The Complete Ruby Redfort Collection

by Lauren Child

  Ruby said nothing, she was staring hard at the photograph. ‘So what you are saying is that the man with the moustache, my mom, my dad and the redhead were all at the same airport together.’

  ‘I didn’t say they were together,’ said Clancy, walking over to the sideboard.

  ‘No, that’s right, they weren’t together but they are connected somehow, so what’s the connection?’ said Ruby.

  ‘They were all flying to Twinford?’

  ‘Well we don’t know that for sure, we know my mom and dad were, and we know the redhead lady is here but the moustache guy, well, he could be in Hong Kong for all we know.’

  ‘Hey Rube, look at this!’ Clancy held a small diamond encrusted revolver in his hands.

  ‘What are you doing? Will you put that down!’

  Clancy went to put the gun back where he had found it, but it slipped from his fingers and clattered noisily onto the floor.

  ‘Hey, what’s going on out there?’ shouted the woman.

  Ruby jumped, the photos tumbling out of her hands. ‘Let’s get outta here,’ she hissed.

  ‘Sorry Ma’am!’ called Clancy, grappling to replace the gun. ‘All done! Just leaving!’

  The two of them made a dash for the door. Once in the corridor they ran like crazy. They took the back stairs, which led them out into a narrow alley, which joined Derwent Street, then they ran through Twinford Square and all the way along Chance, they ran and ran until they turned the corner of Amster Street and collapsed, out of breath outside the Double Donut Diner.

  ‘Oh boy… that was… close,’ said Clancy barely able to get the words out. ‘Remind me never… to get involved in one of your… hair-brained schemes… again.’

  ‘You can talk – it was your hunch, and if you hadn’t been so clumsy then—’ she stopped mid-sentence.

  ‘—Clancy, where did you get those glasses?’

  Clancy looked at his reflection in the window of the Double Donut Diner. ‘Whoops,’ he said, ‘I forgot to put them back on the table – I guess they belong to that lady. It’s OK, though, she will probably think I picked them up by accident, thinking they were mine.’

  ‘Oh yeah, Clance, that’s highly likely, they are after all exactly as big as your whole entire face – I’m sure she will think it’s a simple mistake. Some spy you are, I would recognise those glasses anywhere… a-n-y-w-h-e-r-e…’ Ruby broke off. ‘I take it back. You’re a genius Clance my old pal, a genius!’

  ‘What? What did I do?’ stammered Clancy.

  ‘I just realised where I saw those glasses before – this woman today, she practically ran my mom off the road. Well, she was wearing those glasses.’

  ‘But why would she try to run your mom off the road?’ asked Clancy.

  ‘That’s what I gotta figure out,’ said Ruby. ‘Hey look, I gotta go, I need to do some thinking – there’s a lot I’ve been missing Clance, A LOT.’

  Chapter 31.

  When you’re out, you’re out

  WHEN RUBY FORCED HER WAY THROUGH the yard gate and hurtled up the path she saw the back door was standing open. She bolted through and up the kitchen stairs. ‘Where’s Hitch?’

  Consuela just looked at her and said, ‘Why is everyone in such a big hurry?’

  Ruby didn’t have the breath to answer questions. ‘Hitch… where?’ she repeated.

  ‘He’s loading the car,’ said Consuela sulkily.

  ‘What?’

  ‘He’s leaving – goodbye – adios!’

  Ruby turned and ran, back down the stairs and out to the garage. She found Hitch pushing his case into the trunk of the silver convertible.

  ‘Where you going?’

  ‘That’s confidential kid.’

  ‘What? I read every one of Lopez’s files, spend some time in her brain, but now everything’s confidential?’

  ‘That’s about it kid. When you’re in you’re in, when you’re out, you’re out.’

  ‘OK, well you might change your mind when you hear this,’ said Ruby.

  ‘What is it? I got a plane to catch in less than,’ Hitch looked at his watch, ‘seventeen minutes.’

  ‘OK,’ said Ruby, ‘it all started this evening when I was eating pizza with Clancy.’

  Hitch rolled his eyes heavenwards and pulled on his jacket. ‘Save it kid, it will be a nice story for when I get back.’

