Edge of Darkness Box Set

by Margaret McHeyzer

  I reach the building, open the front door, and run up the stairs. One of the dirty junkies from the floor above us is on the stairs, shooting up. “Go to your room and do that,” I angrily spit toward him.

  “Yeah,” he responds in a wistful voice.

  He’s high and has no idea what I’ve even said. Sad really, to be that dependent on drugs. I’ll never get like that. No way. Never again. Now I do it more for fun than anything else.

  I open the front door, and search for my pipe.

  Sky’s in the kitchen getting a hot drink. “Hey,” she says as she stares at me. “Where have you been?”

  “Went to my parents.”

  “Yeah, that’s right. How’d it go? Got any money? I could do with something to eat.”

  “Nah, they wouldn’t give me any. But Dad wanted me to suck him off for Jackson.”

  “Did you do it? ‘Cause we got no food, and we gotta pay rent.”

  “Eeew. That’s sick. No, of course I didn’t do it.” I search for some crystals, and realize, I’m out. Shit. Shit. Shit.

  “It’s just a blowjob,” Sky says. “You used to blow heaps of people at Justin’s.”

  I’m frantically ripping through here, trying to find anything I can so I can smoke it. I’d settle for a shard, a small taste. I’m tearing the cushions off the old sofa, overturning everything in here. “Shit!” I groan as I keep searching.

  “What? Just go back to your parents.”

  I need my damn pipe, and I need it now. But something inside snaps. The molten lava spills over, and I turn to Sky who’s now moved directly behind me. She’s got a mug in her hands. I grab it from her, and throw the contents over her face, burning her. My anger keeps building; I can’t stop. She’s screaming, but I don’t care. I need a fucking crystal, and I need it now. “Shut up about my fucking parents.”

  She’s on the floor, with her hands covering her face. I’ve got a fistful of her hair, and I’m pounding her head into the floor. She’s screaming. I’m smashing her.

  “Hannah,” she sobs as she’s cowering away from me.

  I stop for a split second. Reality comes over me. “What have I done?” I whisper. Standing, I back away from Sky. She’s on the floor, crying and writhing around in pain. My heart breaks.

  Shit, I did this to her.

  “I’m sorry,” I say.

  She sits up, her face is red from where I threw the tea at her. Her hair is a bloody mess. “Get out!” she screams.

  “Sky… ” I move forward.

  She backs away from me, wedging herself in a corner of our small kitchen. She gropes blindly on the counter, and lifts a fork to me. “Get out!” she screams in a pitch I’ve never heard before. It’s a cross between anger, and pain. “Don’t come back.”

  I stand staring at her and know she means every word she’s spoken. I turn and grab my pipe, shoving it in my pocket. “You tried to steal from me, and I’m the one being thrown out. Great friend you turned out to be,” I say.

  “You’re delusional,” she cries at me as I leave the apartment.

  Anger is the main emotion pumping through me. Great. I walked in on her going through my stuff to steal from me, and I’m the one being punished. What a bitch. I hope she dies. I hope she dies a slow and painful death. I hate her so much.

  I make my way down the stairs, the junkie from above is still on the steps, passed out with a needle in his arm. “Fucking junkie,” I spit toward him as I leap over and keep making my way out.

  Dark is now here. There’s a bite to the air, a definite chill factor. I stick my hands in my pockets and try to warm up. That bitch threw me out of my own house, into the cold. I should go back there and kill her for doing that.

  But I need a crystal. One damn crystal.

  My body’s trembling, but I can’t tell if it’s because I need the pipe, or because it’s cold. My head is fuzzy; I can barely think straight. All I know is I have to stay off the main streets, because I bet you anything my parents are looking for me. If they find me, I know they’re going to kill me. My Dad yelled it at me as he pushed me out of the house. He told me he’s going to kill me if he finds me, and started counting to give me a head start.

  I have to stay in the shadows, until I can find somewhere to stay. I hit the main street. It’s quiet this time of night. The odd car drives by. Most of the stores are closed. There’s the all-night café, and I walk past it trying to keep my head down.

