“That’s exactly how it feels. It’s like I’m functioning and experiencing, but I’m processing everything on a delay—if that makes any sense.”
“Absolutely. That’s how I felt my first summer with the national team. You’ll get used to it. And until then you can keep me company and lose to me at open gym.”
“Keep talking shit and you lose the sweatpants and the company.”
“Well, damn, that escalated quickly!” Madeleine threw her hands up in surrender.
Pleased with their exchange, both of them returned to their dinners, contentment stretching between them. After finishing hers, Chloe set her plate aside, her thoughts returning to when she interviewed with Landon for the JV job. She hadn’t been able to shake the weird vibe she’d gotten from him. She wasn’t sure where it was coming from, if he was a total homophobe or a misogynist or both. Since she was now working for him, she needed to get some insight. She decided to ask Madeleine about it.
“This is incredibly random, but I was wondering what your take is on Landon. I know he taught English before taking the athletic director job, so I assume you know him pretty well.”
A shadow passed across Madeleine’s face. Chloe knew there was something between them and that confirmed it. Fuck. Time to take a step back.
She tried to explain. “I can’t get a great read on him, and since I’m working for him I want to understand why I feel like he hates me and thinks I’m a complete waste of his time. It doesn’t feel like he’s your run-of-the-mill chauvinist. Maybe those are my insecurities talking. I’ve seen him talking with you a lot, so I hoped you had some insight.”
Something in Madeleine’s face closed, a latch sliding into place, and Chloe realized she wasn’t going to get any greater understanding about whatever was between them.
“He’s all about power and control. It’s his thing and until he asserts his authority he treats people like shit. He really has no power over Taylor. She’s been at the school longer than he has, and everyone knew that the administration was planning on offering the athletic director position to her. She told them she didn’t want the job, which would take time from being with Anne. I don’t know if he’s ever accepted the fact that a woman was preferred for the job. Let alone a gay woman. That’s pure conjecture on my part, but still…”
Madeleine stopped briefly. Lost in thought, she bit her lower lip. “I think he’s also pretty close-minded. As for him and me, he’s not very good at taking no for an answer, but that’s old history. I’m sorry. I don’t think that was anything you didn’t work out for yourself.”
Chloe saw a glimmer of something Madeleine wouldn’t say, but she decided to leave that alone for now.
“No, that was helpful. I needed some reassurance that I’m not crazy and he really is playing some power games here. I know he’s an alpha male, but sometimes I’ve seen him in the hallway and the looks I caught from him…”
“That’s pretty typical behavior for him. Don’t let it get to you. Stick with Taylor and you’ll be fine.” Madeleine smiled, though Chloe noticed it had lost some wattage. The clock over the TV showed it was already almost nine. How had it gotten so late?
“Wow, it’s late. I didn’t mean to keep you here trapped without a ride.”
“No, tonight was really nice! Thank you. For rescuing me and warming me up. I had fun.”
Chloe was more than slightly proud that she had something to do with that. “Good, I had fun too. You’re welcome to come over anytime.”
The flutter of anticipation at spending more time like this with Madeleine settled directly in Chloe’s core. She was getting dangerously used to that feeling. Pushing that thought aside, she stood and offered her hand to Madeleine.
“Let me drive you home. I’ll even let you pick out the music, something which, I’ll have you know, I don’t offer lightly. Ask Hannah. It took her almost two years to earn that privilege. Then again she listened almost exclusively to electronica when I first met her.”
Laughing, they gathered Madeleine’s wet things and headed out into rain, which was much lighter now. Chloe’s inner turmoil would still be there, waiting for her when she returned home.
Chapter Eleven
Friday
Autumn had officially claimed the region. Foliage on every road was changing hue, decorating streets with brilliant oranges, yellows, and reds. Championships were quickly approaching for fall sports, too, which also meant that Chloe’s new, hectic basketball schedule was about to begin. An F. Scott Fitzgerald quote stuck with her, “Life starts all over again when it gets crisp in the fall.” That was certainly how she was feeling. With her routine at school falling into place, she was excited to figure out how to incorporate coaching into the equation.
