Edge of Darkness Box Set

by Margaret McHeyzer

  “Let’s go to the bathroom and get you cleaned up before Mom sees you like this. I think she’s already suspicious and we don’t want to give her any more reason to think something’s wrong.”

  When we get inside the girls’ bathroom, a few girls are applying lipstick and adjusting their boobs. The moment they notice me though, the talking turns hushed and their gazes become completely judgmental. “What?” Sam half-yells at the obvious ones glaring at me. They look back at the mirrors and keep doing whatever trivial thing they were doing. “Come on. Splash some water on your face.” She pushes into a tight spot, but the two girls—who I don’t recognize—leave the bathroom. Within seconds, we’re alone.

  “They left because of me.”

  “Who cares? They’re not worth your time or energy, Dakota. Let’s get you cleaned up and looking somewhat normal before Mom picks us up.”

  “Oh crap, Sam.” A sudden surge of regret for my selfishness bombards me, because I’ve totally forgotten about her date with Calvin.

  “What?” She stands in front of me and looks around, as if there’s a threat right here and now.

  “Calvin. You should go and be with him. There’s still half the game left and you should spend time with him.” I try to push her out the door, but she crosses her arms in front of her chest and tilts her head to the side.

  “No way, sis. Boys don’t come between us, ever. Anyway, Taylor pointed out which way you went, because I was getting a soda. He knows you’re upset.”

  Once I splash some water on my face I feel somewhat better. I know next week at school will be grueling, but I’ll have to deal with situations as they occur. “I’m sorry,” I say to Sam, bringing her in for a hug. “I’m a damn mess.”

  “Of course you are. It’s been less than a week since it happened. What are you supposed to do? Just skip away and forget it happened? No one could do that, not even the strongest person.”

  “You have to stop, because I’m going to cry again. I’ve never cried so much in my life.”

  “Trust me, there’s a lot more tears yet to be shed,” she solemnly sighs.

  I hope she’s wrong, but deep down inside, I know she’s not.

  Chapter 14

  Sam’s roped Dad into dropping her off at the movies for her date with Taylor/Calvin. Sam made me promise to call him Taylor, although I said I’d try, Calvin seems to have stuck.

  She looked so excited when she was getting ready, but I couldn’t share her enthusiasm. I tried, really I did, but last night’s charity game turned disastrous for me. Sam told Mom she had a headache which is why she called and got her to pick us up early.

  I hate how Sam’s having to lie for me. It rips me apart piece by piece.

  Now I’m lying on my bed, staring up at the white ceiling thinking too much about everything. My mind is a jumbled mess, I can’t stay calm and I can’t get past everything. Thankfully, next week is the last week of school, then it’ll be summer vacation. Three months of not seeing anyone from school. But better still, two weeks in Canada visiting with my cousins.

  There’s a rap on my door and I sigh, fully aware it’s Mom’s to talk to me about Levi. There’s no way of avoiding it. Last night when she picked us up, she kept a watchful eye on the rearview mirror all the way home, but thankfully Sam distracted her while I had a shower and got myself in check.

  Mom opens the door enough to poke her head inside. “Can we talk, sweetheart?”

  “Sure, I was just listening to music.” As I lean over to mute it, Mom comes in and sits at the foot of my plush mattress.

  “I’d like to talk to you about Levi.”

  Internally I wince while I plaster a fake half-smile on my face. “What is it you want to know?” I look away from Mom and hope she doesn’t ask me any of the hard questions.

  “You two broke up?”

  “Yeah.”

  “What happened?”

  “You know, just stuff.” I offhandedly shrug, trying to telepathically tell her I don’t want to tell her.

  “What kind of stuff, sweetheart?”

  “Just, you know, stuff. We kind of weren’t working out.”

  “Honey,” she says and rubs her hand on my thigh, reassuringly giving me a gentle squeeze. “What happened?” she pushes.

  “Nothing.” God Mom, please stop.

  “Did he want sex?” I feel my face cringe at the question and I can’t help but look at her, then quickly look away. “And you must’ve said no.” She’s filling in what she thinks happened.

