IMMORTAL VISIONS

by M. K. ROZE

  “Thank you. It means life in Romanian.”

  “Oh. Are you from there?”

  “No, I was just born there.”

  “Lucky girl.” Anna turned to Mom. “Mrs. Vandell, will you be staying overnight?”

  “Yes, I would like to.”

  “Of course. We have a room for you a couple of doors down.”

  “Thank you,” Mom said.

  “Viata, before we start, would you like to take out your contacts?”

  I looked at Mom.

  “She’s not wearing any. It should be in her chart,” Mom said.

  Anna looked at me then at the chart in disbelief. “My apologies.”

  “It’s alright. I get it all the time.”

  She smiled. “I wish I had eyes like yours.”

  “Thank you.”

  “Please lay down so I can put the electrodes on your head.”

  “Does it hurt?”

  “No, not at all.”

  I sighed with relief and did as she asked.

  It was weird having electrodes taped to my head. I felt like a robot with all the colored wires and elastic belts around my chest.

  When Anna was finished, Mom kissed me on the cheek. “Good night, honey. Try to imagine you’re in your bed.”

  “I’ll try.”

  Mom walked out.

  Anna walked over to me. “I know it’s hard but if you can, do your best to relax. You’ll fall asleep eventually.”

  “Okay.”

  “If you need anything, I’ll be in the next room watching you on the camera.” She pointed up at it.

  “You watch me while I sleep?”

  “Yes, we have to watch your eye movement and brain waves.”

  “That’s creepy.”

  “I know it is, but it will be morning before you know it.”

  When she walked out, I tried to envision me in my bed. It didn’t work, but I finally fell asleep out of boredom.

  In the morning, Anna came back in and took all the electrodes off.

  Mom came in rubbing her back. “Good morning, honey.”

  “You didn’t sleep well either, did you?” I asked.

  “Not really, but getting you better is what’s important.”

  I turned to Anna. “Did I have any dreams?”

  “You don’t recall grabbing your stomach and screaming out Why, then passing back out?”

  “No,” I replied.

  I didn’t want to tell her that it sounded like the dream with Savina, I had twice before when I was killed by the sword.

  “It’s okay. People have nightmares all the time and don’t remember ever having them. When this happens, you’re not getting the sleep you need.”

  “Can that cause headaches and hallucinations?” Mom asked.

  “Sure, it can. We’ll send the results over to Viata’s doctor. I’m sure she or he can put you on something that will help.”

  Mom frowned.

  “Thank you.” I tried to remember if I’d had that same dream, but my mind was blank.

  “I don’t normally tell people about my personal life, but when my brother was younger, he had a lot of dreams that kept him up at night. He was like a walking zombie. My parents had a sleep study done, but they just gave him medicine to help him sleep better. After my brother fell asleep in class and kept on hallucinating, my parents brought him to Dr. Melville, a psychiatrist, who helped him.”

  “Is he better now?” I asked.

  “Yes, they stopped shortly after Dr. Melville did imagery rehearsal therapy.”

  “What’s that?” Mom asked.

  “It’s when a specialist has you trick your reoccurring nightmare while awake, so it's no longer threatening. You then create a new ending in your mind. This method may reduce the occurrence of nightmares. It did for my brother.”

  “Thank you for sharing something so personal with us,” Mom said.

  “You’re welcome. I have Dr. Melville’s number if you would like it,” Anna replied.

  “No, thank you. My sister is a psychiatrist also.”

  Anna smiled. “That’s great.”

  I sat there while Mom and Anna spoke about some other things. I felt like a lab rat stuck in a cage. I didn’t want to believe there was something wrong with me.

  After we left, we went to IHOP and ate breakfast then drove home.

  When we pulled into the driveway, Aunt Jessica’s car was there.

  “Mom! are you serious? When did you call her?”

  “I’m sorry, honey. I called her when you used the restroom at the diner. Please don’t be mad.”