Taylor, on the other hand, was excitedly reminding everyone about the return of her and Anne’s annual Halloween blowout. Apparently, the party had been postponed last year due to renovation conflicts and this year was going to be even bigger and better to compensate for that.
Chloe doubted that any gathering organized by Taylor would be boring, basing that purely on her magnetic personality and the dynamic group of people she surrounded herself with. Her primary worry now was acquiring a costume. Taylor had been reminding everyone since early October to find one, but Chloe had procrastinated. It was now crunch time.
Chloe dialed Hannah, not even letting her answer before bursting out, “I need your help.”
“Shocking. What is it this time?” Hannah replied. Chloe expected to catch some grief from her; it was her way of keeping Chloe on her toes. It was also her way of conveying that she would do anything for Chloe, given some leeway to gripe about it.
“Taylor and Anne are having a Halloween party tomorrow and I have no clue what to be. Everyone from pickup and all the cool kids are going to be there.”
“All the cool kids, huh? Well then, you need to be someone hot. Who are the hottest homos these days?”
“Whatever you’re imagining I’m not wearing it.” Chloe knew she needed to slow Hannah’s roll before she got a full head of steam.
“Fine, so you’re going to the party as something lame. Maybe the incredibly witty junior-year basketball stud costume?”
“Come off it. I was broke and you know I didn’t want to go out. That was like the day after I’d broken up with Abbey.”
“That was a dark time for all of us…” Hannah said somberly, just barely maintaining a serious tone.
“Move on. I did.” Hannah’s laughter filled the phone until Chloe continued, “Now what could I pull off?” She was desperate for ideas and Hannah was not helping in the slightest.
“Well, you could do a Kill Bill. Uma Thurman is tall. But a wig on you would definitely be scary. And you probs don’t have one.”
“Now you’re getting it. Keep going. Who else could be convincing?”
“Well, if you want to play it safe, you could pull off a convincing surfer. You could always be Jake from State Farm. The sheer number of khakis in your closet would make that easy to pull off.” Chloe could hear the evil grin through the phone. “Hold the phone, I’ve got it. Lance Bass! No, wait. Miley Cyrus! You could be every member of One Direction! Don’t stop me. This is gold!” Hannah was cracking herself up now.
“Someone should stop you before you hurt yourself.” Chloe couldn’t help but laugh. Hannah’s unabashed enthusiasm could lighten any mood. “How about a costume I might actually have?” she offered, trying to nudge this brainstorming session in the direction of something feasible.
“We could go down the pop culture spoof road, but that takes creativity and you’re not giving me much to work with. How about some athletes?” Hannah offered thoughtfully. “What about cyclists? You can rock a pair of those spandex things they wear, and if it’s yellow you could pull off a convincing Lance Arms…”
Chloe cut Hannah off, inspired by her mention of popular athletes.
“That’s it! I have to have it somewhere. Hang on!” And with that Chlo
e was sorting through her trunk full of shorts and jerseys, praying she still had the jersey she needed.
“What, pray tell, is this masterful plan you’ve hatched?”
“Perfect!” Chloe shouted as she located the garment that was key to putting together her Halloween costume. “Remember when I went a little crazy over the U.S. women’s soccer team? When all the gays were so hot and so fun to watch? I still have my Abby Wambach jersey, so I’m going to be her. I’ve got soccer socks somewhere.” Chloe laughed at the memory that sprang to mind. “I could even use electrical tape like that one girl did in undergrad. Remember how she used to wrap it around her sock just below her knee and then fold them over so the socks would stay up? Shoot, what was her name, the beautiful one that you prayed was gay every night?”
“Ohhhhh, the love of my life. Lomax, Jessie Lomax. God, she was beautiful.”
“Do you need a minute?” Chloe asked, still amused by Hannah’s fascination with the old soccer star from college.
“I can’t believe I never hit on her,” Hannah mused, regretfully.
