The It's Kind Of Personal (Complete 6 Book Series)ies

by Anna Brooks

  Lisa

  I don’t know how much longer I can take it. I’m not sure I can do the push and pull another second. He’s wearing me down by doing nothing but being himself. I see why Meara says he’s such a good guy. He’s so caring with the people he loves. I feel like I know more about him than they do because I know his secret. It makes me feel close to him even though I keep him at a distance.

  Continuing to live this way is tearing me apart, but I’m so fucking scared … I loved Brad, but with Nik, it’s different. The level of intensity and passion with Nik was never there with Brad. I feel guilty for even thinking that way, but if I continue to deny the only person who can fulfill my emptiness, I’m going to have no choice but to either give in or leave him … because seeing Nik and not allowing myself to be open to him is slowly killing me inside.

  The bar is crowded tonight, and I’m trying my best to pretend again. When other people are around, Nik and I do a pretty good job of being cordial. It’s so busy that Nik, Meara, and I are all behind the bar, and I’m thankful for something to keep my mind off my dying heart.

  Meara pulls the trash out of the container and ties the drawstrings. “I’m just gonna run this out.”

  “No. I’ll take it, Meara.” Nik grabs it out of her hand and throws it to the ground. “You’re not going out there by yourself.”

  “Jesus Christ, I’m not a freaking china doll. I can manage to throw some garbage out.” While she bends down to pick up the bag, she makes a show of heaving it over her shoulder. “I’ll be back in two minutes.”

  “Woman,” Nik scolds. He rips the garbage out of her hand and shakes his head as he walks away. “Gonna take a piss, too.”

  “He’s such a pain in the ass.” She angles her head in the direction Nik just left.

  “I think it’s sweet that he cares that much,” I say quietly.

  “I know. I know.” She’s so lucky she has so many people who care about her. If she weren’t so damn nice, I’d be jealous of her.

  I offer a weak smile then walk over and continue to serve the customers. Meara heads to her end of the bar, and I busy myself with wiping down the bar top. It’s such a beautiful cherry color; you can tell her family has put a lot of time into making sure every last detail of this place was made with care.

  A commotion makes my head swivel, and a man has Meara pushed up against the wall behind the bar.

  As fast as I can, I run to help her. “Hey! What are you doing? Get off her!” I yell and grab at his shoulder.

  He releases his right hand, turns a little bit, and shoves me. I feel myself falling and my head catches on the end of the solid wood bar top. Pain rips through my entire body, and I reach out to grab something, but I slam to the ground as stars fill my vision.

  “Lisa! Oh, my God!” Meara’s scream sounds so far away, and I try to open my eyes, but the stars have turned to blackness, the only light a pinhole in the center of my vision, and as I’m falling into quicksand, I could swear I hear Nik calling for me.

  Chapter 8

  Nik

  I STAND BY THE door in the hospital, unable to move. There was so much blood, and I wasn’t there and I should have been there. If I had been there, this wouldn’t have happened. I wouldn’t have let it happen. Nobody would be able to hurt her.

  It hurts to swallow; my throat is so tight and each and every muscle in my body is taut with venom, ready to strike.

  A hand lands on my shoulder, and I tense even more. “Hey.” Meara’s soft voice, which normally calms me, does nothing but aggravate me further. She got hurt tonight too because I wasn’t there.

  My eyes connect with hers for a brief second, just to make sure she’s okay, and then flash back to the closed door.

  “Nik?”

  I grunt and she stands in front of me. “Nik. Come sit down.”

  “I’m good here.”

  “What’s this all about?”

  “I never should have left.” Nobody knows what’s happened between Lisa and me. The last thing I need is everyone meddling in our business and making it worse.

  “Stop. Don’t even go there.”

  I squint my eyes down at her. “I have never left you or her alone behind the bar without a bouncer there. Never. And the one fucking time I do … I was gone a total of four minutes and this shit happens. I swear to fucking Christ if she isn’t okay—”

  The door silently opens, and she steps back as the doctor enters the room. “Lisa Scott’s family?”

