Edge of Darkness Box Set

by Margaret McHeyzer

  “There’s nothing wrong with you. Pull it together.”

  “Ivy, tell me I’m doing the right thing.”

  “I’m going to smack you in a minute. Do you honestly think I’d let you do this if it wasn’t right? You and Josh, you’re perfect together. Don’t be a dick.”

  The uneasy tension lifts and he smiles at me. “You’re right, I’m freaking out for no reason.”

  “Yes, exactly. Stop being insecure. You and Josh have been together through so much, and you got through everything. There’s no way you two aren’t meant for each other.”

  Jared smiles at me again. “He’s a pretty good guy.”

  “He’s better than good. He’s your perfect.”

  We stand at the makeshift altar on the beach, and watch as guests arrive. There aren’t a lot of people invited, and there are about thirty chairs set up for them. Tobias sits in the front row, proudly watching us.

  He stands and makes his way over to Jared. Jared offers him his hand to shake, but Tobias rolls his eyes and goes straight in for a hug. “You scrub up okay,” Tobias teases.

  “You’re still fairly sexy. I like the outfit.” Jared points to Tobias choice of clothing.

  Once upon a time, Tobias would’ve reacted differently to Jared telling him he’s sexy, but now, I think he revels in it.

  “Yeah, I picked it out myself,” Tobias proudly announces.

  “Seriously?” I scoff. “You wanted to wear a suit, I told you not to. I picked your wardrobe out.”

  Tobias steps into me and swoops me up in a hug. “She thinks ‘cause she’s the best man, she can say whatever she wants.”

  “She can say whatever she wants,” Jared defends me.

  Out of the corner of my eye, I see Josh’s mom waving to me. Josh is here. “You need to sit, because it’s about to start,” I say to Tobias.

  Tobias sits beside my Dad. Jared’s gaze goes straight to the back, where he sees Josh walking toward him. I can’t keep my eyes off Jared. His every feeling is so plain on his face. He’s smiling as he watches Josh walk toward us; his eyes are filled with tears. The joy emanating from him, makes me so happy.

  Josh comes to stand beside us and the celebrant starts the service.

  As I hold their rings, I start to wonder what it would be like for Tobias and me to get married. I’ve always dismissed it before, and we’ve already been together for nearly seven years now. He’s talked about it and hinted at it, but I’ve never felt the need.

  But standing here on the beach at sunset, with all the pretty colors of the sky reflecting off the calm water, and seeing how happy Jared and Josh are makes me wonder if this is the next step in Tobias’s and my relationship.

  Jared and Josh both have written their own vows, and as they speak their words of love and commitment, I long for marriage myself. Maybe I’m caught up in the moment and I’ve succumbed to the wedding vibe. But, maybe, this is what I really want.

  When the ceremony is over the photographer, a friend of mine who works at the magazine with me, asks us for some photos as a group before she takes photos of just Jared and Josh.

  I stand back, and watch as she uses the rest of the light to capture some amazing photos of them. I wish I was doing their photography, but Jared wanted me to be his best man, or best woman, as we both decided my title to be.

  “What are you thinking about?” Tobias asks as he hugs me and we watch just how happy Jared and Josh are.

  “About us,” I say.

  “What about us?”

  “Well, I think we should get married,” I say.

  Tobias steps back and searches my eyes. “Are you kidding me?”

  “No, why would I be kidding you?”

  “Because you said you never wanted to get married. And you said it a lot of times, which led me to believe you really didn’t want to get married!”

  “I know, but I want more of what we have. I want more of us. And I want it to be legal. You’re doing what you love, helping sexually abused children, and I’m doing what I love, working at the magazine, flying around the world whenever they want me to go on shoots. So, now I want to do more of what I love, and I love you.”

  “You’re killing me, Ivy. I’ve hinted, I’ve mentioned it, hell I even proposed, and you’ve always said ‘no.’ Now that I don’t have a ring, you tell me you want to get married?”

