by Anna Brooks
My classes range from Itty Bitty Tae Kwon Do to Krav Maga and boxing. I don’t have a bunch of workout equipment, just some treadmills, jump ropes, medicine balls, and other cardio equipment. There’s an octagon on the side of the treadmills and that’s where people who pay a membership come to spar and train. On the other side are the studios for classes.
“That’s so cool, Pierce. You should be proud of yourself.”
It’s comforting to feel like I have someone to share things with aside from my family. And having encouragement from her, knowing what I’ve accomplished has impressed her makes all the grueling hours, training, and frustration from owning a business worth it.
When the food comes, we eat and talk between bites. It amazes me how natural being with her feels. If you take away the fierce possessiveness and feral desire, of course. That’s not a natural response to another human being. I shove that thought to the back of my mind and remind myself that I need to tone it down.
I pay the bill, and as I’m tucking my wallet back into my pocket, her phone rings. When she answers it, she does it with a panic and it puts me on edge.
“Okay. Okay. I’m on my way. I’m sorry, Lucy. I’ll be there soon.”
“What’s the matter?”
She’s running out of the diner and digging through her purse. I catch up and grab her arm. “Ruby.”
“I need to get home.” She grabs at her hair and stomps on the ground. “Shit. My car is broken.”
“I’ll take you, Ruby.”
Her eyes roam over my face, and she swallows then nods slightly. “Hurry, please.”
“Where do you live, angel?”
“North side, off Main right by the bridge.”
Her legs are shaking, so I put my hand on one to still it, and she grabs my fingers and squeezes them. Whatever is going on is tearing her apart, so I don’t press it even though I really, really want to.
Chapter 9
Ruby
PIERCE’S KNUCKLES TURN WHITE on the steering wheel and I look back at the road. I understand his irritation due to our crazy change of events. He pulls into the lot, and I say thanks before rushing into my apartment and run to my mother’s room, passing Lucy on the way.
My mom has developed dementia symptoms due to depression, and along with Lucy, who was my housekeeper when I lived with Eddie, I’ve been taking care of her. I still can’t believe that as of three weeks ago things were so much different. For as fucked up as my life was, it at least had a routine to it. And now I don’t even know what the hell is going to happen from day to day.
When it became apparent that Mom was of no use to my dad anymore, that was the final straw. Apparently, he had the decency to have her carted off to a hospital to have tests run. It was determined nothing was significantly abnormal and the doctors said the symptoms may be reversed, but Dad didn’t want to deal with her. He was going to put her in a home, so I took her and Lucy and got in my car to get the hell away from them. She may have been a shit mom, but she’s still my mom, and I saw how she was controlled by Dad just like I was. I hoped that by taking both of us out of our situations, we’d finally be able to become close. I went to the bank to withdraw all my money, but my dad had beaten me to it, closing all of my accounts. Even though I was married, he somehow still had access to my personal accounts.
Neither Dad nor Eddie knew about the stash of cash I had been hoarding over the years, though, so the joke’s really on them. I’ve learned more about myself in the last month than I thought possible. Mainly, I’m a fierce bitch. I’ve been able to deal with so much stuff on my own that I never thought possible. Like traveling across the country with a mother who doesn’t recognize me half the time. Finding an apartment big enough for three people. Even though I had a stash of cash, money goes fast, so I found a job. All while rediscovering the one man who unknowingly helped me get through the past three years.
Mom is talking to herself, her fear surrounding the walls, and I take a deep breath before I open her door. She looks the same as last night, very flustered and disoriented. I hate the days like this.
“Hey, Mom. I’m here now. It’s okay.”
“Ruby. Where’s your brother? He was supposed to be home hours ago.” She grabs my arms and shakes me to get my attention.
“I don’t have a brother, Mom.” I lead her to her bed, and she lies down easily. “Why don’t you go to sleep? Do you want to watch the television?”
“No. I want your brother. I’m worried sick about him.”