  I got out of her truck, grabbed my bag and shot her a nasty look. “I’m not talking to her.” I walked inside.

  Mom ran in after me. “Viata, please. I want you to be healthy.”

  “I just sat in that stupid hospital all night long with prongs stuck to my head. I want to take a shower and relax.”

  Dad came out of the dining room. “What’s going on?”

  “She doesn’t want to speak with Jessica,” Mom whispered.

  Dad grabbed my arm. “Come on. It’s for the best.”

  “I’m fine. I don’t need a damn shrink.”

  “No, you’re not,” Mom said. “Now go in and talk to her, please.”

  I groaned and stomped into the dining room. Aunt Jessica was sitting at the table with the same black suit she always wore and huge oval glasses that matched.

  “Hi.” I forced a smile.

  “Hello, V.” Aunt Jessica always called me that nickname ever since I was young.

  She got up and hugged me.

  I sneezed a few times from her musky perfume.

  “Have a seat so we can talk?” Aunt Jessica said.

  I sat on the chair near the wall.

  Mom sat near Dad across from me, with Aunt Jessica on my right.

  I scowled at my parents.

  Dad looked away with obvious guilt.

  Mom had tears in her eyes.

  Aunt Jessica placed a strand of her long black hair behind her ear. “Let’s talk about your dreams you’ve been having.”

  “I just did this at the hospital. I don’t want to repeat myself.”

  “Viata, you need help,” Mom scolded. “Be glad it’s a family member and not someone we don’t know. We need you to get back to yourself again.”

  “You can’t force me to talk.”

  Aunt Jessica leaned forward. “I’m your aunt. You always use to talk to me.”

  “Yeah, when I was younger.”

  Dad slammed his hand on the table. “As long as you’re living under our roof, you will do as we tell you. Is that understood?”

  I looked away.

  Aunt Jessica cleared her throat. “V, I’m here to help you.”

  “Fine, then what should I call you? Dr. Wells or Aunt Jessica?”

  “Your sarcasm isn’t helping. And Aunt Jessica will do just fine. Now, let me help you.”

  My leg was shaking a mile a minute. “You can try, but it won’t work.”

  “I will do my best. Tell me about these dreams and headaches you’re having?”

  “They started when we went to Romania. I get pains in my head followed by people from my dreams and other’s I don’t know. One of them tried to kill me while the other wanted to save me.”

  “I could be wrong, but it sounds like you may be having Hypnagogic hallucinations.”

  “Hypno what?” I said.

  “Hypnagogic hallucinations. It’s when an individual has a vivid, dream-like, sensation they can hear, see, feel or even smell. It can happen asleep or awake.”

  “That hypno thing sounds like what I have.”

  “If you come to my office tomorrow, I can prescribe you a pill that will help suppress your dreams and get rid of those headaches.”

  “No way. I’d rather dream than take wacky pills.”

  “The technician mentioned something about imagery rehearsal therapy,” Mom said. “Can you do that first before we put her on medicine
?”

  “Of course. We can see if it helps.”

  “Good, because I don’t want to take any medicine.”

  “V, if the therapy I provide doesn’t work, I will have to prescribe you something. You need to get the right sleep to function properly.”

  I shook my head. “I hope it does because I refuse to take pills.”

  “Viata, you need help,” Mom said, “and you will get it before you end up in a mental hospital.”

  “Is that a threat?”

  “Watch your tone, young lady,” Dad said, meaning it. “I canceled an important court case to be here, and you will get the help you need.”

  I shut my mouth. I hadn’t seen him get mad like that, ever.

  “V, please come to my office on Monday afternoon at 4:30. Okay?”

  I sighed. “Fine, I’ll be there.”

  Aunt Jessica got up from the table. “I’ll see you in a few days,” she said and hugged me.

  I sat there like a stubborn brat and didn’t hug her back.

  My parents got up and escorted her to the front door.

  As they were talking, I got up and placed my ear up to the wall.

  “Do you think she found out?” Mom said in a low voice.

