by T Gephart
“Oh really? She gave you no indication that she cared and wanted to be with you?” she argued, not having any clue what Tessa was like.
“No, she didn’t. If Tessa wanted to stay together, she would have said so.” Hell, Ricci wasn’t exactly shy in asking for what she wanted. So unless there’d been some magical sign that I’d missed, she was pretty clear she wanted it over too. “And can we just take a minute, because I still think this is weird, talking about it with you.”
“No, it’s not weird, so get over it. We are going to be having a lot of conversations in the future, and some of them might involve the women and men in our lives. This little boy,” she reached down and stroked her small but growing bump, “is going to tie us together for the rest of our lives. And if you’re being an idiot for giving up on the woman you love, then I’m going to tell you. Now, really think. There was nothing?”
I scrubbed my face with my hands, wondering if all the women in my life weren’t only smart but liked to bust my balls. Presley, May, Tessa. Definitely a theme. “No.”
“Did you not just tell me she’d said you were going to be a great dad?”
Awesome, me and my big mouth.
“And? She was being polite, trying to be the bigger person,” I argued.
“Please.” May laughed. “If she didn’t want anything to do with you, she wouldn’t have bothered. Why would she feel the need to bolster your ego? I’m fairly sure you know this already, but I’m going to tell you, anyway. You’re extremely cocky, you don’t need the encouragement. No, she told you because she cares about you. It was an opening, dumbass.”
I waved my hands, refusing to believe I’d misread it. “No, no, no. She came over for closure, for one last goodbye—”
“Wait, she came back to see you, and then dropped these pearls of wisdom? Are you kidding me?” May looked horrified, punching me in the arm. “Seriously, I really hope our son inherits his ability to read cues from me because his father hasn’t got a clue.”
“Hey! Why don’t we rewind to how awesome a dad I’m going to be instead of calling me a dumbass.” I shook my head, glad it had been May’s right hook instead of Ricci’s. That wouldn’t be as easy to shake off.
“Tibbs.” She rarely called me that, saying she thought it was weird to use my last name. “She came BACK. She wanted you to fight for her, goddamn it. I don’t even know this girl, but I know that.”
“But—”
“Really?” She laughed. “Look, it’s obvious you are trying to do the right thing. And I appreciate it. But it doesn’t work like that. And if she was willing to give it a chance—even with us in the picture—then you should have tried too. I want to teach our little boy that love comes in all different ways. And we can love each other and not be in love, and not love him any less. But I also want him to see both his parents happy, and his daddy needs to be with the woman he loves for that to happen.”
Jesus.
Christ.
I could barely speak, wondering if everything I’d been thinking and doing had really been wrong.
“It’s probably too late,” I sighed, unable to take back the lost time and distance. “There’s no guarantee she’d even talk to me again, let alone still want to be with me.”
May leaned in closer. “Nope, no guarantees. But isn’t something so important worth trying for anyway?”
And once again, she was fucking right.
“Yeah, yeah it is.”
Tessa
“TESSA, OUT OF the ring!” my father yelled from the other side of the ropes. “Now.”
“Just give me someone else,” I huffed, the guy I’d been going rounds with limping to the corner. “Where’s Terenzio?”
My dad entered the ring and pulled at my gloves. “I said, get out of the ring. Your technique is sloppy and you’re taking cheap shots. And either you’re going to hurt yourself or someone else. That shit doesn’t fly in my gym, and you know better.”
The concussion meant training had been sidelined. But I’d been cleared weeks ago, and I was anxious to get back, and more than anything I really missed hitting things.
“I wasn’t taking cheap shots,” I argued, annoyed he’d stopped me. “If Gary would stop fighting like a little boy and grow a pair, he wouldn’t be so beat up.”
“Out,” my father yelled, his face turning red. “This is the last time I’m fucking asking.”
“Fine,” I cursed under my breath, so pissed off I could barely see straight. “Looked like I was fucking done anyway.” I walked past Gary who visibly flinched as I pulled up the rope and yanked myself out.
