Maybe it was the fact that Madeleine had left the group to join her or maybe she had just lost her mind. Either way, Chloe felt emboldened. Madeleine was the most relaxed Chloe had seen her and her openness exerted too strong a pull for her to resist.
“I was surprised you didn’t have any stories to share at the fire.”
“Oh, Mademoiselle, weren’t you the one talking about mystique just now?”
Chloe nearly melted when the unexpected silkiness of Madeleine’s French accent reached her ear.
“Touché. But you clearly have achieved that. Wouldn’t the natural progression involve you sharing a story with the intrigued party?”
Chloe hadn’t dared to test the limits of their friendship this way before, but after months of radio silence regarding Madeleine’s dating history or preferences, she was too curious to resist. All she needed was a pronoun, one casual word, and she would let it rest.
A heartbeat of silence passed and Chloe felt panic threaten.
“Well, in the interest of fairness, you shared nothing at the fire either.”
So, this was going to be a verbal chess match. Who could maneuver the conversation best? Chloe wasn’t certain, but she wanted to find out.
Her tone certainly suggested she was enjoying herself, but something about the way Madeleine was sitting, relaxed and yet poised, reminded Chloe of her potential to change direction without warning on the court. Chloe wished she could see her face more clearly, maybe catch a glimpse of what was going on behind her eyes.
Madeleine brought her drink to her lips, temporarily derailing Chloe’s thoughts. When she finished it, she placed the bottle on the floor and Chloe remembered what she intended to say. She set the guitar aside. “I think we should do something to break this stalemate.”
Madeleine’s eyebrow shot up, signaling her interest, and her hand went to her wrist. Chloe couldn’t see the hair band, but she knew Madeleine was probably fiddling with it as she did when she was nervous or flustered. A small part of Chloe hoped that she was the reason Madeleine was playing with the band tonight. The thought was exciting.
“One of my friends in undergrad created this game of sorts, ‘Interview with Fran.’ We would have these girls’ nights dedicated to staying in and drinking wine together. Francis was an RA with a wicked sense of humor and a nonexistent filter.” Chloe stopped to shake her head. She had yet to meet anyone like Fran and she was confident she never would. “Anyway, it’s basically a quid-pro-quo question-and-answer session. You come up with a question, it can be anything, but whatever it is the other person has to answer. The catch is you also have to answer the question.”
Madeleine sat forward, looking interested.
As an afterthought Chloe added, “Any evasiveness can be matched with an equally evasive answer, and there’s no repeating questions. Are you up for it?”
“I think I’m going to like this game.” Madeleine spoke clearly, the timbre of her voice making Chloe question if she had just bitten off more than she could chew.
“Since it’s your first time, you can have the first question.”
As Madeleine considered her options, nibbling the corner of her bottom lip gently, Chloe’s heartbeat reverberated in her own ears. Madeleine hadn’t asked her anything yet and she already was worked up.
“What quality do you find the most attractive in someone?”
Chloe swallowed, relieved that the first question wasn’t asking for deep dark secrets.
“One quality? I don’t know if there is any single one.”
Madeleine interrupted, gesturing with her hand. “There has to be something.”
“I mean…well, humor is obviously attractive. And intelligence. Both are must-haves.” She considered when she had been most attracted to people in the past. Images of Kendall working out, Nora lost in thought with a tough physics problem, Madeleine coaching and teaching. Suddenly, it clicked. “It’s got to be passion. Passion for what you do, fully committing to what you believe in? Yeah, that’s it.”
Madeleine nodded, looking as if she had just learned something important. Chloe wondered if Madeleine’s answers would be as enlightening for her.
“And you? What’s yours?”
“Since you named three, I’ll follow suit. I’ll give humility third place, humor and intelligence are tied for second place. I would have to say authenticity takes first. When someone knows who they are, and they live in that without reserve, that’s incredibly attractive to me. And yes, I realize I cheated.”