  “She wouldn’t hold back if she did,” Aunt Jessica replied.

  “Are you sure?” Dad asked.

  “Trust me; she’s the type to confront you if she did.”

  The door closed, leaving me wondering what they meant. I rushed back to the table and sat down.

  My parents walked back into the room.

  “We’re only trying to help you,” Mom said as she approached me.

  I forced a smile, tapping my fingers on the table. “I know.”

  They kept on talking, but I tuned them out, trying to figure out if I should ask Mom what she meant. Maybe Mom was referring to the call she made to my aunt this morning. Or they’re not going to pay for my college or half of my apartment when I move out.

  Mom leaned down and held my face. “We love you. Please know your dreams are only dreams and not reality.”

  Mom was right, and Aunt Jessica sounded like she knew what she was talking about. I stood up and embraced her. “I just want to be like everyone else. I want to get a place with Kaylee and start college as we planned.”

  I backed away to see her expression.

  Mom looked at Dad and widened her eyes.

  “Aw, we know, and you will be.” She kissed my forehead.

  Dad came up to me and held me tightly.

  Tears fell on my face like I had just lost a puppy. I needed to let it out, and I did.

  After we sat there and talked for a while, we ate, and I went to bed. I needed to sleep it off. The only problem was, Mihnea’s face wouldn’t leave my mind. The thought of never seeing him again had me in tears. I smacked the side of my head. I won’t let some stupid dream prevent me from getting a place or going to college.

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  BLURRED VISION

  Monday morning, I woke up in a much happier mood. I had finally convinced myself that if I got the therapy, I would live a healthy life again. I got up, did my morning routine and left.

  When I arrived at school, I felt confident about starting a new life. As I got out of my car, I saw Clay. I wanted to let him know he didn’t intimidate me anymore, so I walked up to him.

  “Good morning,” I said in a cocky tone.

  He looked at me and rolled his eyes. “Oh, now you want to talk to me?”

  “Yes. I forgive you for denying ever going out with me in front of my friends. And for being an ass to me that night.”

  He looked at me like he was clueless. “Viata, we never went out with each other.”

  “Whatever, Clay. Be a jerk.” I gritted my teeth and walked away.

  “You’re crazier than I thought,” he shouted.

  I continued inside. Why is Clay acting like he knows nothing? Perhaps he needs to talk with my aunt too.

  In class, I sat next to Kaylee up in the back.

  “What’s wrong? Your face looks flushed,” Kaylee asked.

  “I just confronted Clay, telling him that I forgive him for being a jerk. He still said he didn’t go out with me.”

  “He probably thought you were recording him. There are plenty of other hotties. Like him over there.” She pointed at a guy who was not my type.

  I raised my brows. “Funny.”

  “What? He’s cute.”

  I acted like I was gagging. “Shh. The teacher is looking at us,” I said and giggled again.

  When class was over, I grabbed my bag and headed out.

  “Hey, do you want to get a bite to eat somewhere?” Kaylee asked.

  “I can’t. I have to see Aunt Jessica, remember?”

  “Oh, that’s right. How come you never called me back over the weekend? I called you and texted you.”

  “I was tired. I’m sorry.”

  “It’s okay. I hope your aunt can make this all go away.”

  “Me too. I feel like I’m losing my mind.”

  She hugged me. “You’ll get better. I promise.”

  We walked out together and went our separate ways. I drove to my meeting to see Aunt Jessica. I felt more confident with my parents and Aunt Jessica knowing the truth.

  When I pulled up outside her office, Mom was sitting in her Escalade. We hugged each other and walked inside to Aunt Jessica’s waiting room. It had four antique wooden chairs and a coffee table. It was decorated unimaginatively, with an artificial plant in the corner, glossy white walls, and pictures of flowers everywhere. I felt like I was in my bedroom, minus the ugly plant.

  Mom and I sat next to each other.

  I stared at her black plaque that read: Dr. Wells, M.D in a huge fancy, gold font.

