If I Only Knew

by Corinne Michaels

  When Darren starts talking to Kandi, I lean in and tell Milo, “Way to lay it on thick. Think he got your meaning?”

  His hand slides around to my belly and he turns me so we’re almost chest to chest. “Darren is the kind of man who likes to feel important. Butter him up and make him think you’re his friend, and he’ll show you how important he is by doing you a big favor.”

  I press my hand to his chest, to anyone else, we look like a couple, being affectionate. “If this doesn’t work, this entire miserable night is for nothing.”

  “I certainly wouldn’t call tonight miserable. And if this doesn’t work, I’ll quit.”

  I look up to see if he’s lying, but his eyes are unwavering. “You’re that sure?”

  He nods, bringing his hand up my bare back and my stomach drops. “There’s only one thing I’m unsure of about tonight, but it’s not him.”

  There’s another meaning behind his words, but I don’t trust myself to question it. I’m the world’s worst flirt. I have no idea if that’s even what he’s doing or if I’m imagining it.

  “What are you unsure of?” I ask.

  His fingers ride along my spine and I swear my knees are going to give out. Milo’s arm goes around me when I buckle a little. “Nothing anymore,” he grins at me and now I know. He’s flirting. He’s really flirting, and he’s very good at it.

  “Well,” I clear my throat and take a step back. “Happy you’re all . . . knowing and whatever.”

  “Milo and Danielle,” Darren calls. “Let’s have a few drinks.”

  He moves so his hand can touch my skin again. “Yes, let’s do that.”

  The walk over to the table feels like miles. Each step my heart races faster, knowing I have to now pretend I’m his date or it could be because he realizes I’m not as unaffected as I thought.

  When did this change?

  When did I suddenly look at Milo and not want to knee him in the balls, but instead, see if his beard scratches when we kiss?

  “What would you like to drink?”

  “Water please,” I say to the waiter, wanting to stay sober. No way am I going to follow in my two dumbass friends’ footsteps and drink. Kristin and Heather both own the t-shirts on that. I’ll stick with sober and fully in control.

  “We see who is the sensible one out of this lot,” Milo jokes and then his hand is behind my chair.

  The rest order drinks and I sit back as the men discuss cars.

  I start to sing “Ninety-nine Bottles of Beer on the Wall” to keep myself from going crazy. When I get to sixty-two, Kandi takes matters into her own hands.

  “Milo,” she purrs. “Darren hates to dance and I love this song, would you mind dancing with me?”

  “If that’s all right with your fiancé?” he asks looking at Darren.

  “I don’t mind at all.”

  He gets to his feet with a smile. “Then I would love to.”

  Well, don’t ask me, Milo. I’m totally not fine with it, but whatever. You do you, I’ll be here with my water not hoping Miss Skinnyass falls and busts her ass.

  I should’ve ordered vodka.

  Now I’m forced to sit here, watching them walk to the dance floor. His hand doesn’t touch her, but it’s close, and I seethe.

  Then, she stops, turns, and her wrists rest on his shoulders. Milo’s hands are on her waist, and I have to grip the seat to not make a scene.

  I don’t like him touching her.

  I don’t like that I don’t like him touching her.

  I shouldn’t give a shit if his hands are on Kandi or any other woman for that matter, but here I am, staring at them, seething.

  “She’s beautiful, isn’t she?” Darren asks, pulling my gaze away from Milo.

  “Yes, you’re a lucky man.”

  “I agree. She keeps me young.”

  Oh honey, that ship is long gone, just like your hairline.

  “That’s great,” I say.

  “Yes,” he agrees, looking back at them dancing. “It really is.”

  “You’re lucky to have someone who makes you happy.”

  I don’t want to think about Peter, but I do. I remember dancing with him in the living room, smiling, laughing, and being silly.

  “I was sorry to hear about your husband,” Darren says. “I didn’t know him, but I remember the news of his murder.”

