Beau's Redemption

by Royal Blue

  “Hello,” Andy’s sleepy voice carries to me.

  “And’, I need you. Billy’s having a nightmare or something, but I can’t go to her because Angel’s having an episode. There’s glass everywhere. I think we triggered him,” I ramble into the line as I panic.

  “I’m on the way. We’ll be there in five,” he says.

  I look at the clock. There shouldn’t be any traffic. They’re not that far away.

  I turn my focus back to Angel as my heart squeezes from the sound of Billy’s cries. If I can get Angel out of the glass, I can get to her. Shit.

  “Angel, come on, baby. I need you to come back to me. You’re here with me in our home,” I coax.

  “Get down, get down,” he bellows.

  “No!” I yell, grabbing the spread from the bed and tossing it to the floor over the broken glass.

  He drops and rolls seconds after the fabric is in place to shield him. My heart is in my throat. Blood begins to trickle from his shoulder, but it’s not a lot.

  I continue to try to pull him back into the present. When I hear the front door alarm sound through the apartment, relief washes over me. Silence falls from the hallway outside our bedroom. I think it’s enough to allow me to call Angel back.

  “Angel, come on. Focus.” He turns to me and stares for a few moments.

  Suddenly, I see the look of clarity I’ve been seeking. His eyes move around the bedroom and his shoulders sag. I move to wrap him in my arms and slide to the floor with him.

  Kyle appears in the bedroom doorway, but I give him a nod to let him know I’ve got this one. He returns the nod and exits the way he came. As I focus back on Angel, my heart starts to slow and sweat drips down my back.

  “Holy shit,” I murmur to myself.

  This isn’t something I saw coming. I thought to soundproof the rooms in the design, but I didn’t want to deaden all sound with a kid in the home. I’m second-guessing that decision.

  “What did I do?” Angel says brokenly.

  “Nothing, darlin’. Nothing but show me I need to get my head right.” I sigh.

  I’ll be going to see Eric. This can never happen again. It’s time I face my nightmares.

  Chapter 40

  Getting Help

  Beau

  “I thought if I ignored it all, it would go away,” I say into my lap. “My life is busy. That usually pushes the nightmares back.”

  “Suppressing the dreams under the stress of exhaustion of the body and brain doesn’t send them away for good nor does it deal with them. You’re just tricking the mind and body to focus on other things for a bit,” Eric says as he sits in his armchair.

  “So what do I do?”

  “You were on the right track a few years ago. Do you remember any of the tools we were using to get you there?”

  “Yeah, some mediation and a lot of writing about my feelings,” I say with a frown.

  “Do you still have your journals?”

  “Yeah, I have them.”

  “Beau, what happened?”

  I shift in my seat and look up at Eric sitting across from me. What frustrates me about Eric is that he never gives you the answers. He makes you work it out for yourself. That’s when you’re in his office. I’ve been around him in casual settings and know for a fact he’s bound to tell you what he thinks without concern for a filter. I wouldn’t mind him getting to the point now.

  “What do you mean?”

  “You were making progress, then you started making up excuses not to come to see me. I never pressure clients to come in, especially not those close to Darwin. But I was disappointed you chose to stop. You were right at the cusp of a breakthrough,” he replies. “What happened?”

  I blow out a breath and rub my temples. I could say it was life. I got busy with the complex and things started to change as Kyle gained custody of Mason and later started dating Andy. Those are all excuses.

  “The truth, I didn’t feel I deserved it,” I confess.

  “What didn’t you deserve?”

  “My freedom. Redemption. It wasn’t mine to have.”

  Eric places his pen and notebook down. He leans forward and places his forearms on his knees. I brace myself for what’s to come out of his mouth next.

  “Have you watched that fight? I remember asking you to try,” he says.

  “No.” I shake my head. “I can’t.”

  “I want you to try. I need you to see what happened that night. It’s important you put that fight into perspective. If you can see what we saw, I think you’d have a different take on… everything.”