  ‘Nice story? You have to be kidding – this isn’t some fairytale you know.’

  ‘Kid, I’ve got work to do.’

  ‘Look buster, are you gonna listen for seventy-five seconds?’ There was something in Ruby’s voice that made Hitch stop short.

  ‘OK, I’ll listen if you can talk fast – but I’ve only got about sixty now, so when I say fast, I mean fast.’

  ‘OK,’ said Ruby, ‘as I was saying, it all started this evening when I was eating pizza. Although I guess it all really started before that when my parent’s luggage went missing and then we got burgled and then there’s this maniac in big glasses who bumped into our car on the highway.’

  Hitch looked at her like she had gone stark raving mad. ‘What?’ he said.

  ‘The redhead,’ said Ruby. ‘She keeps sorta appearing…’

  ‘What on earth are you talking about kid? You aren’t even half making sense.’

  ‘Well, this redhead walked by and Clancy was sorta intrigued because she was acting a bit suspicious and he thought he had seen her before somewhere strange, but he couldn’t put his finger on where, and so I say “let’s tail her” – so we did. She went back to the Grand Twin Hotel and Clancy kinda dressed up like a waiter and we got into her room and kinda checked it out.’

  ‘You kinda checked it out?’ repeated Hitch, incredulous.

  ‘It was just a hunch. Clancy gets these hunches and I have learned it is often wise to follow them up.’

  ‘OK kid, so you find yourself in a complete stranger’s hotel room, what do you do next? I’m all ears.’

  ‘When she’s in the shower we go through her stuff.’

  ‘You go through her stuff ?’ said Hitch, appalled.

  ‘Well Clance doesn’t, he just tries on her glasses, boy did he look a sight.’

  ‘You break into a woman’s hotel room and Clancy tries on her glasses?’

  ‘What, is there an echo out here? Look we didn’t break in, we conned our way in.’

  ‘Oh that makes it so much better. So Clancy gets a hunch, and cons his way into an innocent woman’s hotel room; she takes a shower while you ransack the joint.’

  ‘Look that’s what I’m getting at, she ain’t so innocent. I think she is somehow involved.’

  ‘Involved in what?’ asked Hitch who was very near the end of his rope.

  ‘I’m not exactly sure but involved in something,’ said Ruby.

  ‘Involved in something. What does that mean?’ But just then Hitch’s watch beeped. He looked at the flashing dial, pressed the speak button and extended the antenna. ‘Yes, I’m on my way. Over.’

  ‘What? You can’t go! Clancy and me think this has everything to do with the Jade Buddha. Don’t you see?’

  Hitch turned and looked hard into Ruby’s eyes. ‘What I see is some school kid who’s in way over her head, way over. This is not an episode of Crazy Cops ! You are not an agent, this is not some game and what the heck are you doing talking about a Spectrum case with your pal Clancy – you were told to keep your mouth shut!’

  Ruby had never seen Hitch angry like this. She shouldn’t have told him about Clancy. That was a mistake.

  By now Hitch was in the car, turning the key in the ignition.

  ‘What about tonight? My folks are expecting you to serve drinks at their party. It’s important to them, they’re gonna be real mad – you can’t just go!’ Ruby was getting desperate, trying to find anything that might stop him from leaving.

  ‘It’s covered,’ he said angrily.

  ‘What about the redhead?’ shouted Ruby.

  But her voice was drowned out by the sound o
f the car engine.

  As he drove, Hitch thought about Ruby. He was about as angry as he had ever been.

  What on earth had gotten into the kid?

  She might be brilliant but she was way out of control, living out some secret agent spy fantasy.

  As much as he wanted to strangle her, he really should get someone to keep her safely under lock and key while he was away – he could strangle her when he got back.

  He pushed a button the dash and was put straight through to HQ.

  ‘LB, look, maybe it’s nothing but Ruby’s got it into her head that she’s some kind of action agent. I think she could get herself into some real trouble if someone doesn’t keep an eye on her.’

  ‘You want to tell me what’s happened?’

  ‘Well, today she was breaking into some woman’s hotel room with her school pal Clancy.’

  LB gave out a heavy sigh. ‘I never should have used the kid, shoulda learned my lesson by now.’