  I always wondered why people apologize. Darren didn’t kill Peter, so why is he sorry? It never was something I cared about until it happened to me. My heart was broken after his death, but I found myself having to comfort others. They didn’t know what to say, and I would do what I could to help them help me.

  Losing someone unexpectedly is impossible to explain. There was no deterioration or something that we could cling to like the way he fought or how prepared we were.

  He went to work one day and never came home.

  “I appreciate the condolences,” I tell Darren.

  He pauses again. His eyes keep finding Milo and Kandi, which makes me wonder if he’s actually as comfortable as Milo seems to think.

  I watch them on the floor, my own jealousy tingling in my gut, and I push it aside. Milo is my employee. He can dance with whoever the hell he wants. At least that’s what I’m telling myself. I do a pretty good job at it until I see him smile down at her, her fingers playing with the back of his neck, and something inside of me aches.

  “I know what this is,” he says before sipping his drink.

  “What, what is?” I lean back and regret it as my dress shifts again. Seriously, I’m going to burn it when I get home and dance around the flames.

  Darren places his glass on the table, spinning it as he talks. “You’re here to get me to sign the papers.”

  “I promise that’s not why I’m here.”

  It’s really not. I’m here because my assistant is an idiot and I let him talk me into trusting him.

  “I’m not trying to be difficult,” he says.

  Now it’s my turn to push. “Then why the hold up?”

  “There’s complications with the paperwork,” Darren informs me.

  He’s full of crap. That paperwork was gone over multiple times, everything is in order, but as much as Milo might know guys like him, I do as well. I know him, or guys like him, in the business world. He likes to feel important, needed, and have women at his mercy.

  I’m the wrong girl though.

  “I’m not sure how that’s possible,” I push back. “Why don’t you tell me what the issues are so we can resolve them.”

  “There was another company that requested permits, and I think the wires are crossed.”

  Such a liar. I thoroughly researched this property before we purchased it. There were no permits filed since the previous owners basically let the complex crumble. It was a shithole. Each day this property sits untouched, we’re losing money.

  This is a power play.

  “Even if that’s the case, I don’t see why that would tie up our permits. You know that we’re the owners.”

  Darren appears to mull over what I said. I don’t know if he thinks I’m stupid or going to play his game, but I came to win tonight and he’s not getting out of this one.

  He shrugs. “I’ll look it over again on Monday.”

  I bet he won’t.

  “You two look cozy,” Milo says before I can respond to Darren.

  “Not half as much as you two did,” I fire back.

  His eyes widen, grin grows, and I realize I just gave myself up, letting him see I was paying attention. “You noticed, did you?”

  “No, actually, I was too busy having a stimulating conversation with Darren.”

  Milo takes his seat with a cocky smirk.

  Jerk.

  “Well then, why not let us all in on what you were discussing.”

  For the next few minutes, things vary from tense to even more tense as Milo commands the conversation. He informs Darren of his errors, but always manages to pull back before going over the line. H
is tone is firm, powerful, and I’d be full of shit if I wasn’t completely turned on by it.

  This is the man that’s been hiding underneath being my lackey. His strength is intoxicating. The way he plays Darren like an instrument, bending each note until it plays the way he wants it.

  Has he been doing this with me the entire time?

  I can’t help but wonder because he’s good at it.

  Now I decide to unleash my own power and go in for the kill.

  “Aren’t you getting tired of all this back and forth, Darren? And it’s not going to stop until we get our permits. I’m sure you have much bigger things to worry about with your wedding coming up. You know, booking the venue, planning the honeymoon . . . negotiating an ironclad pre-nup.”

  Kandi giggles. “We won’t be doing a pre-nup, silly.”

  Darren clears his throat. “Actually . . . I uh . . . I think we may want to discuss that.”

  Kandi’s drink sloshes on the table as she puts it down with a thud. “Are you kidding me, Darren?”

  “Like I said, you’ve got a lot on your plate,” I say. “So why don’t I come by on Monday to pick up the signed paperwork and schedule the walk-through inspection so we can get our permits? Then we’ll be out of your hair for good.”