My dad followed me, watching as I stormed to the lockers to get my bag. “Not so fast, Tessa. You’re not leaving just yet.”
I huffed out a breath of frustration, seriously wishing I could go back to hitting things. “First you want me out, now I can’t leave, which is it, Dad?” Agitation bit at my tone.
It wasn’t like me to snap at him, but my temper had been short. Sometimes that happened after a head injury, the brain taking longer to heal than most people thought. And sometimes it happened when you were still angry about losing the man you loved, feeling like a stupid idiot for wanting what you couldn’t have.
Honestly, I wasn’t sure we would’ve made it, but something inside of me was really willing to try. And even though I was hurt, mad and confused, I went over to his apartment the next day, looking for a thread just to hold on to.
Something.
Anything.
Just one tiny reason to try.
But all I’d done was look like a fool, Tibbs turning around and leaving me in that parking lot like he didn’t give a shit.
I shouldn’t have bothered.
Should’ve stuck to my original plan and let him and his baby momma sail into the sunset, while I went in the opposite direction. But I couldn’t stop loving him, the stupid, gorgeous asshole stuck in my fucking heart like a virus. Which is why I went there in the first place.
Damn it.
“You want to watch your tone, Baby doll,” my dad warned. “I’m giving you a lot of rope at the moment because I know you’ve been through a rough patch, but I will not tolerate disrespect. I raised you better than that.”
My head snapped up, sobered by my dad’s words.
He was right on every level.
Not only had both he and my mom supported me through my injury and returning to work, but through my broken heart as well. I’d gone home and confessed the whole thing, crying like a freaking toddler and allowing them to comfort me. They didn’t even hate Tibbs, which was exactly what I’d been expecting. Instead they commiserated it was a tough situation for all involved, and they just wanted me to be happy. Ironic that what would make me happy was to be with Tibbs. But that wasn’t possible because he didn’t want me.
So considering how incredible my dad and mom had been the last few weeks, he didn’t deserve to deal with me when I was acting like a brat.
“I’m sorry, Dad. I’m just frustrated.” There was no point pretending because he knew me well enough to see though my lies and call me on my bullshit. Out of my parents, he was the one I was most like, so he got it better than anyone.
“Still no word from Tibbs, huh?” He helped me shuck my gloves. “Given any thought to calling him?”
I shook my head, unwilling to humiliate myself again. “I should’ve stuck with my original plan and let them be a family. Showing up that day was stupid and desperate, and all it did was hurt me all over again. I know it doesn’t seem like it, but I’ll be okay.”
“Of course you’ll be okay, sweetheart.” My dad held out his hands waiting for mine. He gave them a squeeze, gently unwrapping the gauze over my knuckles as he continued to speak. “But okay is a low bar, and I want better for you.”
Excellence wasn’t just a buzz word in my household; it was expected. Not like overbearing stage parents who beat their kids if they didn’t get straight A’s or letter in track. No, we were expected to find our passio
n and never settle for less. And there I was—in front of a man who had more medals and commendations than I could count—settling.
“I know, and I love you for it. Even if you are kicking me out of your gym.” I tried to smile.
“Hey, rules are rules, killer. And I don’t need you beating the living shit out of everyone unless you’re on a ticket. It’s bad for business.” He winked. “But for what it’s worth—and you can tell me to keep out of it—you’ve never been a quitter. So, if Tibbs is someone you want, then maybe you should see if there’s something there.”
It had to be hard for him. Championing the virtues of a man he knew had broken his daughter’s heart, because ultimately it was the only thing that would mend it. That was why I had the best dad in the world. Because he was tough, but my God, was he fair. And he loved me unconditionally.
“Dad, they’re probably together now. I don’t want to be responsible for breaking up a home.” It was something I’d never do, willing to live with my own unhappiness rather than ruin a family. I just couldn’t, especially when there was a baby involved.