  ‘You’re gonna have to watch her, she could get into some serious grief,’ said Hitch.

  ‘OK, I’ll put Froghorn on it.’

  ‘Froghorn?’ blurted Hitch. ‘I’m not sure that’s such a good idea, the kid and Froghorn didn’t exactly hit it off – can’t you assign someone else?’

  ‘We only have Froghorn, all our other agents are tied up on bigger things.’

  ‘I’m not sure he can handle it.’

  ‘Don’t worry about Froghorn, I’ll tell him to play nice.’

  True to his word Hitch did have it covered – at seven o’clock a young woman in an elegant cocktail dress arrived at the Redfort home.

  ‘Hitch sent me – the name’s Christie, I’m going to be making and serving your cocktails this evening. I believe you have approximately sixty guests tonight?’

  Brant Redford smiled. ‘Very nice to meet you Christie, I’m Brant, but where’s…’

  ‘Hitch? Oh he had a personal emergency, I’m his cover. Where should I set up the bar?’

  Consuela scowled and pointed Christie in the direction of the living room.

  By the time Sabina made her way upstairs, Christie looked well into her stride.

  The phone in the hall rang, Ruby picked up and said angrily, ‘Redfort household, shaken and quite possibly stirred.’

  ‘So what did he say? Does he know this redhead and why she might be after some man with a moustache or what?’ It was Clancy but he wasn’t bothering with hellos.

  ‘I never got a chance to find out – he was in kind of a hurry,’ said Ruby.

  ‘What? You gotta tell Spectrum, Rube, this could be important – it could be to do with the Jade Buddha.’

  ‘You think I don’t know that?’ said Ruby. ‘But what can I do if they won’t hear me out?’

  ‘Make ’em,’ said Clancy firmly. ‘Go there and make them listen – people could be in danger. Remember what happened to Lopez.’

  He’s right, thought Ruby. Clancy could be stubborn and sometimes a royal pain but he was seldom wrong.

  Unnoticed, she slipped away from the party and upstairs to her room. She pulled on a pair of jeans underneath her dress, popped on a pair of sneakers and climbed out of the window and down the side of the house. Once in the yard she whistled to Bug. She cycled through town, up Mountain Road to the Lucky Eight gas sign, the dog easily keeping up with her. The manhole cover was still there but when she tried to lift the lid, no matter how hard she heaved it just wouldn’t budge.

  Now what?

  She cycled down to Twinford Bridge, climbed over the rail and on to the iron supports, inched her way along until she got exactly half-way but the rusty door was no longer there and it was impossible to see that it ever had been. Then she cycled into town as far as Maverick Street, got off her bike and walked to the shabby brown door next to the Laundromat. The buzzer was still there, but the keypad was gone, and no matter how much she buzzed and knocked, there was no answer and it didn’t seem like there ever would be.

  She was out of ideas. Guess we might as well rejoin the party Bug.

  As they walked through the front gate of the Redfort residence, a voice said, ‘And just what have you been up to, little girl?’

  Ruby spun around and came face to face with Froghorn.

  ‘Why is it your business bozo?’

  ‘Babysitting duty again – Spectrum wants me to keep you out of trouble.’ He looked smug.

  ‘What? That’s all I need, some duh brain checking up on me.’

  ‘I can assure you I don’t want to be here – and I am not sure what crime I committed to end up on this detail.’

  ‘Maybe it was the suit,’ suggested Ruby.

  Froghorn clenched his teeth. ‘I’ll be watching the back gate, little girl – you won’t find it so easy next time. Oh and don’t go breaking into any more hotel rooms with your little friend, inch-high private eye!’ He smiled his sour smile, evidently pleased with that one.

  When everyone had gone and the house was quiet, Ruby tip-toed into the kitchen and sat staring at the toaster. She even put in some bread, but when it popped up there was no secret message – it was just toast.

  Upstairs, she checked her personal answerphone in the vain hope that there might be a call from Hitch but the only message was from Red explaining that she had had a ‘small accident’ with Ruby’s violin but that it was ‘definitely fixable, although it was going to take a lot of glue’.