“I’m sure he’s fine, Mom. You know he likes to stay out late.” If I say things to placate her, she tends to calm down. Guilt makes the food I just ate bubble in my stomach, but I know I don’t have a choice. “Why don’t we watch a movie?”
“No, I’m pretty tired.” She yawns and closes her eyes. I continue sitting with her for a few minutes, astounded that she’s turned into this person I don’t even recognize most of the time. I’m so mad at myself for not knowing sooner what was going on with her. After I had been forced to marry Eddie, my mother and I came to a sort of understanding. I realized she was in a similar situation as I was, and my resentment of her wasn’t as strong as it had been growing up.
I rub my hands down my face and push myself off the bed. As I’m shutting the door, she says, “When he gets home, tell him I love him.”
This is so frustrating. I saw all the copies of the bloodwork and her tests, and if I had the money I’d take her to get a second opinion, but with no insurance there’s no way. I have to believe what they told me and pray the antidepressants will help her, and that eventually she’ll get better.
“She better?” Lucy sticks her head in the room.
“She’s okay now, I think.”
Lucy pulls me inside her room across the hall and shuts the door with a soft click. “He wouldn’t leave.”
I press my lips together and nod, not surprised he was able to run inside before the door shut. “What’d you tell him?”
“That you were checking on someone, and I’m a family friend. He seems nice, dear. Everything you said about him, how you can tell he cares for you? I’d be a fool not to see it. He’s very worried about you.”
“I’m sure he is. God, I messed up so bad, Lucy. I shouldn’t have tried to place myself in his life right now. This is stupid. I need to worry about Mom.” I could have moved anywhere. Got a job anywhere. Stupid, stupid me.
She puts a hand on my shoulder. “Go to him, Ruby.”
“I can’t. Not right now,” I whisper. “Please, tell him to leave.” I’m so selfish, going out to eat when I should have been here. The time wasted waiting for a glimpse of him would have been better spent here helping her. I need to focus on Mom and her health more than I need to be worrying about Pierce. No matter how much I want to be with him now, I can’t.
Lucy’s disappointed look won’t make me change my mind. “If that’s what you want.”
She leaves, and less than a minute later, I hear the front door slam, and I wipe my eyes to prevent the tears from falling. Since Mom fell back asleep a few minutes ago, I go clean up, take my contacts out, and change into some sweatpants and a hoodie. Lucy and I say good night to each other in the kitchen where she’s getting a glass of water.
I grab a blanket from the couch and head on back to the patio since I know I won’t be sleeping well tonight. I don’t have my car, so I can’t go to the grocery store and wander around aimlessly like I usually do.
The sliding door squeaks as it opens, and Pierce doesn’t even scare me when he stands up. His determination is admirable.
“You didn’t have to stay.”
“I was worried.”
He holds his hands out, and I shut the door and walk into his arms, letting him pull me into a chair. He covers us both with the blanket and I cuddle into his embrace.
“I can’t do this, Pierce. Not now.”
“Can’t do what?”
“This.”
His arms tighten around me and he chu
ckles. “Seems like you are.”
“No.” I turn so I’m facing him. “I shouldn’t be. I can’t anymore.”
When his hand brushes some hair off my face, I reach up and grab his wrist. He leaves his palm on my cheek as his thumb continues moving feather light against my skin.
“You can’t be with me?”
“No, not right now. But we can be friends. I’d like to have you as a friend.” When he gets another girlfriend it’ll kill me, but right now I can’t give him what he deserves.
“You wanna be friends, angel?”
“Yes.”
He chuckles and kisses my cheek then my neck. “Okay. Friends.”
I separate myself a little and tuck my knees up to my chest. “Friends don’t kiss each other.” I try to lighten my tone to break some of the tension, but unfortunately I’m unsuccessful. “I’m just not in the right place in my life. There’s so much … it’s not fair to you. I don’t want to be going back and forth with you all the time. I’m sorry.”
