestures. Madeleine, on the other hand, sat completely at ease. How in the hell was she going to be able to focus on her grading? She had to try.
Chloe brought the tests and her purple grading pen to the table after her heartbeat quieted to its normal cadence. Opening her own folder of essays, Madeleine began reading, her brows creased slightly in concentration.
Indulging herself, Chloe let her eyes follow slanting cheekbones down to the curve of impossibly soft lips. Madeleine caught the corner of her bottom lip with her teeth, stirring images in Chloe’s mind of what she would do with those lips. Watching a slender hand bring a pen to her mouth, she could nearly feel those fingers on her own skin.
Knowing that she was playing with fire, she averted her eyes, put her head down, and began reading through the physics tests, grateful for something to occupy her mind. Ever since things had spiraled out of control with Elaine, she had been emotionally drained, incapable of connecting or even wanting to connect with someone again. Madeleine was drawing her in. That was dangerous. She had to shore up her resolve. Everything else was falling into place so nicely. She could not afford to have an epic relationship m
eltdown derail the progress she was making. Not again.
The calculations she was assessing helped steady and comfort her. That was the thing about Newtonian physics. Everything was clear-cut. No matter who or what else was plaguing her, the formulas reminded her that order existed in the universe.
The students were doing surprisingly well, all things considered. Chloe hadn’t been sure what to expect with this first test. She thought they were grasping the material, but that didn’t necessarily translate into testing well.
It’s odd, she thought. As a TA at UMass she had graded exams that other professors had written. This was different: it was the first test she herself had written, and it was for high schoolers as opposed to college students. She had never pictured herself in a high school classroom, but there was something about guiding students during their first exposure to physics that excited her in a way she had not experienced with undergraduates.
Lost in thought, she hadn’t realized how long they had both been grading until her body reminded her. Madeleine was still leaning over her desk, the picture of concentration, two pens stuck through her messy bun and a third one being twirled between her fingers as she read. Chloe leaned back, stretching her legs. It was time for a mini break.
“Excuse me, but did every joint in your body just crack?” Madeleine wondered aloud.
“Pretty close to it. Getting old sucks.”
“Right. Talk to me in a couple of years when you begin to know what it’s really like.”
“Does your body feel as old as mine does? I imagine after all of the national team work you did, you must be worse off than I am.”
Chloe froze. Madeleine had told her how difficult dealing with her past had been and now here she was, referring to it as if it was no big deal. She peered over at her, afraid that she would see darkness clouding her face. Mercifully, there was none.
“They actually did a fantastic job managing our bodies. We had top-notch training and recovery. So it’s not as bad as you might imagine.” Madeleine’s voice was clear, but she seemed to have noted Chloe’s hesitancy. “I went back through the things that I had stored from my career after we talked. I realized I’d spent too much time being angry, sad at what I had lost. I forgot to think about all of the amazing experiences I had.”
Chloe nodded, glad to see Madeleine moving toward making peace with her past. Someone should have closure—even if she couldn’t.
“I suppose I should thank you for letting me break your nose to get me to talk about it. It was masterfully done.” Madeleine’s eyes had lit up, the hazel in them almost shimmering.
“I’m glad you’re in a good place now or at least getting there. I’d let you break it again if it meant you could let go of that pain I saw you carrying around.”
“Thank you.” Madeleine faltered briefly. “It really did help, talking. I think I let a lot of it go the other night. You got me there, broken nose and all.” She paused. “Not to mention that I have all sorts of material to work with when I trash talk at pickup now that I know of your soccer crushes.”
“You can try, but they’re old news. I’ve moved on,” Chloe replied, carefully leaving out the bit about having found a different national team member to crush on. “Good news, though. I’ve decided on the movie I want to watch.” Madeleine raised her eyebrows, interested yet suspicious about what Chloe had chosen.
“We’re going to watch Jurassic Park. It’s a timeless classic and one of my all-time favorites.”
“I actually support that decision. I’ve been meaning to watch the original and I’ve heard good things.”
Chloe sighed, exasperated but also excited that Madeleine was acquiescing. Madeleine let out a small chuckle. “I didn’t get to ask, but do you have any dead-weight issues that you’d like to get off your chest? Any recent traumas, crazy exes?”
Despite the lightness of her tone, Chloe knew that Madeleine was making a genuine offer to listen and that she should level the playing field a little by sharing something. Anything she had to offer, though, was much too personal. It would be much better to talk about raptors and T-rexes.
It was as if the universe was listening, and it disagreed. A text came in on her phone.
Chloe, I could really use a friend. Please talk to me.
The universe has one sick sense of humor, Chloe thought, running her hand through her hair. Anything she did would leave her feeling guilty. Nora needed someone, but if Chloe tried to be her support, it would confuse her more. If Chloe left it alone, she would be hanging Nora out to dry. Running her hand through her hair again, this time more slowly, Chloe tried to relax. Madeleine was patiently waiting, clearly tuned in to the sudden uptick in Chloe’s stress level.