  I tear my gaze away from his. Everyone has told me that I wasn’t responsible, but I was there. I threw the punch. I don’t know what watching the fight will do to change that. It will only bring more pain to see what I’ve done.

  “I don’t know if I can do that, Eric,” I drawl.

  “So let’s unpack this a bit differently, while keeping that option on the table for your consideration. You’ve stepped back into the ring. Does that mean you’re now seeking out your redemption?”

  My brows furrow. Is that what I’m looking for? I don’t know. “I want to provide for my family,” I say.

  “Come on, Beau. You don’t have to box another day in your life to provide for those two. Telling yourself that is just piling shit on top of the heaping pile of shit you’ve been feeding yourself,” he says.

  I lean back. I guess the kid gloves have officially come off. Leave it to Eric to know how to call me on my shit.

  “Answer me this, Beau. Why are you fighting again?”

  “I don’t know,” I say.

  “Beau, please. Of all of you guys, you’re the most forward and direct about your feelings and getting things done. It was one of the first things Darwin told me about you, and he was spot on. You don’t do anything without knowing why. You may avoid the why, but it’s always there.

  “You’re not showing up in the ring. Why? What’s stopping you? Is it fear? If it is… what are you afraid of? You need to step into the ring in your head before you step into the ring for this fight in five weeks,” he says.

  “What if I step in that ring and can’t fight my way through the shit in there?” I bite out in frustration.

  “Ah, now we’re getting somewhere. Whether you like it or not, you’re already in the midst of the fight. Your subconscious is at war, calling you out in your dreams and now in the ring.

  “It’s for you to decide who will win this battle. I want you to think about what’s most important to you. Your why. What’s making you box again? I believe that answer will carry you to your restoration.”

  “My why,” I repeat.

  “Yes, your why. And, Beau?”

  I purse my lips and look him in the eyes. So many things are going on in my head. I don’t know which to put first.

  “Yeah.”

  “When you find your absolution, know this… you deserve it.”

  Angel

  “How are you feeling?” Eric asks, tilting his head at me.

  No matter how many times I come to this office, it always takes me a moment to settle in. Eric may sit casually in that leather armchair, but his mind is always at attention. He’s assessing every word, every move. It’s unnerving to have someone look into your life, but this is what I’m here for.

  “Other than frustrated and embarrassed? My shoulder has been a little sore from the glass I apparently dove into,” I say and frown.

  Eric nods. “I have these for you. They’re earbuds. You told me once Beau is a light sleeper. I believe it will be safe for you to block out sound without compromising Billy’s safety. Your husband will be able to hear her just fine,” he says, sitting forward to give the buds to me.

  “But Beau had a nightmare as well. It wasn’t just Billy’s screaming.” I huff.

  “Angel, have you ever been triggered by Beau’s nightmares before?”

  “No.”

  He gives me a pointed look. I just want to be sure. I was
gutted when I realized Kyle and Andy had to rush over to take care of Billy while Beau took care of me.

  “I’ve mentioned to Beau that I’d like to continue seeing Billy regularly. If the three of you are open to it, we can do a family session as well. How are you doing with the alternative methods your father has been offering you?”

  “They help. I thought it was some BS. Stones and oils and shit, but I’ve been less anxious and more focused,” I reply.

  “I’ll let you in on a secret. I use a lot of those methods in my personal life. I actually believe in a holistic approach to any type of healing. A blend of it all. It’s all a part of the process to get the best results,” he says.

  “I have a question,” I say, leaning forward.

  He folds his arms across his chest and cups his chin with one hand. I take it as him offering his attention. I lick my suddenly dry lips.

  “Do you think we’ll make it?” The words burst out.

  Eric drops his hand and gives me a smile. It seems like hours float by before he responds.