“So you want me to what?” He sits up and crosses his ankles. “Pretend I’m not insanely attracted to you and that I haven’t hoped for you back in my life for the last three years?”
It makes me feel so special when he talks like that, as if I’m the only one in the universe who matters. I’m not used to that, so when he says those words, my heart melts. Regardless, I have to get my priorities straight. And my mother needs to come first. “I understand that there’s something between us, but if you can’t be friends with me, maybe you should just forget—”
“You’re not someone I can just forget about, Ruby. Even if you can’t give me everything right now, I’ll settle for whatever I can have.”
I throw the blanket off and get out of the seat then walk closer to the edge of the patio but stay off the grass since I’m not wearing shoes. “You shouldn’t have to settle.”
“Don’t tell me what I should or shouldn’t have to do.” His footsteps stop making noise when he steps on the grass in front of me. “I’m an adult, Ruby. I’m almost thirty years old. I know what I want. You, Ruby. I want you. I’ve always wanted you.”
Holy shit, this man. He makes me want to throw all caution to the wind, and maybe I should. I’ve never had that before. I’ve never been able to make these kinds of decisions before. Maybe that’s part of my reservations. But now, there’s another problem. He’s older than I thought he was.
“Pierce, you know I’m only twenty-one.”
He searches my face for a brief moment. “I don’t care.”
“But that’s a lot younger than you are. Why would you want to be with someone so inexperienced?” My life experiences aren’t exactly normal; I still have a lot to learn, I’m not numb to that. In fact, I know it’s going to be an issue. Silly stuff like getting car insurance or knowing how to balance a checkbook are all things I’ve never had to do. I have a lot to learn about life.
“I heard you.” He cuts me off and turns so his back is to me.
I take a couple of steps backward with the intent of going inside. This is so stupid. I’m not like this. I’ve always been confident in any decisions I’ve made. I’ve fought for my freedom, and now that I have it, I act like a child. Instead of just telling him about what’s happening in my life, I push him away and act like a moron.
Way to ruin it, Ruby.
My hand is on the handle to slide the door open just as Pierce grabs it, his hard body flush with mine. “Don’t you dare walk away from me because you assume you know what I’m thinking. That I don’t want you anymore. God, Ruby, you don’t even have an understanding of what you do to me.”
I turn in his arms and lean against the glass door so I can see his handsome face.
“I don’t care that you’re younger than I am. All that means is there’s been less time for someone else to touch what’s mine.” He leans down, and with nothing but a breath between our lips, he smiles. His upturned lips brush against mine. “You’ve been mine. I’m yours. It’s pointless to deny what’s between us. It might be rare, but it’s precious and it’s ours. I can’t force you, and I’d never pressure you, but you need to be the one to make the decision to give yourself to me ’cause, baby, you already have every single part of me there is to give.”
He crowds me into the door and my heart rate accelerates. It flutters all the way down to my belly, and I decide at the moment to really enjoy the freedom I have. To not let what happened before define me. To use my skeletons as ammunition to live a happy life that I deserve … that I didn’t think I’d ever have. If he wants me, he’s going to be involved in everything … but I think he’s going to be okay with that.
“You’re right. I’m just petrified that I’m going to ruin your life.”
Without responding, he presses his entire body into mine, from his legs to what’s between them, to his chest and his mouth. His arms wrap around me and reach behind and grab my butt. I try to keep up with his kiss, try to match the strokes of his tongue, but the way he’s dominating my body makes it near impossible.
This scares me. I can’t believe how he makes me feel so beautiful and so wanted so easily. Everything moves in sync, and I grab onto whatever I can … his arms, I think. He rotates his hips just a little bit, and he hits a spot that makes me moan.
Much to my dismay, he pulls back a little, and I immediately miss everything. His lips, his warmth, his hands. “Tell me to stop if you don’t want me to touch you right now.”