  Her mother comes forward and squeezes Meara’s hand. She smiled at me when she first got here, but otherwise, she has kept to herself.

  “I’m her mother. Is she okay?”

  “As of right now, our main concern is her concussion. The laceration on her head required twelve stitches. The rest of her tests came back normal, but we want to keep her for at least twenty-four hours for observation.”

  All of the fear that’s been holding me up vanishes, and I put a hand against the wall to steady myself. She’s okay. She’s going to be okay. And when she heals, I’m going to put a stop to all this bullshit once and for all. I fucking love her; I’ve never loved a woman in my life like I love her, and I’m not losing that. I’m not losing her.

  “However …” The doctor clears his throat. “There appears to be a bit of memory loss. She’s confused with why she’s even working at a bar she’s never heard of and is asking for her husband.”

  “Oh, my God.” Her mother leans against Meara and something makes my eyes itch. I blink it away and try to focus.

  “Is that you?” He directs his question toward me.

  “No.” I clear my throat so I don’t give away how fucking choked up I am. “Her husband’s dead.” And I may as well be too. I walk out of the hospital and get to my car. After I turn the ignition, I lean forward and bang my head on the steering wheel. The burning in my eyes is back again, but this time when I blink, something wet slides down my face and I sit up and wipe it off.

  I don’t remember the last time I cried. I’ve never had a reason to until now.

  * * *

  My shoulders burn, sweat drips into my eyes, and the rhythmic pounding of my bloody fists into the punching bag is the only thing keeping my mind from wandering right now. I have no clue how long I’ve been here, but when the lights shut off, I hang my arms and wipe my eyebrows with my forearm. Pierce calls out to me, but I ignore him and grab my keys.

  His gym has become my favorite place to be because it’s the only place where I can get a moment of peace. It’s only been a couple of weeks with no change in Lisa’s progress, but every day is more torturous than the last. Meara’s kept me in the loop and told me whenever she’s talked to Lisa’s mom.

  When I go to the bar, I miss her presence. When I’m home, I can’t sit on my couch because of the memory of her there. Everywhere I turn, I see her. It’s killing me.

  Pierce’s footsteps follow me, and he grabs my arm before I can leave. I turn and swing at him, but he ducks and steps back, holding his arms up. “Talk to me, man.”

  “Nothing to say.” I turn, and he grabs me again, but this time I reach for his shirt and grab it, slamming him into the counter. He’s not scared of me but gives an understanding nod. “Okay, I got it.” I push off him and stomp outside then slam my car door so hard I’m surprised the window doesn’t break.

  As soon as I walk in my door, my phone rings. I answer it because it’s Meara, and if I don’t, she’ll just keep calling. Plus, she might have an update about Lisa.

  “Hey,” I answer.

  “Hellooo. So you have to come over tonight. We’re having a housewarming party.” Her excitement makes me feel guilty because I’m about to turn the offer down.

  “Sorry, can’t. Have fun, though.”

  “Nik, don’t do this. Don’t shut yourself out because you feel guilty for something you had no control over.”

  Little does she know there’s so much more to it. “Sorry, babe.”

  “I will march over there
and drag your ass over here if I don’t see you.”

  A defeated sigh passes through my lips and echoes through the earpiece because she laughs, knowing she got her way. “Awesome. See you by seven.”

  I waste time around my place doing stupid shit like tightening all the knobs on the drawers and cabinets until six thirty. A cold shower helps to wake me up, and I arrive at Meara and Liam’s new house at seven fifteen. Everyone gives me a wide but polite berth, and when Meara announces that she and Liam got married, I smile a genuine smile for the first time in way too long. She deserves to finally be happy after everything she went through.

  I catch her in the hallway on my way to the bathroom. “Happy for you, Meara.” I hug her and she wraps her arms around my neck, squeezing me tight.

  “Thank you, Nik. For everything. I know I don’t always tell you how much I appreciate everything you’ve done for me, but I do. You were there for me when nobody else was and … I just love you.” She sniffles, and I pull her back to look at her tear-filled eyes.

