Come Break My Heart Again

by C. W. Farnsworth

  “You haven’t considered who committed that crime?”

  “That’s for the police to worry about. Not me. Not you.”

  “Letting it go doesn’t seem fair to anyone.”

  “If life were fair Sarah would be attending this event with the rest of us.”

  I take a sip of champagne to swallow my shock, trying to recall the last time my father brought up Sarah. Aside from an annual trip to the cemetery, my parents generally act as though my older sister never existed.

  “What do you think she would be like now?”

  “I’m sure she’d be doing well for herself.” He takes a sip of his own drink.

  “Do you think she’d be… happy?”

  Unlike my mother, I know my father never harbored any delusions about Sarah’s moods. How her swings from one end of the emotional pendulum to the other were more than teenage angst.

  “She never had any reason not to be,” my father answers.

  His response makes perfect sense, and none at all. Despite all the privileges Sarah grew up with—that I grew up with—you can’t just will yourself to be happy.

  “It’s after ten. Your mother will want to get going,” he continues, effectively ending our most meaningful conversation in years.

  I nod, expecting him to head over to where I can see my mother laughing amongst some members of her garden club. But he lingers.

  “I guess some good came out of your association with that boy.”

  Evidently my mother shared more from our earlier conversation with the Hathaways than just my short tone.

  “I guess so.” I tread carefully as I step into uncharted territory. Every time Ryder has come up between us, the discussion hasn’t gone very well.

  “More than can be said for most school projects. Good night, Eleanor.”

  “Night, Dad,” I manage, watching him walk away and too surprised to do anything besides stand here.

  Because I’m pretty sure my father just revealed he was aware my relationship with Ryder James far pre-dated a senior year Homecoming date, and that’s one of several curveballs tonight I did not see coming.

  Chapter Seventeen

  The drive from the busy streets of Boston to the winding lanes leading to Eliza’s family’s beach house should be a relaxing one. William is driving, so all I have to do is stare out the window and enjoy the scenery. Unfortunately, I spend it rife with anxiety rather than eagerly looking forward to the holiday weekend. I didn’t ask Eliza if Ryder was also invited to the Fourth of July celebration she and Tommy decided to throw as a last hurrah before their wedding, but I wanted to. Or more specifically, wanted to know if he accepted the invitation.

  I don’t have to wonder for long. A familiar truck is already parked on the clamshells. I’m surprised the vehicle is still running. Also taken aback by the nostalgia the sight of it sparks.

  I climb out of the passenger seat, stretching before I let Scout out of the backseat. It’s late; past eleven. Someone’s assurance we’d be leaving by five turned out to actually mean nine-thirty, and that person was not me.

  William looks around as he exits the car, the salt air ruffling his dark hair.

  “Wow. This is nice.” He studies the exterior of the large cottage, which is covered with wooden shingles stained light gray by the sodium dissolved in the air. You can’t see the ocean in the dim light of the crescent moon, but the sound of surf is audible from here.

  “Yeah, it is,” I reply, inhaling the scent of the sea as I grab my bag from the trunk of William’s Audi and start up the steps.

  “Hello?” I call out as I step in the front door. “We’re finally…”

  I stop mid-announcement. Everyone is sprawled out in the living room located to the immediate right, playing some sort of card game. It’s essentially the same group that was here for the combined bachelor and bachelorette parties, except I’m not the only one who brought a significant other along this time. Jessica’s husband is here, there’s a petite woman perched next to Mike, and… Lily Sampson is seated beside Ryder.

  “Here,” I finish.

  I’m distracted by Scout’s excited bark. He’s spotted Ryder, and clearly remembers him, sprinting over to his side and jumping up on him. I hurry after him, grabbing Scout’s collar so I can pull my dog off my ex.

  “I’m sorry,” I tell Ryder.

  “It’s fine,” he replies, smiling slightly. “I would have been offended if he forgot about all the quality time we spent with the tennis ball.”