I want everything from him. More than just touching him. I want him to own every single part of me and make me forget anybody was ever before him. He slides a hand around to the front of my sweats — damn it, I’m wearing sweatpants — and toys with the waistband. My entire lower body sets on fire, and I can only nod at him. His eyelids appear about as heavy as my head feels, and I lean it on the glass.
His tongue darts out and moistens his lips just as his hand descends and the tip of his fingers graze over my sensitive skin. I gasp and he smiles. “No panties?”
“I don’t sleep with them on.”
“Lucky me.”
He uses the hand on my butt to pull my sweats down to my thighs and sucks in a breath when I’m fully exposed to him. Almost in a trance, he drops to his knees and uses both hands to spread my sensitive lower lips open. He presses his face between my legs and inhales before letting out a throaty breath.
The action causes the trimmed hairs to tickle against me, and I giggle. His eyes snap up, and my laughter dies at the intensity on his face. “You smell so good, Ruby. God … so sweet, so innocent … so delicious. I want to taste you so bad. I want my tongue inside you while your juice drips down my face.” He stands and my knees actually become weak to the point that I have to grab onto him so I don’t fall. His words weave an intricate web in my brain and try to push through the silky strands of guilt. He thinks I’m innocent … that I’m good. And I’m so not.
I push the thoughts away while he plays with my slit and rests his forehead against mine. I close my eyes to avoid looking into his, anxious he’ll see me for who I really am. His fingers circle my clit and I bite on my lip to keep from embarrassing myself. I’ve never had anybody touch me this intimately before.
“Can I?” he asks, rubbing a little harder and in smaller circles. He kisses me but doesn’t pull back enough to separate our lips all the way. “I’m in heaven just touching you, but I’m dying to taste you. Can I, Ruby?” He brings his finger up and rubs it between our lips, my scent and flavor hitting our senses at the same time. I finally look at him, his eyes dark like chocolate right now, desire flaring in them.
He pulls his face away about half an inch and sticks his finger in his mouth, sucking on it and closing his eyes. When they open again, I nod slightly and look away out of embarrassment. This is so foreign to me. I don’t know what I’m doing, and he’s so confident that I’m sure to make a fool out of myself.
“Hey,” he calls. I look at him again and am even more embarrassed that tears are in
my eyes. If I could wipe them away without him noticing, I would, but it’s useless since he’s watching me like a hawk. “Hey, what’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” I lie. What am I supposed to say? If I tell him the truth, he’ll stop. And I don’t want him to. I want to feel. I want to be normal. “I’m fine.”
“Fine is not good enough, angel. I need you to be amazing, hot, horny, desperate … not fine. Am I going too fast?”
If he only knew just how desperate I was for what his touch can do to me. “No, I’m just nervous. You’re intimidating.”
His lips tilt up in the smallest of smiles, and he kisses my nose. “No, I’m not. You are. You’re the only person in the world who I can say scares me.”
At that, I laugh a full-on laugh, and he joins in, just not as much as I am. “That’s ridiculous.”
“It’s not, though.” He frames my face with his hands and I have no choice but to look at him. “I look at you and I see a woman who’s scared. She wants to spread her wings and fly but something’s holding her back. And it’s my job to make sure that whatever is keeping her from soaring is put to rest because I know that when she’s free, it’ll be the most beautiful thing that I’ve ever seen.”
Any hope I had of not crying is gone. Vanished. I fall forward into his arms and he wraps them around me, pulling my pants up before he picks me up and opens the door. He somehow slides it shut with his foot and carries me the few steps to the dingy chair in the living space. He sits behind me and pulls me so, so close. I grab his arms and hold on tight, letting him take the worry away.
After a few minutes, I calm down and wipe my nose with the back of my hand. I clear my throat and decide that if he really wants to be with me, he needs to know everything.
Chapter 10
Pierce
“MY DAD WAS A bad man.” Her words shock me, and I attempt to sit up, but she squeezes my arms. “No, just … hold me?”