They laughed. Chloe wasn’t disappointed that she got more information than had been asked for and, clearly, Madeleine wasn’t dissatisfied with Chloe’s response either.
“My turn.” Chloe grinned. “I’ll flip it now. What’s your biggest turnoff, that one thing that shuts it all down?” She was eager to hear the answer; it would tell her a lot about Madeleine.
Madeleine answered swiftly, no hesitation in her voice. “This is easy. Lying. Someone lies—nope, it’s over.” The edge in her voice gave Chloe the distinct impression there was a lot of pain and experience fueling that answer.
“I agree with that,” she said, realizing it was her turn, “but I’m going with condescension. Thinking you’re better than someone, hell no, I’m out. Uh-uh, no thank you.”
Chloe shook her head vehemently, reaching for her drink, hoping to slow things down a bit, but Madeleine already had her next question ready.
“This is ridiculous, but I want to know. Where was the best kiss you’ve ever had, and why was it the best?”
Faint color painted Madeleine’s cheekbones as she asked the question and Chloe couldn’t speak. All she could imagine at the moment was what it would be like to be kissing the woman across from her. That would definitely be the best kiss she could ever have.
“Technically, that’s two questions,” she said, buying some time to come up with a response that was more circumspect. “But I’ll give you a pass this time.” She was being ridiculous. She needed to come up with an answer and now. Sorting through her memories, she found it.
“I don’t think it gets more stereotypical than this. It was in our locker room in college. My teammate and I were there. She offered to massage a knot in my neck. I was a puddle. I remember thinking I might want to kiss her, and she whispered in my ear that she’d like to kiss me. It was perfect.”
“That’s really cute. Did you guys date?”
“Yup, but for less than a year. She ended up transferring, but it ended well. I got lucky. Your turn.” Chloe was incredibly interested in this answer too, more than the first two if that was possible. What would Madeleine share?
“You’re not going to like my answer.” That was not what Chloe had been expecting.
“How could I not like it? It’s your kiss. Which one was the best?” Chloe didn’t understand the problem.
“I haven’t had a best kiss. Honestly, none of them were all that special. I can’t even think of one to tell you right now.”
“Come on. You’ve got to had at least one that was better than the rest. You’re incredible. You’ve probably got people waiting in line for a chance to kiss you.”
The words tumbled out of her mouth before she could even contemplate shutting up. Flushing in embarrassment, Chloe reached again for her drink, disappointed to find it empty. As she began to regroup, she was relieved to see that Madeleine had not realized she was one of the people standing in that line. Instead, Madeleine seemed to be sincerely struggling to come up with something she was willing to share.
Chloe had an idea. It would be safer to let Madeleine make do with a tame, uninspired kiss, if that was the truth. It would be more interesting, though, to hear the answer to a related question.
“Okay, fine. What’s the best kiss you can imagine?” Chloe heard the eagerness in her voice. She hoped Madeleine didn’t as well. This was personal, but it was also playful. It was only fair that Madeleine answer something.
“That’s technically a second question,”
Madeleine countered. “But I’ll give you a pass.” There was a teasing tone to her voice as she repeated Chloe’s earlier words. Then the tone turned serious. “Give me a minute.”
“You think. I’ll get us more drinks.” Chloe walked out to the cooler, wondering whether she was setting herself up for a torturous night. When she returned, a cold beer in each hand, Madeleine looked ready. She handed her a bottle and sat down again on the couch.
“I’ve got it, but I don’t quite know how to describe it. I’ve never been asked this before.”
“You’re an English teacher. I think you can manage,” Chloe bantered, hoping to lighten the moment, if only slightly.
Madeleine faltered, then began to dish. “I want to be consumed by desire that explodes out of nowhere, to be astonished and drawn in completely, unexpectedly.” Madeleine was far away for a moment. She went on. “For some reason, I imagine it happening at work. They throw open my door and back me up to the wall, pinning me without even touching me. I want to be kissed breathless.”
Chloe was inundated with thoughts she tried desperately to ignore. She had been having enough difficulty with the way her body reacted to Madeleine under normal circumstances. Being able to picture a scene like this only exacerbated the problem.