  Inside the café, a group of guys are sitting, talking, and laughing. I recognize them from Justin’s. They’re low-level dealers, friends of Sky’s. I keep walking. An older man walks toward me. He lowers his chin and avoids eye contact with me. But I need a crystal, just to get me through.

  “Wanna party?” I ask him as he approaches me.

  He scrunches his mouth, shakes his head, and continues walking.

  “You probably couldn’t get up if you tried,” I tease as I walk backward yelling.

  I stick to the darkness. I can’t be seen. I’m in fear of my life. My parents will kill me. There’s no doubt in my mind.

  I wish I could use the phone to call Edgar. He always looks after me, he’ll protect me. He’d come and get me. He loves me.

  I hide in a small alleyway, looking around.

  The hurt my body is going through is grueling. My heart itself feels like it’s going to explode. My lungs yearn for a smoke. A small inhale, God, it’s all I need. Just one small inhale.

  I hear a commotion from down the street. I peep out to see who’s making all the noise.

  It’s the dealers from the café. They’re walking toward me. They may be my only chance to score. I hear them get closer, and I shove my hands into my pockets so they can’t see my desperation for the pipe.

  They approach, and I step out from the darkness. Leaning against the wall, I make myself as sexy as possible.

  “What do we have here?” one of the guys asks as he steps in front of the others.

  “Hmm, I foresee a little bit of fun,” another says.

  There’s four of them in total. I can handle four. I can do this, but they better be willing to pay. “I like to party,” I say in a cute voice. Just think of the crystals, Hannah. You can get iced, and feel as good as you ever have. Think of the crystals.

  “Yeah, what’s your choice?” another asks.

  The four of them look real friendly. All five of us are now walking together. Two of the guys have hung back a bit and are whispering.

  My shakes are getting worse. God, I hope they have the goods. I need the pipe. “Meth,” I answer. “I’m not a junkie though,” I add in case they think they’re getting me for nothing.

  “How about you blow all of us, and we’ll spot you an eight-ball?”

  Holy shit. These guys are idiots. An eight-ball and all I need to do is blow them? An eight-ball is worth two-hundred dollars. Yes! These guys really have no idea.

  “Yeah, alright,” I say as calmly as I can. But, damn it, an eight-ball. Yes.

  “How about down there?” One of the guys points down an alleyway. It’s dark, with an overhead street lamp nearly half a block away. It gives little illumination, just enough so I can see what I’m doing.

  “Fine, but first, I want to see it.” I wasn’t born yesterday. They can pretend to have it, get a blow-job from me, then leave.

  We walk further down the alleyway.

  I turn to look at them.

  I get punched in the head, knocking me to the ground. The pain vibrates through my temple. Panic spikes.

  “Grab her,” one says.

  “Rip her pants down.”

  I try to yell, but someone stuffs something in my mouth and holds their hand over it. My screams are muffled. I can’t yell. I can’t make a sound.

  I feel my clothes being torn off me. I’m completely exposed. “Wear a condom. You have no idea where this dirty slut has been.”

  One by one, they take turns.

  Each face looks down at me. I’m crying, bawling hot tears, but
I’m helpless. I can’t move. They all take turns, some pinning me down, others raping me. They take turns spitting on me.

  Help… please… help.

  Once they’ve finished taking turns, they take turns again. They keep going. They’re not stopping.

  My body is being used over and over again.

  My tears have dried. There’s nothing left of me.

  Help.

  But help doesn’t arrive.

  Why would it? This is the worst part of town, in the middle of the night. An alleyway that sees no foot traffic. I’m going to die here; I know it.

  I’m not even shaking anymore. My mind is clear, and I know exactly what they’re doing to me. I can hear their laughs, and their jokes about how easy I am. They’re commenting on my body, how I’m a whore and a junkie.

  My heart doesn’t stop beating rapidly. It can’t calm.

  I’m broken.

  I’m dead.

  It feels like hours have passed, and I think they’ve finished. My limp body is so broken and exhausted, I can barely lift my head. “Dress the slut,” someone gives instructions. He’s the same voice who said to pin me down.