  “I don’t need a ring. I just need you. And a piece of paper.” Tobias’s face splits into the biggest grin I’ve ever seen on him. Stepping back so there’s a few inches between us, I get down on one knee and look up to him. “The past seven years have been terrifying, and exciting, and thrilling. In those years, we’ve had our ups and our downs. But the one thing I’ve always had is your love. I know I can get through anything if you’re by my side. Tobias James Baxter, will you marry me?”

  The smile on his face says it all.

  He swoops me up and twirls me around. “Yes.”

  The hour will come when we all must face our demons. Sometimes those demons are real, and sometimes only you can see and hear them. Strength will prevail, as long as you can hold on for one more moment.

  Because it’s in these moments when courage, loyalty, love, and strength triumph.

  Stay strong.

  Phone Numbers

  National Suicide Prevention Life Line USA 1800 273 8255

  Samaritans UK 116 123

  Calm UK 0800 58 58 58

  Life Line Australia 13 11 44

  Beyond Blue Australia 1300 22 4636

  A word from the Author

  Drowning.

  I felt like I was drowning while writing this book. Ivy, Tobias, and Jared’s story isn’t too different from yours or someone you know. It was difficult for me to stay in such a heavy head space, and to make sense of the feelings my characters (Ivy in particular) were having.

  Although we didn’t get a point of view from Tobias, he was constantly drowning in his own thoughts of self-hatred. Having the shadow of abuse hanging over him, clouded his normal.

  This book has been the heaviest one I’ve written, and the research involved in this has opened my eyes to mental health. It was also heavy, because shortly after I started writing it, my father passed away quite suddenly. I myself wasn’t in the best of places, and listening to Ivy’s story made my heart hurt even more for her, and for my loss. It’s taken me nine months to complete this story. With a whirlpool of emotions drowning me, and characters who’ve had to deal with so much from a young age, I was careful to give you a story based on their lives, and not my own.

  But, every story I write, a piece of me is embedded in it. A part of my soul has touched the lives of these characters, and their souls have touched mine.

  ‘Drowning’ to me is so important. I want to let our youth of today know that they’re not alone. I want them to read this and identify with Ivy’s strength, so they know they can overcome whatever is happening in their lives.

  Ivy was one cut off dying, and after doing the research for Drowning, I found suicide is the biggest killer of Australian youths. Australia isn’t a minority. In America, nearly one in five people suffer from mental health. How many suffer in silence? How many people think there’s a stigma attached to mental health? We need to change, and we need to not be embarrassed of ourselves.

  One of my proofreaders said to me, she felt like either I or someone close to me has been a cutter and I wrote about it from first hand experience. Reality is, I’m sure there are so many people who are close to me who battle their own demons on a daily basis. And I’m even surer they don’t want to talk about it because they’re petrified of what people will think of them.

  Mental health is real.

  Please, be kind to those who suffer in silence. We never know what they’re going through.

  Silence is a tumor. Don’t keep it bottled up, reach out to someone to talk to them. I’ve provided phone numbers if you need them. They’re one call away and they’re there to help you.

  Stay stron
g.

  Keep reading for previews of

  Echoes of You

  &

  Ugly

  Prologue

  The palms of my hands are sweating.

  Standing in front of an unassuming building, I look up to see its sheer size. Still, it’s inconspicuous because it looks exactly like all the other buildings surrounding it.

  The sun breaks out just behind the brick building, casting the entrance into shadow.

  Funny, that. Because I’ve been living in the shadows all my life. Now is the time for me to come out of the shadows, and speak my truth.

  Speak our truth.

  There’s a line of cars in front of the building, all marked with the same lettering.

  My heart beats quickly as a shock of finality runs through my veins.

  This is where part of me will die and another part of me will live.

  All my life I’ve been worried about what people think of me. But I can’t continue on in a life where I’m only breathing. I need to learn to live.