“There’s no time to wallow. I’ve got a costume to put together and you’re still beating the women off of you out there. I’d say that’s more pressing than your old obsession,” Chloe countered.
Wistfully, Hannah replied, “True. Ah well, maybe she’ll find me when she works up the courage.” She sighed dramatically. “Oh and you’ll make a perfect Abby. Just don’t try to actually play soccer. You could end up hospitalized this time.”
“Don’t cry too long over Lomax,” Chloe said sardonically. “Gotta go now. I’m going to play dress up. I’ll send you a picture of the final product. Bye!”
Hanging up, Chloe set about getting ready for the party, finding and trying on the full costume, jersey, socks, and matching blue shorts. She sent a picture to Hannah for her approval, then changed back into her sweatpants. She loved her apartment, but it was an old house and tended to be drafty, so she might as well be cozy. She would change into her shorts and a giant T-shirt for bed later.
While waiting for a response from Hannah, she grabbed a glass and some ice cubes and added a splash of the Blue Label Johnnie Walker that had been sitting untouched in the kitchen.
She studied the sleek glass bottle and gave a wry smile. It was the one thing from the entire Elaine ordeal she still could appreciate. As terrible as Elaine had been, she had been generous with her favored whiskey. She’d thrown away the other gifts Elaine had given her, but kept this, using the falling level of the bottle’s contents as a gauge of what kind of progress she was making in putting that nightmare behind her. She rarely drank whiskey, though, let alone whiskey that carried so many memories along with it. She had a lot of whiskey left to drink, unfortunately. With luck, she’d find her way of coping long before the Johnnie Walker ran out.
The vibration from Hannah’s incoming text distracted her before her thoughts could turn darker. Hannah was thrilled with the outfit and held out hope for Chloe yet. Relieved to have received her seal of approval, Chloe turned down the sheets on her bed, changed into her pajamas, and grabbed her latest read from the nightstand. Madeleine had recommended A Brave New World, shocked to hear Chloe hadn’t read it before. It was hard to put down. So was the feeling that she was part of a community again. She could certainly get used to being understood and accepted.
The next morning the weather was clear and crisp, the perfect autumn day for Taylor’s party. Taylor had said they’d have a bonfire, depending on the weather, but at the very least they would make use of the front and back porch for festivities as well. This was to be the first real party since a major remodel. She and Anne were thrilled to finally share their new digs with company.
The party was set to start at four, but as Taylor had said it was a “soft opening” people would be coming over any time after that. The food would be ready at six. Chloe was excited. Taylor had said most of the group from pickup would be there, some bringing dates, as well as a smattering of her and Anne’s other friends. Taylor had also reminded her that nearly everyone would be crashing there. Chloe hadn’t made up her mind whether she would stay over or not. Either way it would be fun to unwind with everyone.
The afternoon flew by. Chloe spent time talking with her parents. They had been excited to hear about her teaching gig and her appointment as the JV coach. They wanted her to be happy, and they were also glad to hear she would be staying closer to home. Nate, her brother, had moved to California last year after completing his master’s in engineering. He’d done an internship on the West Coast in undergrad and they all knew he wouldn’t be coming back east for a while. Her parents were holding out hope that Chloe wouldn’t go so far away. As it was they hadn’t been able to make the trip to Maine from upstate New York since she had moved. They were hoping to take a weekend off, but her dad’s company was buying out a competitor and time off was hard to come by.
After ending their video call, Chloe went for a quick run and then got ready for the party. Sporting soccer warm-up pants that had been stolen from a basketball teammate and pulling a nondescript black zip-up over her jersey, she locked up her apartment and headed to Taylor’s.
Taylor had given her directions on Thursday, but Chloe had never been on the water’s edge near Newcastle before. The drive over was beyond picturesque. The forests hadn’t lost their leaves yet, and brilliant shocks of orange and red and yellow danced in the light breeze. Sunlight was pouring in over the treetops, shimmering along the road in pockets of brightness, breaking up the shadows cast by the trees.