  “Angel, I’m watching the three of you make it. These are bumps in the road that you’re making into mountains. I’m not in any way downplaying what are real mental health concerns for you, Billy, or Beau.

  “What I am saying is that I’m in awe of the three of you. Each of you are determined to live a full life and put your demons behind you. You’ve come such a long way. Will there be a time when you’re never triggered or when your anxiety ceases to exist? I can’t promise you that, but I do believe you’ll make it. Your entire family will,” he says softly.

  I can live with that.

  Chapter 41

  Our Brand

  Beau

  Angel is up to something. Mama has come by to sit with Billy for the day, and Angel has been bouncing around with tons of nervous energy. I narrow my eyes at him as he stops in front of me, dressed in black jeans with the thighs shredded, a white T-shirt, and tan construction boots.

  His hair is loose around his shoulders, and his dimples are showing as he tries but fails at hiding his smile. I’m distracted for a moment as I devour his sexy look. I arch a brow.

  “What exactly are you up to? Where are we going?”

  “I’ve been wanting to do something. I thought maybe we could do it together,” Angel croons.

  “What exactly is that?”

  “You have to come with me to find out,” he says.

  “We’re not getting a dog,” I whisper.

  Angel rolls his eyes at me. Billy has asked for a dog twice in the last month. We’re not home enough to get one. Although Eric thinks it’s a good idea.

  “No, we’re not going to get a dog. Besides, she asked for a cat this morning.” He snorts.

  “Please, no. She can have the dog.” I groan.

  “Kid is smarter than we give her credit for. I think that was the plan all along.”

  “I bet.”

  We start out of the apartment and down to the garage. When we get into the elevator, Angel crowds my space, placing his hands on either side of my head. Leaning in, he flicks his tongue over my bottom lip.

  “Have I told you how much I love you?” he breathes.

  “Not much lately. You’ve been cursing my ass out in the ring.” I snort.

  “I know I’ve been hard on you,” he says, pecking my lips. “Four more weeks, and we’ll have this one behind us.”

  “Then on to the next one.” I hear the lack of conviction in my own voice.

  “If that’s what you want. Yes,” he says, searching my face. “Is it?”

  The elevator dings, saving me from answering that question. Angel lets it go, pushing off the wall and threading his fingers through mine as we walk to the car. When we get to the car, he holds the passenger side door open for me.

  “You’re driving?”

  “Yup, cowboy. Get in.”

  My curiosity soars as I climb in. I watch him round the car with that confidence that belongs to Angel and Angel alone. My heart fills at the sight of his ease and good mood. Seeing Angel like this is becoming a regular occurrence. One I can get used to.

  He climbs in behind the wheel and starts the car. He pulls my shades from the console and puts them on. They look good on him. I can’t keep myself from grasping the back of his neck and pulling him to me.

  I place a demanding kiss on his lips before releasing him and settling in my seat. He shoots a blinding smile at me and shifts the car into gear. That confidence drips off him in waves.

  “Hope this doesn’t take too long,” I mutter and reach to adjust myself.

  Angel laughs and takes off. I turn on the radio, and we fall into a light banter. It’s an easy forty-five-minute drive. Soon Angel’s pulling into a parking spot in front of some shops in Brooklyn.

  “I wanted to bring you to check this spot out first. I told you a while back that Brooklyn has some hidden gems of its own. You haven’t lived until you’ve had curry oxtail and roti,” he says.

  “What makes you think I’ve never had roti and oxtails?”

  Angel pulls back and places his hand on his chest. “Well, excuse me, Beau. My bad. Let me take that back. You haven’t lived until you had it from this spot,” he says.

  “Let’s go, then,” I say as I grin at him.

  We get out of the car and head inside. The place is packed and smells great. My mouth starts to water as I look at all of the choices.

  “Where’d you first get your hands on roti?” Angel says.

  My cheeks heat in a blush. I was hoping he didn’t ask that. It was a long time ago.