  “Something like that.”

  “He didn’t put pressure on you did he? He didn’t try the old line of ‘if you love me you’ll have sex with me.’?”

  “No! Nothing like that. He asked, and I said I wasn’t ready.” That’s true, as far as it goes. No one in the world knows what happened except Sam and whoever did this to me.

  “I know that eventually you’ll have sex, and I hope we have an open enough relationship that you’ll feel comfortable enough to talk to me about it.”

  Cringe. I feel like a bad person because I can’t tell her what happened. She’ll look at me differently and besides, it’s way too late to tell her now. It’s been an entire week. “Yeah, of course.”

  “Is that all that happened? He didn’t do or say anything else did he?”

  “No, Mom. Nothing else.”

  “When I was sixteen all I wanted to do was be taken seriously and for everyone around me to treat me like an adult. I know that’s how you must be feeling, but I really want to tell you, Dakota, don’t be in a rush to grow up. Growing up comes with so many responsibilities, and sometimes this whole adult thing, isn’t what it’s cracked up to be.”

  I rub my palms over my face and try to not show Mom how dead I am inside. My soul has been trampled on and any flowering part of me has been crushed and destroyed by something of which I have no recollection.

  “I don’t know what I want, Mom,” I truthfully respond. I try to think of something to give her, anything to take the worry out of her stressed voice and her tense face. “I don’t even know who my friends are anymore.” That’s as much as I can say without giving anything away.

  “Is this because of Levi?” I shrug my shoulders. “There’s going to be plenty more boys out there. He obviously wasn’t meant to be your boyfriend.”

  “Lindsey and him are now an item.”

  “Lindsey? As in your best friend, Lindsey?”

  “Ex-best friend,” I correct her. “And yes, her.”

  “That’s going to happen in life too, Dakota. And it’ll happen throughout every milestone. It sucks, but the people we trust sometimes turn out to be the people who we should push furthest away.” I look at Mom. Her cautionary words have struck a chord with me. They sing to my very soul. It’s as if a light has been sparked inside the darkness of my heart. “Not everyone in this world is good.”

  I breathe out a strained breath. “I’m learning that.”

  “It hurts the same no matter how old you are. But if there’s anyone you can trust, it’s me, your father, and Sam.”

  “I know that.” I give her a sweet smile. “Anyway, sorry to offload all this onto you. It’s probably the last thing you want to hear.” I try to downplay how I’m feeling, because I can’t tell Mom. It’s been too long. A whole week has passed, and I’ve kept this secret, only granting Sam access to my darkness.

  “Don’t let Levi take you away from yourself, sweetheart. I know it’s sad. He was your first real boyfriend, and I’m sure you had a lot of feelings for him. But don’t give him all that power. It’s only been a week.”

  My heart jolts to a stop as my pulse suddenly spikes. “What . . . what do you mean?” I stumble over my own sentence.

  “Since breaking up with Levi. I knew it happened at prom, because you haven’t been the same since. Speaking of which, where’s your dress so I can take it to the dry cleaner?” She looks around the room searching for my dress.

  A new wave of nausea overtakes me, and
suddenly I’m petrified and beyond speechless. Crap, what am I going to say? “I took it into the dry cleaners when Sam and I went for frozen yogurt the other day.”

  Mom looks at me and tilts her head to the side, arching a perfect eyebrow at me. “Hmm,” she huffs. “Let me know when to pick it up, and I’ll go get it.”

  Double crap. “I think it’s one day next week. I have to find the slip and check, I told them there’s no rush on it.” God, I despise lying to her. But the alternative is so much worse. If she sees the dress, how it’s ripped and has grass stains all over it, she’ll know something’s not right. I don’t want her to assume Levi was the cause.

  “Alright, sweetheart.” Mom stands and makes her way to the door, opening it before she swings back to look at me. “I know there’s another week of school left, just try and put everything behind you and push past it.”

  “I will. It’s the only thing I can do.” Ain’t that the truth.

  Mom leaves, closing my bedroom door behind her. I lean over and put the music back on and close my eyes. I try to push the fact I lied to Mom out of my mind, but it’s just not leaving. I hate how I can’t tell her.