  “You’re crying?” I mock.

  She slaps my arm. “Shut up.”

  I kiss the top of her head then ruffle her hair. “Love you too, babe.”

  “I know you’re being hard on yourself right now—”

  I cut her off with a wave of my hand, but she grabs it and shakes her head. “No, stop. It wasn’t your fault, Nik. Stop blaming yourself and please try to smile again. I hate seeing you so upset.”

  “I’m good.”

  “You’re such a liar.”

  We head in opposite directions, but she calls my name. “Yes?”

  “I’m here for you too, ya know? If you ever need me.”

  I rap my knuckles on the wall and nod in acknowledgment.

  After I take a leak, I contemplate leaving, but I know Meara will be upset if I ditch so fast. After hanging out for about an hour outside around the fire, I’ve had enough. All I can think about is Lisa and I’d rather be alone to wallow in my misery. I head over to say bye to Meara who is sitting next to Pierce and the girl he brought with him, Ruby … she looks vaguely … familiar.

  “Hey, I’m gonna take off. Congratulations, Mrs. Meara Anders.”

  “Why thank you, Mr. Nik Nervetti.” She smiles and scrunches her nose.

  Ruby drops her plastic cup and beer splashes all over our feet.

  “Oh, my God. I’m so sorry.” She frantically stands and trips on Pierce’s legs, but he catches her.

  “Hey, you’re fine,” Pierce whispers.

  “No biggie. We all spill beer.” I attempt to laugh it off and make her feel better because she looks like she’s just seen a damn ghost.

  “Nik?” she asks.

  I nod, and she covers her mouth as wetness brims her eyes. “Nikolas Marco Nervetti?”

  My brows scrunch together in confusion. “Yes.”

  “Oh, my God,” she whispers, her lower lip trembling. “I have to get out of here. I’m so sorry.” She pushes past Pierce, but he takes off and is right behind her.

  Meara and I look at each other, and I wave as I go to follow Pierce out to the street where our cars are parked.

  “Uh, hey. What’s going on? Do I know you?”

  “No, you don’t,” she answers.

  I’m so confused; I look over at Pierce to try and figure out what’s up, but he looks as puzzled as I feel. I don’t have time for this shit tonight.

  “What the fuck is going on?” I raise my voice and step in her direction. “Who the hell are you?”

  “Nik, relax,” Pierce warns.

  She stands next to Pierce and looks at me with regret. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”

  “Didn’t know what, woman?”

  “Only warning you’re gonna get, Nik. Talk to her like that again and—”

  “Stop.” She steps between us and leans her head back to catch my eyes. “I think you’re my brother.”

  Pierce gasps, and my jaw drops and I shake my head. “What the fuck are you talking about? My dad only had one kid.” I stab myself in the chest with my finger. “Me. And my mom’s a whore who abandoned us when I was an infant.”

  “You look just like him,” she mutters.

  “Like who?”

  “My dad.”

  “No, I look like my dad,” I argue.

  “Maybe I’m wrong.”

  “Yeah. You are.”

  Fuck this shit. I storm off and my tires squeal down the road as I speed away. I don’t have a sister. Chick’s crazy. Except my gut tells me something different. The evidence is hard to deny, especially when she looks identical to my so-called mother.

  When I get home, I skip the beer and go straight for the Jack. I don’t even know what’s going on inside my head right now. So much shit is spinning it’s making me dizzy. I’ve watched the minutes and hours tick by on the clock, and when there’s a knock on my door, I ignore it.

  A key turns my lock, and before he even enters, I know it’s Pierce.

  “I didn’t answer because I don’t want company.” My voice echoes in the bare apartment. Pierce leans against the wall and crosses his arms.

  “Where’s your side piece?”

  “Friend or not, Nik, I already warned you not to talk about her like that.”

  “Who the fuck is she, anyway? Oh wait, she’s my sister.” I take a long swallow directly out of the bottle and set it on the floor. “Fucked up thing is I believe her. I don’t even need proof because she looks like the one picture I have of my mom. Dad refused to talk about who my mom is, so I don’t even know if she’s alive.”