  “Hey, everyone.” William enters the house and is looking curiously at me holding a straining Scout. Everyone replies with generic greetings, and then I make introductions. William’s met Eliza, Tommy, Jessica, and Paige before, but no one else. I’m relieved I retain a neutral tone when I introduce Ryder and Lily.

  “What’s wrong with Scout?” he asks me.

  “He’s just overexcited,” I reply.

  “Hmmm,” William responds, and I’m certain he’s holding back an I told you so. Eliza only invited us a couple days ago, but he managed to suggest we find a kennel to board Scout at three times. “This place is great, Eliza. We’d always head to the Hamptons if we were staying local. I can see why Eleanor was raving about her last trip here.”

  I certainly wouldn’t have used the word raving to describe my assessment of the bachelorette party, and I don’t think anyone else here that weekend would have either, if the glances I’m getting are any indication.

  William is oblivious. “Maybe we should start looking for a place around here, babe.”

  “Yeah, maybe,” I reply, still struggling with an eager Scout.

  “I can take him down to the beach, if you want,” Ryder offers, forcing me to look at him.

  I give him a grateful smile. “Yeah, if you don’t mind. He hasn’t gotten much exercise lately.”

  Ryder nods and stands from the couch.

  “You look kind of familiar,” William comments unexpectedly. “Have we met before?”

  Air stalls in my lungs, and it feels like the whole room is holding its breath right alongside me. I’ve never mentioned Ryder to William in any way, shape, or form. How could he possibly have…

  Ryder solves the mystery. “Yeah. You were soliciting whiskey recommendations at the bar.”

  William snaps his fingers. “That’s right.” He glances at me, then back to Ryder. “What were you doing at Eleanor’s gala?”

  “His mom helped me start the charity,” I blurt.

  “Oh, really? That’s great,” William replies. “Have I met her?”

  I nod once. “Kat.”

  “Christopher’s mother?” William sounds surprised, and I’m certain I know why. He knows my relationship with Kat and Christopher predates ours. The fact I’ve never mentioned a third member of their family is strange. To anyone who doesn’t know the full story, at least.

  “Uh-huh,” I answer.

  Ryder approaches, and I let Scout go so he can jump all over him. William watches with a speculative expression.

  “We were worried you guys weren’t going to make it,” Eliza chimes in. I give her a grateful glance.

  “Yeah, sorry. Work ran long,” I explain.

  “Eleanor’s just being nice,” William adds. “It’s my fault. I told her I’d be ready to leave at five. Something came up with a client that really couldn’t wait.”

  “Well, you’re here now. That’s all that matters,” Eliza responds. “Do you guys want anything to eat? Or drink?”

  “I’m all set,” I reply. “I’m pretty tired, actually.” I went into the office at six this morning in order to be ready to leave on time. A wasted effort, in hindsight.

  “Me, too,” William adds with a yawn.

  “Okay. I’ll show you guys your room.” Eliza jumps up from the couch and heads for the stairs. William and I follow. “This okay?” she asks as we enter the bedroom across the hall at the top of the stairs.

  “Great,” I respond, setting my suitcase down on the floor.
/>
  “Beautiful view,” William adds, looking out the window that overlooks the beach.

  “Just wait until the morning,” Eliza replies. “I’ll let you two get settled.”

  “Good night,” I give her a hug.

  “Night. Night, William!”

  “Night, Eliza,” he replies.

  I grab my toiletry kit as soon as she disappears, heading down the hall to get ready for bed. Exhaustion seems to have replaced the marrow in my bones. Work has been crazy, but that’s not the sole source of my fatigue. Nor is the endless stream of messages from my mother with wedding semantics. Or the lack of communication from William.

  I still feel stuck. Unsure. Being around Ryder amplifies it.

  Once I finish getting ready for bed, I walk back downstairs. The card game is still going strong, so I just give the group a small wave as I pass them and head for the French doors. Moonlight reflects off the water, providing just enough illumination for me to see a human and canine figure on the beach. I walk outside, inhaling deeply as my hair swirls around my face. The ocean looks dark and menacing, inky ripples slithering onto the shore and retreating. I can’t hear anything but the pound of the dark water on the sand, and it quiets the thoughts bouncing around my brain.

