The It's Kind Of Personal (Complete 6 Book Series)ies

by Anna Brooks

  “No. No.” Her voice is so soft, but the undeniable fear makes me feel for her. What the hell happened?

  “Mary?” Travis asks.

  Brandon’s eyes never leave Mary’s, and he takes a step toward her. She takes a step back. He flinches as if she slapped him but keeps walking until he’s in the room.

  Travis looks past his brother and Mary to me. With no hesitation, he walks to me, and I kneel up on the bed. Brandon and Mary are standing off to the side, staring at each other, not saying a word. When Travis’ knees hit the mattress, I throw myself at him and begin apologizing. I’m so glad he’s here.

  “I’m so sorry, Travis.”

  “Are you okay? I was fucking terrified something bad happened to you.” He rubs my back and whispers, “Please, don’t ever do that again. No more running, sweetheart. I can’t go through that again.”

  “I won’t.” I wrap my arms and legs around him and bury my face in his neck. He starts walking out, and I don’t even look up. I should say something to Mary and Brandon, but I can’t. I’m so enamored with Travis that I don’t even notice him set me in the car. When he starts to walk away, I grab his wrist.

  “Promise you won’t leave me.”

  He smiles and kisses my cheek. “I will if you will.”

  Chapter 18

  Charlotte

  “YEAH. NO, SHE’S FINE. Thanks for your help, Dad.”

  The cool glass on my forehead keeps me awake as we drive back to Wisconsin. I listen to the one-sided conversation Travis has with his dad, and I am immediately reminded how stupid I am.

  “Hey, you okay?” His warm hand gently massages my leg.

  “Yeah, fine.” I know he deserves an answer, so I clear my throat. “I want you to know—”

  “No. Not right now.” His grip on my leg tightens, and he pulls his hand away to rub it along the stubble growing on his chin. “I’ve been through more emotions in the last day with you than I think I have in my entire life combined. I really don’t think I can take any more tonight. So please, just don’t say anything.”

  His pleading makes me snap my mouth shut. Not only am I stupid, I’m selfish on top of it. It’s not intentional. My tears cause fog to form on the window, and the lights become so blurry I can’t make them out anymore. Mentally chastising myself, I will the silent crying to stop. I try to fall asleep, but the nervousness is too much right now. Eventually, I zone out. I’m startled when my door slowly opens, and I whip my head back.

  “What are we doing here?”

  “You’re sleeping at my place tonight.” His firm tone leaves no room for argument.

  I stare at him unmoving, because I don’t understand why he’d want to be around me. Without another word, he starts to walk away. I quickly follow and walk in the door he holds open for me. Inside his apartment, he vanishes to his bedroom and returns a moment later with a t-shirt and a towel. He tosses them at me, and I drop my purse to catch them.

  “Here.”

  “Tra—”

  “No, Charlotte. Please. Take a shower and we can talk in the morning. I’ll sleep on the couch.”

  I’m using Travis’ razor and turn to set it on the shelf when the curtain flies open. I’m so worn out, both emotionally and physically, I don’t even have it in me to startle. He steps in, pulls the curtain closed, and looks at me. I feel naked, and not just my skin. He sees right through me. His eyes don’t leave mine until his face is so close; I have no choice but to lower my lashes.

  His lips caress mine and the water runs down his back, blocking it from warming me. He pushes one hand into the back of my hair and gently tilts my head, granting him better access. My mouth opens, inviting him in. His other hand trails around my waist and pulls me flush with him. He releases me to turn and leans on the tile. Even though the warm water now flows down my body, I shiver from his touch.

  “I was scared, Charlotte.”

  I take the two steps to reach him. Grabbing his head, I pull him down so we’re eye level. “Never again, okay? I won’t scare you ever again like that,” I plead. I don’t want him to give up on me.

  “You can’t run and hide anymore. You have to trust that I love you enough to stay. But know that if you do run, I’ll find you. I’ll always find you.”

  I gasp and set a hand on my pounding heart. “You love me?”

  Unblinking and with a delicious smirk he says, “I’ve loved you from the minute I saw you lying on my couch in your bright pink underwear.”