“Maybe they are, maybe they aren’t. It isn’t like when me and your mom got together. People are having kids and timesharing them like condos in Florida. You did the right thing and gave them time, sweetheart. But there’s no harm in at least exploring the option, right? You’re a cop, for Christ’s sake, poke around and see what you find out.”
He was so right.
I was a cop.
And with any luck I’d be a detective soon, so it should’ve been fucking obvious. But I had been going out of my way to avoid all things Tibbs, deliberately dodging any information about him or the baby.
News had obviously filtered through to the station, Justin’s impending fatherhood something a lot of people wanted to talk about since he’d previously dated me. I was glad I’d still been on medical leave, spared the hushed whispers and pained glances. And by the time I got back, well, everyone had already moved on. It was Midtown after all, and Tibbs knocking someone up was a three-paragraph story even on a slow news day. It was clear cheating hadn’t been involved, so other than a couple of sympathetic nods from the ladies in dispatch, I’d come through it relatively unscathed.
But since we worked in the same precinct, finding out information wasn’t going to be hard. Hell, all I had to do was show up at Vault or Diablo—either of his sister’s clubs—and one of the bar staff would probably tell me everything. And I’ll admit, part of me was curious.
“Thanks, Dad.” I threw my arms around him, hugging him tight. “And I really am sorry about before. I promise I’ll take it easier on your guys next time.”
“You’re sweaty and you stink.” He laughed as he caressed my hair. “And you’ll do no such thing. I expect you to always go hard, and never apologize for that. But no more cheap shots,” he warned. “You get it honestly, or not at all. There’s no honor in a cheated victory.”
I nodded solemnly, admitting I hadn’t been fighting fair. “Promise.”
“Good, now hit the shower. And have a good shift tonight, tell Miller I said hi.” He gave me a quick kiss on the cheek and turned back to the gym. “Jesus, Gary, get off the floor already. If you vomit on the canvas, you’re the one mopping it up.”
And then he was gone, leaving me with a decision to make and a heart that was still very much in love with a man I’d said goodbye to.
Man, love really sucked.
“So any ideas on dinner?” Miller’s brows lifted. “I was thinking maybe that new place near Bryant Park?”
I laughed, wondering how someone I adored had such shitty taste in restaurants. “You mean the tourist trap? Miller, are you sure you’re actually from New York? You’re not secretly from Alabama and just pretending to be a local, are you?”
He flipped me off, shaking his head. “I like to sample what the city has to offer.” He spread his arms wide, inhaling deeply to prove his point. “It’s called appreciation, Ricci, don’t be such a snob.”
My morning had given me a lot to think about, and if I hadn’t needed to go into work, I’d have picked up the phone and called Tibbs. But our conversation wasn’t something that could be rushed, and I still had no idea if he and May were together. And as much as it would kill me to know for sure, there was no way I’d even attempt to talk to him if they were trying to build a family. I just wouldn’t do it.
So, as my dad suggested, I decided good old fashion police work was the way to go. And since it was a slow crime day on the streets of New York, I thought Miller and I could stop by one of Presley’s clubs. Sure, technically I wasn’t supposed to be taking care of personal business on company time, but we were still entitled to a meal break. And how I chose to spend that break was entirely on me. I could be chowing down on overpriced food from that place in Bryant Park orrrrrrrr I could head to Vault.
“I have a confession to make,” I turned to Miller as we both got into the squad car, “I need to make a little pit stop and it’s not of an official nature.”
“Are we going to visit Vinnie and his cousins?” Miller grinned. “Because I’m telling you, anyone you want to make disappear, they can do it.”
I punched him in the arm. “Will you quit with Vinnie and his cousins. They aren’t the mob. And need I remind you, you’re a fucking cop.”
“First I can’t eat where the tourists eat, now you’re shitting on my mob fantasies.” He threw his hands in the air. “Jesus, Ricci, why am I still friends with you?”