  “You good?”

  I turn, and Ryder’s standing there, slightly crouched to hold Scout’s collar. No surprise he wasn't eager to head back to the house.

  “Yeah,” I reply. “Here, I can take him.”

  I move to grab Scout’s collar, and Ryder lets go. The palm of his hand brushes my knuckles, and goosebumps I can’t blame on the breeze rise on my skin.

  “Are you? Good?”

  “Yeah. I’m good,” Ryder responds, running his now-free hand through his hair. I hate he still does that.

  “Good.” I don’t think I’ve ever uttered the word good so many times in a row, but it seems as good a way to move on from the angry words we exchanged a week ago at the gala as any. “Good night.”

  “Night,” he says as I turn away.

  I leave Ryder out on the deck and return to the bedroom. William is fast asleep on the bedspread, still in his suit. At least he took off his shoes. I lock Scout in his crate, change into pajamas, and climb under the covers. I’m asleep seconds after my head hits the soft pillow, eager to sink into the reliable escape of sleep.

  The following morning, I’m awakened by the first streaks of sunrise. Golden fingers are creeping in through the slit between the shade and the window frame. William must have woken up at some point because he’s now wearing pajamas and under the covers with me.

  I slip out of bed silently, changing into a strapless dress and grabbing my toiletries kit again. After using the bathroom, I head downstairs with Scout. No one else is up yet. The living room bears clear signs of last night’s activities, with empty wine glasses and beer bottles littering the side tables. A half-eaten bowl of popcorn sits on the couch. I pull Scout away from the enticing snack and out onto the back deck.

  Once we reach the beach, I unclip his leash, allowing him to roam free. Scout takes full advantage, alternating between sniffing and sprinting along the edge of the surf that’s now a crystalline, clear blue.

  I’m about to call him back when he starts racing back in my direction. Except he doesn’t stop when he reaches me. He keeps running, and I turn to see Ryder descending the stairs, wearing a t-shirt and basketball shorts.

  “What did you do to my dog?” I ask in greeting. “He’s obsessed with you.”

  Ryder grins. “Good morning to you, too.”

  “Morning.” We may be unable to make it through a full conversation without exchanging some sort of insult, but we’ve got time of day greetings down.

  He crouches down to pet Scout, who’s still leaping on him, begging for attention. “Hey, buddy,” he says as he strokes him.

  “I’m surprised you’re here,” I tell him.

  “Didn’t have any other plans for the weekend,” Ryder replies, still petting Scout. “And the last trip wasn’t terrible.”

  I can’t see his face, so I’m not sure whether I’m imagining the teasing edge to his voice or not. “Can’t believe you managed to make it here in that old truck. I figured it was gone since you didn’t drive it here last time.”

  Ryder glances up, and he’s smirking. “That old truck works fine. They don’t—”

  “Yeah, yeah, I know. They don’t make them like that anymore,” I finish. “I hope you’ve fixed the doors, at least.”

  “Only seemed to pose a problem for you,” Ryder retorts. “But Chris took good care of it while I was… gone.”

  “Yeah, I know. He let me change the oil once.”

  Ryder laughs. “Not really surprised. You pretty much hung the moon, as far as he’s concerned. Got a real earful from him about the gala.”

  “Me, too,” I admit.

  He gives me a surprised glance. “About what?”

  “You.”

  Ryder raises both brows. “Really?”

  “He’s your brother. Of course he’s protective of you.”

  “I guess so. We usually opt for the tough love approach.”

  “Since we’re clearing the air, I should probably… I’m sorry for how I acted at the gala.” I look down at the sand Scout’s rolling in. “I was jealous and immature. I just… it was weird for me. Seeing you with someone else.”

  “It’s okay,” Ryder says softly, and I finally look at him. “It was weird for me too. Still is.” He pauses. “I’m sorry, too. If the scolding Mom gave me was any indication, I was pretty out of line.”

  “Kat told you off?” A ball of warmth appears in my chest.