  But I know she’ll be disappointed in me for so many reasons. Mostly because she’ll think I was drinking and I put myself in a dangerous situation. And also because I didn’t tell her the morning it happened. God, I hate this.

  Dread seeps out of my pores, as hopelessness surrounds every part of my sane mind. It screams at me, and tells me no one will believe me. No one will trust me again. I’m stupid and irrational.

  “So irresponsible.” They’re the words I expect everyone to taunt me with. “You must’ve been asking for it,” will be on everyone’s lips. “You must’ve been flirting.” Or, “It’s the clothes you wear.” Or, “I’ve seen you hanging off that boy, no wonder it happened.” Eyes will roll; gossip will be poured from whispering mouths, getting worse the wider it spreads.

  Just get through the week, Dakota.

  My body is preparing for the worst, the definition of pain and raw humiliation. Every part of me began to shut down on the morning I woke stranded and alone near the bleachers. Subconsciously I think I’d known what had happened, but consciously I tried to push it out of my mind. But once I’d stripped and washed myself, I couldn’t not believe it.

  My soul is bleeding. It’s oozing blood, while I slowly drift toward a place I don’t want to be.

  Lying on my bed, I close my eyes and wish for a better future.

  “Well, well, well. What do we have here?” the familiar, yet unrecognized, deep male voice says. “Let me get you home.” I turn to see who’s standing behind me.

  “Why are you out here?” I ask. But my voice is laced with unease and tightness. It sounds garbled, like my pitch has been altered.

  “Let me help you. You can lean on me; I’ll take care of you.” The voice belongs to someone I know, I’ve heard it before even if I can’t yet place it. The veil draped over my perception has changed my sense of reality—of who’s here with me.

  “Can you take me home?” Did I speak or am I thinking it?

  “Shhh, I’ll take care of you. I’ll take care of you real good.”

  Opening my eyes I bolt straight up in bed. Energy pulses through me. My heart beat thrums loudly, and my eyes burn as I try to blink the tears away. Rubbing my hands over my face, I find I’m absolutely drenched in sweat. A raging fire is burning inside me, the smoke telling me of the familiarity of the person who found me outside.

  Tangling my fingers in my long hair, I pull hard to remind myself I’m alive. The pain catapults me back into the now; the nightmare slowly sinking in as I begin to visualize every moment.

  I was there, in my gown, feeling groggy while standing outside, breathing in the crisp night air. My vision blurred while my body desperately screamed at me. Something wasn’t right. A flash of hysteria was urgently trying to overtake me. It was warning me, but my reflexes were slowed and my mind was fogged over by a hazy blindness.

  Standing from my bed, I begin to pace and try to remember more of the night that altered my life. But no matter how hard I try, I can’t see a face or even place the voice.

  I go over to my desk, power up my laptop and open up a blank page. I start jotting down everything I do know. When I finish I read over everything. It reads like a novel, a book about a young girl who was once confident, who had been damaged and torn apart on the night when her innocence was stolen.

  “Fuck!” I breathe while rereading the scorching words.

  I sit and stare at the document, my miserable life for the last week on three pages.

  Chapter 15

  I’ve been spending my days in the library with Sophie and this Wednesday is no different. She asked me what happened on Friday night at the charity game, but I shrugged and told her I had no clue.

  It’s the last class of the day and I’m walking toward Mr. C’s classroom. Aaron, Jordan’s boyfriend is walking toward me while speaking to one of the other guys Levi and Reece play basketball with. Aaron doesn’t play, but he knows everyone. He’s more into surfing and hanging out at the beach rather than team sports.

  “Hey there,” I greet him as I walk past.

  “Slut,” he mumbles under his breath and chuckles. David, the other guy laughs too.

  I should ignore it, and keep going. My brain is saying how summer vacation is almost here and I shouldn’t rock the boat. But someone I thought was my friend has trampled on my heart and I can’t let it go.

  “What did you say?” I ask once they’ve already passed me and are sniggering down the hall.

  Aaron looks over his shoulder at me and smirks but doesn’t stop walking.