  The others laugh. One kicks me in the ribs. He kicks me again.

  My torture is no longer just being raped, now I’m a punching bag too.

  After they roughly pull my clothes back on, one takes my arm and pulls up my sleeve. I can hear a lighter igniting, and a faint hope it’s being used to light a pipe rushes through me. Now I hear the sizzle of liquid boiling in a spool. I look over in time to see them suck the spoon’s contents through a cotton ball and into a syringe. I know this routine. I’ve seen Sky do it a hundred times.

  Another man wraps a tourniquet around my arm, just above the elbow, and ties it off tight. My brain tells my body to struggle, but it can’t. I feel someone slap my arm, then a needle slides into my vein. There’s pressure, then an overwhelming numbness travels all through my body.

  “Are you sure that’s enough to kill her? No one can know what we did,” the same voice tells the others.

  It’s getting lighter in the alley. The sun must be rising. I flick my gaze to each of them; etching their faces into my memory. Their smell is so deeply embedded, I’ll never forget them. They all smell like cigarette smoke. Stale smoke and beer.

  I stare up at the sky, watching as the sun is rising. My body shakes.

  This is where I die. In an alleyway. I have no one. I am nothing. And this is where my life will end.

  Chapter 30

  “Is she dead?”

  Groaning, I try to roll over so I can see where the voice is coming from.

  “She’s moving. We have to help her,” someone else says. Their voice is breathy, sounding panicked.

  My limbs are heavy, my head is fuzzy, and I swear I can hear my mother’s voice.

  “Hannah, are you high?” She aggressively holds my chin and stares into my eyes.

  “No, Mom,” I respond, and giggle.

  “Your eyes are bloodshot, and you’re barely looking at me.”

  “I’m just tired,” I say and giggle again.

  “What’s so funny?” she asks as she lets go of my chin and steps backward.

  Shrugging, I look around the room.

  “We need to call an ambulance,” someone says, reminding me that my mother isn’t here with me.

  My vision is blurry. I can’t focus on anything at all. Turning my head, I look straight into the eyes of a girl. She’s probably around my age, but I bet she hasn’t seen half the stuff I have. She kneels beside me, and behind her are another two girls and three guys. One of them looks bored; he’s scrolling on his phone.

  “What do you want?” I bark toward her, but my voice comes out broken, and slurry.

  “Jasmine, she’s a junkie. Look at her. Just leave her. She’s not our problem,” the bored guy says.

  “We can’t just leave her,” she snarls back at him.

  Suddenly, my stomach starts contracting, and my breathing becomes challenged. Gasping for air, my body tightens with spasms, trying to get oxygen into my lungs.

  “Shit, she must be overdosing. We gotta get out of here before anyone finds us,” bored guy says.

  “I’m not leaving her. She’s just a kid.”

  “She ain’t my problem. I’m outta here,” the bored guy says and takes off, the others going with him.

  The girl stays with me, and as I try to focus on her, all I can see is the pretty chain around her neck. It looks like it’s worth a lot, I’m sure I could give it to Edgar for some crystals. Man, maybe a few days’ worth. I need money big time.

  “I’m going to call an ambulance,” the girl says as she takes her phone out of her pocket and dials it. “What have you taken?” she asks.

  Everything is fuzzy. Her voice sounds disjointed and almost robotic.

  Reaching for my pipe, I scream in pain. But she doesn’t seem alarmed by my screams, maybe I’m actually not moving. Everything hurts.

  “I need an ambulance…” her voice is frantic as she tells the operator where she is.

  My eyes keep drifting shut, and she screams at me to open them again.

  “She’s frothing at the mouth, and she’s barely moving.”

  I try to turn over, but whatever those fuckers gave me was strong. It’s weighing me down. I can barely move.

  “Her breathing is shallow…”

  If I can just get up, I’ll find my way back to Edgar’s. He’ll look after me. He always does. Sometimes he asks me to do stuff for him. “I’m alright,” I mumble.

  “She’s trying to say something,” the girl says into the phone. “Okay, I won’t touch her.” Her eyes are filled with pity and sadness. I stare up at her, and can see how concerned she is. I can see her. Can she see me?