  Ryder nods, sucking his bottom lip between his teeth. “Oh, yeah.”

  Neither of us say anything as he continues to pet Scout, who’s ecstatic about the unending attention.

  “I made a pot of coffee, if you want some,” Ryder eventually adds. “I don’t think anyone else is up yet. It ended up being a late night.”

  “Okay,” I reply.

  “All right if we play some fetch?” He nods to Scout.

  “Pretty sure he would disown me if I said no,” I respond. “Go for it.”

  Ryder nods once, and then continues down the beach. Scout follows him. I head inside. The kitchen is empty and silent. I fill a mug with coffee and add some oat milk from the fridge. I take a seat on one of the island stools, then rise again a couple minutes later. Restless, I walk into the living room, clearing the empty bottles and glasses. I put all the glasses in the dishwasher and the bottles in the recycling. The stale popcorn ends up in the trash.

  There still aren’t any signs of life in the house, so I head back out onto the deck, descending the stairs. Ryder and Scout are playing in the sand, and I sink down a dozen feet away, sipping my coffee as I watch them. The sun has risen completely, making the scene before me look like it belongs on a postcard. Hot guy, happy dog, heavenly view.

  After about fifteen minutes, Ryder walks over and takes a seat next to me on the beach. Scout takes the opportunity to chase a seagull into the ocean.

  I sigh as I watch him run through the water. “Do you think Eliza’s going to like him less or more soaking wet?” I ask.

  “Less would be my guess,” Ryder responds, smiling.

  It’s a few minutes before I speak again. “So, you brought Lily.”

  “Yeah,” Ryder confirms. “I did.”

  “Are you guys… serious?”

  “We’ll see,” is his vague response.

  I don’t press any further. It’s none of my business.

  “How’s work?” Ryder asks, effectively shifting subjects.

  I shoot him a side glance. “You’re asking me about my job?”

  “Isn’t that a common small talk topic?”

  “Sure. Just the last one I thought you’d choose to ask me about.”

  “It’s important to you, right?”

  “I guess so,” I reply. “Work’s fine. I’m working at my fat
her’s firm for the summer, so I’m pretty sure everyone’s judging me for not deserving the job.”

  “Isn’t the other job you got at a better firm than your father’s?”

  “Objectively speaking, yes.” I sigh. “I haven’t taken it.”

  “The job?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Why not?”

  “I’m not sure… if I want it.”

  Concern flashes across Ryder’s handsome face. “This isn’t about… This isn’t because of what I said. Right?”

  I roll my eyes. “Give me some credit. I don’t make life choices based on my ex-boyfriend’s opinion.” I give him a quick glance, embarrassed by the slip. We never put labels on our high school interactions. “You just… said some things I was already thinking, I guess. Gave them some validity.”

  “It’s your life, Elle.”

  “Yeah, I know. Lots of people have strong opinions about how I should live it, though. I’ve never been great about tuning those out.”

  “You did with us.”

  I raise my eyebrows at that, and he shrugs. “You can’t honestly tell me any of your family or friends told you it was a good idea to date me.”

  “Yeah, well, you were an easy choice.”

  “Do you regret it?”

  I don’t have to think about my answer. “No. I’ve never regretted it, Ryder.”

  “Hey! Breakfast!”

  I turn to see Eliza leaning over the railing, waving to us. Everyone else seems to already be out on the deck. Both Ryder and I stand, and I call Scout. He bounds over, happily shaking salty water and sand all over me.

  We head for the stairs. Ryder falls into step a few paces behind me. I wonder if it’s an attempt to distance us in front of the prying eyes I can feel tracking our progress to the deck.

  “Morning, everyone,” I greet as I set my mug on the table and take a seat next to William.

  Sleepy smiles greet me.

  “You were up early,” William says.

  “Yup. Sun woke me,” I respond, grabbing one of the muffins that have been set out on the table.

  “So I was thinking after breakfast we could play some football,” Tommy announces as he appears on the deck, holding a steaming plate of scrambled eggs. “Really embrace the American spirit for the Fourth.”