  I take several deep breaths, ready to cross the street and take the leap I’ve been longing for.

  “You can do this,” I say to myself. The sun is moving higher, the shadow becoming smaller.

  Yes, you can.

  I look to my left, and to my right, checking for oncoming cars.

  I keep walking, crossing the street. I know if I stop for even a second, I’ll talk myself out of going.

  You can do it.

  I walk until I come to the automated doors that slowly slide open.

  Hopefully, they’ll believe you.

  I head to the counter, where a woman with dark hair pulled back in a severe ponytail and wearing a uniform is working on a computer. She looks up, but remains seated. “Can I help you?” she says in a flat voice.

  My hands tremble, so I knit them together to stop the emotion bursting to come forward.

  “I, um,” my voice quivers with uncertainty.

  “Are you okay?” She stands and comes closer to the counter. She looks behind me, searching for a hint as to why I’m so edgy.

  “I, um, need to talk to the police unit that deals with sexual abuse.”

  Prologue

  It’s days like today I wish I was dead.

  “Lily Anderson, you get your ugly ass out here right this minute. Don’t make me come after you,” Daddy screams.

  He’s so angry. I knew the moment I heard him come home from work I was in for it. I was in my bedroom, lying on the floor trying to do my math. He slammed the front door so hard the windows in my room shook.

  And then I knew, I knew I was in for it.

  “Lily Anderson!” he yells again.

  As soon as I heard him yell I ran to my hiding spot. I’m inside the closet in the hallway, wedged as far into the corner as I can get. Mom’s old coat hangs in front of me and I can still smell a faint waft of the perfume she used to wear.

  “Lily Anderson!” he shouts. I can hear the anger in his voice and I can already feel the pain he’s going to inflict on me when he opens the closet door. I know what’s coming.

  I close my eyes tight, scrunching them up so no light can seep through. I put my hands over my ears so I can’t hear him.

  “I swear to God; if I have to find you, you will not sit for a month.”

  My knees are folded into my chest. I’m trying to make myself small, invisible, so he forgets I’m here. I’m rocking myself, trying to block out what he’s saying.

  School is safe. School is safe. School is safe. I keep repeating the mantra because in a few short hours I’ll be back at school. Maybe tomorrow I can go to the library after school, stay there until it closes and then sneak in after Dad’s passed out, because he’s had too much to drink.

  It was never like this before.

  I’m twelve years old and I can remember when Mom, Dad, and I were all happy. But that was years ago. It’s been a long time since there’s been any happiness in this house.

  Well, before Mom died, and not a day since.

  Mom died when I was nine. I don’t remember much about her, except I remember her telling me how ugly I am. How life would be better if I were taken away from them. How I’ll never be anything, because I’m stupid and ugly.

  Sometimes I dream happy things. Like me, Mom, Dad and a little blond-haired boy all going for a picnic. The sun beamed down on us as we played outside and laughed. We’d eat yummy sandwiches Mom made for us, and we’d drink homemade lemonade. We’d spend hours outside, laughing and talking and just having fun. Mom would tell me how pretty I am, and how much she loved me. She would play with my hair, braid it, and then we’d go and pick bright flowers to take home and put in a vase. Dad would smile and call us “his girls”, always kissing Mom and hugging me. Dad would put the little boy on his shoulders and run around the park, trying to catch the clouds.

  I love those dreams, and I hold onto them; wishing they were real. But I’ve never had a mom like that, and my dad doesn’t talk much unless it’s with his fists, or to tell me how ugly and useless I am.

  I feel him walking around the house. The floorboards creak and the vibrations from his footsteps come through the floor to where my bottom is. I close my eyes tighter and try and breathe as quietly as I can.

  Please go away, Daddy. Please go away.

  My heart is beating so fast. My hands are shaking and I’m trying really hard not to think about what’s going to happen the minute he opens the closet door.

  Shhh, it’s so quiet. The only sound is my heart thrumming in my ears. Nothing else. Not a whisper, not a rattle…nothing.