  Aside from Meara’s occasional ‘Love you, bitch!’ I can’t remember the last time I heard someone say they love me.

  Emotions take over as I grab his face and press my lips to his. I demand every ounce of passion he has to give, and suck in a breath when I feel him poking me in the stomach. In this moment, I need to show him how much he means to me. How much I love him. I have to replace my horrible experiences with new ones.

  I drop to my knees and run my nails along each indentation of his six-pack. I don’t waste any time and suck him into my mouth without using my hands. His head smacks against the tile, and he fists my hair to pull me back.

  “Char, stop. You don’t have to do this.”

  Shaking my head, I grip him at the base and begin pumping in time with my mouth. He groans and grips my hair tighter.

  “Seriously, Char.” He succeeds in pulling me off him, and with a loud pop he falls out of my mouth. I look up at him through wet lashes. His chest is heaving, and his eyes are hooded. “I didn't tell you that for any other reason than to just tell you.”

  “I know,” I caress his heavy sack and slowly stroke his hard dick with my other hand, “but I’m doing this because I need you, Travis. I need to replace the bad memories. I need you to make me forget.”

  Sympathy immediately replaces the heat in his eyes, but I don’t give him a chance to feel anything other than pleasure as I grip him tighter and tease the head of his hard cock with my tongue. Pre-cum spills out and I greedily lap it up, and then suck him as deep as I can.

  “Fuck. I knew your smart little mouth would feel incredible wrapped around my dick.” His words cause a rush of moisture to leak out between my legs, and I squirm on my knees. “You like that? You like when I tell you how good your mouth feels? Is it making you wet?”

  I nod my head and moan around him, continuing to suck and lick the length of him as he begins rocking his hips. I feel his balls tighten at the same time his hands in my hair do. “I wanna come on your tits.” His words are short and clipped. I know he’s close. I suck as hard as I can one final time, and then jack him off until I feel the warmth of his release on my chest. He squats in front of me and runs a finger through his cum around my nipple.

  “That was fucking unbelievable.” He leans toward me, and when his lips almost touch mine, I turn my head. Todd always said it was disgusting to kiss me after I had his dick in my mouth. Out of sheer habit, I give Travis my cheek. He grips my jaw between his thumb and index finger, and then gently guides me to face him. “What’s that about?”

  “I just gave you a blowjob.”

  “Yeah, the best fucking blowjob ever, and I want to kiss you. Is that a problem?”

  “Well, no. I thought since I had your…”—I point at his penis,—“in my mouth, you wouldn’t want to kiss me.”

  “You thought wrong.”

  I feel his tongue along the seam of my lips, and I greedily accept. He shifts positions and is now sitting on his heels. In this position, his mouth is level with my breasts, and he takes advantage of that by sucking on them.

  His fingers trail down my back and run along the crease of my ass until they stop at my dripping wet entrance. I drop down when I feel his finger, penetrating me. My head falls onto his shoulder and my hands grip his biceps.

  “Fuck, you’re wet. All this from sucking my dick?”

  He slowly pushes the rest of his finger in, and I shake when he crooks it inside me. He repeats the gesture until I feel like I’m about to combust. This feeling is so forei
gn to me. Yeah, Todd could make me feel good, but there was no emotion involved. It was never this intense, this all-consuming. I’m connected to Travis, and the thought alone has tremors starting. The water is starting to cool, and my hips begin rocking frantically on his finger, but it’s not enough.

  “More,” I whisper.

  He complies and slams two fingers in as his thumb rubs circles on my clit. “Come on baby, ride my fingers, make yourself come.” His voice is low and seductive, and makes me explode.

  My thighs shake, my toes curl, and I see stars. I slow my hips, and he pulls his fingers out then ever so slowly pushes one finger back in and out until the tremors stop.

  “You okay?” His soft voice pulls me back to reality, and I look around. Both of us on our knees in the shower, neither one actually showered, and a smile forms on my lips.

  “Yeah, I’m good.” And for the first time in a long time, I am… I’m good.