  Milo’s arm rests behind me and his fingers graze my bare shoulder. “We both know the excuse of the paperwork is a load of bollocks. So, what time on Monday works best for you?”

  After a long grumbly sigh, he says, “Ten o’clock. And don’t be late or you’ll miss your appointment, and I don’t know when I’ll be available next.”

  Chapter Fifteen

  Milo

  “Oh my God!” Danielle says, grabbing my leg as we sit in the car. “We did it! We got him to stop his crap.”

  I’m not celebrating until I have that permit in my hand, but I’m not going to ruin her mood yet. She’s looking at me as though we’re a winning team, and I quite like it.

  “You’re welcome.”

  Tonight was a success, but Darren is still a pompous arsehole. We’ll have to find out if we actually get what we need come Monday.

  That doesn’t mean I won’t bask in her praise a bit.

  She rolls her eyes. “Please, you didn’t do this on your own. I started the conversation while you were dancing with the blonde bimbo and flirting with her, and I totally closed it at the end. This was not a solo mission, buddy.”

  The pads of my fingers slide against her creamy skin and I watch her eyes shift away from jealousy and into desire. All night she’s been doing this dance. If my attention was on Kandi, Danielle’s body became stiff and anger almost radiated from her. I’m going to see if I was right about her dislike for her.

  “I’m sensing a bit of jealousy regarding Kandi,” I say as I start the engine, loving the fact that we have total privacy in the car. She can’t run, can’t avoid this conversation, and I plan to use the upper hand right now.

  “I was not jealous.”

  Lies.

  “Then why call her a bimbo? She’s perfectly nice, engaged, and you don’t know her. I think you’re jealous.”

  “You don’t know what you’re talking about,” Danielle huffs and looks out the window.

  “Really? Because if you’ve changed your mind about finding me desirable, I wouldn’t blame you.”

  Her head turns quickly as she glares at me. “I don’t.”

  “So, you wouldn’t care if I said Kandi and I are going for a nightcap after I drop you off?”

  “Nope. She’s probably not in the mood anymore though. She seemed a little pissed off when we left.”

  “I can get anyone in the mood. So, you’re perfectly fine if I sleep with her?”

  She pauses just a heartbeat and then spits the word. “Yup.”

  Oh, I don’t believe that for a single second.

  “And you think that would be a good idea?” I continue to irritate her.

  “What do I care? I’m your boss, not your babysitter. You want to sleep with the whore from the gym, have at it. I can’t stop you.”

  “She’s a whore, is she? I didn’t know you knew each other.”

  What Danielle doesn’t know is that I didn’t even see Kandi’s face all night. I danced with her, wishing it was Danielle. I had to stop myself from tossing Kandi out of my arms, and taking Danielle to the dance floor, just to feel her skin.

  It was bad enough that I couldn’t seem to control my hands from finding subtle ways to touch her all night.

  She glares at me. “I know girls like her. She’s engaged and she couldn’t keep her hands off you. If she wasn’t touching you, she was making bedroom eyes at you.” Her voice goes a few octaves higher. “Oh, Milo, you’re so funny. Oh, Milo, I just love to dance. Would you like to touch my body? Don’t worry, Milo, I’ll be back because I want you to say dirty British words to me. Giggle. Snort. Giggle.”

  I laugh at her impression of Kandi. “Definitely not bothered at all by her I see.”

  “Gross. Get some dignity, lady,” Danielle continues. “She knew you were there with me and it was like I was invisible. Rude much?”

  “But you’re not jealous, right?”

  Danielle points her finger at me as her anger grows. “You’re an idiot. I’m not jealous, I feel sorry for her.”

  “Well, then.” I shrug. “Since you’re perfectly okay with me sleeping with her, could you send her a text letting her know I’ll meet her at my flat?”

  Her jaw drops and she twists away from me. “I’m not your assistant, do it your damn self.”