“Just start the car and head to Vault, Tony Soprano.” I pointed to the road ahead of us.
“Vault?” His head whipped around. “Exactly what are we doing at this pit stop? And don’t tell me we’re checking for violations, because Presley runs a tight ship.”
I bit my lip, knowing if there was anyone who would understand it would be Miller. He’d seen his once unshakeable partner crumble like a house of cards, not once judging me and my moment of weakness. “I’m thinking of talking to Tibbs, but I need some information first. Raelle will give me what I need and not run and tell him. Or at least I hope she won’t. It’s a risk I’m willing to take.”
There was a possibility that Raelle’s loyalties would be to Presley and Tibbs, and wouldn’t say shit. There was also the possibility—more than likely—that Raelle would like nothing more than to gossip, especially when I’d been prepared to be transparent about my motives. She could think of it as a community service, sparing me from making a bigger fool of myself and saving Tibbs the drama of an ex who apparently wasn’t over him. Unless he wasn’t over me either, in which case . . . we’d just have to wait and see.
Miller shrugged, starting the car and putting it in drive. “Guess we’re going to Vault.”
He could’ve easily said no. That he didn’t want to be involved in my shenanigans, and that he was going to use our break time constructively and go eat dinner. But Miller was loyal to a fault, which meant if I was up for making questionable decisions, he was joining right alongside me. And it helped knowing I’d have backup, because it was actually terrifying.
I’d thought about Justin so much that my brain was starting to hurt, and it all came back to me being unable to get over him. I knew that he was going to be a father, and that the child and his or her mother would forever be part of his life. But maybe, maybe I could still be part of it too. People got married and divorced and then found love again, and sometimes there were kids involved, and they still made it work. And maybe the time since finding all of it out had put things into perspective, and I wasn’t really mad at him; it had just been a shitty situation.
He really was a good guy—kind, thoughtful, and gentle—who I loved with every fiber of my being. And he hadn’t intentionally done anything to me, all of it just repercussions from before we were even together. And I just didn’t want to be angry anymore and punish him for something he didn’t deserve.
Except for not fighting for me, and for us. I would punish him for that. Assuming there was st
ill an “us” worth fighting for.
Fresh nerves jangled in my stomach as we parked at the rear of Vault. Presley split her time between clubs, and I was hoping it was a night she was at Diablo. Not that I didn’t love Presley, but the last thing I wanted to do was put her in the middle. Enlisting Raelle’s help was one thing, using Tibbs’ sister was a low blow.
“We got a plan, Ricci?” Miller asked as we exited the car. “Because we’re both in uniform so we’re going to get attention whether you want it or not.”
My lungs expanded, taking a deep breath as I filled them with air and tried to find a smile. “I figure I’ll wing it. Not like I’ve ever had a plan when it came to Tibbs, no point starting now.”
“Sounds fucking awesome.” Miller chuckled. “Let’s go see if Raelle gives up the goods. Just putting it out there, if you need me to seduce her, I’ll take one for the team.”
I shoved Miller’s shoulder as we headed to the front of the club. “She’d eat you alive, Grayson.”
“Miller, Ricci,” Marcus, the head of Vault’s security team met us out front, “something I should know about?”
My eyes met his, doing my best not to look as terrified as I felt. “This is more a social visit; we just wanted a quick word with Raelle if we could.”
“Social or off-the-record, Ricci?” Marcus clarified, the man smart enough to know the difference. “Because if you’re questioning one of my team members—officially or otherwise—I’d appreciate a head’s up. And I’ll be sitting in on it too.”
“She’s here to pump Raelle for information about Tibbs,” Miller answered before I could. “Trust me, you’re not going to want to be involved.”
I turned, horrified he’d caved so easily. Sure, Marcus could be intimidating, but Jesus, we had fucking guns. “Miller, seriously?”
“Just trying to hurry this along, and Marcus doesn’t care, do you, Marcus?” His head tipped to the mountain of a man who was still blocking the entrance.