  I run back toward him and grab him on his shoulder, stopping him from going any further. “What the hell’s your problem, Dakota?” he shouts at me.

  “What did you call me when you walked past?”

  By now there are few people gathered around, watching the interaction between Aaron and I. David’s standing shoulder to shoulder with Aaron; they look menacing standing together.

  “I called you a slut.” His shoulders straighten and he juts his chin out defiantly. He’s daring me to say something, anything to him. David howls with laughter and Aaron turns and gives him a high-five while smirking at the small crowd.

  “Do you even know what the hell you’re talking about?” I spit toward him.

  “Yeah, I know you wouldn’t put out for my boy, but you’re happy to put out for some random guy.”

  “Not that it’s your damn business, but I’m still a virgin, you jackass.” Tears spring to my eyes while my chest expands with a deep breath. I will not let them define the person I am, I’ll stand up for myself in front of everyone.

  Aaron falters and his face falls momentarily before a condescending chuckle escapes his mouth. “Not according to the pictures.”

  In the midst of my humiliation, I attempt to hold onto my dignity, it’s being savagely hacked away from me. “Photoshop,” I say as I arch an eyebrow at him. I’m desperately praying my bluff works, because if it doesn’t I’ll just be feeding more fuel to the fire.

  You’re such an idiot, Dakota. I scold myself. You should’ve kept your mouth shut and walked away.

  Aaron’s smirk quickly fades, and David’s chuckle stops. I dart my eyes to the small, imposing crowd and already it’s diminished in size. A few of the students have already walked away. This gives me hope I can retain some pride.

  “Whatever,” Aaron barks, rolling his eyes and turns to leave.

  Quickly the remaining horde dissipates, leaving me with my shoulders firmly squared and my head proudly lifted. The hallway becomes eerily calm with nothing more than my ragged breath filling the walls.

  I get to Mr. C’s class and peek in through the window on the door. I see everyone looking up as Mr. C’s sitting on the edge of his desk talking to the class. Freezing with fear, I opt to go and study in the library until the class is finished, but Mr. C turns hi
s head as I look away. I caught him in my peripheral vision, which means he saw me too. I take off down the hall, and hear his door open.

  “Ms. Bennett,” he calls after me.

  My feet stop their forward motion at the mere sound of authority in his voice. I stay turned away from him, cringing for a few reasons. First, for being stupid enough to have been caught, and second the fact the hall is now completely isolated and I’m alone with Mr. C.

  “Yes, Sir,” I respond without turning to look at him.

  “Going somewhere, are you? You have pressing matters elsewhere?” his voice is dripping with sarcasm.

  “I was going to go to the bathroom.” I’m getting way too good at lying and I hate myself for it.

  “Then you need a pass. Back to class.” I hear his heavy footsteps move away from me. I remain glued to the spot, not really wanting to go to class. “Ms. Bennett!” he calls with urgency.

  “Coming, Mr. Collins.” I turn and drag my feet. When I get to class, he follows me in and closes the door behind me. My usual seat has been taken by Levi with Lindsey draped over him kissing his neck.

  Levi sees me walk in, clutching my books to my chest and curls his lip at me in disdain, then rolls his eyes and looks away. Thankfully, he ignores me, and I go to the opposite side of the classroom and take a seat.

  The lesson really isn’t a lesson. It’s the class talking about what they’re going to do on summer vacation, and who’s going where. Mr. C is relaxed, just having fun with the rest of the class. I’m choosing to read because I have no interest in what everyone else is doing, and considering no one’s asking, obviously no one wants to know what I’ll be doing either.

  I’m lost in my book, when I suddenly get hit in the head by a flying piece of scrunched up paper. I look up to see Levi sneering at me, of course it would be him. I ignore him and look back down at my book.

  “Hey, Dakota,” Lindsey calls me.

  Steadying my breath I look up to see what she has to say. “What?” She points to the ball of paper next to my hand and indicates for me to pick it up. “No thanks.” What I feel like doing is standing and leaving the class with my head lowered so they can’t see me crying, but I refuse to give them that much power over me.