  There’s hurt in her voice, and that lets me know everything I suspected. Somewhere in the past few weeks, things have changed. I don’t look at her as the woman who stole my job. I see a strong woman who lost her husband in a dreadful way. She’s sexy, smart, resourceful, and I look forward to seeing her, even if it means I take orders from her.

  This is going to be an issue between us if we continue to ignore it. I’m not known for being a patient man, so right now, we’re going to get to the bottom of it.

  I make the turn onto her street, and park in her driveway. She makes a move to exit the car, but I grip her wrist. “What if I told you I didn’t want you to message her anyway?” I challenge her. “What if I said I don’t want to meet her, touch her, see her again?”

  “Why wouldn’t you? You’re single, she’s . . . not, but clearly that doesn’t faze her.”

  “Because.” I pause waiting for her to look at me.

  “Because?”

  “I don’t want her. Not even a little bit.”

  Danielle’s eyes widen a little and her breath hitches. “You don’t?”

  “No.”

  “Oh.”

  I smile at her innocence. “There’s someone else I want, Danielle.”

  She shifts, facing me in that fucking dress. Every inch of her is perfect, and this dress left me dying to see it on the floor. I’ve always found her beautiful, but tonight, she’s stunning. I almost lost my mind when I saw her walk out. I couldn’t move, think, talk, and I was never more grateful than I was earlier when Parker had her attention.

  I was standing there like a bloody fool with my mouth open.

  Now, I’m clearly not thinking as all I want to do is take her face in my hands and kiss her until we can’t breathe.

  “Who do you want?” she asks.

  “You.”

  Danielle’s eyes widen and her breathing hitches as I admit to her what I tried desperately to avoid.

  “Milo,” she breathes my name.

  “Tell me you weren’t jealous,” I demand.

  “I . . . I . . . I’m not going to do this with you,” she tucks her hair behind her ear and looks away.

  “Do what?”

  “This! You work for me.”

  “And?”

  “And I can’t complicate things.”

  Not a good enough answer.

  “I’m not asking about any of that,” I inform her.

  Are there
countless reasons to walk away? Yes. But right now, I want her to admit she feels what I do.

  “Just . . .”

  “Tell me you weren’t jealous. Tell me you don’t feel differently about me and this conversation is over. Don’t fucking lie to me, though.”

  I want her. Every fucked up part of me wants her. I don’t care about the fact that she’s holding my job. I want to kiss her, get this out of our systems and go back to focusing on what is important—getting my job back. Not spending my days asking Mum to find my old comic books for Parker, or worrying about her husband’s trial.

  So, we need to set this aside and go back to the way things were. If she says she doesn’t feel the same about all of this, I’ll walk away. If I’m wrong, we’ll never speak of it again.

  However, I know I’m not. I saw it tonight, clear as day. Desire was in every touch we shared.

  “It’s too confusing. I don’t know what I’m feeling,” Danielle admits as though she’s confessing to some mortal sin.

  I always liked the phrase less talk and more action. I pride myself that I’ve lived by that motto.

  Doing what I’ve wanted to do all night, I tenderly take her face in my hands. My thumb brushes against her cheek, and she grips my wrists. “What do you feel now?”

  Her eyes meet mine. “You.”

  “And what about now?” I ask as I move my face closer to hers.

  “Scared.”

  “I won’t hurt you,” I promise.

  The last thing I want to do with her is cause her more pain than she’s already endured.

  Her eyes close for a moment and then her lids slowly lift, revealing her beautiful blue eyes. “What are we doing?”

  “What do you want me to do?”

  She drops her gaze to my lips and I don’t need her to answer because I already know.

  I inch closer, waiting for her to snap out of it and push me away. “Do you want me to kiss you?” I ask as our lips are so close I can feel her breath.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Danielle

  What did he ask?

  Were we even talking? I can’t remember because all I feel right now is Milo. He’s everywhere and I can’t think straight.