  “Are you all right, honey?”

  “Yes, I’m fine. I just want to get this over with and move on with my life.”

  She patted my knee. “That’s my girl.”

  Aunt Jessica opened her office door. “Please come in.”

  Mom looked at me. “Do you want me to stay out here?”

  “No.”

  Inside, I sat in another hard seat.

  Mom got to sit on the loveseat near her sister’s elegant cherry wood desk.

  Aunt Jessica sat across from me in her red velvet chair, asking me tons of questions about my dreams. I answered them, leaving out a few details. I was more entertained by the gritty picture of a human brain that hung on her plain white walls.

  “V, do you know the difference between visions, dreams, and reality?”

  “Yes, of course, I do.”

  “Perfect!” she replied, writing some more notes down. “Are you willing to let go of your dreams?”

  I thought she was tricking me into something. I wanted to walk out the door but stayed seated. “Yes, I’m willing to let go and move forward.”

  She smiled. “Excellent.”

  “V, I want you to stand up and clear your mind and read what this says.”

  I did as she asked and looked at the index card she was holding. “Mental imagery.”

  “Good. Now close your eyes and do as I ask.”

  I closed my eyes.

  “I want you to move your hands backward and forward. Repeat this step three times in a row.”

  I did, and I felt like an idiot.

  “Now, I want you to lock your fingers together and push out. After that, I want you to stand on your tippy toes and push up high as you can.”

  I giggled and opened my eyes. “This is stupid.”

  “No, it’s not. This is called mental activity. It will help relax your mind and focus.”

  I looked back at Mom.

  “Just do it, Viata,” Mom said.

  I turned back to Aunt Jessica and shook my head.

  “Let’s try this again,” she said.

  I did as she asked this time without stopping her.

  “Open your eyes and read this to me.”

  “It still sa
ys mental imagery.”

  “Yes, but is it clearer now?”

  “Yes, I think so.”

  “Okay, please sit. What is the last bad dream you remember?”

  I exhaled. “A woman I don’t know stabbed me with a sword and laughed. She acted as she knew me.”

  “I want you to imagine that it’s Kaylee and you haven’t seen her in a long time. Kaylee hugs you and tells you how much she’s missed you. Can you see Kaylee’s face?”

  I nodded.

  “I want you to remember the dream with the woman and repeat the steps you just did. Do this until all you see is Kaylee’s face.”

  I did it eight more times until Savina was gone, and I saw only Kaylee.

  “Open your eyes,” Aunt Jessica asked me.

  I rubbed them and opened them up.

  “How do you feel?”

  “Better. Do you think it will work?”

  “Only time will tell. I want to repeat this a few more times this week. Are you okay with that?”

  “Yes.” I looked back at Mom smiling.

  Aunt Jessica got up and hugged me.

  “Thank you,” I said.

  “You’re welcome! If you have another bad dream, I want you to do what we just did.”

  I nodded.

  Mom got up and hugged her. “Do you want me to come with you for the next session?” Mom said looking at me.

  “No, I rather get humiliated in private.”

  Aunt Jessica laughed. “Come on. It wasn’t that bad.”

  “Next time I’ll have you exercise with your eyes closed and you tell me how it feels.”

  “Trust me. I already had my share while in college,” she said and walked us to the door.

  We got into our cars, and Mom rolled down the passenger window. “See you at home.”

  “Okay.”

  I pulled into the driveway and sat in my car. My stomach was churning with the thought of never seeing Mihnea’s face again.

  Another twenty minutes of sitting there, Mom showed up, and we went inside. We spent the evening eating junk food and watching TV. It was nice.

  The next morning, I woke up with no memory of a nightmare. I thought I would be happy, but I wasn’t. I felt empty inside, not wanting to get up. I curled up into a ball and cried. I had mixed emotions and felt as though I was running away from my problems.

  I rushed out of bed, got dressed, and sprayed my gray streak with the black hair dye like I did every day. It made me feel normal.