  “She is,” he answers.

  I sit up and tilt my head to the side; my hate for the woman who abandoned me takes a backseat to thinking I might be able to get an explanation as to why she left me. “You met her?”

  “Yep, this morning. Had no clue, man. This thing with Ruby’s still pretty new and—”

  “Who the fuck is this chick?”

  “It’s her.” It only takes a moment of recognition for it to sink in. This is the girl he met in Vegas all those years ago. She’s the one who’s had him so damn torn up. He didn’t get her name or anything, so he’s been pining for someone he didn’t even truly know. “No shit?”

  “No shit.”

  “How?”

  “She came here to find me. I didn’t even find out about her mom until recently ’cause, uhh …”

  He hesitates then grabs his phone out of his pocket.

  “Let me call Ruby. Maybe you can stick around to talk this time ’cause I’m about as clueless as you are. Ruby’s been through a lot, and I didn’t want to push her too hard to talk, so it’d probably be a good idea if we figured all this out together so she doesn’t have to explain everything twice.”

  I don’t want to be happy about this revelation, but I always wanted a family of my own. However, Dad owes me an explanation. “Fine. But I need to talk to my dad first. Drive me?”

  Chapter 9

  Nik

  ANOTHER SILENT CAR RIDE and Pierce hesitates before exiting the car with me.

  “Come with. You wanna hear what he has to say just as much as I do.” Pierce follows me as I knock and then walk right in through the unlocked door. “Pops,” I shout through the house.

  “In the kitchen.”

  When we arrive in the kitchen, Dad’s sitting at the old wooden kitchen table reading the newspaper while a baseball game plays on the small black and white TV that’s propped up by old phone books.

  “Where’s my mom?” I get straight to the point; no sense wasting time trying to figure this shit out.

  Dad stills and folds the paper then sets it on the table. “Why do you ask?”

  “Because I met a girl tonight who says she’s my sister. And unless you can tell me that my mother is dead, I think I’m gonna have to believe her since she looks exactly like this.” I pull the picture out of my wallet and toss it in front of him.

  His face falls, his tough guy exterior crumpling right before my eyes.
>
  I sit and listen to my dad’s story. Listen to him tell me about how his brother was already married to my mom. How he and Violet, my mother, had an affair.

  So many things make sense now. How my dad would get an odd defensiveness to his tone when I asked about Mom. Or how I never got a straight answer with what happened to his relationship with his brother.

  But the biggest thing that I take from all of this is that I have a mom who didn’t abandon me, and a sister to look out for. Blood is blood. And no matter what has happened in the past, I’ll be there now.

  Dragging my feet, I go to meet Pierce outside while I’m still trying to process everything.

  “Hurry up, dude. Zack just answered Ruby’s phone. Apparently, she’s passed out at the pub.”

  My steps quicken and as soon as my ass is in the seat, Pierce takes off. I’ve loved being able to be there for Meara when she needed me, and I know how much Declan appreciates having someone to keep an eye on her aside from Pierce, but I love the fact that I have a sister of my own to protect and take care of now.

  “This is some fucked-up shit, man,” I say as I roll down my window to get some fresh air.

  “I know. I don’t even know what to say.”

  “Fuck. My mom’s alive, and better yet, she’s here. Right, man? She’s in town?” Something to look forward to makes me happy for the future when lately I’ve been nothing but pessimistic.

  He nods. “You doin’ okay?”

  Am I? I just found out some pretty heavy shit, and actually, I’m damn excited about it. I have a sister. And my mom didn’t abandon me. “Yeah, I guess. I’m actually relieved. It’s good to have something else to focus on right now, actually.”

  He stops at a red light and looks over at me. “You mean other than Lisa?”

  My head whips in his direction, and I point at his face. “Shut up.”

  Raising his arms in surrender, Pierce nods. “All right, man. I’m always here, though. I understand what—”