  “I had a crush on this guy, freshman year in college. He was West Indian and Latino. His family owned a restaurant. We hung out a few times,” I reply.

  “What happened? You two didn’t date?”

  “I begged Kyle to sing to him for me. Found out Sebastian was hanging with me because he had a crush on Kyle,” I say and shrug.

  “Oh, damn. That sucks.” He winces.

  “Not really. We got free food whenever we went to the restaurant.”

  “Did Kyle date him?”

  “No.” I purse my lips. “Kyle wasn’t out. So poor Sebastian would just drool over him.”

  Angel nods, placing a hand on my back as our turn comes up at the counter. We order, and although my hand itches to reach for my wallet, I bite the inside of my mouth and let him pay. There’s nowhere to sit inside the little storefront, so we head back to the car.

  I start with one of the beef patties that look so good. It’s even better than it looks. I hum and bob my head as I chew. “This is delicious,” I say around another bite.

  “Told you this place was the truth. You can always tell when the food is going to be popping by the flavors in the patties. Trust. You’re going to go crazy over that roti.”

  He’s right. As soon as I dig in, I’m in heaven. We sit and eat, having an animated conversation about our youth.

  “We really are city boy verse country boy.” Angel laughs.

  “We’re not that different at all,” I reply, reaching to squeeze his thigh.

  “I have someplace I want to take you next,” he says, looking a bit nervous. “I thought about bringing Billy, but… let’s see how this works out.”

  “I’m with you.”

  “Yeah, I know.” He grins.

  Angel

  I don’t know why this has become so important to me, but I want to do this. I want to show Beau where I grew up. I pull up in front of the little Brooklyn home I shared with my family for most of my life. I don’t remember the days Mommy and Papi talk about before we moved here. This has always been home to me.

  “Is this your parents’ house?” Beau asks.

  “Yeah.”

  “Why didn’t we wait to eat your mother’s cooking? Man, I’ve been waiting for her to stop by and cook.” He pouts.

  “B, if you don’t get your ass out of this car—” I laugh and shake my head. “She’ll be sure to send us home with plenty of food. Ma
rk my words.”

  We get out of the car and walk to the front gate. My father has the door open before we get up the three steps. He looks around us, then mumbles to himself.

  “What? We’re not good enough company?” I tease.

  “No, I like Billy better,” he tosses back but pulls me into a bear hug. “Good to have you home, m’ijo.”

  “Good to be here, Papi.”

  “Ah, Beau, we finally got you to Brooklyn. Bienvenido a mi casa,” Papi says to Beau.

  “Gracias,” Beau replies.

  Papi beams at Beau and pats him on the shoulder. We all enter the house. I take a deep breath once inside. Anxiety tries to claw at me, but I rub the stone inside my jean pocket as I count backward. When we enter the living room, the smell of my mom’s cooking and scent of what I know as the Hernández home hits me, and I start to fully relax.

  “Angel,” Mommy sings as she comes out to join us.

  “Hey, Mommy.”

  “Where’s Billy?”

  “Ay, is Billy all anyone cares about these days?” I groan playfully.

  “You can’t blame me for wanting to spend time with my granddaughter. How is she?” she says.

  “She’s doing good. Daphne is watching her for the day. I wanted to see if I could do this… you know. Hang out here before we bring her over.”

  “Ah, sí. I understand. Are you boys hungry?”

  “No, we ate before we came over,” I reply.

  “I’ll make you something to take home for you two and Billy. No worries,” she says rushing off to the kitchen.

  I turn to Beau and give him a look to say, I told you so. He looks back at me, grinning and patting his belly. I shake my head at him and take a seat on the couch. I look around the place and marvel at how nothing has changed over the years.

  Beau takes a seat next to me as Papi sits in his recliner. A baseball game is playing on the television. Not unusual in the Hernández home on a Saturday afternoon.

  “These boys today don’t play like they used to,” Papi says, frowning at the TV.