  Maybe Daddy’s left. Maybe he’s gone to the pub to have a few drinks. Maybe, just maybe, he’s left...forever.

  I take a deep breath and just relax for a moment. My shoulders drop and I finally stop rocking.

  Slowly I take my hands down from my ears, and I’m so happy because I can’t hear him yelling at me. I can’t hear him at all.

  Gradually, I begin to unscrunch my eyes from the way I’ve tightly closed them. But something’s not right. There’s light coming into the closet.

  I don’t even get a chance to open them fully before a rough hand reaches in, latches onto my ponytail and yanks.

  “I told you it’d be worse for you if I had to find you,” Dad says, as he drags me out of the closet by my hair.

  I’m desperately trying to hold onto my head so he doesn’t rip my hair out. My feet are trying to find traction on the dirty floorboards.

  “Please, Daddy. Please. You’re hurting me,” I begin sobbing as I plead with him.

  “Then your ugly ass should’ve come when I called you, you stupid bitch. You’re fucking worthless, you ugly idiot,” he says. But now his voice is calm as he continues to drag me toward the family room.

  That’s when he’s most scary. When his voice is low and his eyes are filled with hate.

  He throws me against the side of the sofa and takes a step back to look at me.

  I look up and can see he’s the angriest I’ve ever seen him. “You dumb, ugly piece of shit,” he says, as he paces back and forth in front of me.

  “Sorry, Daddy. Whatever I did, I’m so sorry.” I cower into myself, trying to make myself as small as possible.

  “You’re just too fucking stupid, aren’t you?” he spits toward me as he brings his hand up to scratch at his chin.

  “I’m sorry,” I say again. Tears are falling hot and fast down my cheeks. My head hurts from where he was pulling my hair, but I don’t dare try to rub the spot.

  “You ugly fuck.” He kicks a boot into my leg.

  The pain is instant and my leg feels like it’s shattered. “Please, Daddy,” I beg again, burying my face into my hands.

  But ‘please’ never seems to work.

  Nothing does.

  I’ve just got to take the beatings, because that’s what stupid, ugly girls do.

  Also by Margaret McHeyzer

  Echoes of You

  At seven I was adopte
d by the most loving parents in the world.

  In this perfect family, I also found my best friend, and sister Tina.

  Throw into the mix my boyfriend Dylan, and my dog Zhen, life was good... until it wasn't.

  A catastrophic incident unearthed echoes of my past.

  It left me no choice but to confront my inner demons.

  Will I be able to live through this again?

  Amazon US | Amazon UK | Amazon Can | Amazon Aus

  A Bump in the Road

  Pregnant at 15.

  These are the words I didn’t think I would ever have to live with.

  Alex and I thought we were careful.

  Becoming accidentally pregnant was obviously written in the stars for me.

  I can’t know what the future holds, or if Alex will even stick around.

  But the one thing I know for sure; I’ll turn this hardship into a blessing.

  With or without anyone else.

  Amazon US | Amazon UK | Amazon Can | Amazon Aus

  Kobo | Googleplay

  Luna Caged

  I often stare at the walls and wonder what’s beyond them.

  The Elders tell me that nothing but sin, sadness, and disease lie beyond the wall.

  Sometimes I hear things, noises that are strange to me. They’re often faint, and when I ask the Elders what those sounds are, they tell me they are the tortured souls of thousands of people behind the gates of hell. I don’t know what they mean.

  I dream of leaving these walls, but the Elders insist this is the only place we’re safe. They talk about danger, hatred, and the devil himself waiting just beyond. They tell us the walls were built to keep us safe.

  Although I believe the Elders, I want to see the outside world for myself.

  But there’s no way out.

  Or so I thought…

  Amazon US | Amazon UK | Amazon Can | Amazon Aus

  iBooks | Kobo | B&N | Googleplay

  Luna Freed

  I often stared at the walls and wondered what was beyond them.