  * * *

  A continuous light tap wakes me from a very restful sleep, and Travis groans.

  “Seriously?” he asks exasperated. Gently, he pulls his arm out from under my neck and gives me a kiss on the cheek. “I’ll be right back.”

  Sitting up, I stretch, rested after the best night’s sleep I’ve had in years, and smile. His arms around me all night made me feel content and finally peaceful. I’m determined to put the past behind me. And after last night, I know I’m able to move on. I only have to figure out a way to never see his mom again— ever.

  A scuffling sound draws my attention, and I hear the rumble of Travis’ voice but can’t make out any words. I quietly slip out of his bed and tiptoe down the hall. Travis is standing in his doorway, blocking whoever is on the other side. That’s when I see a hand reach up and smack his head. When he goes to rub it, she pushes her way in and almost walks past me. Dr. Reynolds literally skids to a stop and turns to look at me in the hallway. So much for my plan.

  “Mom, I said no.” He slams the front door and comes to stand beside me. “When she’s ready, I’ll call you.”

  “No, it’s fine, Travis. Really. I need to do this. Go shower and I’ll make breakfast,” I say.

  “You sure?”

  “Yeah, I’m sure.”

  He kisses the top of my head and goes in the bathroom.

  We both watch him walk away, and I avoid eye contact because I don’t know how to start this conversation.

  “Charlotte, let me start first by saying that I would never, ever, betray your confidence.” The therapist side of her is comforting, almost nostalgic.

  “I know. Come on, let’s sit.” Her reassurance gives me strength.

  As soon as we’re in his living room, I plop in the chair, and she sits on the couch. We look at each other and laugh at the role reversal.

  “I’m really sorry I ran out yesterday. It was just too much.”

  “I know, I understand. You do realize that you can’t be my patient anymore, right? I have a couple of friends that I would trust you to see; I’ll give you their names.”

  Nodding in understanding, I answer, “Yeah, I know.” I play with the knots in my hair and snippets of last night flash through my mind. I smile and shake off the memory, getting back to Dr. Reynolds. I know Travis will rush through his shower, so I get right to the chase.

  “Can we talk about the elephant in the room?”

  “What do you think that is?”

  “Do you think I’m good enough for Travis? Or does what I did make me someone not worthy of his love?”

  She gasps and covers her mouth. “I… no. Never, Charlotte. I don’t judge you. If anything, I know you’re the kind of woman to help my son become a better man. I know how much you love him; it was written all over your face when you talked about him.”

  She smiles then continues, “I was actually thinking during one of your sessions, when you were talking about that summer, that I wish my boys had a woman who cared about them as much as you did; the way your eyes lit up, how you didn’t even realize you were smiling at his memory. And look at that, my wish came true.”

  I dab my eyes and give a shaky smile back. “What about Todd, what I let him do, wha—”

  “No. Don’t you even blame yourself. I’ve told you before; it’s not your fault. I look at you no different, and I don’t want you to think less of yourself. Are we clear?”

  “Oh no, she’s using ‘The Mom’ voice.” Travis sits down then pulls me onto his lap. He moves the hair off my shoulder and asks, “You okay?”

  I nod and lean back into him.

  “Oh, hush. Are we clear, Charlotte?”

  “Yes. We’re clear.”

  “Good, now that that’s settled, I have things to do. You two have a good day.”

  We all stand and walk to the door. She gives me a hug, and I hold on an extra couple seconds. I miss the feeling of belonging, and that’s exactly what she’s telling me, I belong.

  “I’ll walk you to your car,” Travis tells her when we finally pull apart.

  I sit on his bed with my legs crossed, holding a picture frame. Inside is a photo of us. We were on the beach; Travis is standing behind me, arms around my waist. My arms are on top of his, as he tickles me. We’re both looking at the camera and laughing.

  “I never took that down.” He startles me, and I fumble with the frame.

  “Not even when you hooked up?” The words fall out of my mouth before I can stop them. “I’m sorry, that was not okay.”