  “There’s a syringe beside her. I think she might have injected something. There’s a pipe, too. Maybe she smoked crack or meth?”

  Yeah, baby. Crystal meth. Meth. Crystal. Ice. Tina. Glass. I love it. I love getting iced. It’s the best feeling in the world. Being invincible, even when there are a million people in the room. Being free. Floating. That floating is what I love best. Anything can be happening around you, and when you smoke a bit of ice, you’re floating above everyone. Free and happy and high.

  “I’m here!” The girl jumps up and waves her arms frantically.

  “Thank you for calling, we’ll take it from here,” another woman says to the girl.

  The girl steps back and continues to stare at me. I’m being rolled over, and talked at by someone in a uniform. “What’s your name?”

  “Hannah,” I respond.

  “She’s unresponsive,” the woman says as she looks up to someone. She presses into my chest plate with her knuckle, and a shooting pain rips through me. “She’s barely coherent. Heart rate is down, pulse is weak. She’s overdosing.”

  “Get me back to Edgar’s,” I say.

  “She’s crashing. Administering Narcan.”

  There’s a tightness in my chest. Pain soars through me, every part of me is like someone is stabbing multiple sharp knives into my body.

  A darkness overtakes me.

  A blanket of warmth is thrown over my entire body. My last breath escapes past my chapped lips.

  Suddenly, I feel weightless. This must be what heaven feels like. It’s so peaceful.

  “We’re losing her!” I hear someone yell.

  Who’s losing who? What’s happening?

  “ETA sixty seconds,” someone else says in a calm voice.

  I’m not sure what’s happening, all I know is I like the quiet.

  “Breathe, damn it, breathe!”

  “Great, another dead junkie,” someone snickers.

  “I haven’t lost her yet.”

  “She’s just a junkie, Sally. Who cares if she dies? It’s another one off the streets.”

  “Hey, she’s someone’s daughter. You want to be the one to knock on her parent’s door?”

  I hear a grumble from beh
ind me. More like a pained sigh.

  Who’s talking?

  What the hell is happening?

  As it turns out, this is far from the end of my story.

  Chapter 31

  One month later.

  “Girl, I think you’re going to be okay.” Anna hugs me. Her dark brown hair has a slight red tinge and a sweet smell to it.

  I pull out of the hug, and look down at my feet. “I’m so nervous,” I say. My voice shakes with anguish. “I’ve been such a terrible person, I’m not sure I can face them.”

  “It’s part of the steps. You know that. Humility is a major part of sobriety.” Anna’s shorter than me, maybe by half a head, but she’s a straight shooter. She’s been with me every step of the way. Detoxing was hard. The drugs coming out of my system was… I can’t even think of the word to say just how awful it was. “You’re going to be okay.” She runs her hands up and down my arms. Warmth is instant where she’s touching me. Anna’s my biggest supporter, next to my parents, of course. They’ve been with me every step of the way. From when I cried and told them I hated them, to today. My last day in rehab.

  They’ve been there through it all. My biggest support system.

  “What if I relapse again?”

  “You’ve got your meetings set up, you know where they are. You know what to do. I’ve never seen anyone as determined to succeed as you. You won’t relapse, and you know how I know?” I shake my head in response. “Because I’ll kick your ass if I see you in here again.”

  I smile. That’s Anna for you. Tough, supportive, but also, she has a sense of humor. I hug her again, but this time, I cry. “Thank you, for everything.”

  “Right. I have work to do, and I don’t like talking to the riff-raff.” She winks at me, and I smile again.

  “You made my time here… ” I pause for a second, thinking of the right word to say. It’s not been comfortable, or easy by any stretch. “… safe,” I finally find the right word. Safe, yep, perfect. “It wasn’t easy. And I know I’m a drug addict for life, regardless how many years of sobriety I have. But I never felt like I was in fear of my life while being here. And that’s because of your kindness. It must be hard for you. Seeing people like me coming through, and trying to show us kindness only to have us spit, yell and try to hurt you.”