Madeleine groaned, reminding Chloe she was not alone in her daydream. “You do realize now you’ve got me wanting that type of kiss. My students are going to start asking why I’m zoning out in class and it’s all your fault.” Her chuckle cut through the thickness that had blossomed in the air.
Chloe coughed. “Oops? Okay, moving on. My question again. Have you ever been in love? Not infatuation. Genuine, meaningful love.”
Madeleine’s jaw clenched quickly along with what looked like every muscle in her body. There was a story here. Chloe wasn’t sure if she wanted to hear it.
“I thought so. I was wrong.” The way she said it closed the door to further discussion. “How about you?” The ball was back in Chloe’s court.
“I loved Kendall, in that I cared about her. But I don’t know that I’ve really been in love, the deep, lasting kind. I want what Taylor and Anne have.” Glancing at Madeleine, who was looking like she could bolt at any minute, she added, “And I really want it with Sara Bareilles.”
The amusement that melted the iciness in Madeleine’s expression was priceless.
“So she’s your celebrity crush, huh?”
“I mean, there’s a short list, but I think I would have to say she’s it. Emma Watson is making a play for the top spot, though.” Madeleine’s laughter warmed something in Chloe she hadn’t thought about in a long time. “Your turn, sunshine. Who’s your crush. Let me hear it.”
“Well, I could spend every waking moment with Adele.”
Chloe swore Madeleine knew she was toying with Chloe. She had to. Adele was a safe answer. She was clearly straight, beautiful, and her voice could seduce anyone. If Madeleine had picked anyone else, Chloe might have been able to confirm or deny her potential for gayness, so this reply still did not offer any substantiation. “You’re up.”
“Aside from not proposing to Sara yet,” Madeleine said, “what’s your biggest regret?”
Even the buzz Chloe had been enjoying wasn’t enough to prevent the surge of guilt that engulfed her. Judging from the way Madeleine stiffened, her face must have reflected the uncomfortable memory. How could she explain this? She had to try.
“I let myself get drawn into…” What could she call it? A relationship? That word insinuated it was mutual. Then again, she had been a participant, at least initially. “Well, a relationship of sorts, one that I knew wasn’t healthy. I mishandled the entire thing, and I’m still living with that.”
That answer would have to suffice, as vague as it was. Apparently realizing that Chloe had things she didn’t want to discuss either, Madeleine offered her own answer.
“I would say mine was being overly trusting. It won’t happen again, though. Live and learn and whatnot.”
Chloe raised her beer, offering a toast. “Hakuna matata!”
The ridiculousness of the toast was just enough to lighten the mood again. Chloe was relieved. Riding the emotional roller coaster this had turned into was exhausting. She designed her next question to be much less intense. While Madeleine took a swig of beer, Chloe forged on.
“So, what feature do you notice first when you’re attracted to someone?”
“Oh, you mean, am I a sucker for nice smile or a sculpted physique?”
Chloe flushed, knowing that she thoroughly enjoyed Madeleine’s aforementioned assets. “Yes. It can be anything.” She took a swig of beer. “Fran apparently had a thing for nice teeth.”
Madeleine nodded her acknowledgment. “In that case, it’s definitely the walk.”
“The walk?” Chloe could not remember being attracted to someone’s walk.
“Don’t start judging now. When someone walks up to you, you know that slight swag, not too much. A confident, athletic, whole body appeal. Gets me every time.”
Chloe raised her eyebrows, considering if she had ever noticed anyone’s gait before. Thinking of it in terms of “swag,” an athletic body in motion—that made some sense. To be fair, Madeleine herself had a pretty sexy walk.
Madeleine interrupted her musing. “So what’s yours?”
“This is tough. If I had to pick one thing, first thing I’m attracted to? It’s got to be the smile. A good smile and some pretty eyes, I’m in.”
“I know what you mean. If you pass the walk test and you’ve got nice eyes, I’m in trouble.”