“Seriously, is it anything you want to get off your chest?” she asked softly.
“No, it’s just someone I knew from UMass. It’s awkward. Totally my fault too.”
“As difficult as it is to imagine, I’m not perfect, Chloe. Try me. I won’t judge.” Madeleine shot her a gentle smile, giving her an opportunity to keep the conversation surface level.
Could she really talk about this with Madeleine? Maybe this would be the perfect thing to create a little distance between them. Today had been amazing, too amazing to sustain. If Chloe couldn’t do the right thing with Nora, at least she could steer Madeleine away from her own trolley of baggage.
The silence deepened as did the shadows filling the room now that the sun had sunk behind the trees. Madeleine, perhaps sensing Chloe’s internal struggle, stood and walked to the door, closing it. Turning, she returned to her file cabinet and rummaged around in the bottom drawer for a moment. She emerged with two jar candles and a sheepish grin.
“You have to take a vow of secrecy. I know these are technically illegal, but I’m addicted. Burning them takes me to a happy place. I thought you could use a little happy.”
“I love it. Two candles and we’re living a Pinterest dream.”
“I knew it!” Madeleine burst out. “You’re a closet Pinner! You’ve got this swag about you that says you’re too cool for crafting, but deep down, you’re a total sap.”
“You’ll never know. Maybe that was just a clever cultural reference.”
“Now that the mood is set,” Madeleine replied softly, “do you want to talk about your UMass acquaintance?”
Chloe froze, still unsure if she was ready or if she even wanted to try to own this yet. What she found in Madeleine was welcoming. Too welcoming. Too safe. She had to make Madeleine see how damaged she really was.
“Well, it all comes down to the fact that I let an undergraduate that I was tutoring develop a pretty serious crush on me. I knew in the back of my mind all along that our tutor-pupil relationship was too friendly, but she was fun and I was an idiot.”
Chloe stopped. Madeleine remained where she was, leaning back in her chair.
“Were you her professor or a school-appointed tutor?” she asked.
“Neither. My advisor referred her to me, but her parents paid me under the table.”
“Was she an adult?”
“She was a junior at the time, twenty-one I think. But still, she was a kid.”
Madeleine shrugged. “I’ll grant you that, but she’s an adult in the eyes of every institution, including the university. What do you mean when you say you were an idiot?”
Madeleine’s face was unchanged, but she had begun playing with the green hair tie on her left wrist. Chloe was beginning to see a pattern there.
“I let things get too casual, too comfortable. We talked as friends, and I let my guard down. I told myself those same things. ‘She’s an intelligent twenty-one-year-old.’ ‘We can be friends.’ I didn’t want anything from her, not in that way. I wanted her to succeed and I genuinely liked her. But I could tell she was feeling more than that. I should have talked to her. But I was too caught up in my own nonsense. So I avoided confronting the issue.”
Chloe paused, wondering how much damage she was doing to her own rep
utation with this story. Forging ahead, she added, “When she finally got blatantly flirtatious, to the point I couldn’t ignore it, I panicked. She was doing fine in her classes and she didn’t really need my help anymore. So I abandoned her without talking about it. And now she keeps trying to figure out what happened. I still haven’t worked out how to handle it.”
“I will admit that the tutor aspect complicates things a little, but it’s not exactly something that hasn’t happened before, and it’s not scandalous. The best thing you can do now is try to clarify things with her. It won’t be easy. Those types of conversations are never enjoyable, but I think you owe it to yourself and to her to be frank with her. If she’s as intelligent as you say she is, she has to have an idea of what’s going on. She doesn’t want to, but she does. She’s not going to be shocked.”
“I know you’re right. Now I have to force myself to face up to it. I hate confrontation, but to be a functioning adult I have to get over that.”
“It would be advantageous.” Madeleine’s voice softened. “But hating yourself for making mistakes never helps. Believe me, I’ve tried that.”
Chloe connected to what Madeleine offered so deeply that it frightened her. Why did she feel as if she understood her better than even Hannah did? She tried to conceal her intake of breath at the surprising intimacy of the moment. Time to change the subject. “You’re not that much older than I am. How did you become so wise?”
“Oh, you know, a lot can happen in three years. Don’t forget. I’ll always have the age advantage on you,” Madeleine responded wryly, following Chloe’s bid to relieve the building tension. “May we both find emotional maturity by the time we’re eighty. And now that we’ve both bared our souls, cue the popcorn and the movie and let’s celebrate your new job.”
Chapter Ten
October
Any worries Chloe had harbored about adjusting to teaching full-time at the high school had vanished in the flurry of activity. Despite having to stop working at the Boatery, she’d been able to spend a few lunches on her weekends with Jacob. He had been as thrilled for her about the permanent position as her own parents. He had certainly taken more credit for her appointment than they had. Their collective confidence in her was invaluable to her. She was looking forward to spending time with her family over Thanksgiving.
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