September finished in a whirlwind, and October began in much the same fashion. Thankfully Mrs. Flore was an incredibly organized woman. That fact made Chloe’s life slightly less stressful in terms of planning and piecing together activities. Her years of experience meant Chloe could focus on changing things to fit her style rather than starting from scratch. That gave her time to unwind with occasional workouts and open gym sessions. She even caught a few of the girls’ home soccer games. They were undefeated, and it was all but certain that they were heading for the championship. Chloe loved hearing all of the game recaps and projections for the next game from Molly and Leah.
Given all her other commitments, she had hesitated when she was asked to volunteer to help with the Science Olympiad team, which met once every two weeks after school to prepare for the competition that would be held at the end of March. She had never participated in the event herself, but the students talked about it with an enthusiasm that was contagious.
Despite her nervousness, the biweekly meetings had become something she genuinely looked forward to. Chloe was working with four different groups of students who had signed up for events that she felt confident coaching, Thermodynamic Detectives, Hovercrafts, Towers, and Write It Do It. Each event had a coach’s manual and came with resources for students to prepare for the day of the competition, in which they would compete with other area students in activities which would be scored (like solving thermodynamics problem sets) or to which they would bring creations that they had designed and built in compliance with the regulations (such as the Tower Building event which required they “build the lightest tower, with the highest structural efficiency, capable of supporting a load of up to 15 kg”). The fact that so many students were participating in the science-based event was exciting on its own, but that six of her eight students were females thrilled Chloe.
On the days when she wasn’t staying after with students who needed additional help, Chloe had fallen into a rhythm of grading and planning for an hour at the end of the school day. This was perfect on the days they were to have open gym in the evening. Often she would be joined by Madeleine, who, she discovered, was not only engaging, but wickedly funny. Occasionally Taylor would stick around too, though on those days they did more talking than working. The routine was nice.
Today, however, she was heading home as soon as possible. It had been a long day and she wanted nothing more than to be in sweatpants and veg out. Being busy had helped Chloe with the adjustment to her new routine, but that didn’t mean she wasn’t exhausted. It was hard to believe it was already October 20, but that at the same time it was only October 20. The thought of tackling an entire year at this pace was daunting. The basketball season started in November, and if planning for it took up this much of her time, actually being in season would require her to operate on an even higher level to get things done.
How Madeleine managed her commitments was a mystery. She was in the heart of her own season, teaching a full load, and outwardly unfazed. She always looked so fresh and confident. Chloe, on the other hand, felt as though she always looked as tired as she felt. Maybe by the end of the year she would figure out how to make everything appear effortless. Today was not that day.
By the time she was settled in on her couch, the evening was beginning to reflect her mood. Wave after wave of gray storm clouds moved in, threatening a cold rain. Chloe shivered, realizing the temperature had dropped and was likely to continue plummeting.
When she had gotten home, she’d managed to muster the strength to finalize her plans for tomorrow, clearing the rest of her evening of any responsibilities. While it hadn’t been the highlight of her day, she was glad she’d taken the time to do so. The most difficult decision facing her now was which movie she wanted to watch.
Did she want something on Netflix or perhaps a classic from her collection? As she perused the movies on her shelf, she heard the rain begin to fall. By the time she had narrowed her choices down to The Day After Tomorrow or Imagine Me and You, the storm had kicked into high gear. The branches of the trees on her lawn were being whipped around mercilessly in the gusting wind while sheets of rain pounded the windows. She pitied anyone trying to drive through the torrent.
Returning her focus to the DVDs in her hand, Chloe decided on The Day After Tomorrow, inspired by the raging monster outside. She laughed to herself as she imagined her own fate if a climate-cleansing storm struck. She’d be in big trouble since her father did not have a high-level position with the government. She popped the DVD in and settled on the couch. As she was about to push the Play button she was jarred by a frantic knock on her door.
Who the hell is out in this? Opening the door, Chloe found Madeleine, soaked and shivering, arms wrapped tightly around herself. She hesitated for a split second, her mind adjusting to the unexpected visitor standing before her, then the howling wind moved her to action.
“Christ, Madeleine, you’re drenched. Come inside!”
Stepping aside, she ushered her in and closed the door, cutting the volume of the storm’s din in half. Which made it possible to hear Madeleine shivering. She wrapped her arms even tighter around herself.
“Today clearly was not the ideal evening for a long run.”
“Yeah, not exactly the best conditions out there. Do you usually run out this way? I didn’t think we lived that close to each other.”
Madeleine checked her running watch. “Apparently it’s about nine miles.” Shaking her head, she went on, “I don’t usually take such long runs. Every once in a while, though, I get lost in thought and keep running. Unfortunately today my stress landed me in the middle of the storm of the century.”
Chloe watched, mesmerized, as droplets of water trickled down Madeleine’s neck, traveling along an expanse of exposed skin before sneaking along the ridge of her collarbone and disappearing under the collar of her shirt. She blushed, realizing she was staring. What the hell, stupid. Get a hold of yourself.
“I’m sorry. You’ve got to be freezing, I’ve got plenty of clothes you can borrow. You’re welcome to shower too if you want to actually thaw out.”