Chloe tried hard not to wonder if Madeleine had ever assessed her walk and eyes and if they had made the grade.
“Okay. Now, stick with me for this next one,” Madeleine said. “What’s your physical weakness? The kryptonite that turns you to jelly every time. For me, it’s definitely having my hair played with. Throw in a hand tangling in my hair to pull me into a kiss…” Madeleine blew out her breath, shaking her head.
Chloe reached for her beer again, desperate again to hide the desire that she feared was apparent on her face. Draining the bottle to buy time and a little cover, she sat up, a pleasant wobbliness accompanying the motion. That was her last beer, she promised herself, but in the meantime it would help her answer.
“Mine is definitely my neck.”
“Explain, please.”
“Have you ever had someone run their fingers along your neck?” Chloe trailed off while gesturing toward her own neck. In the scant light from the moon it was hard to tell, but Chloe swore Madeleine’s eyes darkened.
Her voice lowered. “I’m not sure I know what you mean.”
“A light touch on my neck, maybe drawing designs. I just, well, I get chills…”
When Madeleine responded, Chloe had to lean in to hear her. “No one has ever given me those.”
Chloe acted. There was no thinking involved, though a vague awareness that she was doing something she shouldn’t hovered in the background. She quelled the feeling. This was just a silly exchange between friends, nothing more.
“Turn so you’re facing the deck,” she said quietly. Madeleine did.
Chloe reached up to her neck, brushing the braid and loose tendrils of hair to one side and exposing the skin on the back of her neck. She breathed in deeply, savoring the smell of Madeleine’s shampoo. She leaned forward, her lips a breath away from Madeleine’s ear, and heard a subtle change in her breathing. Concentrating on maintaining the tantalizing distance between her lips and Madeleine’s inviting skin, she whispered, “It can be the feel of breath on my skin.” She stopped, breathing deeply to keep her focus. “There’s a sweet anticipation.” She paused, noticing the fine hairs standing up on Madeleine’s neck.
She moved her mouth closer, breathing gently on the soft skin there. Bringing her hand up, she carefully traced a path along Madeleine’s neck, starting at her jawline and slowly winding her way down. The contact was electric, sending chills rippling down her arm
and causing Madeleine to shudder almost imperceptibly and lean back into her touch. She sketched patterns across the base of her neck, then shifted forward in her seat. Her heart was racing. She was moving her hand slowly upward, toward Madeleine’s hairline, when she realized that if she continued, if she tangled her fingers in her hair, made use of what Madeleine had just told her, she’d be crossing the hazy boundary she’d set in her mind about their relationship. She stilled her hand.
“Something about my neck,” she said in a hoarse whisper. “I just melt.”
Neither of them moved, the attraction between them charging the air around them. Chloe took a shallow breath and slowly removed her hand, her fingertips tingling where they had touched Madeleine’s skin. Fear gripped her. She wasn’t ready for this. She eased herself back on the couch, struggling to find the words that might remind them both that this was just frivolous banter.
When Madeleine turned around, those thoughts scattered to the wind. Madeleine’s eyes were smoldering, at once inviting and terrifying. She couldn’t pull her gaze away. The moment stretched out further and further—and then something shifted in Madeleine’s face. She leaned back casually, breaking their connection.
“I can see how someone might enjoy that.” She grinned and made a so-so gesture with one hand. “Maybe.”
Chloe shook her head, welcoming the return to more casual conversation. “Don’t come to me asking for a massage,” she said with a smile. “Since it’s clear now that your neck is completely devoid of feeling.”
“I will admit it was enjoyable—if you promise not to write off any future massages.”
With one sentence sparks began flying between them once more. Chloe couldn’t imagine giving Madeleine a platonic massage and keeping her sanity. Then again, if this exchange was any indication, having an excuse to touch her might just be worth losing her mind. She struggled to get the conversation back on safer ground.
“Okay, but you might have to watch Star Wars to get any future massages.”
Breaking Even Page 18