  Ruby sat down on the beanbag. Sure, it was furnished but without any of her personal stuff, it didn’t feel right. Nothing about anything felt right. Life without Mrs Digby certainly didn’t feel right and she had a horrible feeling that things were only going to get a whole lot less right. But for now Ruby Redfort would do as Hitch had told her and “sit tight” – what choice did she have?

  The next day passed without sight nor sound of the Redfort butler.

  When Ruby asked her parents if they had heard from him, they simply said, ‘He sent us a telegram to say he had personal business but would be back for the museum party and after that he would be moving on.’

  ‘That’s it?’ said Ruby.

  ‘I hear you Rube, we miss him too,’ said her father. ‘He is so organised.’

  ‘I’ll say,’ said her mother. ‘Never forgets anything.’

  ‘Banana milk,’ said Ruby.

  ‘What?’ said her father.

  ‘Banana milk, he forgot to order the banana milk.’

  ‘Well, let’s hope the next guy is twice as good, huh, honey?’ said Brant.

  ‘I’ll be happy if he is half as handsome,’ laughed her mother, stupidly.

  But Ruby wasn’t even listening, she was longing for someone else to come home.

  Mrs Digby would never forget banana milk.

  Mrs Digby, where are you?

  Mrs Digby was sure

  she could hear something,

  a sort of scraping sound

  coming from behind

  the wall. . .

  Rats, she thought.

  Mrs Digby didn’t like rats. She especially didn’t like being alone with rats – the thieves, whoever they were, had left her in the warehouse with only the TV for company but at least they hadn’t bothered to tie her up. ‘Where’s she gonna go?’ the thuggish-looking man had said.

  OK, so she might not be able to escape, but Mrs Digby wasn’t about to put up with any rats.

  They might be one of God’s many creatures, but I’ll be darned if I’m going to share my dinner with them. She was fond of saying this whenever she saw a rat, whether it be up close and personal or on some TV show.

  She listened harder and picked up an oriental lamp. You come through here Mr Rat and you are going to be mincemeat I’m telling you.

  The scraping sound stopped.

  Mrs Digby stood stock-still.

  Was it listening?

  Get a grip on yourself, old lady.

  Chapter 32.

  The advantage

  THE DAY BEFORE THE MUSEUM PARTY, Ruby’s mother walked
into the living room, threw her keys on the table and said, ‘My goodness am I ever tired! It’s been a long day at the gallery, and I had to come back from lunch early because my assistant was off sick.’

  Ruby didn’t feel too sorry for her since she was aware that her mother usually took two hour lunch breaks.

  ‘Oh, I bought you these divine shoes!’ Sabina opened a shoebox and produced a pair of sparkly red clogs. ‘You can wear them to the museum party, aren’t they cute?’

  Ruby looked at them. She wasn’t so sure. ‘I guess,’ she said.

  ‘Well, try them on.’

  Ruby knew she would get no peace until she did, so she slipped them onto her feet – they were surprisingly comfortable and sort of cool in an uncool way.

  ‘The soles are real wood,’ said her mother. ‘Adorable! Do you love them?’

  ‘Love ’em,’ said Ruby, who was hoping to get back to the TV show she was watching.

  But her mother wasn’t finished. ‘I’m late home because just as I was leaving work, this woman came into the gallery, oh my was she pretty – tall, elegant, nicely dressed – and she was chatting to me about the new paintings we are showing; she really liked them too.’

  ‘Oh yeah?’ said Ruby.

  ‘Did she ever! I think she really might buy one – two even,’ sighed Sabina happily.

  ‘Oh that’s nice,’ said Ruby. Why did her mother always have to strike up a conversation when she was in the middle of one of her favourite shows? It was the new season of Crazy Cops – she had been looking forward to it for a long time.

  Drat!

  ‘We got on terribly well, she was charming. She was admiring my suit and she said, “You should get a powder blue one because it would look great with your colouring,” and I said, “It’s funny you should say that because I have a beautiful powder blue Oscar Birdet suit,” and she said, “Oh do you, I love that designer”.’

  ‘That’s nice,’ yawned Ruby.

  ‘She asked me if I ever wear it to work because she’d love to see it, and I said, “Oh yes, ordinarily I would but I had a little accident with it while I was on vacation and it is still at the drycleaners.”’