  He smiles. “Nobody has ever been here but you.” He walks in his room and sits on his bed, leaning against the headboard. “It’s always been you. Even when it was wrong, I knew you were right.”

  “Isn’t that a song?” I smile back.

  “I don’t know.” He shrugs.

  Silence fills the room, and I decide now is as good a time as any.

  “He was Mom’s doctor, almost double my age, and he came along right when I needed someone.” I stand and put the frame back on his dresser and run my finger along the groove in the hardwood. “It started out innocent enough. He’d call to check on her, then after a couple weeks, he showed up and brought me food.”

  I laugh at the memory. “It was Indian food. I remember because I swore never to eat it again. That shit was nasty. Anyway, he was nice to me. For about a month, he came by a few times a week to check on Mom. Then it went down to once a week. Every Friday. The first time he kissed me, I pushed him away.”

  “Fuck,” I hear Travis whisper.

  “Not because he was forcing me, but because I felt like I was cheating on you. Even though we were never officially together, and I lied to you, I still felt like I belonged to you.”

  “You do belong to me.”

  I smile. “I know that now, but back then, I was stupid, naive, desperate; pick an adjective. The first time he tried, Mom was really sick, and I was so tired. I cried after I pushed him away because I was so confused. I told him all about you. I missed you, but the comfort he gave me confused the shit out of me. He…”

  “What? He what?” Travis’ voice rises, and I can see by the lines around his eyes his temper is starting to flare up.

  “He told me how there’s no way I’d have a chance with you, and you’d already moved on because I was so far away. Long distance doesn’t work, and if you really wanted to have anything to do with me, you would have come to see me.”

  “Fucking motherfucker.” Travis’ jaw clenches, but the words manage to come out.

  “Please, let me finish.” I have to get this out now; I have to free myself of this. “I believed him, Travis. He was so convincing. So, one thing led to another, and the next thing I know, he was paying my bills and fucking me every Friday. I allowed him to do this, I allowed myself to be a whore, and I allowed him to do deplorable things to me.”

  “Did he hurt you?” Anger still at the forefront, but there’s a softness to him when he asks.

  “No. Not in the way you’re thinking. He was some type of wannabe Dom. He was also married and had a
twelve-year-old daughter. His wife didn’t know about his fetish, and I was there to fulfil it.”

  I remember seeing the picture of his wife and daughter on his desk when I was in his office for an appointment with my mom. His daughter looks just like him, curly blond hair, green eyes. “I know it’s disgusting. I don’t blame you if you want me to leave.”

  Chapter 19

  Travis

  “EXCUSE ME?” I HAVE to ask to make sure I heard her right.

  “I said I don’t blame you if you want me to leave.”

  Yup, I heard right. “After I tell you I fucking love you. Really, Charlotte?”

  “It’s deplorable what I did!” She hangs her head in shame, and I get up from the bed.

  I can’t believe we’re having this fucking conversation again. This girl is going to give me a heart attack.

  First, she ran away and scared the shit out of me. Then she gave me the best blowjob of my life. I felt like I was going to pass out, it was that good. When she told me about that fucker, I was torn in two pieces. One part of me wanted to leave her to go find him and rip his fucking head off, and the other part wanted to stay and hold her.

  I need her to know I’m here for her. Now she’s telling me it’s okay if I don’t want to be with her. She’s giving me an out. Fuck that.

  “You done?” I ask with a little more malice than intended.

  Her eyebrows scrunch together. Even though I’m pissed she doubts me, I can’t help but smile at her confused expression.

  “Done with what?”

  “Your pity party?”

  Her lips part and I continue before she can spew some more bullshit out of her mouth. “I can’t tell you how sorry I am that you had to go through what you did. I do not blame you, I do not think you’re disgusting or a whore, and I do not pity you.”

  Understanding flashes in her eyes, and some of the sparkle that I fell in love with is shining through. “If you want to talk about it with me, I’m fine with that. If you want to only talk to a therapist, that’s fine, too. Whatever you need to move on. I will not pretend you didn’t go through some fucked-up shit, though. I’m sure you’ll have some things that upset you, especially when we make love.”