The house was tucked away on Brick Hill Road, right next to Dodge Point Preserve. It was secluded—they had only one neighbor. But it was all off River Road, a main road—if you used the term “main” loosely—which ran south out of Newcastle. She opened the car windows a touch to let in the fresh air. Once through the preserve, she spotted the nondescript dirt road Taylor had described and headed slowly down its slope. Though her Jeep was a four-wheel drive, she knew better than to trust any Maine road that she hadn’t yet driven on.
The hill sloped sharply, and Chloe saw a modest colonial set back from the road in a large clearing. The crumbling stone wall on the front lawn betrayed the age of the house; the stonework had to be over a hundred years old. Taylor had said they were the last house on the road, though, so Chloe continued on. Adding a little speed as the road leveled out slightly, she rounded another bend and the cabin came into view.
The two-story cabin had been masterfully restored, the attached garage and addition to the back melding seamlessly with the original portions of the house. The cedar was a warm amber color, and the house was immediately welcoming. The cabin conveyed Taylor and Anne’s warmth and charisma. The front porch was sturdy, with medium-sized logs woven together to make the posts and the railings. As per Taylor’s fun-loving style the yard had been taken over by pumpkins and spider webs, while Anne’s stylistic mark was evident in the luminaria outlining the driveway and porch.
Four cars already lined the driveway. As Chloe pulled in, Taylor strolled out the front door with two hard ciders in hand, prepared to welcome her next guest. Never one to disappoint, she was decked out in an Indiana Jones costume, complete with leather jacket, bullwhip, satchel, and authentic hat. Chloe grabbed the craft beer she had purchased and headed toward her on the front porch, praying her costume would hold up to Taylor’s scrutiny.
“Welcome to my humble home!” Taylor exclaimed with a grand bow, offering Chloe a cider. “Did you find it easy enough?”
“Yeah, no problems. Taylor, this is incredible!” Chloe offered, gesturing with her hand to the house and the magnificent landscape.
“Thanks,” Taylor replied, beaming. “I started thinking we might never see the end of the renovations, but they were worth it. You didn’t have to bring the beer, but if it’s good, thank you,” she said wryly, leading her inside to give her the tour.
“This porch is amazing. I would never leave it,” Chloe said in awe.
/> “Then you aren’t allowed on the back porch. I never want to leave that one and I live here.” Taylor was radiant, clearly in her element hosting such a warm gathering with her friends and sharing what she and Anne had built together.
As they crossed the threshold, Taylor began the tour properly, pointing out the original structures and the updates they had made. The open floor plan and comfortable furniture were inviting. The entire design seemed tailored to welcome anyone who walked in. The roughhewn walls added rustic character, while plush floor rugs and overstuffed couches were inviting. The back portion of the house opened to an enormous kitchen.
“Anne was completely in charge of the kitchen and it only cost me my life savings,” Taylor began, only to be cut off when Anne entered from the back deck. She was dressed in baggy painter’s pants with a fully stocked tool belt, flannel button-up, and work boots. She looked as if she just finished doing the renovations herself.
She slid her arm around Taylor’s waist. “And it was worth every penny, right, sweetheart?”
Taylor feigned panic, then turned and kissed Anne’s cheek.
“Maybe not every penny, but most of them.”
Anne pushed Taylor away, laughing and pulled Chloe into a warm hug.
“I’m so glad you could make it. I wanted to tell you again that you are welcome here any time, with or without this one over here.” Another quick peck on Taylor’s cheek punctuated her statement. “I’ll make you dinner and we can sit and commiserate on how Taylor torments us.”
Returning the hug, Chloe replied, “That sounds perfect. I’ll bring dessert and alcohol to drown our sorrows.” Taylor interrupted, anxious to return to the Halloween festivities.
“You would both be lost without me. Let me continue my tour now so that we can get the costume charades started while it’s still warm. We’re only waiting on Madeleine, Jess, and Janae.” Taylor leaned over to kiss Anne again, then led Chloe to the basement.
Breaking Even Page 16