“Oh, I don’t need a shower. I’m really happy to be inside and out of that.” Madeleine nodded toward the window, smiling. When a second, more ferocious shiver ripped through her, Chloe couldn’t contain her sarcasm.
“That makes sense. Because I don’t really have enough sweatpants or T-shirts that I could possibly spare any for you. You should be comfortable in what you’ve got on.” Chloe rolled her eyes at Madeleine, prompting her little half smile to cross her dripping wet face. Chloe’s jaw muscles tightened, her traitorous mind refusing to ignore the image of what it would be like to kiss along the path those raindrops were taking. Her mouth suddenly dry, she was relieved when Madeleine decided to speak.
“Okay, you’re right. I’m freezing and a shower sounds amazing. You’re a lifesaver.”
After reining in her very active imagination, Chloe felt capable of speech.
“Perfect. The bathroom is down the hall. Help yourself to anything. Towels are in the closet.” She gestured toward the bathroom. “I’ll leave some clothes on my bed. You can see what fits. Most of it will probably be big, but it’ll be warm.”
“If I wasn’t sopping wet, I would hug you. Thank you so much!” And with that, Madeleine headed to the bathroom.
As she attempted to find clothes for Madeleine, Chloe realized that picking them out invited wondering about the athletic body they would cover. It wasn’t the first time she’d done so, which was atypical. Usually she was drawn to someone as a friend before she considered whether they were attractive. She had to admit that she had come to appreciate Madeleine’s body more than that of any other “friend” she’d ever had. Never in her life had she been attracted to someone so powerfully. With her, the physical attraction was as strong as the emotional one.
She could picture even now the way her strong jawline would set stubbornly when she made up her mind to do something. Th
e way her full, expressive eyebrows would raise slightly, to subtly question any fool who didn’t believe in her. Then there was the way her entire face would animate, every feature expressing her enjoyment of a moment, and the way she moved on the basketball court, effortlessly, with her loose shorts sitting low on her hips and the definition in her arms visible, strong and yet distinctly feminine.
If she was honest, she hadn’t even thought about anyone else since everything happened with Elaine. Now here she was considering kissing up the raindrops on Madeleine’s neck. She shook her head. She could not, would not, jeopardize this opportunity for normalcy. Not after everything she had lost. Not even for someone as tempting as Madeleine. How she was going to curb the attraction, however, she had no idea.
She looked at the sweatpants, sweatshirts, T-shirts, and sports bra piled on the bed. They were all decent options. As for underwear… She added a pair of compression shorts. Thinking about Madeleine wearing her underwear or, worse yet, going commando was definitely not prudent if she wanted to keep things platonic.
Chloe purposefully sat with her back to the hallway, avoiding the potential for seeing Madeleine in a towel and reminding herself that, aside from occasional infuriatingly ambiguous comments, Madeleine had never explicitly expressed any feelings beyond friendship toward her.
Then again, there had been those comments, which could imply that potential existed for something more between them. Which dropped her again—bam!—into the murky depths of “gay or straight,” “friend or more” confusion. Clearly something must be wrong with her. Hannah never had this much trouble navigating the lesbian gray area.
Shaking her head again, she turned her attention to the TV. Would it be rude to begin a movie while Madeleine was still here? She should wait and invite her to watch it with her. It was not likely that she had seen it before, given her less than impressive breadth of movie knowledge.
She decided to wait. Despite the emotional vertigo she was experiencing, she had to admit that it was nice to have some company in the evening. She wouldn’t have called herself lonely, but the simple presence of someone else was comforting tonight.
Hoping Madeleine’s music tastes were slightly more advanced than her taste in movies, she turned her Google music on shuffle and grabbed her book from the end table.
“There are no words to describe how much better I feel right now.”
Madeleine walked toward the couch. The black St. Mike’s hoodie she had chosen hung loosely on her lean frame. Chloe’s gray sweats sat low on her hips with her feet barely poking out from the legs. Chloe smiled. Madeleine had picked her favorites.
“And you tried to tell me you didn’t need to change.”
“Keep it up and you’ll never see this outfit again.” Madeleine’s eyes sparkled mischievously. Chloe did not doubt that she would try, and possibly succeed, to keep at least one of the pieces of clothing though she wouldn’t let Madeleine win that easily.
“You aren’t the first person to scope those out. Notice they are still in my possession.”
“I don’t know. These are amazing. It’s like you broke them in just for me. I don’t normally believe in fate, but this feels like it.” Madeleine settled on the couch, curling her legs up beneath her. Lounging comfortably now, she changed the subject. “What exciting activity did I interrupt when I rudely washed up on your doorstep?”
“I had finally decided which movie to watch, one that I’m sure you’ve never seen.”
“Go on and judge me. I’m not ashamed!”
Chloe shook her head, though she couldn’t contain her smile. Madeleine interrupted the retort she was forming.
“I will confess, though. Jurassic Park was fantastic.” Madeleine’s admission hinted at her weakening resistance to the sci-fi/action/anything-most-people-would-watch genres.
“I’m as appreciative of your willingness to watch my movies as I am shocked by your pitiful breadth of experience.”
“Thank you for that backhanded compliment. Really warms my heart.”
“It slipped out.” Chloe chuckled. “For what it’s worth, it was genuine. I’m mainly bitter that you wear my favorite sweatpants better than I do. It’s not right.”
“Give it time. You’ll get used to the sight of me in my new gear.”
Chloe was grateful that Hozier was playing in the background. It covered her inability to formulate a sentence.
The easy friendship growing between them was becoming more comfortable every day. Chloe never felt pressed to come up with topics to talk about. They came naturally, from arguing over whether “moist” was a disgusting word to whether Emily Dickinson was worth anyone’s time reading. Tonight was no different as Madeleine caught her up on where the soccer team stood and she commented on how planning with Taylor was going.
When another Hozier song played, Madeleine abandoned the sports talk altogether.
“This music is phenomenal. So far I’ve heard Adele, James Bay, Betty Who, and Hozier. Is this a playlist or is your library that impressive?”
“I wasn’t really sure what you’d like to listen to, so I decided to see what my shuffle came up with.”
“I love it.”
Madeleine’s smile buoyed Chloe’s spirit. “Thanks.” When she was around Madeleine she felt lighter, freer than she could remember being recently. She was overcome with a surge of gratitude at finding herself here. In an attempt to conceal the raw emotion, she stood and went to the window.
“This storm is incredible.” Outside the wind had grown even wilder. Thick, gray clouds roiled in the sky. The rain, battering against the windows, was streaming down the driveway toward the nearest creek bed.
Chloe chanced a look back in Madeleine’s direction. Pensive hazel eyes were taking her in, contemplative and unashamedly observing her at the window. Surprised by her own reaction to being watched, she again felt the need to do something.
“Are you hungry? I made way too much pad thai last night. You would be doing me a favor if you helped me eat some of it.” Chloe tried to fight off the nervousness she was feeling.
“I love pad thai! I feel bad for crashing your night, though.” Madeleine’s voice trailed off, her face a mask. Chloe wasn’t sure what she was trying to hide.
“Seriously, don’t feel bad. You’re interrupting a whole lot of nothing. It’s nice having you over. I was actually going to see if you wanted to grab dinner sometime this week so we could avoid grading.” The corner of Madeleine’s mouth curved up slightly. They both enjoyed much of the work that they pretended to complain about together.
“It’s settled. I’ll warm some pad thai up for us. It’s not fancy, but I thought it was pretty good.” Chloe headed into the kitchen. She was glad she’d been ambitious the night before and tried a new version of the dish. It had been better than she’d expected. While the noodles were reheating in the microwave, she grabbed two giant mugs from the cupboard and filled them with ice water. Hannah made fun of her insistence on drinking everything out of mugs, but she stood by her love of the convenience of handles. Madeleine’s voice from the doorway brought Chloe to the present.
“That smells delicious. Can I help with anything?” Wandering into the kitchen, she casually threw her hair into a messy bun, making use of the ever-present hairband that adorned her wrist. The simplest action and Chloe was putty. She had to stop staring, but Madeleine was so attractive in the most natural, effortless way.
You could help by letting me breathe when I’m around you. That might be nice, Chloe thought to herself, realizing she should answer out loud.
“There’s not much to do, but if you want to grab some plates, they’re in the cupboard to the right of the fridge.” Saluting in confirmation of her duties, Madeleine slid past Chloe, lightly resting her hand on Chloe’s back as she made her way to the cupboard. Suddenly the kitchen felt even smaller. Chloe felt every hair on her arms stand on end. Chancing a glance over her shoulder, Chloe saw Madeleine frozen in front of the cupboard, leaning forw
ard on the counter on both hands.
The microwave chimed, announcing that the noodles had been reheated and offering something to distract them. She held out a hand to Madeleine, who gave a slight start, opened the cupboard, and pulled out two plates. Taking care not to touch her, she slid by Chloe again and headed back to the couch.
Regaining her equilibrium as she dished up their meals, Chloe followed Madeleine to the living room. It was nice, she thought. Being around Madeleine made her feel off balance, but she could talk with her for hours. Even though many of their conversations hadn’t gone deeper than their current lives of school and sports, Madeleine always seemed to understand her and how she was feeling.
Looking up from her plate, Chloe found Madeleine considering her. She raised her eyebrows in question.
“You know, it doesn’t feel like you’ve only been here since September. It’s like you walked into exactly where you belong.” There it was, Madeleine’s ability to strike right at the heart of how Chloe felt but wasn’t sure how to express herself.
“It does feel that way. I won’t lie. It’s a little disconcerting sometimes. Ninety-nine percent of the time I’m walking around dumbfounded that I landed here.”
Madeleine was thoughtful again and Chloe could almost see the words she was going to say forming. Everything she said carried such intent, such purpose, as if she was always compelled to sift through until she found the exact way to give life to what she was thinking.
“I see that occasionally,” she said, nodding. “It’s as if you’re struck with a reminder that this is nothing you had imagined for yourself, but you can’t imagine anything else right now.”
Chloe nodded slowly. Madeleine had seen exactly what she had been feeling lately. How much else had she seen?
Breaking Even Page 15